You were hitting it off with him only yesterday but today it feels kind of quiet.
No replies from the previous conversation, no morning greeting, nothing over lunch break…
You’re getting dinner ready and still you haven’t heard from him!
What exactly is going on?
In this article, I will tell you 12 reasons that will explain his behavior, and whether you should reach out to him in return.
Why you haven’t heard from him all day
1) He got held up by an emergency.
He got held up by something he didn’t expect, and he hadn’t found the opportunity to call you yet.
Perhaps his car broke down or he missed the bus and now he’s trying to catch up on all the work he missed. Or maybe he got lost, and he forgot to bring his phone with him.
It could even be as bad as him getting slapped by a personal tragedy, like getting into an accident and the doctors won’t allow him to use his phone while in the operating room.
As you can see, these things are actually very mentally draining and physically demanding so the thought of texting someone might escape him for a short while.
2) He’s drowning in work.
One of the main reasons why a guy misses out on your regular texting session is that he’s preoccupied with something important.
If he’s an adult or a student in college, he might be caught up doing a bit of overtime, or trying to beat a deadline with his research paper.
Having his phone near him all the time is going to be disastrous for his focus, which he needs if he is to do his work well. So he’ll probably have it turned off until he’s done.
It might also be his day for chores and he does it with headphones on, deafening music and rubber gloves.
He might have thought he already sent you a “good morning” text but it turns out he hadn’t.
It’s valid if you feel hurt by it, of course. So try to ask him about how his day went, and try to point out —gently— that he hasn’t been responding. Share your feelings if it feels appropriate, and try to exercise mutual understanding.
3) He didn’t tap the “send” button.
This is going to sound absolutely lame, but it’s very much possible that he simply forgot to tap the “send” button and had spent his day wondering why YOU aren’t responding.
Everyone has done it at some point.
Some people have so much to keep track of that sometimes it slips their mind, and others are just absent-minded.
Some of us have tabbed into a months-old conversation to see a fully typed-out message that we have failed to send. Even if you yourself haven’t made this mistake, someone you know probably did.
And of course, you can just imagine the look on his face when he finally realizes his mistake.
4) His phone cannot be reached.
He might have forgotten or misplaced his phone, or the battery is dead, or he got mugged and someone else has it now.
Pray that, at least, that the last thing didn’t happen and that he’s safe. But it doesn’t have to be that dramatic.
For example, he could be traveling and be in a place where mobile signals are erratic or unavailable. Or maybe he’s stuck in traffic without a charger.
These things just happen.
He may want to talk to you, but there are so many things from the dramatic to the mundane that simply make it hard for him to do so.
Take heart—while frustrating, it doesn’t mean he’s lost interest in you or is just playing with your feelings.
5) He’s emotionally overwhelmed.
While the rumors might say otherwise, men can and do feel emotions keenly. They’re simply not that open to expressing it most of the time.
And he might be having an awful day at work, or in school and is trying to work through his emotions.
Perhaps he’s been working hard for a promotion that he deserves, and yet his boss passed him over and promoted someone else instead.
Or perhaps his teacher gave him a terrible grade on something he poured his heart into, and now he has to make up for it.
Everyone processes their emotions differently. There are people who look for someone to dump all their stress on, and there are those who want to disconnect until they’ve fixed themselves up.
And chances are that he’s the latter. It’s for a good reason too—try talking to him when he’s under pressure and he just might snap back at you and make things worse.
He’s being careful and sensitive about handling his feelings, which is something to be admired, if you really think about it.
6) He’s not feeling well.
He might have come down with something.
It might be a fever, or it might be something more serious… something that we can’t be lenient with in this day and age.
He might even want to talk to you for the sake of company, but sickness is quite good at sapping people dry of energy.
Even if he isn’t exactly sick, he might be exhausted because of overwork, emotional overload, or even a hangover.
So for the moment, he’s lying down and waiting for things to get better so that he can talk to you the moment he’s capable of typing on his phone.
7) He’s playing hard to get.
Maybe a little bird told him that it’s a good idea to play mind games.
He wants to add a bit of mystery to his image. He doesn’t want to look that desperate or clingy, so he’s playing it cool and keeping you on your toes for a bit of thrill.
He’s pretending to be a bit uninterested just to get some attention. And if you’re here wondering about it, then his ploy is working!
It’s up to you if you want to keep at it. Sometimes a little push and pull is fine. But don’t tolerate it too much or it might get out of hand.
If it’s too obvious for you that he’s just playing mind games, call him out. Tell him leaving you waiting for a reply is not a cool way to get you to like him. If anything, it could make you trust him less.
8) He’s not really the texting type.
You might scoff at the idea. After all, it’s the digital age—who isn’t taking advantage of it and texting the people they like?
But that’s the thing with people. Everyone’s a little different, and not everyone has the same ideas when it comes to texting and communicating.
Maybe he’s just someone who doesn’t think it’s necessary to text with people every day—even the one he likes—especially when he just doesn’t have anything interesting to say.
Some people think they’d be a bother if they text too much, and think that you won’t have any issues with him going quiet for days on end… and then talking a lot when he does have something to say.
It’s important to consider other sides of him.
Does he send you random presents out of nowhere? Does he perhaps prefer meeting up in person? Maybe this guy actually likes you but is just not the texting type.
9) He has problems following through.
Maybe he’s someone who simply has problems following through on people.
It might be hard to grasp if you’re someone who has no problems remembering all of your appointments and seeing them on time, but there are people who are simply very easily overwhelmed.
He might have ADHD, or even a chronic illness of some sort that means he only has so much energy he can spend on other people.
He might be aware of it, or he might not be—these disorders don’t always manifest in the way they are often portrayed in the media.
So instead of punishing him for his so-called “bad behavior”, try to talk to him, pay closer attention to the way he acts, and try to exercise understanding.
10) He’s not that interested.
Of course, there’s also the possibility that he’s just not that interested in you. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the first thing that entered your mind when he didn’t text.
There’s a chance that your arrangement is one way, where you might think you’re already dating him when, to him, you’re just a casual textmate.
It could be that he’s been trying to connect to more than one person at once, and that there’s someone else he fancies more than you.
Or perhaps he likes you but not enough to commit to you.
Of course, a day might be a bit too short to come to this conclusion when there are so many other reasons—most of them less harsh—why he hasn’t responded to you yet.
It’s best to pay closer attention to the way he interacts with you.
Is there a pattern, or does it happen randomly? Does he act sweetly around you, or does he simply chat with you like you’re a friend?
11) He’s waiting for you to text first.
It’s exhausting to always be the one to initiate.
At some point, he’ll feel like he’s forcing his feelings on you, or that you’re just not that interested. So he stops and waits for you to respond.
If he stops initiating, and you stop responding to him, it’ll tell him that you aren’t that interested in him in the first place, so he’ll try to move on.
But if you start texting first to make up for it, it’ll tell him that the feeling is mutual.
Don’t expect that he’ll go back to his old pace, however. Most people like there to be a natural balance on whoever texts first… precisely to avoid that feeling of being pushy or unappreciated.
This is a tactic people have used, not just on dating but also on friendships and other kinds of relationships.
12) He enjoys torturing you.
The problem with people’s minds being so diverse is that you get the bad with the good.
There are many genuinely good guys out there—guys who want to see you happy and at peace. But there are also guys who enjoy breaking hearts. These guys make it their mission to crush the people they “date.”
Most of them are painfully narcissistic. The only person they care about is themselves—other people, men and women both, are just playthings for them.
And seeing people getting hurt by the things they do makes them feel powerful.
They don’t care that they’re making you miserable. What matters is that it gives them joy.
But of course, as with most things, it’s best to assume ignorance instead of malice.
You must be absolutely sure he’s this kind of person before coming to this conclusion. And that can only happen if you see patterns of repeated behavior.
For now, just note this down and hope he’s not one of these people.
Shoul you text him?
Yes, yes, and yes.
The only way to know what the problem is is through conversation. And nothing good will come from beating around the bush when he hasn’t texted you in a day.
Based on the reasons listed above, the situation may not be that bad and you just need to reach out.
If you’ve been texting just yesterday, it’s okay to have expectations. It’s okay to ask questions too, especially if you’re interested in something—or in this case, someone.
There is no reason to wait. A day isn’t too long but if you’re missing him already, you can definitely tell him how you feel if it makes your anxiety go away.
Don’t hesitate to text first. He could be the kind of guy who likes girls who have a bold side and are brave enough to initiate dialogue. It might even be a turn-on and will make him happy that you remembered him on a busy day.
Texting him is also a good way to show that you are not that petty and out to nitpick the small things.
In other words, reaching out to anyone if you haven’t heard from them all day is totally okay. So go do it.
How should you approach him?
Show some restraint.
Given the situation, he’s probably not having the best day of his life at the moment, so attacking him with accusatory messages is definitely not a good idea.
It will only aggravate the situation, and even sour what could have been good chemistry, if you bombard him with texts blaming him and putting him down.
A simple greeting will do. You can say “Hey”.
If he merely forgot or was busy with something, getting a notification from you will prompt him to text back, or snap him out of his reverie.
Give him the benefit of the doubt.
Don’t jump to conclusions and judge his character based on a single day of not texting you.
Don’t lump him with the bad guys automatically by texting “I guess you’re that type of guy” or “Look, I get it” as if his life was summed up by one misstep.
Plus, it’s not fair to say you know him all too well if you’re still wondering about his character based on his texting behavior.
Be absolutely sure you have a grasp of his situation first before anything!
In that sense, you can start by asking him about how his day went. You can say “I hope everything is okay”. Then maybe it will be easier for him to open up to you if he has something personal eating him up.
Make him fall for your big heart.
This is an opportunity for him to see a better side of you—for you to demonstrate your maturity.
While a clingy and demanding girlfriend might sound appealing at first, what men truly want for a long-term relationship is a girl who can exercise patience, understanding, and make them feel good about themselves.
Maturity is sexy as hell, and it could make men chase you.
How to tone down your anxiety when a man stops texting
Two words: Don’t panic.
It’s understandable that we have our fears when something is uncertain. Anxiety and stress build up as we wait over time.
Take in deep breaths and think about his and your circumstances for a moment.
First of all, when you don’t hear from a guy, it’s not the end of the world.
And now that you’ve read the possible reasons why he hasn’t texted you yet, it’s best to put down your phone and take your mind off it…at least for a while.
Don’t waste your time and energy overthinking things the entire day when you have more important things to do. Don’t obsess over a single text that you didn’t get.
But it isn’t easy to do. To help you along, here are some quick tips to calm down your nerves as you wait:
Keep yourself busy
Try to be productive instead of draining yourself mentally over a text.
You have friends that you can reach out to when you feel like talking to someone. That’s what friends are for and they will totally understand and will help you calm down.
Focus on achieving something, even with small tasks like cleaning up or getting yourself a good meal rather than forgetting to eat at all. By keeping yourself busy, you accomplish things and this will give you a rewarding feeling.
Ticking off boxes on your to-do list will give you a positive boost and you won’t even notice the time go by.
Try to sit back and relax. And I mean literally.
Close your eyes and think calming thoughts. Employ grounding techniques to ease the tension. By meditating, you can regulate your emotions better.
I can attest to how useful meditation can be when you want to calm down and de-stress.
Stop seeking validation through a single text
Here’s something to remember: It’s not your fault.
Your life should not hang in the balance over a text message. Whether you wish it or not, the world will still continue to rotate on its axis, and time will keep moving even if you don’t receive that text. So your life should not stop.
Try removing yourself and your ego from the equation and things will be a lot easier to take in.
Most of the time, you’re not getting his text because of exterior factors, and not because he doesn’t like you. Or if he doesn’t, SO WHAT?
We are wired to seek proof that we’re awesome and sometimes when we don’t get it, we automatically think we are the problem. How flawed is that.
Even if he’s not that interested in you, it’s not because you’re unlovable or unworthy. It could be that you’re just not a good match. Don’t lose sleep over it.
Give it a deadline that actually makes sense
A day is only 24 hours. And eight of those hours are spent sleeping, and another eight working.
Give time to investigate the cause of the problem, or give him time to explain his situation.
Like I mentioned earlier, you can text him to ask about what happened.
If he still doesn’t reply, then maybe two or three days is a good timeline. That’s enough for him to have charged his phone, or have it fixed, or get in touch with you through other creative means if he really wants to.
If he doesn’t want to get back to you, then take the graceful exit. Don’t flood his inbox or you might get a restraining order. And don’t stalk him either!
No reply for three days when you’ve given him ample time can be a clear message telling you that he doesn’t want it to go any further.
Take the hint and move on. If he didn’t have the decency to tell you properly, then he probably wasn’t worth it anyway.
So it’s been a day and you haven’t heard from him yet.
Then the best thing you can do is reach out. But do it calmly.
Just keep your mind open and don’t stress over it. After all, if it happens once, it’s probably nothing to do with his level of interest for you.
And if it happens again and it becomes a pattern, you can judge for yourself whether to keep him in your life or not.
But for now, take a chill pill and just hope he’s alright.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
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