Seeking validation — we’ve all done it at some point in our lives.
But what about those who constantly crave it?
It’s a pattern that’s not only emotionally draining but also reveals a lot about our self-esteem and self-worth.
As someone who has been down that road, I know how easy it is to fall into the trap of seeking constant validation.
It’s like being stuck in a cycle — not being able to make decisions without others’ approval, constantly doubting your own worth, and feeling invisible without the praise of others.
But, did you know there are certain habits that are common among us ‘validation-seekers’?
In this article, I’m going to reveal 9 such habits that people who constantly seek validation from others often exhibit.
1) You constantly seek approval
When it comes to seeking validation, this is perhaps the most common habit.
And yes, as someone who’s been there, I can tell you it’s a tough one to break.
People who constantly seek validation often find themselves in a never-ending cycle of approval-seeking behavior. Whether it’s about their work, their appearance, or even their opinions – they desire the approval of others.
But here’s the thing — it’s not just about wanting to hear praises or compliments. It often stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection or a longing for acceptance.
They might feel unsatisfied or incomplete without that external “stamp of approval”. This can lead to them shaping their actions and decisions based on what they think will earn them validation.
2) Your self-worth is tied to others’ perceptions
Here’s an interesting tidbit from psychology — it’s called the ‘Looking Glass Self’ theory.
Put simply, this theory suggests that our self-image is shaped by how we think we’re perceived by others.
If you’re constantly seeking validation, chances are, you’re living this theory.
You see, when your self-worth is tied to others’ perceptions, you tend to value their opinions more than your own. It’s as if you’re looking at yourself through their eyes, hence the term ‘Looking Glass Self’.
And guess what? This tendency can be incredibly draining.
You might find yourself constantly trying to meet or exceed others’ expectations, even if it means compromising your own needs or happiness. And that’s just not a sustainable way to live.
The good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way. Recognizing this pattern is the first step towards regaining control over your self-worth.
3) You’re uncomfortable with criticism
Now, here’s a twist. While it might seem counter-intuitive, folks who constantly seek validation often have a tough time dealing with criticism.
Remember how we talked about self-worth being tied to others’ perceptions? Well, when someone criticizes you, it can feel like an attack on your worth.
People who constantly seek validation often interpret criticism as a sign of personal failure or inadequacy. They might take it to heart, allowing it to shake their self-esteem and trigger feelings of self-doubt.
But here’s the catch – not all criticism is bad. Constructive feedback can be a powerful tool for growth and development. But for that to happen, one must first learn to separate their self-worth from others’ opinions.
4) You struggle with decision making
Ever found yourself unable to make a decision without seeking others’ opinions?
This could be a sign of validation-seeking behavior.
When you constantly seek validation, you might find it hard to trust your own judgment. You might feel the need to ask others for their opinions or approval before making decisions. This could be about anything – from what to wear to important life choices.
The problem is, this can lead to a sense of dependency. You might start believing that you can’t make good decisions on your own. And let’s be honest, that’s not a great place to be.
If this sounds familiar, don’t worry. Recognizing this is a step towards regaining your faith in your decision-making abilities.
5) You excessively apologize
Now, this is a habit that can be quite telling.
People who constantly seek validation often find themselves saying “I’m sorry” a lot. And I mean, a lot.
But here’s the kicker – they apologize for things they don’t need to apologize for.
Does this sound like you? Here are a few examples:
- Apologizing for being too emotional
- Apologizing for having an opinion different from others
- Apologizing for needing help
This excessive apologizing can be a reflection of underlying feelings of inadequacy or guilt. It’s as if you feel the need to apologize for being yourself.
6) You’re a people pleaser
Let’s talk about people-pleasing.
I think we’ve all been there at some point, right?
Doing things to make others happy, even if it comes at the cost of our own happiness.
The thing is, when you constantly seek validation, you might find yourself turning into a chronic people pleaser.
You might go out of your way to do things that you think will make others like or appreciate you more. But in the process, you might end up neglecting your own needs or desires.
I know how it feels. It’s as if your happiness is contingent on others’ approval. But remember, it’s okay to prioritize your needs too.
7) You’re overly sensitive to rejection
Imagine this: you ask a friend to hang out, but they decline because they’re busy. How would you react?
People who constantly seek validation might interpret this situation as a personal rejection. They might start questioning if their friend really likes them or if they did something wrong.
Does this sound familiar? Do you find yourself overanalyzing situations and assuming the worst when someone says ‘no’?
If so, it’s likely that you are overly sensitive to rejection. This sensitivity often stems from a fear of not being accepted or liked, which is common among people who constantly seek validation.
Remember, not every ‘no’ is a personal rejection. Sometimes, people are just busy or have other commitments.
8) You’re overly concerned about fitting in
I remember a time when I used to change my likes and dislikes just to fit in with a group. It was exhausting.
People who constantly seek validation often exhibit this habit. They’re overly concerned about fitting in, often to the point of losing their individuality.
They might try to conform to the group’s norms, even if it means suppressing their own thoughts, beliefs, or preferences.
This constant striving to fit in stems from a desire for acceptance and approval. But let me tell you from personal experience – it’s not worth losing yourself over.
9) You struggle with self-love
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, people who constantly seek validation often struggle with self-love.
They might find it hard to accept and appreciate themselves for who they are. They might constantly compare themselves to others and feel inadequate as a result.
As someone who’s been there, I can tell you that this lack of self-love often fuels the cycle of validation-seeking.
The bottom line is, you deserve to love yourself, regardless of what others think or say about you.
What can you do to break the validation-seeking cycle?
Recognizing the cycle of constantly seeking validation is the first step, but what comes next?
Here are a few strategies that can help:
- Practice self-love
- Develop emotional intelligence
- Set personal boundaries
- Seek professional help
Remember, breaking free from this cycle is a journey, not a destination. It takes time and patience. But every step you take towards self-reliance and self-love is a step in the right direction.
As you reflect on these habits, remember that it’s okay to seek validation sometimes. We all do. The key is not to let it control your life or define your self-worth.
You are more than the validation you seek from others. Always remember that.