8 subtle habits of men who are great at committing in relationships

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In this fast-paced world where dating apps have opened up a world of choices for everyone, finding a man who’s ready to commit can feel like a bit of a challenge. 

According to dating experts, dating apps and social media could be making people less ready to commit. It seems that having too many options makes it difficult to settle on a single partner. 

But let’s get a little perspective. While this piece of news can be disheartening, plenty of men out there still do value commitment and want long-term relationships just like you do. It’s just a bit trickier to find them because they are kind of low-key. 

But you’re in luck – in this article, I’ll discuss eight subtle habits of men who are great at committing in relationships. They should tell you if the guy you’re dating is worth your time and effort. Let’s get started! 

1) They listen actively

My first inkling that my then-boyfriend-now-husband was a keeper was this habit of his – he was super attentive not just during our first date, but during every single time we were together. 

He remembered – and still does –  tiny things about me, such as how I don’t like broccoli, or how I love the smell of the earth when it rains…

Why is that a subtle sign of one’s capacity to commit? Well, because communication is a foundational element of every relationship. And we can’t do it well if we don’t know how to listen

So…think about how your man behaves while you’re speaking. Does he just nod and smile absent-mindedly? Or is he all in, responding and remembering the little details? 

Hopefully, it’s the latter; you deserve someone attentive and responsive to your needs. Someone who doesn’t dismiss your stories as silly or merely considers your voice as background noise. 

And you know what? They’re all in, even for the heavy stuff!

2) They engage in meaningful conversations

When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation that wasn’t about daily chores or to-do lists? Men who are good at commitment understand the importance of these conversations. 

They enjoy exchanging jokes and opinions about favorite movies, TV shows, food, and all that, just like the next person. But – they aren’t afraid to delve into deep discussions about dreams, fears, beliefs, ideas, and everything in between, too.

Believe me, not everyone’s cut out for these kinds of conversations. I had a few boyfriends back in the day who would zone out whenever I started talking about things like philosophy or my fascination with human behavior. 

So, why does this indicate a man’s capacity for commitment? Because these deep conversations aren’t just cerebral self-indulgences. They are subtle signs that he has: 

  • Emotional maturity and depth
  • A willingness to connect on a deeper level
  • Great communication skills
  • A genuine interest in knowing what makes you tick

If you ask me, that’s the kind of person you should be sharing your life with!  

3) They take consistency to heart

Notice how I said these words earlier: “every single time”? 

Some men might be all attentive and dreamy in the beginning, but how do they hold up after a month? A year? A decade? 

You see, relationships aren’t just about romantic gestures or fantastic chemistry. They are about quietly, consistently showing up, in every sense of the word. 

Consistency is what makes a man dependable and reliable. When he has this habit, you’ll know that whatever promises he makes, he will keep them. 

When he says he’ll fix the leaky faucet, he will. When he tells you he’ll be at your company event, he will. 

Most importantly, when he says you’re his only one, no doubt about it, you are.

It’s a sign that he knows the weight of his words and that his actions will always back up whatever comes out of his mouth. 

This leads me to my next point…

4) They put in the work

Words are easy. In the words of philosopher Michel de Montaigne, “Saying is different from doing.”

Your man might apologize for a mistake and say he’ll never do it again, but the same thing happens over and over. 

He might often tell you he loves you, but then he never seems to have time for you. 

Look, nobody is born a perfect partner. We all have our areas of weakness. But a man who’s great at commitment understands that a relationship is forever a work in progress. 

So, even if he’s already got you, even if you’ve already tied the knot and had ten thousand children together, he will still put in the effort to keep the relationship healthy

What exactly does that look like in real life? Here are some examples: 

  • Making time for a regular date night or shared hobby
  • Helping out with household chores and parenting duties
  • Open and honest communication
  • Supporting you in your goals

5) They practice emotional honesty and vulnerability

See where I mentioned open and honest communication? That involves being emotionally honest – another habit commitment-capable men do. 

They’re in touch with their emotions and are not afraid to show vulnerability. Whether it’s sharing their fears, their joy, their insecurities, or their dreams, they lay it out on the table.

Now, this is really challenging for many men. After all, they’ve been socially conditioned to suppress or hide what they really feel. But those barriers need to come down; otherwise, it would be impossible to be truly intimate. 

This is something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê’s free video. In this video, he explains how the path to love and intimacy isn’t what we’ve been conditioned to believe. 

As Rudá so clearly explains, it’s all about learning how to love yourself first. 

If this is an issue you and your man struggle with, check out the free video. It might be what you need to unlearn all the old patterns that get in the way of commitment. 

6) They invest in personal growth

Speaking of loving yourself brings me to this next habit that men who can commit to relationships understand – personal growth.

He might not state his willingness to commit out loud, but the fact that he looks for ways to do better should show you that.  

Because personal growth is a commitment in its own right. It’s pretty simple – a man who constantly works to be a better person is naturally going to show that same desire to be a better partner. 

Plus, it shows that he values individuality and independence, and that would extend to you, his partner, as well. He’ll support you with your endeavors because he knows that your own growth is important, too. 

This personal growth can manifest in many ways: 

  • Picking up a new skill
  • Setting personal goals 
  • Focusing on mental health
  • Seeking therapy to unpack old baggage…

…practically anything that would help him improve himself! 

7) They show appreciation

Another subtle habit men who excel at commitment do is to show gratitude. They know the power of the little things. How simply saying “thank you” or “I appreciate you” can light up someone’s entire day. 

Whenever my husband does this, I see how he’s paying attention. I see how he notices what I do, even the mundane stuff like making him a cup of coffee or putting his socks in his drawer. 

It’s a daily habit, a way to acknowledge my effort and presence in his life. And it’s not always verbal; sometimes, it’s a gentle squeeze of the hand, a beaming smile, a bear hug…

Or, since his love language is acts of service, he returns the favor in ways that I really appreciate right back – he’ll take over the cooking or pick up the dry cleaning.

Whatever form it takes, being consistently appreciative certainly goes a long way in nurturing a relationship.

8) They lead with kindness

Finally, the last clue that should tell you a man can commit is a kind spirit.

Kindness is often underplayed and overlooked; in fact, there’s a popular saying that goes, “Nice guys finish last.”

But not for me. I believe it’s a trait that truly sets a man apart. A man who leads with kindness just shines because of the safe and secure environment he creates.

He treats everyone – not just you – with respect and empathy, and that points to a fundamental capacity for love and understanding.

Which means…he likely won’t be stringing you along for years or cheating on you! 

Final word

If there’s anything this list shows, it’s that being capable of commitment is a result of habits that one has cultivated consistently, not just the romantic stuff we see in movies. 

In fact, more than the flowers, chocolates, and dizzying dates, it’s the subtle habits that matter most. The mindful listening, showing up, choosing to do the kind thing…day after day. 

If you see these in your partner, celebrate him! You’ve got yourself a keeper who’s in it with you for the long haul! 

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Tina Fey

I'm Tina Fey, the founder of the blog Love Connection. I've extremely passionate about sharing relationship advice. I've studied psychology and have my Masters in marital, family, and relationship counseling. I hope with all my heart to help you improve your relationships, and I hope that even if one thing I write helps you, it means more to me than just about anything else in the world. Check out my blog Love Connection, and if you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter

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