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10 tips for when your boyfriend needs time to think about the relationship

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One of the worst things your significant other can say to you is “I need time to think about us.” It can feel like being stabbed right into the heart. Is it over between you two?

How much time does he need to think about things and, more importantly, what will happen after he’s done?

Has he decided to break things off, and he’s just afraid to tell the truth and hurt you?

These 10 tips will help you cope and find out what is really happening.

10 reasons why he needs time to think

Many people tend to freak out when their significant other says they need time to think, and it’s understandable.

However, that’s a big mistake and one that is very easy to make.

This article will help you understand the exact meaning of why a guy might say to you that he needs time to think things over, and what to do about it.

1) He wants to be alone for a while

People might need their space and that’s completely normal. Don’t take it personally, we all need some time alone for a while.

It’s simply nature at work, and you’ve probably felt the same at some point in your life. So, when your significant other wants some time for themselves, give it to them respectfully.

2) He needs space to process things

Relationships can be surprising. Needing time to process what has happened and all the changes a relationship brings is normal.

When your man says he needs space, that can very well be a reason.

He might be intimidated if the relationship has started to be serious, and he might be scared of the future. Perhaps all he needs is some time to reflect on things.

3) He wants to take a break from the relationship

If you’ve been having a hard time, arguing a lot, with trust issues and lack of emotional connection, pay attention.

These are red flags that speak volumes about your relationship.

This way, you will know what needs to improve if he intends to take a break from the relationship and brings up the topic with you.

4) He’s not good at committing

If the topic of marriage has been brought up, or maybe you’ve started talking about the next stage in your relationship, and he says he needs time, there’s a high chance that he’s panicking.

Unless you’ve been pressuring him to take the next step, it’s normal to make plans for the future, and he shouldn’t be this scared.

Truth is if he isn’t ready to commit but you are, you don’t have to wait. He is not entitled to waste your time.

If you think he’s dragging you along and has no intentions of ever committing, you don’t have to stay. There are better people out there.

5) He may be trying to understand his feelings

Men can get confused when they develop a deep relationship with a woman, especially when it seems like you guys will start dating soon.

Questions like “do I really like this woman?” and “will this be worth my time?” might be running through their minds.

This is a normal and valid reason to need space, especially when they don’t want to play games with the person they’re about to date.

6) He feels like he’s not himself

Being in a relationship can seriously cut down on alone time, and people can feel as if they’re not themselves.

Relationships, especially recent ones, can be time-consuming and confusing. Everyone needs time to adjust.

Changes in routine, priorities, and life plans can seriously affect someone and it’s natural to feel the need to be alone and adjust accordingly.

7) He needs time to recharge

Wanting some time to recharge batteries is normal in all kinds of relationships, not only romantic ones.

All healthy people need time to be alone and develop their individuality. Being a good partner means giving each other independent time.

If, however, this isn’t the case, one or both people can develop codependency, and this can bring other problems, like jealousy and other toxic behaviors.

It’s perfectly normal to give and take time alone, and it can be a good sign of your future together. Just make sure to not lose yourself in the relationship.

8) He might be suffering some stress

All women know men like to be the alpha male in every situation. They like to solve problems and face challenges on their own. The result is pretty telling: they get stressed out.

They’re tired and in a bad mood, and you might be paying the consequences.

Men usually go into their mental palace to solve problems, and they fail to communicate with their partners whenever they’re going to do it.

9) He may be feeling restricted

Perhaps when the relationship first started and you fell in love, you did not want to spend time away from each other at all.

It’s normal to feel this way when you are in love, but it’s not advisable to do so in the long run.

One or both of you might start feeling suffocated in the relationship. If there is true love between you, he’ll know you only wanted to spend every moment together because you were madly in love with him.

There is no need to end the relationship, only this dynamic. You and him both need time to be yourselves from now on.

Encourage him to see his friends and do the same with yours. Missing each other will be good to remember why you got together in the first place.

10) He doesn’t want to be in a relationship anymore

Yes, this is not the best option. Perhaps he has trouble communicating his needs and his thoughts, so “I need a break” translates into “I don’t want to be with you anymore”.

Maybe he has his eyes on someone else already.

This can be horrible to hear, especially if you’ve been together for a long time. However, you must not blame yourself for his issues with communication.

He doesn’t deserve your time, and you’ve got better things to do than wait for someone that will never make up their mind.

What to do when he asks for time to think

Your first reaction might be anger and confrontation, but there are healthier ways to cope with the situation.

1) Communicate to him

If you have a question, it’s better to ask it than to let it cause anxiety.

Ask him what he means by “needing time to think.” Ask him about his doubts, and make him clarify everything. It can even help him realize what he wants.

It can take a little while, but it’s better to be as honest as possible. Communication is never easy but it’s worth it.

2) Take a good look at your relationship

Examine the relationship you have with him, and better yet, ask these questions:

  • Are your needs being met in the relationship?
  • Are you going through a rough patch and not working on fixing it?
  • Are you happy with each other after all?
  • If you were single, would your life be better, more relaxed?

Spending time away from each other can help you gain perspective on the relationship, especially when you’ve been together for a long time and things are “just the way they are”.

Perhaps he will sort himself out and come back, but you might have just decided that you would do better alone. It’s fine, you don’t have to be with the same person forever, no matter how much time you’ve been together.

3)  Take a look at yourself

Self-examination is key when something like this happens.

Of course, you don’t have to blame yourself for anything, but it can be a good moment to explore your feelings regarding this situation, no matter what happens in the end. Here are a few useful questions:

  • What was your reaction when he said he wanted time to think about the relationship?
  • Have you communicated your feelings to him?
  • Are you pressuring him to change something fundamental about himself?
  • Do you think he’ll change for the better or not?
  • How do you feel when you’re together? At peace or anxious?

Whatever the outcome is, you gotta focus on yourself. If he wants to start over and asks you to continue seeing each other, you get to decide if that happens or not.

It’s the same the other way around. Honesty with yourself is something priceless.

4) Trigger his inner hero

If he says he needs to think about your relationship, try to follow this highly effective technique.

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.

Click here to watch the free video.

5) Consider your response

It’s normal to react to him telling you he needs space, especially if he takes you by surprise.

When you are in that time alone, think and sit with your emotions.

Figure out why you had a negative reaction, why you want to be with him and how you can achieve that.

6) Let him do the chasing

Perhaps he wants to test and see if you will be hanging on his every word. Don’t let him get away with it.

He has to work for your attention and respect your time. You don’t have to wait for him!

You can do the following:

  • Stop texting him.
  • Don’t look at his social media.
  • Don’t get near his apartment or his workplace.
  • Give him time with no contact if he says he needs it. Detach yourself from the outcome.

Remember that you don’t get to control other people’s reactions. You’re not to blame for this, so keep breathing and keep calm.

Judging a situation before it happened is not a good thing to do and it won’t help you at all.

7) Work on yourself

Throwing yourself headfirst into hobbies and interests that you enjoy can help you with the crisis.

Don’t leave too much time for self-pity. It’s better to be alone than to be with bad company.

Enjoying a different activity changes your vibe from negative to positive.

8) Let him be

Sometimes dating is a waiting game.

Silence can also be a form of communication, and it can mean you respect his time and his wishes.

Wait for him to work out his issues and reach out to you instead of pushing him past his tolerance limit.

The only thing you can do while you let him be is to continue making him feel a true hero around you.

This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to be certain about his relationship choice.

And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.

You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

How long should you wait?

To be honest, this question depends on how you’re feeling, the agreement you have with him, and the dynamics of your relationship.

So, it is up to you to decide to wait or solve the issue with him.

As a general rule, you should give it a couple of days, or a maximum of two weeks.

If he exceeds this time, it’s time to reaffirm your boundaries. You also have a life to enjoy and you can’t be waiting for him forever. Remember to:

  • Ask him how long it will take. If he doesn’t do this, then you get to decide how long are you going to wait.
  • State and your boundaries. How long are you putting up with his indecision? If you’ve already made serious plans for the future and you’re madly in love, you can wait a little longer.

If you’ve set up a deadline and he doesn’t communicate by then, you can give him an ultimatum. Either he picks you and the relationship or he doesn’t, but you don’t have to wonder anymore and you can get on with your life.

Perhaps this way he will realize what he wants.

How can you not overthink things?

If you’re really in love, then being apart can be difficult for you.

However, you shouldn’t be expected to stop everything only to wait for him to sort himself out. You don’t have to worry about him and the future every second of every day.

The best way to avoid overthinking is to get busy. Visit friends, find new hobbies, and work as hard as you can.

If the outcome isn’t what you wanted, you will already have a support system in place.

Overthinking can get us stuck in an unhealthy thought pattern, that’s why you need a full and busy life to rely on.

What to do if you feel that your relationship is stuck!

Relationships can be confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you’ve hit a wall and you really don’t know what to do next.

I know that I was always skeptical about getting outside help until I actually tried it out.

Relationship Hero is the best site I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talk. They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations like when your man says he needs to think about your relationship.

Personally, I tried them last year while going through the mother of all crises in my own love life. They managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.

My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

How to get back together?

You don’t have a lot of options in this matter. If you respect his wishes, contacting them against their will isn’t the best choice.

Many people start posting more on social media, showing how happy they are without their partner. They try to make the other person jealous, showing him how he lost an opportunity.

That tactic is something you should avoid. Posting on social media in hopes he will see it and respond isn’t healthy for you.

Even better, you should hide his stories so you don’t see them and do the same so he can’t see yours. This way you’re not triggered into stalking him when you read his name.

The best and healthiest way to win him back is what makes you feel good. Live and enjoy your life as much as you can. Do things that put a smile on your face, and spend more time with your loved ones. Try new things!

Some other strategies you might consider to win him back are:

  • Don’t chase him at all. He has to want to come back, it doesn’t mean anything if you’re forcing a situation that does not have to happen.
  • Prioritize positive thoughts over negativity. It’s hard, but don’t speak too much about him. Feel your feelings but don’t overthink them.
  • Take the opportunity to work on yourself and do things that raise your self-esteem.
  • Meet new people, and have a good time. Getting out and enjoying yourself is the best way to get over someone.

You’re your best project, try and meet every day with enthusiasm.

All these things have a bonus: by enjoying life to the fullest you can prove to yourself and him that you don’t need a partner to have a good time.

When you’re dealing with uncertainty in a relationship it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.

I want to suggest doing something different.

It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.

As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way because we’re not taught how to love ourselves first.

So, if you want to solve this tricky situation, I’d recommend starting with yourself first and taking Rudá’s incredible advice.

Here’s a link to the free video once again.

This can make you even more appealing to his eyes because he has to win you back now. Remember that you’re a catch!

What happens if you need to take a break?

The hardest part is communicating it to your partner, but don’t keep things like this from them.

Here are a few tips to help you figure out what to do while you’re taking the break. This way you can get some clarity and decide if you want to keep working on the relationship or not.

Without further ado, here are seven tips to help couples while they’re on a break.

Clear your expectations

If you want to get back together, you both need to find a quiet moment and discuss your needs while you’re on a break, and what are each other’s expectations around it.

Hard conversations make good relationships, and you need to be on the same page while and after the break.

You have to prioritize being honest with each other, so there are no misunderstandings.

Have certain boundaries

Without clear boundaries, things are going to get bad and fast. So before you start your break, define if you want to call, text, or see each other. It’s essential to touch on the topic of seeing other people during the break.

If it’s going to be a mutual break, these are the topics you need to discuss beforehand so you don’t have entirely different expectations.

Define a clear timeline

No couple can be on a break forever, because it isn’t fair for anyone involved. If you don’t set a timeline for the break, you’re gonna fall apart for good. Even better, have a set time for each other to check in and figure out if you need more time or not.

This isn’t about having all the answers, but about working on yourself and the relationship while you’re apart.

Respect your own rules

Sometimes missing each other is all you need to see what your feelings are. So, a break can either make you love your partner more or realize that you don’t want to be with them anymore. Either way, respect the boundaries you both put in place.

Even if you realize you are completely and utterly in love with them, respect the rules and contact them at the end of the break. Calling and texting all the time doesn’t help them figure out anything.

Pick a neutral territory

It’s best not to meet in either one’s apartment or workplace. Choose a neutral territory, like a restaurant or a park. Then you can discuss how you’ve been doing more reasonably.

This way you have better control of your emotions, especially if you’re still figuring out what to do, or if you don’t want to see them anymore.

To sum up

By now you should have a better idea of why he says he needs time to think about your relationship.

So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.

With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge,be sure to check out the video now.

Here’s a link to his excellent free video again.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Written by Anna Dovbysh

With 8 years of writing experience and a deep interest in psychology, relationship advice, and spirituality, Anna’s here to shine a light on the most interesting self-development topics and share some life advice. She's got a Master's Degree in International Information and is a life-long learner of writing and storytelling. In the past, she worked on a radio station and a TV channel as a journalist and even tought English in Cambodia to local kids. Currently, she's freelancing and traveling around the globe, exploring new places, and getting inspired by the people she meets and the stories they tell. Subscribe to her posts and get in touch with her on her social media!

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