10 warning signs you’re losing yourself in your relationship, according to psychology

Being deeply invested in a relationship can be wonderful, but it’s important not to lose sight of who you are in the process.

Sometimes, in the effort to keep the relationship thriving, people unknowingly compromise their individuality, values, and personal goals.

Psychology reveals certain warning signs that signal you might be losing yourself in a relationship.

Recognizing these signs is crucial for maintaining a healthy balance between love and self-identity.

In this article, we’ll be watching out for ten red flags that point out how you’re losing yourself in your relationship—how many resonate with your current or past experiences?

1) You’re always second-guessing yourself

Ever found yourself continually questioning your actions and decisions in your relationship?

It’s normal to have a degree of self-doubt.

However, when it becomes a regular occurrence and is mostly linked to your relationship, then it’s time to take a step back.

It’s like Carl Rogers, the famous psychologist once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”

If you’re always second-guessing yourself because of your partner’s opinions or actions, it can mean that you’re slowly eroding the acceptance and love you have for yourself.

You start to change not because you want to, but because you feel like you have to.

Remember, being in a relationship should not cause you to lose your sense of self.

2) Your happiness depends on your partner

I’ll never forget the time when I realized that my happiness was entirely dependent on my partner.

I found that if they were in a bad mood, so was I; if they were happy, so was I.

My emotional state seemed to be tied to theirs.

But isn’t that what love is all about—feeling what your partner feels? Not exactly.

I realized I had lost my sense of individuality, my own emotional independence.

My happiness should not be completely reliant on someone else’s mood or actions.

It’s crucial to maintain a separate sense of self, even in a relationship.

3) You’ve stopped doing things you love

I used to love painting—the feel of the brush on canvas, the vibrant colors blending together.

It was my sanctuary—my escape, even—but then, I stopped.

Why? Because my partner wasn’t into it and, somehow, it didn’t seem as important anymore.

Sounds familiar?

Going back, I was dreaming through them, not living for myself, and I had stopped doing what I loved to fit into their world.

If you find that you’ve given up your passions or hobbies just because your partner isn’t interested or doesn’t approve, it might be a warning sign that you’re losing yourself in your relationship.

Keep in mind that it’s essential to keep doing what you love and maintain your interests to stay true to yourself.

4) You’re constantly trying to meet their expectations

I remember a time when I found myself bending over backwards to meet my partner’s expectations.

From changing my style to fit their preferences to toiling in the kitchen to cook their favorite meals, even when I was exhausted from work.

Albert Ellis, a well-known American psychologist, once said, “The art of love is largely the art of persistence.”

True as it may be, persisting in a way that compromises your self-worth and identity is not love.

Love should be about compromise, not total surrender.

Always maintain your individuality and stand up for your own needs and desires.

5) You’re afraid to voice your opinion

The legendary psychologist Sigmund Freud once said, “Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”

But what happens when you’re too afraid to even be honest with yourself because you fear the reaction of your partner?

If you find yourself holding back your thoughts and opinions to avoid conflict or disagreement, it may be a sign that you’re losing yourself in your relationship.

A healthy relationship should allow for open and honest communication without fear of backlash or judgement.

Your voice matters and your opinions are valid.

6) You’re neglecting your own needs

There’s something seriously wrong when you start neglecting your own needs.

Whether it’s skipping meals to run errands for your partner or sacrificing sleep to spend time with them, these are all signs of losing yourself.

When we constantly prioritize our partner’s needs over ours, we’re choosing stress over self-care.

Taking care of yourself is not selfish; it’s necessary for a healthy and balanced relationship.

7) You’ve become overly dependent on your partner

I’ll admit it: There was a point in my life when I became overly dependent on my partner.

From making minor decisions like what to wear to major ones like which job offer to accept, I found myself constantly seeking their approval.

Now, looking back, I realized that this is something I shouldn’t have done.

If you find yourself unable to make decisions without your partner’s input or if their absence makes you feel helpless, it could be a warning sign that you’re losing your independence in the relationship.

It’s healthy to lean on each other, but it’s equally important to maintain your autonomy.

8) You’re constantly worried about their approval

Adding to my experience, I used to live in constant worry about whether my partner approved of me—my actions, my words, my life.

It was as if their approval was a lifeline that I desperately clung onto.

Psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “The story of the human race is the story of men and women selling themselves short.”

When we constantly seek approval from our partner, we’re selling ourselves short.

Your worth is not determined by someone else’s approval—you are enough as you are.

9) You feel lost when your partner is not around

Renowned psychologist Erich Fromm once said, “Man’s main task in life is to give birth to himself, to become what he potentially is.”

If you feel lost without your partner, it could be a sign that you have stopped growing as an individual.

Do keep in mind that a healthy relationship involves two independent individuals coming together, not two halves becoming one.

It’s crucial to maintain your own sense of direction and purpose in life.

10) You’re losing touch with your friends and family

I’ll never forget the day I realized I had not seen my best friend in months.

My family gatherings? Missed them too.

All of this happened because I was too caught up in my relationship.

While it’s great to spend time with your partner, it’s equally important to maintain connections with your friends and family.

Your partner is a significant part of your life, but they’re not the only part.

Isabella Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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