8 habits of couples who love each other deeply but struggle to communicate

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Love can be a funny thing, right?

There you are, head over heels for someone, utterly smitten, and yet, when it comes to expressing yourself or hashing out the nitty-gritty… well, you’re a fish out of water.

Misunderstandings pile up and disagreements become a common occurrence.

It might look to an outsider that there’s an absence of care or affection between you two. But let me tell you, that’s not necessarily the truth.

Sometimes, behind the scenes of every squabble or silent treatment, there’s a deep love that just doesn’t know how to make itself heard properly.

In this article, we’re going to dive into 8 tell-tale signs that suggest you and your sweetheart might be having trouble communicating, despite the love that’s bubbling beneath the surface.

1) You stay deeply connected

Let’s be honest, disagreements are a part of any relationship.

But there’s a difference between disagreeing over what movie to watch and feeling disconnected during a conversation.

In relationships where love is deep, even in the midst of an argument, you never feel like you’ve lost that underlying connection.

You might argue, yes. But at the end of the day, there’s still that deep bond and understanding between you two. And most importantly of all, there’s a willingness to stick together and work through the issue rather than calling it quits. 

It’s like a tether that holds you together, no matter how far apart an argument might push you.

You may struggle to communicate your feelings effectively, but there’s no doubt in your mind about the love you have for each other.

2) You don’t shy away from the tough spots

Here’s a truth I had to learn the hard way: avoiding difficult conversations doesn’t make them disappear.

In fact, it often makes things worse.

In my relationship, we love each other deeply but there was a time when we struggled to communicate, especially about the hard stuff.

We’d skirt around the issues, make small talk, anything to avoid those uncomfortable conversations.

But what I’ve found is that even though it’s hard, facing those tough spots head on is a sign of deep love.

Yes, we might not always get our words right, we might fumble and stumble but we’re trying.

And that’s what matters. Because by attempting to address the difficult topics, we’re showing each other that our relationship is worth fighting for.

3) You find comfort in silence

There was this one time, my partner and I had a huge argument. One of those where words fly around like daggers and the air gets so thick, you could cut it with a knife.

Afterwards, we both retreated to our corners, nursing our wounds in silence.

But here’s the interesting thing: even in that silence, there was a sense of comfort.

I remember sitting on the couch, not saying a word to each other but still feeling this strong sense of love for my partner.

It was as if the silence was communicating when we couldn’t find helpful words. 

In the midst of our struggle to communicate verbally, we found solace in non-verbal communication.

We were allowing each other space to process, to heal, but also reassuring each other with our presence that despite the heated argument, we were still there for each other.

It was then I realized that even silence can speak volumes in a relationship. It’s all about the feeling that accompanies it.

4) You pay attention to each others’ love languages

Here’s something I learned during my journey of understanding communication in relationships.

Gary Chapman, a renowned relationship expert, talks about the concept of love languages.

These are basically the ways in which we express and prefer to receive love.

There are five of them: words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch.

Now, why am I bringing this up?

Well, because we often think of words as being the main vessel of communication, but a love language can actually be an even stronger indication of a person’s love.

Not everyone has learned how to use words effectively, but when your partner makes sure to make you feel loved – whether it’s by giving you hugs or helping you around the house – it shows that they truly and deeply care for you. 

5) You still make efforts to connect

You know what’s one of the biggest dangers to the health and happiness of a relationship? Apathy

It’s when one or both partners just give up, deciding it’s not even worth their effort to try to close the gap in the relationship.

That’s when you know the flame has truly gone out, and there is very little that will keep the relationship going for much longer.

But on the other hand, you have couples that might really struggle to communicate, but they keep trying again and again.

No matter how bad the fight, no matter how big the misunderstanding, they always come back to each other. They take on the mindset “it’s us against the problem”, and this keeps bringing them back together over and over again. 

Because at the end of the day, love is about showing up, making an effort and not giving up, even when things get tough.

6) You give genuine apologies

Back when my partner and I were going through our communication struggles, something important caught my attention.

We were arguing, yes. But we were also apologizing.

And not just a curt, obligatory “I’m sorry”, but genuine apologies where we acknowledged our mistakes and owned up to them.

This was another sign of our deep love for each other. Because apologizing requires humility, it requires letting go of your ego, and it requires valuing your relationship over being right.

Sure, the communication was a struggle, but our readiness to apologize showed that we still deeply cared for each other and our relationship.

Apologizing didn’t mean we were weak, it simply meant we valued each other more than our pride.

7) You look for joy in the small moments

So many wellness and mindfulness experts talk about enjoying the moment – and this is actually key to loving relationships too.

Because relationships aren’t made of those few grand sweeping gestures, like a big proposal or particularly romantic date. Those are usually far in between.

What really matters is those millions of simple, everyday moments – that’s what life is really made of.

When you foster an appreciation for these moments, it’s like fuel to help you ride through the bumps along the road as well.

This is something my partner and I have always done well at – we take the time to appreciate a cup of coffee shared in the morning, holding hands while going on a walk, and a few moments to chat during lunch break.

These things may not seem like much, but they’re strong reminders to us of the love that’s always there, even when communication gets a little tough. 

8) You keep trying to get better

As I look back on my relationship, our communication issues, and how we’ve come out the other side, there’s one thing that stood out the most to me. I believe it’s the most important sign of deep love amidst communication struggles.

It’s the fact that we’ve never stopped trying to get better.

We acknowledged our communication issues and instead of ignoring them or accepting them as fate, we made an effort to improve.

We read books, attended workshops, sought professional help – whatever it took to become better communicators for each other.

It wasn’t easy, and we had our fair share of setbacks. But we never gave up.

And that’s because we love each other deeply. We knew that our inability to communicate effectively didn’t diminish our love for each other.

It was simply a hurdle we needed to overcome together.

So here’s your final sign – if you and your partner are continuously trying to improve your communication skills, it’s a clear indication of deep love.

Because in the end, love isn’t about being perfect, it’s about striving to be better for each other, every single day.

Final thoughts

Recognizing these signs in your relationship might just be the wake-up call you need.

Yes, there are communication struggles. But they don’t define your relationship or the love you share.

Remember, love is not a smooth journey. It’s a bumpy ride filled with highs and lows. But it’s the overcoming of obstacles, like communication issues, that strengthens the bond and deepens the love.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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