Roselle Umlas
When people first heard about Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande getting engaged, they scratched their heads in confusion.
What, they all said (me included), does this ordinary and goofy-looking guy have to land a gorgeous woman like Ariana?
And then, after they broke up and he went on to date Kate Beckinsale and Kim Kardashian, the question became even louder:
No, really, what does he have? How did he get to date the hottest women in Hollywood?
I’d say this – Pete may look like an average guy, but that doesn’t get in the way of his vibe. And obviously, it’s an attractive vibe.
Okay, but what exactly does that mean? Well, today is all about dissecting what it is about the Pete Davidsons of the world (and that includes all genders) that makes them so darned attractive.
Here are 10 habits of people who look pretty ordinary but somehow give off an attractive (and often irresistible) vibe:
1) They carry themselves with confidence
Who says you have to look like a movie star to be confident? Anyone can do that, regardless of how they look!
And that’s precisely why people who look ordinary can give off an attractive vibe.
Research has shown that confidence is one of the top traits people look for in a romantic partner. And it’s what employers look for in job candidates as well.
The Society for Personality and Social Psychology explains very well why confidence is so attractive:
“One reason is that a lot of the things we want in a partner are difficult to observe directly, especially on first meeting – this includes traits like competence, drive, social status, and kindness. Because we trust that people know themselves well, and assume that their confidence (or lack thereof) reflects their actual value as a partner.”
In short, it comes across like this – you know there’s something about you that’s worth getting to know.
And that piques people’s interest. They feel drawn to get to know you more indeed!
2) They have a great sense of humor
If you have a sharp sense of humor, that’s a lot of plus points in the attraction department as well.
It’s easy to see why. Consider these two individuals:
Person A has looks that can land them on a magazine spread. But personality-wise, they’re kinda bland or serious.
Person B looks like, well, the average Joe or Jane. But wow, they’re funny and bubbly and sparkling with personality.
Whom do you think would be more attractive? And more importantly, stay attractive once you get to know them?
I’m willing to bet it’s Person B. A sense of humor tells you a lot – it tells you that the person is smart and easy to be with, and that you’ll never be bored!
I think this is a huge reason why the ladies love Pete D. As a comedian, he brings a lot of humor to the table.
3) They show kindness and empathy towards others
Is kindness attractive? You bet!
It’s why a guy with a dad bod or a woman with plain looks (by society’s standards) who are kind can so easily endear themselves to others.
In fact, an interesting study proposes that kindness can actually make you more physically attractive.
Read that again. An intangible quality having positive effects on external appearance? That’s kinda mind-blowing, isn’t it?
But it’s true.
I guess this means that at the core, we aren’t such shallow creatures after all. We might say we’d like our partners to look hot and gorgeous, but it turns out, we’d rather they be gorgeous inside.
Because ultimately, that’s what we’re responding to – their character, not their looks.
4) They treat everyone with respect
On that note, being respectful can give any average-looking person an attractive vibe.
Again, it points to character, which, as we’ve established, is what ultimately makes us decide to get to know a person.
I remember a new employee we had back in my old office. At first glance, he wasn’t exactly attractive, but when we saw how polite he was to both the big boss and the janitor…well, let’s just say the ladies in the office started looking at him in a different light.
So yes, being respectful to everyone regardless of their status or relationship can really boost someone’s attractiveness.
5) They practice good listening
What does good listening come down to? Interest. Attention.
And of course, we all want attention, whether we admit it or not.
So, a person could look ordinary, but if they know how to really listen, that makes them instantly attractive. They can make us feel special and seen.
It’s true what they say: if you want to be interesting, be interested.
That way, the connections you make will be deeper and certainly more meaningful than physical attraction alone can make.
6) They ooze positivity
Another habit that average-looking people who give off an attractive vibe have is keeping a positive attitude.
It’s kind of a no-brainer why, really. Attraction is about energy, after all. And positive energy attracts positive energy.
We’re more likely to respond to people who are happy and pleasant to be around, looks notwithstanding. It’s that simple.
7) They express themselves articulately
This is actually one of the instances that prove to me just how powerful words can be.
You see, a person can look quite average, but if they’ve got the gift of eloquence…it just instantly makes them more attractive.
Because like I said, confidence is alluring. So is clarity.
How someone presents themselves through their words and ideas makes more of an impact than how they look.
Confidence and clarity in communication often signal competence, intelligence, and thoughtfulness, which are all highly attractive traits.
Not to mention that the more eloquent you are, the better you can connect with the person you’re speaking to, right? And that adds significantly to your attractiveness, whether you mean to or not.
8) They cultivate their passions
Following on from that, eloquence also indicates passion. And believe me, passion is very sexy.
Passion tells people you have a depth of feeling and an ability to commit to something.
Look at Jamie Oliver, the chef. I’ve always thought he looks pretty average, like any bloke you might bump into at your neighborhood grocery store.
But the more I watched his shows and saw how passionate he was about cooking, somehow he grew more and more attractive in my eyes.
That’s what passion does. It gives people a peek into your heart and shows your willingness to be vulnerable.
Because the truth is, sharing something we deeply care about is a form of emotional risk-taking. We risk getting rejected, or worse, laughed at.
That’s why those who are brave enough to show their passion for something aren’t just attractive; they’re inspiring, too.
9) They’re flexible and open-minded
Or, in one word: easygoing. It’s all about the vibe, man.
Drawing from my own dating experience, I once dated a guy who was so good-looking that people wondered what he saw in me.
Not a flattering comparison with regards to me for sure, but what they didn’t know was that later on, I asked myself this question: “What in the world did I see in this guy??”
Turns out, I saw just his looks. Because as I got to know him more, I found that he was quite uptight and judgmental. I never felt safe enough to be myself around him or to express opinions that were contrary to his.
Well, that was on me, for getting swayed by his beautiful face alone.
But I do learn from my mistakes. The next guy I dated wasn’t as good-looking, but he was so darned attractive because he was easy to be with. He accepted people as they came, and could easily cope when things didn’t go according to plan.
Spoiler alert: we got married, and today I think he’s the handsomest guy in the universe. It’s amazing how flexibility and open-mindedness can make a person attractive.
This brings me to the final point…
10) They are authentic
If you thought that looking good is the best dating strategy, you’d be wrong. According to Dr. Lawrence Josephs in Psychology Today, the best dating strategy is to simply be yourself.
Really? Yes, really.
Like I said, many of us are not shallow creatures, after all. In the study I cited above, researchers found that “individuals that engage in ‘be yourself’ dating behavior are more attractive than individuals that play hard to get.”
Why is authenticity so attractive? Because it shows vulnerability. Honesty. Straightforwardness. And who wouldn’t want that?
Most importantly, an authentic person makes you feel safe to show the real you, too. And that meets a basic need we have – to be seen and heard.
Final thoughts
As you can see, looks are most definitely not everything. There are millions of average-looking people walking out there and giving off an attractive vibe.
I hope you have some of them in your life. Because that attractive vibe is equal to good energy and inspiration. And that’s something we could always have more of!
