My empathy felt authentic, until I was on the receiving end of my own advice.

Let me start by saying I’ve always considered myself an empathetic person. As an entrepreneur for over a decade and someone deeply into mindfulness, I’ve prided myself on giving heartfelt advice to friends, colleagues, and anyone who needed a listening ear. It felt genuine. It felt authentic. I believed my empathy was the real deal—until the tables turned and I found myself needing the same kind of support I’d always given.

Suddenly, I realized something: it’s one thing to dish out friendly words of encouragement and step-by-step solutions, and it’s another thing entirely to receive them when you’re at your lowest. In the quiet moments of reflection, I became aware of the gap between simply saying the right things and truly embracing the essence of empathy.

I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and Small Business Bonfire. Over the last 10+ years in business, I’ve tried to build not just a team but a community—one that supports each other through wins, losses, and everything in between. I’ve always believed in the power of mindfulness, self-awareness, and active compassion, both in my personal life and in my entrepreneurial pursuits.

But it wasn’t until I faced my own personal crisis—a difficult season where nothing seemed to go right—that I truly understood what empathy means. It’s not just carefully chosen words, it’s the kind of deep understanding that almost feels physical. It’s more than “I hear you,” it’s “I feel you—like really feel the weight of your struggles.”

When I was struggling, friends and colleagues started offering me the same encouragement and insights I’d given them in the past. Don’t get me wrong, it was well-intentioned. But something about receiving it, rather than giving it, made me see how easy it is for words to sound hollow, even when they’re offered with love.

Here are some key lessons I learned about genuine empathy versus just speaking in comforting tones:

1. Words alone can’t fix things

Empathy isn’t about throwing out neat quotes or generic “stay strong” clichés. I’ve done that more times than I’d like to admit—always with a caring intention, sure, but without fully appreciating the complexity of what the other person was going through.

When I was on the receiving end, I found that well-meaning phrases like “you’ll get through this” sometimes felt like a dismissal of my pain. Yes, I knew I’d get through it eventually, but at that moment, I wanted someone to acknowledge that it was hard, uncomfortable, and scary. I realized that empathy often means validating the other person’s feelings, not just reminding them of brighter days ahead.

2. Listening is a superpower

One of the biggest things that hit me was how powerful it feels when someone genuinely listens. Not just nodding or waiting for their turn to speak, but really hearing me out. Sometimes, no words are necessary. Silence, followed by a sincere “I’m here for you,” can be the most potent form of support.

We often underestimate the importance of listening. As an entrepreneur and problem-solver, I used to leap straight into solution mode. I’d hear someone’s issue, rummage through my mental toolkit of ideas, and start dishing out advice. But when I was in the hot seat, feeling vulnerable, what I wanted most was for someone to just…listen. Give me the space to air out my feelings, my anxieties, my frustrations, without trying to fix it right away.

3. Empathy involves stepping into another person’s shoes (and maybe walking a mile in them)

We’ve all heard the phrase: “Walk a mile in someone else’s shoes.” It’s a classic, but it carries a profound message. True empathy isn’t just about imagining what the other person is going through; it’s about really feeling it. That might mean sacrificing some of your time, energy, or comfort to help them find solace in their darkest moments.

It’s also about matching your response to what the person needs. When you’re telling someone “I know how you feel,” do you really? Maybe you can’t fully know, but you can try—by taking a moment to let their experience sink in, reflect on it without judgment, and ask them genuine questions like: “Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?” That kind of curiosity leads to deeper connections than simply tossing out sympathy lines.

4. Authentic empathy might not have all the answers

As an entrepreneur, I’m wired to solve problems. My days revolve around finding opportunities, troubleshooting issues, and making things run more smoothly. But real empathy doesn’t always come with an instruction manual of fixes. Sometimes, the answer is: “I don’t know what to say, but I’m here for you.”

Being on the receiving end of my usual pep talks taught me that it’s okay not to have a perfect solution. What’s more important is presence—sticking around for the tough conversations, checking in with the person over time, and allowing them to process their emotions without feeling rushed. In many ways, empathy is more of a journey than a quick fix.

5. Mindfulness makes empathy deeper

I’ve practiced mindfulness for years, often talking about its benefits on Hack Spirit and applying it within my entrepreneurial teams. Mindfulness is all about living in the present, being aware of your own thoughts and emotions, and learning not to get overwhelmed by them.

But guess what? Being mindful of our own feelings paves the way for deeper empathy towards others. When you understand the whirlwind of thoughts that can take over your mind, you also understand how challenging it can be for others when they’re caught in their own storms. You know firsthand what it feels like to struggle, so you’re more inclined to approach someone else’s struggles with patience and respect.

6. True empathy is a commitment

In a world that moves at lightning speed, empathy can feel like a time-consuming luxury. But what I’ve learned is that real empathy is a commitment to another human being’s emotional well-being. It’s not always convenient—it often requires going out of your way, checking in again and again, and letting the person know you’re not just here for a one-time pep talk.

This deeper level of empathy also involves humility. Sometimes we have to admit we don’t understand or that we can’t solve the person’s problems. But we can stand beside them. We can remind them that they’re not alone in whatever challenge they’re facing.

Conclusion

So, what’s the difference between genuine empathy and hollow sympathy? Ultimately, it’s about connection. Sympathy can sometimes be just words—something we say because we feel sorry for someone. Empathy, on the other hand, is an experience of shared humanity. It’s about being willing to step into someone else’s world and showing up for them in a meaningful way.

The next time you’re about to offer someone “helpful advice,” pause for a moment. Ask yourself: “Have I truly listened? Have I validated their feelings? Do I genuinely feel what they’re going through?” If the answer is no, maybe the kindest thing you can do is simply be there, open-armed and open-eared.

My own experiences have taught me that empathy is less about speaking and more about truly connecting. Whether you’re building a business, supporting a friend through a tough time, or just trying to be a kinder human being, genuine empathy is one of the most powerful gifts we can share.

And trust me—once you’ve been on the other side of it, you’ll see just how important it is to close the gap between our words and the real feeling behind them. When empathy comes from the heart, it’s more than just comfort; it’s transformative. And that’s something we all need a little more of.