10 reasons your girlfriend is acting distant (and what to do)

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Her kisses have become cold. Her messages, short and dry.

She’s clearly being distant. But when you ask her what’s going on, she says that everything’s just fine.

So what’s REALLY going on here?

In this article, I will give you 12 possible reasons why your GF is acting distant and what you can do about it.

1) She’s lost that lovin’ feeling.

Just so it’s out of the way, I’ll go ahead and say what you’re probably suspecting.

Yes, there is a possibility that your girlfriend is falling out of love with you.

This is especially true if she used to be very affectionate and loving, and now she’s the total opposite.

Has she always been the one to complain that you’re lacking in the affection department but then now she doesn’t give a damn, and in fact is the one who’s distant? Then let me tell you—something’s up, buddy.

A good way to tell is how quickly it happened. You see, falling out of love is not the same as falling in love—it takes time. It doesn’t just happen overnight, or over a weekend.

If your girlfriend is acting distant all of a sudden, then there is probably another reason so you can at least rest assured.

But if it’s something that’s been slowly creeping in, then she’s probably falling out of love with you.

This is highly likely if:

  • Her pulling away happened gradually.
  • You have many relationship problems.
  • You’ve not addressed those issues.
  • You both feel “stuck” in the relationship.

But hey, don’t worry!

Even the worst relationship problems have a solution. At the bottom of this article, I will share with you how to get back the affectionate girlfriend you miss and love.

2) She’s crushing on someone else.

This is another possible reason that you probably don’t want to deal with, so I’m getting it out of the way as soon as possible.

When we’re in love or crushing hard on someone, it’s impossible to completely hide it. Well, some people may not notice our giddiness, but the people closest to us will.

Your girlfriend might be crushing on someone and she’s paranoid that you’d notice these little signs, so she would rather keep her distance.

This is especially true if she’s a genuine person. It will be hard for her to be sweet towards you when there’s someone else occupying her mind. So she pulls away a little, hoping you won’t suspect anything.

This is highly likely if:

  • She gets giddy when checking her phone.
  • She’s suddenly protective of her privacy.
  • She’s turning into a different person—new hobbies, new outfits.
  • Her friends act weird when you’re around.

NOTE: Please don’t accuse her of anything just based on this list. The best way to find out is still through good communication.

3) She doesn’t feel connected to you anymore.

All the reasons in this list would be a non-issue if only she still feels connected to you.

For example, even if she’s crushing on someone else if she still feels like you’re her person, she’d simply open up about it. Or let’s say she’s fallen out of love, but if she still feels you’re a team, then she’d probably discuss it with you.

Most of the time, the lack of connection is the trigger to your girlfriend acting distant.

Want to know how to turn things around?

Let a relationship advisor guide you.

It’s not easy to rebuild a lost sense of connection, especially all by yourself. It’s like walking around the dark without a map or compass to guide your way.

You can spend ages getting nowhere until you finally find the right direction, or you can make a wrong turn and fall into a ditch.

That’s why I recommend that you get help from someone much more experienced than you. But not just that, someone who’s actually an expert at handling complicated relationship issues such as yours.

Relationship Hero is my go-to site for love guidance. A lot of people with distant partners—including me—had come to them for their help, and they always delivered.

Tell them about your personal circumstances and they can point you at the reasons why your girlfriend is being distant… no guessing needed!

And they make it easy to get in touch, too. You can click here to get started, and you’ll be in touch with a skilled relationship advisor in minutes.

4) She’s hurting (but she doesn’t want you to know).

This is also another common reason why girls act distant.

Some use it to manipulate you to run after them. They make it too obvious so you will chase after them and beg for an explanation of why they’re acting differently. This is the basic “tantrum” that we are all too familiar with.

And then there are some people who just find it hard to express themselves, especially if it’s something negative such as anger and frustration.

Perhaps your girlfriend doesn’t like drama so instead of confronting you about it at that moment, she just bottles it all in hoping it would just dissipate.

And so unless she’s a good actor, of course she finds it difficult to be affectionate with you when deep inside she’s upset or deeply hurt.

Unlike falling out of love, this happens very fast and therefore the shift in mood is too obvious.

The good news is that this is one of the easiest things to fix.

This is highly likely if:

  • She’s the non-confrontational type
  • She’s the confrontational type but you once dismissed her as “dramatic”
  • She thinks she’s too sensitive
  • You both have poor conflict-resolution skills

5) She’s guilty (and she doesn’t want to get caught).

Perhaps she’s guilty because she’s cheating on you, but there are other less sinister reasons when a girl acts distant.

It can be as simple as her getting guilty for ruining your laundry. She’s scared you’d get furious so she pulls away.

I’m sure you can relate to this. Guilt can make us want to be left alone, especially by someone we feel guilty towards.

There are 1000 things running through a guilty person’s head. Your poor girlfriend might be having a hard time dealing with her guilt and trying to act normal in front of you.

What are the things that you think she could have done that you’d be furious about? Maybe she did just that.

And unless you make her feel that it’s safe to tell the truth—that you’d listen to her with compassion—she will continue to distance herself.

This is highly likely if:

  • She avoids eye contact
  • She gets awkward and uncomfortable with you
  • She’s bad at lying
  • She’s scared of disappointing people—especially you

 6) She’s going through a crisis.

Just because she’s your girlfriend, doesn’t mean you know everything about her.

It’s possible that the reason she’s acting distant is that she’s having some kind of crisis—emotional, financial, spiritual, you name it.

Perhaps she’s having issues with her work or parents or friends. Or perhaps everything is just okay but she feels empty, or lost, or sad. Maybe she’s going through a quarter life crisis or a midlife crisis.

It’s not about you or your relationship. It’s purely her…and that’s probably why she’s trying to deal with her issues on her own.

She loves you too much to bother you, but well…in the end, you’re still bothered because you can feel her distancing away from you.

This is highly likely if:

  • She mentioned feeling lost, anxious, or depressed
  • You know she has problems
  • She has a lot on her plate
  • She’s unhappy about something in her life

7) She’s just busy.

Before you accuse her of cheating or falling out of love with you, step back to see how her life is going.

Is she staying up late to finish her projects?

Does her parents give her a lot to do?

Is she drowning in paperwork?

If yes, then it’s obviously the reason why she’s acting distant!

You might find yourself thinking “wait, hold up, she doesn’t look THAT busy!” but hold that thought.

You have to see what kind of person she is. Is she the kind who gets flustered real quick? Is she easily overwhelmed?

What’s easy for one person is not automatically easy for another.

And if you say “Well, she’s just at home all day”, it’s not that easy. Doing chores takes up a lot of time. And who’s to say she’s not preoccupied with things to do while she’s just at home?

This is highly likely if:

  • She’s the type who withdraws when stressed
  • She’s the type who doesn’t want to bother people
  • You’re a worrywart (so she doesn’t want to bother you)
  • She doesn’t know how to handle stress well

8) She’s bored with the relationship.

The idea of it might be hard to bear. But it’s very possible that the reason why she’s being distant is because she’s simply no longer enjoying the relationship.

Perhaps the two of you have settled into a very samey, bland routine. And while some people find comfort in routine, others NEED excitement.

Or perhaps you barely have time to give her much attention because of your hectic day-to-day schedule, so she got bored of waiting.

And when a girl is simply bored of a relationship, she’ll detach somewhat and do her own thing.

She’s probably tried suggesting things that could add spice to your relationship before but you didn’t make her feel heard. So she simply backs off and acts “distant” to do her own stuff and create her own little world.

Don’t blame her for it. It could be healthy for your relationship!

You just have to be okay with her getting a bit distant.

This is highly likely if:

  • You’re in a long-term relationship
  • She easily gets bored in general
  • You haven’t done anything new for a while
  • She’s tried suggesting things you do but you never got to do them
  • You’ve been very preoccupied for a while now

9) She’s scared of you.

You’re no Jack Torrance—you don’t physically hurt your girlfriend (let’s hope not)— but you don’t have to physically hurt her to be terrified of you.

Perhaps you have the volcanic temper, or perhaps you know how to make your words cut like a knife.

She might love you and forgive you, but she will nonetheless be terrified of you.

It’s hard for us to continue being sweet and affectionate when we’re walking on eggshells, when we’re too careful of the words we say lest the other person would throw a fit.

In fact, fear is the one thing that can push us into building walls around us, just to keep ourselves safe. It’s one of the things that can completely and irreversibly destroy love.

So ask yourself…have you been angry lately? Have you said anything hurtful to her? Did you ever dismiss her with “you’re too sensitive!” or something similar?

Then she’s probably guarding herself from you.

This is highly likely if:

  • You’ve shouted at her in the past
  • You have anger management issues
  • She’s a sensitive and empathetic person
  • She once told you she’s scared of you

10) She’s just being herself.

Perhaps your girlfriend isn’t “acting distant” at all, and is simply being herself.

I don’t mean to say that she’s naturally neglectful or distant, but that she might be someone who needs to space out her social interactions.

Sure, she might be affectionate and chatty at first thanks to New Relationship Energy, but that doesn’t mean she can necessarily maintain that pace. When things calm down, that’s when two lovers start to reveal their true selves.

If you’re not too familiar with how people like her operate, you might be alarmed when you start seeing her start to “pull back.” You might wonder if she’s beginning to fall out of love with you.

But the reason why she’s like this is the exact opposite. She feels comfortable enough with you that she doesn’t feel the need to squeeze herself dry trying to be “social.”

So calm down. It’s possible that it’s just who she is. And all she wants is that you accept this “boring” and “distant” version of herself.

This is highly likely if:

  • You know her to be a bit introverted
  • Your honeymoon phase is over
  • She’s been complaining about her lack of me-time
  • She doesn’t want to see other people either

What you can do about it:

Step 1: Let her be!

Giving her a little bit of time and space is very important.

This might seem a bit odd, given that she’s already being distant. Doesn’t she have plenty of time and space already?

Perhaps… but you’re still there poking her every so often. It’s like having someone wake you up every 2 hours. You might still have a full 9 hours of sleep… but you’re not going to be rested. You won’t fully recover.

If she’s going through a crisis, or is afraid of you, or is simply busy, the best thing you can do for her is to simply let her be. Sometimes the problem will simply resolve itself…it will make you less stressed, too.

So calm down, do some self-care, and just wait it out.

Step 2: If it persists, have an honest talk.

But if it feels like her being distant has gone on for far too long than it should, then you should take the time to sit down and have an honest, candid talk over it.

Communication is a very important thing in relationships, after all. And while she might have her own reasons, it’s also important to consider how you’re feeling because of it.

So talk to her about how this makes you feel and see if you can find a compromise.

Ask her questions like:

  • Is there something that’s bothering you?
  • How can I help?
  • Can you give the real, honest reason why you’re pulling away?
  • Do you need more space?

Tell her your side, too. Tell her:

  • I feel unloved when you’re distant.
  • I miss doing things with you.
  • I miss cuddling and doing stupid things with you.

Of course, try to be as affectionate and understanding as you can. Make sure you don’t attack her no matter how neglected you feel. Talk as if you’re talking to someone you truly love, because you DO love her, right?

Step 3: If nothing changes, get guidance from a relationship coach.

You should try to work things out between the two of you first, but if it really just doesn’t seem to work then you might as well get a little bit of outside assistance.

Again, I recommend checking out Relationship Hero for an experienced, professional relationship coach.

Having had experiences with them, I can assure you that they’re legitimate, and the insight they have to offer can save your relationship.

Don’t expect basic advice from them. Those guys are trained professionals so you really get sensible and actionable relationship advice. It’s a good investment if you truly care about your relationship.

Step 4: Have a different mindset.

Never underestimate how important it is to constantly recheck and adjust the expectations you have regarding love and intimacy.

Every single person is unique, not just in how they understand relationships but also in how they express it.

Some people might even need a lot of space between them and their partner for them to function as a couple, for example, while others need to be joined at the hip.

And think about it—there’s nothing more romantic than to accommodate your mindset to account for your partner’s quirks.

Rilke once said “ I hold this to be the highest task of a bond between two people: that each should stand guard over the solitude of the other.”

Maybe that’s how love should be, and not just hugs and butterfly kisses.

Step 5: Wait it out.

Change simply doesn’t happen overnight. Sometimes they happen over the week. Most of the time they take months, if not years.

If you have anger issues, for example, it might take you years to keep your temper under control… and it’s going to take more time after that for her to feel safe around you.

That’s why you should give yourselves time.

Keep on holding fast to the compromises you’ve negotiated, the advice your relationship coach gave you, and give them time to take effect.

Step 6: Adjust and accept.

In the end, you must not lose sight that you’re trying to make your relationship work to make both of you happy… not mold each other into completely different people.

If she’s just a naturally distant or loner kind of girl, then you should not try to make her into a clingy, doting partner.

If she’s just naturally afraid because she knows you have anger issues (even if you had mostly gotten them under control since) then you simply can’t make her un-afraid. You can keep improving yourself though, and just be patient.

You’ll have to adjust and accept things as they are, if you want to keep going with your relationship.

Last words

There are many different reasons why your girlfriend is acting distant. So as tempting as it might be to assume the worst, try to hold your horses! You haven’t lost her yet.

The fact that you’re still together means that you can still work things out—whatever her reasons may be.

You just need to have patience, understanding, and healthy communication…and of course, things will be easier when a relationship coach is guiding you.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers).

Pearl Nash

Pearl Nash has years of experience writing relationship articles for single females looking for love. After being single for years with no hope of meeting Mr. Right, she finally managed to get married to the love of her life. Now that she’s settled down and happier than she’s ever been in her life, she's passionate about sharing all the wisdom she's learned over the journey. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope.

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