We’ve all felt like a failure at some point or another.
You might have been rejected from your dream university; blown an interview for a job you really wanted; hurt a person you loved because you didn’t have your priorities straight.
Whatever it was, you probably felt awful.
But worry not – we’re all in this together. No one is perfect.
The real problem comes when someone falls behind in life not because they made a mistake but because they refuse to learn from their lessons and get in the driver’s seat of their personal growth.
Without further ado…
Here are the 7 habits of unsuccessful people who are always falling behind in life.
1) They never get started in the first place
Everyone loves to talk, daydream, and think of all the different places life could take them.
Very few actually make those dreams a reality.
Why?
Because many people don’t even start.
They make it a habit to remain stuck in one place, be it out of the fear of failure, the overwhelming feeling that comes with not knowing where to even begin, or just general stalling.
As for the first and second, consultant and coach James M. Kerr shares a valuable piece of advice.
“Often, the fear of failure arises when we set unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Set achievable goals and break them down into smaller, manageable steps. This can make the process less daunting and reduce the fear associated with potential failure,” he says.
If you’re worried about taking on too big a task, break it into chunks. If you don’t know where to start, begin small, for example by watching a YouTube video on the topic or reading a few blog posts.
When it comes to the third (that is, stalling), I want you to look at your life as it is now and ask yourself, “Would I be happy if this was my life ten years from now on?”
Another important question is, “Am I making some actual steps toward changing my current situation?”
If you get “no” and “no,” you’re probably stalling. It’s time to take a step back, think about why you’re refusing to move from one place and take charge of your fate.
2) If they do try to achieve their goals, they give up way too easily
I’ve met far too many people who decided to go after something just to give up the moment stuff got hard.
With some of my friends, the pattern repeated itself so many times that it eventually turned into a habit – they simply never finished what they started.
The difference between someone who lives the life of their dreams and someone who always falls behind has everything to do with the ability (or the lack thereof) to face difficulties and push through.
As psychologist and researcher Steven C. Hayes Ph.D. writes, it’s all about “learning not to turn away from what is painful, and instead, turning toward your suffering to live a life full of meaning and purpose.”
One thing that really helps me when I’m going through a rough patch is to remind myself that challenges are an inevitable part of success.
You can’t just go after what you want and achieve it in two days. For most people, there is a lot of stress, determination, and sacrifice involved in the process.
Success doesn’t just fall in your lap. In order to reach it, you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone and refuse to give up – even when things get difficult.
3) They prioritize short-term gain over long-term success
The reason so many people give up when met with resistance is, of course, because it’s the easiest thing to do.
See, our brains aren’t wired to help us do what’s best for us. They are all about convenience and survival.
If you gorge on carbs and sugar, your brain is going to think you’re doing great because you’re stocking up and therefore increasing your chances of survival.
This is why it can be incredibly difficult to be the bigger person and tell yourself, “That’s enough.”
Not impossible, though.
It’s important that you view your “loss” in the current moment (for example, not eating a whole cake or not putting on a TV show) as an actual gain.
You’re doing something good for yourself. You’re looking after your body and mind in the best way you know how. You’re being kind and self-compassionate.
It’s all about your mindset.
4) They practice negative self-talk
Speaking of mindset, negativity and negative self-talk are precisely what many people who fall behind in life struggle with.
Since they don’t believe they are good enough to reach their goals, they don’t try in the first place, and their lack of progress only confirms those negative beliefs about themselves.
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
“Negative self-beliefs stem from early experiences and represent our deepest fears about ourselves and others,” explains neuropsychologist Judy Ho Ph.D., ABPP, ABPdN.
Luckily, she highlights that it’s entirely possible to reprogram your self-talk to spark positivity and motivation. Her most popular strategy is to reparent your inner child because that is precisely where those negative self-narratives come from.
She elaborates:
“Reparenting, or the conscious act of providing ourselves with the consistent care and understanding we may have missed as children, is the most important tool you have to create healthier thoughts and behavior patterns.”
“Your adult self has more agency, resources, and knowledge than your child self, and most of all, your adult self has the wisdom of your unique lived experience. This is why experiencing all that a secure attachment style has to offer starts with being securely attached to yourself.”
Personally, inner child healing is the ultimate technique that’s helped me grow as a person and heal the wounds that were holding me back from reaching my full potential.
5) They have a scarcity mindset
Another crucial mindset shift people who feel they’re behind in life need to make is that of abandoning their scarcity mindset and moving toward the abundance mindset.
And what do I mean by that?
The scarcity mindset is the belief that there is a limited amount of resources in the world and within yourself. It’s what makes you say, “I’ve always been bad at DIY, so I’m not even going to bother trying to sew my clothes even though I like the idea of it.”
The abundance mindset, on the other hand, is the idea that you can grow, change, and improve – if only you put in the work. It’s what motivates us to develop new skills, learn from our mistakes, and alter our behavior for the better.
If you think you can’t grow, you’re not going to put in the effort to do so.
This is why embracing an abundance mindset is absolutely crucial.
6) They’re in denial about what they want out of life
The truth of the matter is that you wouldn’t feel like you’re falling behind if you were actually happy.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what kind of job you have or how you fill your time if you feel like your life genuinely has a purpose. You could live at a volunteer farm, work as a barista, or be the CEO of an international company – it really doesn’t matter.
But if you feel like something’s just… wrong, it most probably is. You may try to deny it, but eventually, your true self will come calling.
Close your eyes. Listen to your gut instinct.
It’s time to take the blindfolds off. It’s time to stop living in denial.
Is this what you want out of life?
If not, it’s time to make some changes around here.
7) They hate change
Of course, it’s easy to say that you should make a change, but it’s much more difficult to actually take the leap.
I get it. Change is terrifying. You never know what’s waiting around the corner; you never know if you’re making the “right” decision.
But you know what?
This is why listening to your intuition is so very important.
Just a year ago, I decided to break things off with someone I thought I was eventually going to marry.
And I hated it. I hated that I didn’t know what was awaiting me, I hated I was losing a huge part of my life and my dreamed-up future, I hated that I had to step outside my comfort zone and say “no” to a relationship that didn’t serve me.
A year later, I am now more successful than ever. And I will forever be grateful to my past self for making that step.
You can hate change all you want, but that doesn’t mean you should avoid it. It is often through facing our fears that we grow the most.
You are your own limit.