Getting married is a dream many women (like me) have. But finding out you’re stuck with a useless husband? A nightmare!
While all hope seems lost, know that there’s a light at the end of your marital tunnel. All you just need to do is follow these 15 clever ways of handling your useless husband:
1) Have a one-on-one conversation with your husband
I can’t overstate the importance of communication in relationships. Consider this: maybe he doesn’t know incapable around the house.
He could’ve lived alone for too long that nobody bothered to tell him this or that.
On the other hand, he could be thinking that he has done nothing wrong.
That’s why it’s essential to have a one-on-one conversation with your husband right at the get-go. You need to tell him what you feel.
If you’re a poor communicator, remember not to use the perennial “You” statement. It’s best to start with “I,” like, “I feel that you’re not doing this or that…”
And more importantly, you have to listen to what he has to say mindfully. Remember: it’s all about focusing on your husband’s messages.
2) Delegate tasks
Sure, it would be nice if your husband did chores without you ever telling him.
Sadly, it’s not how things work. He could have everything you’re looking for in a husband, but the fact of the matter is you still have to tell him what he’s supposed to do and when he should be doing it.
See, delegating tasks will help prevent you from feeling like your requests don’t matter.
For example, you may need to gently remind him that he needs to take out the trash every Tuesday morning.
As for your part, delegating tasks can also make you more productive! Instead of taking out the trash yourself, you can do critical activities like finishing your take-home work or cooking for your hubby.
Divide and conquer, I always say!
3) Start small
When delegating tasks, make sure, to begin with small chores that can be done quickly. Case in point: ask him to put his clothes in the hamper instead of around it.
See, men are not that good when it comes to multitasking. Sometimes, it’s not because he doesn’t want to do three (or more) things, it’s because he can’t do them simultaneously.
As a BBC report puts it: “Men were slower and less organized than women when switching rapidly between tasks in tests.”
So remember: make sure to start small and go bigger as time progresses.
4) Set up visual reminders
Men are visual beings.
In an interview with New York Times, psychology professor Dr. Stephen Hamann explained why this is the case:
“The powerful response to visual stimuli in men could be cultural. Men tend to be inundated with sexual imagery and, possibly, are more likely to seek it out.”
He goes on to add:
“Evolution may also have a role. Some experts argue that, over time, men naturally became more dependent than women on sight in selecting a mate.”
So how do you use it to your advantage – sans the need to use your lady parts?
Well, you could try setting up visual reminders – a schedule of things he should do and when he should do it. You can place it on the fridge or in his mancave – basically a place where he spends a lot of time.
See, doing this may make you realize that he’s not outright plain useless and lazy. He might just be forgetful.
For one, scientists have already proven that men tend to be more forgetful than women.
A study from Aston University has pointed out that “women are better at remembering to perform and fulfill future tasks and plans.”
The report adds, “The women participating in the test were found to excel at remembering to perform tasks that involved doing, rather than saying, something in the future. They were also better than men at remembering activities linked to events rather than a specific time.”
So yes, a visual reminder would do good for your forgetful hubby!
5) Make him your hero
For most guys – including useless husbands – it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships – something that is ingrained in their DNA.
And most women don’t have a clue about it!
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to be better husbands?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The easiest thing to do is check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12-word text that will immediately trigger his hero instinct.
And that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants to be a better, ‘useful’ husband for you.
6) Thank him
Thank him, even if it’s just one little thing that he’s supposed to do anyway. Just don’t sound sarcastic, though!
So why is it good to show gratitude – even for the littlest things? For one, it’s a sign that you’re an emotionally mature person.
As my fellow writer puts it: “A mature person doesn’t take anything for granted and believes that there is no blessing that is too small.” (Replace blessing with chore)
Better yet, gratitude can help improve your relationship.
According to a Harvard Health article:
“A study of couples found that individuals who took time to express gratitude for their partner not only felt more positive toward the other person but also felt more comfortable expressing concerns about their relationship.”
Taking this into account, his positive feelings may just nudge him into being a more productive husband!
7) Praise him
You might be wondering, “Why should I praise my husband for the smallest things he does?”
It’s because it will serve you well in the long run.
It’s something called positive reinforcement, where a specific behavior (such as praise) is done after a particular activity (say he finally took out the trash.) This should help ensure that the said activity (among many other things) is repeated in the future.
In other words, the more you praise him, the more likely he’ll do the chores you asked of him.
8) Bond with him over chores
If you can’t get him to do certain chores around the house, then do it with him. Two is always better than one!
You can also consider it as additional ‘bonding’ time.
After all, doing stuff together can help strengthen the relationship you both share. And it really doesn’t have to be hours long (though it could be!)
According to the ‘Love Doctor’ Terri Orbuch, a brief ten minutes should suffice.
She says: “Set aside 10 minutes a day – I call it “The 10-Minute Rule,” to talk to your partner about anything other than work, family, the household, or the relationship. This simple change infuses relationships with new spirit and life.”
You may discover that he’s not really useless simply by bonding with him. In fact, maybe he just needs help in doing some things.
Think about all the arguments you would’ve avoided with this technique!
9) Lower your standards
I know it’s hard to do. But for the sake of your sanity – and your marriage – you may want to consider lowering your expectations.
It’s sad that your husband only cares about himself, but what’s done is done now. You can’t return him to his parents, so one thing you could do is accept this unfortunate fact.
Sure, the work or chore he does may be sloppy, but eventually, it’ll get better with time. Just be patient, for he’ll soon realize that he’ll need to do better.
This relates to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, helpful, and needed, he’s more likely to become a more ‘useful’ husband.
And the best part is that triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
10) Be flexible
When women ask men to do one thing, they expect them to do it the way they do it (or at least, how they picture it.)
Well, the fact of the matter is your hubby might do stuff in his own unique way. It’s often a shortcut, and the result may not be the thing you have expected.
But he has done it anyway – that’s the point!
What I’m saying here is it may be good to be flexible from time to time. Forcing your technique/method down his throat just won’t work.
Before you know it, you and your husband end up having a heated argument.
And over what? Dishes?
Remember: when it comes to dealing with a useless husband, it sometimes pays well to be flexible and open-minded.
And, whenever you feel uptight, remember what psychology professor Ronald Rogge has to say about flexibility:
“Being mindful and emotionally flexible in tough and challenging situations not only improves the lives of individuals, but it might also strengthen and enrich their close relationships.”
11) Don’t threaten him
Let’s face it. We ladies have a natural tendency to ‘threaten’ men whenever they don’t do what they’re supposed to do.
The sad part is threatening doesn’t always work. Worse of all, it wreaks havoc on the relationship.
According to couple therapist Dr. Jenn Mann, it’s actually a form of emotional abuse.
“Threatening to break up, divorce, withhold love, deny sex or anything else along those lines sends a message to your partner that you are not committed to the relationship. That manipulation pushes the other person out the proverbial relationship door.”
You don’t want this to happen, of course!
By this virtue, Dr. Jenn recommends taking a time out.
See, when an argument about chores (or any other thing) gets too heated, it becomes unproductive. A cool-down period before talking to him will benefit you both, and it may actually prod him into being a more helpful husband.
12) Don’t redo/complete his chores
If thanks, praises, and all the ‘positive’ tips above don’t seem to work on him, then do the opposite.
Just let him be.
I know it’s hard not to redo/complete a chore your husband did – especially if it was done haphazardly. But if you want him to learn, you must fight the urge to do so.
Leave his dirty clothes strewn all over the place (except for the hamper, where they truly belong) – up until he trips on it.
You can liken not redoing/completing his chores to teaching your toddler a lesson.
If you just complete his chores for him, he’ll have all the more reason NOT to do it. And, when you ask him why, he’ll just tell you this smugly: “You’ll finish it, anyway.”
As Riveter writer Terri Sherman goes on to say: “Redoing it after or constantly nagging will only push the person further away from wanting to complete the task.”
So yes, for the life of you, leave his tasks undone!
13) Speak to a relationship coach
While this article explores how to handle a useless husband, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated love situations. They’re a top-rated resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I, too, had a hard time with my fiance. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship.
They even helped me get it back on track!
I was blown away by how caring, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes, you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
14) Give some tough love
Say you told him he could go fishing with his friends as long as he finishes the kitchen drawer hinge that needs fixing. He willfully agreed.
The next thing you know, he’s getting already. But, when you checked the drawer, it was still wonky.
Now I told you threats don’t work, and for this, tough love is needed.
According to Focus on the Family:
“Tough love is about knowing your boundaries and your responsibilities.
Personal boundaries mark where you end and where someone else begins. Boundaries define who you are, protect what you value, show what you’re responsible for, and keep you safe.”
In other words, tough love is putting your firm foot on the ground.
Sure, you may look like the villain in this case, but it’s a matter of principle. And I tell you, nothing gets fixed faster when your man’s due for a trip out with friends!
15) Go on a trip
If your husband continues to be useless despite all the positive and negative reinforcements you’ve given him, then it’s time to take out the big gun.
Don’t let your useless husband continue to hurt your feelings. Go on a solo trip and leave him alone at home for a few days.
Apart from giving you the rest and relaxation you thoroughly deserve, that’ll give him the chance to step up.
Just imagine a house without you, the doting and responsible wife, for seven days! Sure, it’ll be a mess, but it’s bound to teach him something.
Before you know it, he’ll be promising you to do all the things you ask him to – as long as you don’t leave him alone for a couple of days!
By now, you should have a better idea of dealing with a useless husband.
See, the key is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier. By appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could help him change right now!
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the perfect woman for him. So if you’re ready to transform him into the saintly husband you deserve, be sure to check out the video now.