Pearl Nash
She knows who she is, and what she wants.
What’s more, she has the swagger of self-belief to go out and get it.
There’s no doubt that a highly confident woman has much to admire.
Here are the habits that give her the strength we all applaud…
1) She is mindful of her self-talk
From the outside, a highly confident woman’s strength seems effortless.
But don’t be fooled. It takes work. She has built up the inner foundations of self-belief and self-esteem through diligent practice.
It’s not arrogant ego that drives her confidence, it’s the cultivation of self-worth.
One of the ways she has done this is by being mindful of her self-talk. We all have an inner critic.
It can say biting things to us. It natters away, often unconsciously, feeding us unkind thoughts.
A highly confident woman has learned to be mindful of that mean voice. She not only questions it, but answers it back.
She chooses to feed herself compassionate thoughts, praise, and words of encouragement.
2) She doesn’t second-guess her decisions
Sometimes making choices feels daunting. Especially when there is a lot riding on it.
We can worry that we’ll make the wrong call.
But a highly confident woman:
- Trusts herself to make the best decision given the circumstances
- Knows that no matter what happens, she’ll deal with it
- Knows that there’s no point in wasting time and energy on regrets anyway
Once she has made a decision she won’t agonize over whether it was a mistake.
Whatever happens, she will confidently deal with the cards that are dealt.
Of course, it also helps that she isn’t terrified of making mistakes.
3) She isn’t afraid to fail and mess up
The most successful people in the world have something significant in common:
The confidence to fail.
It really is a boldness that so many of us don’t have.
It’s understandable too.
We’re taught that getting it wrong is clearly a bad thing, right?
It means we’re not perfect. We’re flawed.
That is hard to swallow for any of us.
But unfortunately screwing up is also a natural part of learning and growing. Which is why it’s also a hallmark of greatness.
A highly confident woman knows this.
Ok, she isn’t exactly doing cartwheels when she messes up. But she knows it’s part of the process.
4) She is comfortable enough to say ‘no’
I’m guessing we can all think of a time when we wanted to say “no”, but found ourselves uttering the words “ok” instead.
The pressure of disappointing someone, or feeling like we would be letting them down just became too much.
Make no bones about it: saying no can be tough. That’s why it’s a clear habit of a highly confident woman that she does.
She graciously turns down invitations to social events.
She says she won’t be able to take on that extra project at work as she’s already swamped.
She says ‘no thank you’ when she’s asked out on a date, without feeling the need to fumble for an excuse.
Sure, learning to say no has taken practice, but it’s been helped by her strong boundaries.
5) She knows where to draw the line and upholds her boundaries
Most of us probably give very little thought to our boundaries…
Until someone crosses them.
We can intuitively feel when it happens. Something in us tells us that wasn’t right, we don’t feel comfortable, and we aren’t happy.
A highly confident woman makes her boundaries very clear.
This makes it less likely for someone to cross them in the first place. Because she has usually nipped undesirable behavior in the bud long before it goes too far.
She has rules.
When someone breaks them, she doesn’t hang around, drawing a line in the sand.
6) She lets go of the things that no longer serve her
It’s easy to get weighed down by the baggage of life.
As the zen proverb goes:
‘Let go or be dragged’.
A highly confident woman has the strength to let go.
That may be of certain people who no longer belong in her life. It may be of grudges and resentment that are toxic to keep a hold of. Or perhaps an outdated idea or belief that was holding her back.
A confident woman isn’t afraid to free herself from the past.
Whilst she has learned from the experiences and lessons that have come to pass, she prefers to focus on the present.
7) She isn’t afraid to be vulnerable
Sadly there’s still a hangup in society that vulnerability makes us weak.
But a highly confident woman knows that nothing could be further from the truth.
Vulnerability takes courage and deep-rooted inner confidence.
The funny thing is that research shows how we admire vulnerability in others. Yet, when we see it in ourselves we feel weak and inadequate.
As vulnerability researcher Brene Brown puts it in her book ‘Daring Greatly’:
“We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us.”
A highly confident woman isn’t afraid to let others see her vulnerability.
8) She doesn’t let fear hold her back
We all have a comfort zone and it’s messy having to step outside it.
That goes for a highly confident woman too.
After all, she’s not superwoman, she’s a fallible human being just like the rest of us.
The difference is that she has learned to accept the presence of fear and push forward despite it.
Those nerves and uncertainties still exist.
But she won’t let her fear take the reins in her life. Even though it’s often an unwelcome passenger on her journey, it’s not going to stop her.
Because the absence of fear isn’t the true marker of courage.
It’s far braver to feel the fear and do it anyway.
9) She unapologetically prioritizes her wellbeing
Women are still predominantly seen as the caretakers of society.
This is why they can find themselves habitually putting the needs of those around them in front of their own.
They may even feel like it’s selfish to put their needs first.
But a highly confident woman won’t be guilt-tripped into believing this.
She knows that you have to fill your own cup first. So she will prioritize her self-care.
She knows that doing so not only benefits her, but also those around her.
Because it allows her to show up as the best version of herself.
10) She is assertive when needed
In an ideal world, we’d all give each other the respect we deserve.
But we live in the real world.
And sometimes you need to assert yourself in order to claim that respect.
A highly confident woman has a habit of standing up for herself when she needs to.
She isn’t afraid to make her opinions and thoughts clear. She knows that she has a right, just as much as anyone else to be heard.
If a conflict emerges, she won’t retreat into herself.
As uncomfortable as it may feel, she will calmly and clearly state her case with dignity and poise.
11) She doesn’t compare herself to others
Who hasn’t looked around at some point at other people’s lives and suddenly felt wanting?
It used to be known as ‘Keeping Up with the Joneses’. But that was pre-internet when our neighbors provided the easiest source of envy.
But since the world went digital, we have a whole lot more to measure ourselves against.
Let’s face it, in the age of picture-perfect Instagram feeds it’s almost impossible to totally avoid the odd bout of comparisonitis.
A confident woman sees this for the trap it is.
She would rather focus on her own journey —her own progress, and how far she has come.
12) She is selective with who she spends her time with
Some may have accused her of being closed off. Perhaps they even see her as a bit superior.
But a highly confident woman does not make her time available to anyone and everyone.
She respects herself too much to do herself such a disservice. Because she knows that it matters who we surround ourselves with.
They can be the people who help lift us up or slowly drag us under.
In the words of musician Ben Howard:
“Water takes the shape of all that it surrounds”
We cannot help but be molded by the people we spend our time with.
So a confident woman wants to surround herself with as much positive, uplifting, and loving energy as she can.
13) She can accept feedback without taking it to heart
I can’t imagine any of us particularly enjoys getting negative feedback.
Why would we?
But when it’s constructive, the truth is that it can be very valuable. And a confident woman knows this.
She can take those lessons and use them to improve. She can make use of an outside perspective to glean useful insights about herself.
It’s very easy to take this kind of feedback to heart and become defensive.
But a highly confident woman realizes in doing so she is closing herself off from the potential for growth.
She has the strength to face criticism without crumbling.
