No one wants to be called a “crazy girlfriend” or a “possessive boyfriend”, so even if we feel so strongly that our SO is cheating, we try to dismiss it until we have hard proof in our hands.
But if the signs are so obvious, you can’t just do nothing.
You have to investigate (calmly) and nip the problem in the bud before it destroys your relationship for good.
To help you along, here are 15 tell-tale signs your partner is cheating even if you still don’t have any proof.
1) They suddenly need their privacy
Your partner used to share everything with you—email passwords, social media access, phones. Every darn thing.
You didn’t ask for it. They offered it to you because they wanted to feel that you’re one.
Lately, however, they’ve been slowly removing your “privileges.”
First, they changed their email password, saying that they were worried about their account getting hacked. They didn’t tell you the new password, of course. And you didn’t find the need to ask for it.
And then the rest followed.
They even need their “me time” now and lock the door of their room if they want to be left alone.
2) They’re with you but their mind is elsewhere
You might be in the same room, eating or watching the same show together. And yet it feels like they’re not quite there, and with their distance, it’s almost like you’re with a stranger now.
Their eyes are glassy, and they would often ask you “come again?” because half the things you tell them to bounce right off their brain.
They’re probably fantasizing about their new beau—maybe they’re thinking of what gifts they should buy, or which places they could afford to schedule a date in.
When you ask them what’s up, they’d mumble a lame and obviously fake excuse like “Oh, I’m just thinking about work” or “I think I’m coming down with the flu.”
3) You catch them smiling for no reason
It’s painful to see your partner become giddy and in love…but not with you.
Maybe they thought they could conceal their happiness well but it just shines through. They turn around or cover their faces but it’s so obvious they’re ecstatic.
Maybe your partner read their sweet messages or maybe the thought of them doing stupid things enters his or her mind.
It also shows in the way they move. It might be a normal day as far as you are concerned. Dreary, even. And yet they’re hopping along, dancing on rainbows, and happy as can be.
When you ask them what’s up, instead of giving you a straightforward answer they’ll instead get weirdly defensive and respond with “what? I can’t be happy?” or something similar.
4) They buy sexy lingerie… but you don’t have a sexy time!
Your bedroom’s been dead for a while now. But what’s this? They’re buying tons upon tons of sexy lingerie!
You might expect a renaissance in your sex life to dawn upon you soon. And yet, nothing of the sort happens.
Sure, you see them wearing that fancy new lingerie. Maybe even flaunting it around the apartment without a care in the world. And yet when you try to ask for a tussle in the sheets, they keep on turning you down.
When you ask them about the lingerie, they’ll calmly say “what? I can’t wear something sexy anymore?”
5) They become mysterious all of a sudden
They used to be an open book.
You used to know exactly what thoughts were running around in their head and what feelings have gripped their heart because of how freely they used to share them with you.
You used to think that it was annoying, yet also very endearing.
But now, you hear nothing much from them except the mundane. Things that frankly deserve no real mention, such as “we ran out of soap!” or “the toothpaste fell down the toilet!”
They no longer complain about their colleagues, they no longer mention how they spend their free time at work, and they no longer talk about how they truly feel about your relationship.
It’s like they suddenly retreated into their shell.
This is a clue that someone is cheating because they have created a world without you. Maybe they spent their free time flirting with the other person and because of that, they have nothing else to share with you.
6) They don’t get mad at you anymore—like, at all
Your partner used to get so angry when you forget to pay the bills on time. But now, even if the phone bill has been lying around unpaid for two months, they don’t give a flying F.
Why is this happening?
Well, there could be several reasons for this.
One is that they’re guilty. They realize there’s no reason for them to be so uptight when they’re not perfect themselves—they’re kissing someone else, after all. What’s that compared to a late bill?
Another thing is that they’re starting to detach from you. They don’t see any reason in trying to “fix” you and your ways because they’re planning to break up with you anyway.
If you notice that your partner is now oh-so-chill with the things that used to drive them crazy, pay very close attention. They’re probably invested in someone else.
7) Date nights have become a chore for them
You used to look forward to date nights, but now, it’s just you who’s into it.
They say they’re busy, they say they’re broke or tired or depressed. But you know that’s not really the case. You’ve been with them for a while now to know when they’re lying.
And when they do go out with you, it’s you who did most of the planning.
Well then, of course, if they’re with someone new, they can’t be excited to spend a romantic night with you.
Some say it’s possible to love two people at the same time. Surely, it is. But they are different kinds of love. Their passionate love is now out of the window, and what’s left in your relationship is just the soft kind of love that you can give a sister or friend.
8) They have a new obsession that keeps them up at night
Oh yes, they do! But it’s not what you think, not really.
Your partner is now suddenly into stuff they never cared about. They might have been madly in love with sci-fi, for example. But for this past month, they’ve been watching nothing but crime docs and conspiracy theories.
If they suddenly developed an obsession with anything and they don’t want to share this with you, there’s something suspicious afoot.
Perhaps they found a new hobby or interest because of someone new, and they’re enjoying that new interest together with this person.
9) They get bored with you…and they have the guts to tell you about it!
You’ve been together for a while now but never did you run out of things to talk about. They used to think you’re the funniest person to be with…well, except now.
They now find you boring, and they don’t even hesitate to tell it to your face.
Is it the way that you dress? Are you not smart enough? Nope. They’re probably boring themselves, but they’re telling you this because that’s what they truly feel. But no matter what, don’t believe it’s your fault.
Of course, if you’re with someone new, you’d find the old one boring. Comfy, but predictable and boring. And this is probably the only reason they feel this way.
10) Their cuddles have become cold
A partner who’s cheating is wrestling with their emotions daily. You might think they’re just evil, but they’re something more dangerous—they’re just human.
So that means they will try to love you again like they used to, but they just can’t because they’re enamored by someone else.
They try hard to do the right thing, but they struggle.
So they cuddle and try to be sweet, but you can feel that they’re faking it…that it’s just not the same.
11) Their friends look suspicious when you’re around
Their friends are your friends, but they’re more loyal to their friends than to you—yep, even if your partner is doing awful things to you.
The famous Drops of Jupiter lyrics put it so well, “friends stick up for you even if they know you’re wrong.”
But then most of them are not good actors so some of them will act awkward when you pop in uninvited.
Your partner has probably told them about their crush, or they might have already met them and seen them make out that it’s hard to see you looking so naive and innocent like nothing’s wrong.
12) They’re back to being a childlike teen in love
At the start of your relationship, you’re both silly. You weren’t acting like you’re twenty-two or thirty-two—you’re acting like you’re twelve!
But that’s what love is like for most of us. We become kids again when we meet “the one.”
You called each other pet names, you made silly grunts and you abound with inside jokes. You have a world where only the two of you exist. It was pure bliss.
But then as years passed, you became more serious with life and with each other. You still act silly, for sure, but that has stopped becoming the norm.
Lately, however, your partner has become playful again. The difference is that they’re not doing it with you. They’d post really stupid videos on Tiktok or they’d wear something really strange on a normal day at work. Yes, you should go “hmmm” when this happens all of a sudden.
13) They’ve become a massive spender
They used to tell you to manage your finances well because that’s what adults should do.
But now they’re breaking all their rules. You can see them splurging on things they usually found too extravagant like a $400 dessert or a $3,000 vinyl (and where is this vinyl anyway?).
When we’re in love—especially if we’re still in a relationship—it makes everything we’ve “built” and invested in useless. We start to not give a damn about the future because our lives are about to change. The life as we imagined it to be is no longer the same.
This is probably the reason they stopped caring about their money.
14) They ask for space as if you’re suffocating them
If you haven’t been fighting lately and you know you’re not a pain in the arse to be with, and yet they want to take a mini-break?
Well then. It’s definitely fishy and it stinks like hell.
It’s possible that they’re going through a quarter-life crisis or midlife crisis of some sort and that they just want to do a complete life makeover. But that doesn’t exclude the possibility that their lives change includes changing partners.
If someone is cheating, and they’re naturally a good person, they’ll be torn. They don’t like the feeling that they’re excited about someone and yet they’re hurting the person they (used to) love.
They want a break from this guilt, more than anything. And possibly, they want to break free so they can pursue what they want with reckless abandon.
15) You’re the one doing the heavy lifting
Some people just become lazy when they’re in a long-term relationship.
But this is not the case with your partner.
You know when they’re lazy, and you know when they simply don’t give a damn anymore.
You try to be the functional one in the relationship in the hopes that they’ll realize that they’re being a jerk, and make it up to you.
You cook their favorite meal, put on their favorite show, buy concert tickets, pick up their laundry, water the plants, put some “spice” in the bedroom. You try to do all the cutesy stuff you used to do so they’ll remember how awesome your relationship was.
All to no avail.
How to reset your relationship
1) Go inward and focus on yourself for once
Whether or not your partner is cheating on you is out of your control.
They might say that they cheated on you because you haven’t been meeting their needs. But even that doesn’t absolve them. After all, they could have told you and tried to negotiate a compromise with you or, should that fail, break off your relationship.
And yet simply knowing this isn’t comfortable enough on its own. It takes a lot of effort to set all that self-blame aside and focus on what matters—YOU. Yes, the awesome and brilliant YOU!
It’s not easy to focus on oneself when you’re in a relationship but sometimes, it’s a must.
To help you out, I would suggest you try to consult our relationship masterclass.
From relationships broken apart by simple misunderstandings to those broken up by deep, personal differences, they’ve seen it all. And they can offer you exactly the insight you need to infer whether your partner truly cheated on you without direct proof of it.
And they’ll help you figure out where you genuinely were to blame, and where you lay blameless. And from there, they can help you figure out where you could have done better, and what you should probably do in the future.
Here’s the link if you want to find out more. It’s insightful and it’s for FREE!
2) Shift how you see relationships
Alternatively, you can try to broaden your horizons a bit. Who’s to say that relationships have to be exclusively between two people, or that you should always be doing the same things?
Some people might operate better on a polyamorous or open relationship scheme and just can’t operate well in a monogamous relationship, for example.
And while there are those who thrive in relationships where their partner is always catching up to their interests and hobbies, there are also relationships that function better when everyone is doing their own thing freely.
Whatever happens, tell yourself to keep an open mind, listen, and think.
If you truly still love this person, find a good compromise.
3) Have an honest talk and take it from there
Sometimes, all it takes to reset and resuscitate a dying relationship is a really good and honest conversation…and I mean the no-hold-barred kind.
Go tell them about your observations. Ask them to tell the whole truth because you deserve it. Of course, you have to assure them that even if it would hurt you, you won’t lash out or dash out of their life for good.
Do two or three of these sessions and if you can afford it, find a good therapist who can guide you.
If you’re still in love with each other and they just got sidetracked, work on it.
If they’ve lost their feelings for you and would want to break up, work on it alone.
Only a few things are more painful than witnessing the love of your life slowly losing feelings for you.
But you’d be surprised that this isn’t something you should be afraid of. You just have to recognize the signs fast and make the right steps to lead your relationship in the right direction.
Maybe you’ll find your understanding of relationships upturned in the process, or come out of this obstacle stronger than ever.
And should you find no recourse but to let your partner go, there is still a lot you can glean from this experience—things that can help you become a better person for yourself and for your future relationships.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.