Jess Carpenter
With people getting married later and later in their lives each year, it may seem like there are no reasons to get married young.
Sharing your income? No thanks.
Being tied down? Yuck.
But, just because most people are getting married later on in their lives doesn’t mean that’s always best. In fact, the divorce rate is higher than ever, so who’s right?
Those who get married old?
Or, those who get married young?
I’ll let you in on a secret: Every marriage is different. So is every person. There’s no “right” answer. But there are reasons to get married young—and no, those who do it aren’t crazy.
In this article, I’ll give you 10 reasons to get married young. But as a bonus, I’ll also throw in five reasons to stay single. In the end, you can decide what’s best for you.
Reasons to get married young
Are you currently in a relationship? Do you feel like you could commit to this person for the rest of your life?
Being young doesn’t mean you aren’t sure of yourself. Some people find the one they want to marry and are set on marrying them early in life. Here are ten reasons to get married young and the benefits of doing so:
You genuinely enjoy your time together
Is that person you’re with a ton of fun?
Do you look forward to seeing them and spending time with them? Maybe you’re high school sweethearts. Maybe you’re college sweethearts. Or maybe, you just met and fell in love. Whatever the reason life brought you together, you enjoy the person.
If you genuinely enjoy spending time with the person you’re currently with, imagine what it would be like to come home to that person. To spend each night together, laughing, watching Netflix, or burning dinner for the third night in a row.
When you love someone, you want to be with them all the time. Marrying that person young can make it a lot easier to be with them.
You’re hopeful for the future
Constantly fighting or yelling would be a sign that you shouldn’t marry the person. However, a fun and mutual relationship is one that brings hope.
If you’re hopeful for your future, if you can’t imagine life without them, then who says you can’t get married young? You should be excited to marry this person. It should feel happy and fun—definitely not scary or intimidating.
When you’re with the right person, you’re going to be hopeful for the future. Marrying young makes your future even more full of hope. You have so many years to spend with the person that you can be hopeful for every life stage.
They make you feel calm
A sense of calm and that feeling of “rightness” is exactly what you want with the person that you marry. Whether you’re 20 or 40, that doesn’t change.
When something bad happens at the end of the day, who is it you want to call? If it’s your partner that usually calms you down and makes you happy again, that’s your person. They just get you.
Whether you marry them now or in five years won’t change the outcome to your relationship. A sense of calm with someone is a very good sign.
(Mend The Marriage is a best-selling relationship guide by Brad Browning. Check out our Mend The Marriage review for an in-depth and no-nonsense overview of it).
You won’t have as much relationship baggage
One benefit of getting married young is that you don’t have as much relationship baggage. With my husband, we both had past relationships and lives. We didn’t meet until college, so it’s not like we spent our youngest years with each other.
However, we didn’t have time to both have five-year relationships with anyone but each other. Because of this, there wasn’t as much relationship baggage to carry into our own lives.
Sure, we had the usual baggage that everyone has—childhood drama and embarrassing stories. But, we didn’t have deep hurt or mistrust that often forms in long-term relationships with other people.
You’re not so set in your ways
If you tell a 20-year-old not to do something a certain way, they have a lot easier of a time compromising than someone who has been doing the same thing everyday for the last 40 years.
Because you get married young, you’re not so set in your ways. You get to learn and grow with each other, and it’s not as hard to compromise on the things you like or dislike.
You create amazing memories
I love that I get to tell my kids about the years that we were pinching pennies in college trying to get by. Or the time that I took a final exam in grad school three days after giving birth to our first little one.
We’ve also traveled the world together, graduated college together, and started businesses with each other. I have memories with him from the time I was 19 and we were young and in love.
The memories don’t stop, and you get to have lots of fun with the person you’re in love with. You get to do these things when you’re older as well, but there’s something about being young and (slightly) dumber that make the stories that much funnier.
Grow up together
You’re not going to be the same person you are 10 years from now. Neither will your spouse. When you get married young, you’re changing and evolving throughout pivotal years in your life.
You get to grow up together, whether that be good or bad. There’s a lot of maturing to be done in those early twenties, and it’ll happen whether you’re in a relationship or single.
Combining households is easy
One of the best reasons to get married young is that combining households is easy. The most furniture you have is some old futon from Ikea, and that can be moved in under an hour.
Getting married before you really start your lives means that combining households is as easy and natural as ever. You’ll never know anything different, and you get to choose all of your own belongings without having to throw things away.
Granted, you’ll probably have to be picky on what you buy too. Money doesn’t grow on trees in those young years.
You learn hard lessons together
Getting married young means you learn those hard lessons sooner, but you also learn them together. Marriage requires compromise. It means staying up a little late while your partner complains about their work. It’s thinking of another person before agreeing to take something on.
Marriage isn’t sunshine and roses all of the time, and marrying young will show you that.
These lessons are hard to learn, but they are valuable lessons that have to be learned regardless.
A lot of people learn these lessons throughout multiple relationships. Getting married young means that you learn them all with the same person, which is both frustrating and comforting.
You’ve got all the time in the world
Want to wait 10 years to have kids? No worries. Decide you want no kids at all? Cool.
You’ve got all the time in the world. So, let’s say you get married young and it doesn’t work out…
Well, you’ve got plenty of time to get back out there and find someone new as well. The thing is, whether you get married or not, your relationship isn’t going to magically survive or end.
Marriage will not determine your relationship’s outcome. The relationship is going to run its course no matter what.
So, you get married today. So, you get married ten years from now. Either way, if you’re with the same person, it really doesn’t matter.
If you think you’re with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you feel good about it, and you want to spend more time with them, marriage isn’t the worst thing you could do. And actually, it can be really awesome.
But, let’s say you’re with someone that you’re not so sure about. When should you stay single instead?
Reasons to stay single
If you’re having second thoughts about the person you’re with, it’s not the time to consider marriage. That doesn’t mean you won’t ever marry that person. Maybe you will. But, marriage requires a lot of commitment, so if you’re not totally sure, it’s probably best to stay single.
Here are five reasons why you should stay single:
You’re not ready for another person
Does the thought of sharing your space with someone else scare you? Maybe you already have a hard time giving over a drawer for their stuff? Maybe you’re single and not in a relationship at all.
Being alone gives you a ton of time to figure out yourself. If you aren’t in a relationship and don’t see yourself getting into one anytime soon, that’s not big deal. But if so, marriage isn’t in the cards for you right now. There’s nothing wrong with getting married older.
You enjoy time by yourself
Sometimes, people think that being single is bad. Like it’s some selfish thing to do. Thankfully, that couldn’t be further from the truth! Do you enjoy time by yourself? Do you want to come home to your own place at the end of the day without someone else there?
Cool. There’s literally nothing wrong with that.
If the thought of someone being there at the end of your day sounds frantic or overwhelming, you’re not ready for marriage. And that’s not a bad thing.
You’re not ready to combine finances
You can be married without combining finances. However, you still have to share finances. Rent, groceries, insurance, and more will all increase in cost when you add an additional person.
Finances are a huge reason for divorce, and not being financially stable while your young can be exhausting. Maybe you’re already eating ramen for dinner. The last thing you want to do is share your ramen, right?
Combining finances may not be necessary for marriage, but it is something that is often talked about. You’ll need to figure out finances with your partner, and if that’s a conversation that’s already giving you heartburn, save marriage for another day.
You learn and grow in yourself
How about some benefits to staying single? Staying single in your young adulthood can be one of the best things you can do for you. When you’re single, you don’t have someone always around. Because of that, you learn a lot about yourself.
You find out what you like, what you don’t like, what your hopes and dreams are, and what your career path may be without the opinion of someone else.
Being alone is a confidence builder, and when you develop a healthy self-esteem, you end up in healthier, happier relationships. So really, your future partner is benefiting from you staying alone.
You know what you want
Staying single and dating around is great because you find out what it is you want in a partner. Maybe you hate when people gossip. Maybe you need someone who is really frugal.
Your dating life can be the best way to figure out what it is you want in a future partner. And when that person does come into your life, you can be quick to hang onto them.
You mature in your single adulthood, and your relationships can even be healthier. Some stats say that those who get married young have higher rates of divorce. So, you could be doing yourself a favor.
Why do you want to get married?
The real question is, why do you want to get married? Is it because you can’t imagine spending another day without the person by your side?
More millennials are now cohabitating with each other than living with a married spouse, so most of the time, it’s not a commitment problem. Those who aren’t getting married say that they’re waiting to feel financially secure.
If you think that getting married is going to change your relationship and make it better, that’s probably not going to happen.
If you hope that convincing your partner to marry you means they can’t leave you, that’s definitely one of the worst reasons to get married.
The truth is, there are lots of good reasons to get married young, and there’s probably just as many bad ones too.
You and your partner are the only ones that matter. Between the two of you, you’ll have to decide whether marrying young is worth it.
I got married at 19, and I’ve loved it. No, I wasn’t pregnant. We got married because we loved each other and wanted to start a life together. It didn’t matter that we were poor or still in school. All that mattered was that we were committed to each other.
Here’s the thing: Relationships and people are messy. You may get married young and be married for 75 years. You may get married young and get divorced a year later.
Every couple is different. No one can tell you whether you should or shouldn’t get married. But, going over the reasons to get married above can help you decide if you’re ready to make that leap. I could give you a thousand reasons to get married, but the only one that matters is love.
Do you truly love the person? If so, then you already have your answer.
