You’ve met a great girl, you get on so well, and you’re totally into her.
There’s only one catch that is currently standing in the way of you getting your happily ever after…
She says she needs time after a break up.
But what does that actually mean? Is she genuinely into you or is it an excuse? Should you give her some space?
If you’re feeling confused, you’re in the right place. This article will explain what it means when a girl says she needs time after breaking up with her ex.
How long does it take for a woman to move on after a breakup?
First things first. You might be wondering whether it’s normal for a girl to say she’s just not ready yet after a breakup.
How long does it take to be ready?
There isn’t a magic figure for how long it takes to get over an ex.
It’s a very personal thing and depends heavily on not only the individual but also the relationship.
Variables like how long she was in that relationship and how serious it was for her will make a big difference.
Some experts suggest it takes around 6 weeks until we leave the total heartbreak stage and can start to adjust to life without them. But that doesn’t mean we’re ready to start another relationship any time soon.
As Paulette Kouffman Sherman, Psy.D., psychologist told Glamour:
“Most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship. If you dated someone for a year or more, you may need three to four months. On the other hand, you might need less time if your relationship was very short.”
So if she ended a relationship in the last few weeks or months, it’s perfectly normal that she may not feel ready yet to enter into something new with you.
What it means when a girl says she needs time after breaking up with her ex
1) She hasn’t yet dealt with her feelings for her ex
The end of a relationship brings up a whole rollercoaster of emotions.
We can feel deep sadness, anger, frustration, hopelessness and fear. Ultimately a breakup is a loss and so it comes with a grieving process.
You can’t rush that. It’s important for her to allow herself to grieve and deal with all those feelings.
If she doesn’t she would likely just bring them to her next relationship, and that won’t serve anyone.
That’s why it’s common for girls to need time after a breakup. Particularly if they haven’t fully processed their feelings about their ex yet.
2) She wants to focus on herself
I mentioned earlier the adjustment period after a breakup. It is often during this time that we do some much-needed personal reflection.
We learn lessons, we contemplate what has happened and we put effort into building up ourselves and our lives again.
She may need some time as she is still in the process of rediscovering herself again.
A breakup shakes up your life and she needs some time to reestablish it again, before introducing another guy into the picture.
3) She is being considerate and respectful towards you
It’s bound to be incredibly disappointing if you like someone and are ready to take things to the next level, but they are not.
Part of you may think that if she liked you enough it wouldn’t matter that she’s recently gone through a breakup.
But letting you know where she stands can actually be seen as a good sign too.
It’s easy to string someone along, it’s much harder to be honest and upfront.
The fact she has let you know where she is currently at shows she is being communicative and respectful through her honesty.
4) She’s not yet ready for another relationship right now
On the most simple level, saying she needs time is letting you know that she isn’t fully ready for another committed relationship.
That doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to drop all contact. She could be happy to still see you, date more casually, or see how things go.
She may be hesitant to put any labels on things at the moment.
Not wanting a relationship right now certainly doesn’t mean she won’t further down the line. However, she is simply not ready to jump into anything else quite yet.
5) Get expert advice on your situation
While this article explores what it means when a girl says she needs time after breaking up with her ex, it can be helpful to speak to a relationship coach about your situation.
Love is complicated, and every situation is different.
With a professional relationship coach, you can get advice specific to your life and your experiences…
Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations like this.
In fact, they’re a very popular resource for people facing this sort of challenge.
How do I know?
Well, I reached out to them a few months ago when I was going through a tough patch in my own relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
6) She is asking for your patience and understanding
Telling a guy you still need some time to get over your last breakup is essentially a plea for his understanding.
She is explaining what is going on in her life right now. She is trying to get you to understand how she feels.
She is clearly looking for you to be patient and sympathetic to the situation she is in.
If this girl is important to you, try to show empathy. Let her know that you’re willing to wait until she’s ready to move forward again.
7) She wants to take things slow
If things have been moving pretty quickly, this may be your cue to slow down a bit.
When we first meet someone we like, we can get a bit carried away. Maybe it all feels like it’s moving too fast and she might just have had a little bit of a freak-out.
It’s okay if she does want to take things slowly. It’s perfectly normal. And it doesn’t mean it is a reflection of a lack of feelings she has for you.
After my last relationship ended I spent 8 months dating a guy before I was ready to call him my boyfriend. I just didn’t want to rush straight into another serious connection. Luckily he was really understanding.
She may feel the same. Perhaps she wants to be friends for a while, take the pressure off and not move too quickly.
You don’t have to rush things. In fact, it can be really helpful to build a slow and steady bond.
8) She’s taking emotional responsibility for herself
Telling you that she needs time after a breakup actually shows a lot of self-awareness, which is a good thing.
She isn’t diving straight into something else. She isn’t trying to put a bandaid over her feelings by hiding in another relationship. She isn’t expecting you to come along and make everything better for her.
She is taking responsibility for her own feelings. I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, this is something most of us don’t do.
He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective. So much so that I think this is a message we all need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
9) She’s not sure how she feels about you yet
She could tell you that she needs time after a breakup if she’s not yet sure about her feelings for you.
It’s not that she is saying this as an excuse. But she still may be unsure of what she wants from you.
It’s to be expected when her head is still all over the place.
She needs some time and space to work out exactly how she feels and what she wants right now.
To conclude: What to do when a girl says she needs time after a breakup?
The most important thing to do is to respect her wishes.
She has been straightforward with you and told you what is going on, so try to give her what she needs.
If you don’t fully understand what exactly she wants from you, be sure to ask. Get her to clarify anything you want her to know.
For example, does she want space? Does she still want to speak? Should you wait until she reaches out to you? Will you both see other people?
Ultimately, only you can decide whether she is worth waiting around for. But hopefully, this article has reassured you that needing time after a breakup is totally normal and healthy. It doesn’t have to spell the end of your connection.