Minh Tran
We all want to be happy. But sometimes, the harder we try, the more it seems to slip through our fingers.
The mistake? We chase happiness like it’s something to achieve, rather than something to experience.
We tell ourselves, “I’ll be happy when…”—when we get the promotion, find the right partner, or finally have everything figured out. But the truth is, happiness isn’t a finish line you cross. It’s something that happens in the present moment.
And the more we tie it to future goals or external things, the more we push it further away without even realizing it.
So how do we break free from this cycle? Let’s take a closer look at what’s really holding us back—and what we can do differently.
1) Waiting for everything to be perfect
Most people think happiness comes after they’ve fixed everything in their life.
They tell themselves, “I’ll be happy when I have more money,” “when I find the right relationship,” or “when I finally feel confident in myself.”
But here’s the problem—there will always be something else to fix. Life is never perfect, and waiting for all the pieces to fall into place only delays your happiness indefinitely.
Happiness isn’t something you earn after reaching some imaginary finish line. It’s something you create in the middle of all the mess, uncertainty, and imperfection.
So instead of waiting for life to be perfect, start finding joy in where you are now.
2) Tying happiness to a future goal
For years, I believed that once I hit a certain milestone, I’d finally be happy.
For me, it was landing my dream job. I thought that once I got there, everything would fall into place—I’d feel successful, fulfilled, and at peace with myself.
And for a little while, I did. But then the excitement faded, and I found myself setting a new goal. Maybe once I get promoted, then I’ll really be happy.
It was like chasing the horizon—the closer I got, the further it moved away.
That’s when I realized my mistake: happiness isn’t something you find after reaching a goal. If you don’t know how to be happy now, no achievement will magically change that.
Instead of tying happiness to some future moment, I started focusing on the present—on small joys, gratitude, and appreciating where I am right now. And that changed everything.
3) Searching for happiness in external things
A lot of people think happiness comes from the outside—from money, success, relationships, or material things.
After a certain point, external factors don’t have a lasting impact on happiness. In fact, people who win the lottery often return to their original level of happiness after just a short time.
That’s because happiness isn’t something you get from the world around you—it’s something you create from within.
Of course, financial security and meaningful relationships matter. But if your happiness depends entirely on things outside your control, it will always be fragile.
True happiness comes from learning to be at peace with yourself, no matter what’s happening around you.
4) Avoiding negative emotions
A lot of people think that being happy means feeling good all the time. So when difficult emotions like sadness, anger, or frustration come up, they try to push them away.
But ignoring negative emotions doesn’t make them disappear—it just buries them temporarily. And over time, suppressed feelings can build up, leading to even more stress and unhappiness.
The truth is, happiness isn’t about avoiding negativity—it’s about learning to accept all emotions, even the uncomfortable ones.
When you allow yourself to feel and process your emotions instead of running from them, you actually create more space for genuine happiness.
5) Expecting happiness to be effortless
For a long time, I thought happiness was supposed to come naturally. If I wasn’t feeling happy, then something must have been wrong with me or my life.
So I waited. I waited for happiness to just happen—for the right circumstances, the right mindset, or the right person to finally make everything click.
But happiness isn’t something that just appears out of nowhere. It takes effort. It takes choosing gratitude when it’s easier to complain, being present when the mind wants to wander, and finding meaning even in difficult moments.
Once I stopped expecting happiness to be effortless and started treating it like something to cultivate, everything changed.
6) Comparing your happiness to others
It’s easy to believe that everyone else has it all figured out. Social media is filled with people showing off their perfect vacations, relationships, and successes.
But what we don’t see are the struggles, insecurities, and ordinary moments behind the scenes.
When you compare your happiness to someone else’s highlight reel, you’ll always feel like you’re falling short. But happiness isn’t a competition—it’s personal. What brings joy to one person might not work for another.
Instead of measuring your happiness against others, focus on what truly makes you feel fulfilled.
7) Believing happiness is something you find
Happiness isn’t a destination. It’s not something you stumble upon one day or finally achieve after checking off enough boxes.
It’s something you create—through your mindset, your choices, and the way you show up for your own life every day.
If you keep searching for happiness like it’s out there somewhere, you’ll always feel like it’s just out of reach. But the moment you realize it’s something you build from within, everything changes.
Bottom line: happiness is in the here and now
For centuries, philosophers and spiritual traditions have emphasized the power of the present moment. Modern psychology backs this up—research shows that people who practice mindfulness and focus on the now tend to experience greater overall happiness.
Yet, so many of us fall into the trap of believing happiness is something we’ll reach someday—after we achieve more, fix everything, or become a better version of ourselves.
But happiness isn’t waiting for you in the future. It’s not hidden behind a promotion, a relationship, or a number in your bank account.
It’s here. In the small moments. In the way you breathe, connect, and appreciate what already exists in your life.
The question isn’t when you’ll be happy—the question is whether you’ll allow yourself to be happy now.
