Whether it’s in our relationships with others, at work, or just in general life, having standards as a woman is powerful.
Standards are how we ditch the deadbeat guy and the way that we put a stop to being used and abused.
It’s how we welcome what we really deserve, and leave the world in little doubt of our true value.
Here are 10 clear reasons why having standards is essential.
1) Your strength in the short-term means much less heartache in the long-term
Let’s face it, if having high standards was a total walk in the park, everyone would do it.
I’m not going to lie, holding yourself and others accountable to the high values you want in your life can be challenging and requires strength — but the rewards, in the long run, are far greater.
Sometimes it means facing disappointment early on and turning away from a situation that isn’t good enough. But in doing so you free yourself up for something much better.
Let’s say you’re dating a guy who starts to show you some relationship red flags. Maybe he cancels a couple of dates last minute without a good excuse, or fails to contact you when he says he will.
We know these aren’t examples of high standards in a relationship. As tempting as it might be to ignore or excuse him when his behavior falls short of your standards, it’s only storing up a bigger problem for later.
By having standards and addressing issues early on you may run the risk of losing something you think you want.
But women who chose to lower their standards for fear of losing someone or something are not dodging disappointment, they are just storing up that disappointment — which only grows as time passes.
Having the strength to stick to your standards now saves you wasted time, energy, and greater heartache in the future.
2) You encourage quality over quantity in your life
Not settling may require patience, but what you do welcome into your life is far more enriching.
The focus of a woman with standards is on quality over quantity.
Isn’t it better to have one amazing date than dozens of mediocre, or even worse, disastrous dates?
Isn’t it better to have a small network of true friends, than fifty fake friends?
When it comes to having a contented life, choosing things of high standard matters more than the amount or number of things that you have.
Clear and high standards allow you to follow your priorities, without wasting your precious self on the things and people that do not really bring value to your life.
Away from any shallow metrics, quantity lacks the depth of quality. “More” isn’t really more unless it brings you greater meaning and fulfillment too.
A woman with standards knows this. She isn’t concerned with vanity metrics. She wants only the best, and you can keep the rest.
3) You have greater self-esteem
Without trying to sound totally cheesy, the most significant love you will ever experience in life is self-love.
This healthy regard for yourself is the firm foundation upon which you build all other relationships. It’s also the fertile land in which you plant your hopes, dreams, and desires.
When you lower your standards, you are subconsciously signaling to yourself that you are not worthy of what it is that you want.
A woman with standards is privy to a powerful secret. She isn’t waiting for someone else to save her, fix her or make her happy.
She realizes that all comes from within. She is happy on her own, so she isn’t desperate enough to put up with something unacceptable to try to fill any void.
She expects her partner, her boss, her friends, etc. to treat her as well as she treats herself.
Self-esteem impacts all areas of your life including your decision-making process, your emotional health, your relationships, and your general well-being.
When you insist on high standards you boost your self-esteem because you are actively showing yourself respect and admiration.
4) It promotes self-knowledge
Having standards to enforce is only possible when you know what it is that you want, and what you don’t want. That takes some honest soul searching and self-inquiry.
But taking the time to figure out what is or is not good enough for you in life is vital.
The more self-awareness we cultivate, the better we are at understanding our experiences in new ways. It helps us to develop new behaviors, and see our own blind spots.
Standards essentially help you to develop yourself as a person and constantly improve.
Self-knowledge brings many benefits to your life including:
- Happiness — from being true to yourself and expressing your desires.
- Less inner conflict — because your outer actions match up with how you feel inside.
- Better decision-making — because your choices are more aligned with your values.
- Self-control — as you better understand your motivations for doing things.
- Resistance to peer pressure — as you’re less likely to just go along with the crowd.
- More tolerance towards others — the better we know ourselves and our own struggles, the easier it is to extend that understanding towards others too.
5) You are more successful
Without inner belief and faith in yourself, you are far more likely to give up or settle for less.
As soon as you encounter the first hurdle or when the going gets tough, without standards it is easier to admit defeat.
The more worthy you feel of good things in life, the more likely you are to put yourself forward for opportunities that arise.
Rather than accept mediocre out of fear that is all you can achieve, a woman with standards will hold out for the bigger prize — whether that is in her career or waiting for the right partner to come along.
Successful people are not afraid to say no to things that are not good enough for them.
They believe that better is waiting, and are determined to put in the work to ensure that better is exactly what they get — because they know it’s what they deserve.
The women who rise to the top in life are the women whose standards will not permit them to accept less.
6) You command greater respect from others
Wouldn’t it be nice if we all automatically respected one another, treating everyone with dignity and appreciation? Sadly this isn’t often the case.
They say that respect needs to be earned, and women with standards are generally far better equipped to demand respect from others.
When we lead by example and set standards for ourselves, other people take note. Standards are the ways we silently communicate with others our worth.
As soon as you allow someone to speak to you poorly, treat you poorly or behave inappropriately towards you without questioning it, rightly or wrongly, the other person judges you for it.
They work out what they can get away with and what they can’t.
Receiving respect from others is incredibly important because it helps us to feel safe and to better express ourselves.
Whilst being kind, compassionate and understanding are respected traits, being truly respected also requires that we have the strength to point out what’s not working.
A woman with low standards may mistakenly think that a man will like her more if she aims to please him and go along with what he wants. But a man will respect a woman more who shows she has standards that he must rise to meet.
7) You attract higher value people into your life
How can you tell if a woman has high standards? Take a look at the overall quality of her life and the people in it.
A high-value woman attracts high-value people and things into her life.
On a soul level of course, no human being has any more intrinsic value than another. But in the real world, we see that some people seem to have their life more together than others.
Like attracts like. Call it the law of attraction or just plain old psychology, but we tend to gravitate towards the standards we set for ourselves.
What they say is true, your vibe attracts your tribe — and your standards go a long way towards creating that vibe.
The woman with the enviable relationship probably didn’t just get lucky and stumble upon her Prince Charming. Instead, she had dating standards.
Like most of us, she no doubt kissed a few frogs first. The difference is, she didn’t let the frog move in, spend the next 5 years moaning to her friends about how badly he treats her, and ultimately doing nothing about it.
8) You control the direction of your life, rather than being a victim
Having standards in life is like setting the rules for your own club. You are in charge of quality control over your own life.
This isn’t always easy and demands that we step up to the plate. But it is incredibly empowering as it puts you in the driving seat.
Rather than being at the mercy of what happens to you or how others treat you in life, you set the rules.
Rather than feeling sorry for yourself when someone disrespects you or behaves badly towards you, you take control.
Having standards is actively working with life. Women who fail to set standards for themselves or the people in their life constantly find themselves at the mercy of uncontrollable things.
When you have standards you don’t need to be a victim as you are capable of rescuing yourself.
9) You have healthy boundaries
Boundaries are the supportive backbone that keeps us standing. Boundaries and standards go hand in hand.
It’s difficult to have one without the other. Our standards define our boundaries and our boundaries help us to uphold our standards.
In an Instagram post by Nicole LePera, PhD. who goes by The Holistic Psychologist, she shared five types of boundaries.
She defined them as emotional, material, time/energy, physical, and mental.
Emotional boundaries might be inappropriate topics or someone dismissing our emotions. Mental boundaries are things like maintaining your freedom of thought. Physical boundaries are when someone quite literally gets too close for comfort. Time and energy boundaries are who and what we choose to devote ourselves to.
It’s easy to see how having standards helps us to know where to draw the line for creating stronger boundaries.
10) You create positive change in the world
Here’s one of the best things about having high standards — you not only positively impact your own life, but you help other women too.
Refusing to turn a blind eye to bad behavior and instead standing up to it, helps to create positive change. Not just for you, but in wider society.
The more we educate ourselves, improve ourselves, and love ourselves — that improvement spreads. Your friends, family, colleagues, and community benefit from it too. You become a positive example.
You refusing to let a guy play you may inspire your pals to not settle for a man who doesn’t deserve them either.
Your confidence in pursuing your career ambitions can turn you into a mentor to other women, and fill them with the confidence that they are capable of doing the same.
You standing up and letting your voice be heard whenever you see wrong being done is an important part of creating a better world for all of us.
Having standards is important for your life, but even if you don’t do it for yourself — do it for your sister, your mother, your daughter, your friend, and every other woman and girl out there.
To conclude: How do you show you have standards?
Standards are upheld not through our words but by our actions.
On a practical level, that could look like refusing to engage in gossip, toxic relationships, or dramas. It might mean having the strength to confront red flags that appear in life.
We show our standards by committing to ourselves, even when it feels tough to do so.
Having standards is all about having your own back, treating yourself with dignity and respect, and insisting the people who want to be in your life do the same.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.