Lachlan Brown
Small talk can feel awkward, forced, or even exhausting—especially if you’re not sure what to say.
I used to think I was just bad at small talk, but I realized I was making simple mistakes that were holding me back. The good news? Once I spotted them, it became much easier to have natural, engaging conversations.
Small talk isn’t about being the most interesting person in the room—it’s about making connections. And if you struggle with it, chances are you’re making one (or more) of these common conversation mistakes.
1) You only talk about yourself
One of the biggest mistakes people make in small talk is turning the conversation into a monologue about themselves.
It’s natural to want to share your experiences, but if you’re only talking about your own life, the other person might feel like they’re just there to listen. And that’s not a conversation—it’s a lecture.
Good small talk is a balance. Instead of just waiting for your turn to speak, ask open-ended questions and show genuine interest in the other person. People love to feel heard, and when you make space for them to share, the conversation flows much more easily.
2) You overthink what to say
I used to struggle with small talk because I was always in my own head, trying to come up with the “perfect” thing to say.
I’d worry about sounding boring or saying something awkward, and by the time I finally thought of a response, the moment had passed. The conversation would move on, and I’d be stuck feeling frustrated with myself.
But I realized that small talk isn’t about saying the most interesting or clever thing—it’s just about keeping the conversation going. Once I stopped overanalyzing and focused on simply responding in the moment, chatting with people became so much easier.
The key? Relax. Listen. Respond naturally. Most people aren’t judging your every word—they just want to connect.
3) You don’t match the other person’s energy
Conversations flow best when both people are on the same wavelength. If someone is excitedly telling a story and you respond with low energy, it can feel like you’re not interested. On the other hand, if someone is speaking in a calm, reserved manner and you come in with high intensity, it might feel overwhelming.
This is where social dynamics come into play. Studies show that people naturally mirror each other’s tone, body language, and energy levels during conversations—it’s a subconscious way of building rapport.
If small talk feels awkward for you, pay attention to the other person’s energy and try to match it. It doesn’t mean you have to change who you are, just that adjusting your tone and enthusiasm slightly can make conversations feel more natural.
4) You ask dead-end questions
Nothing kills a conversation faster than a question that leads to a one-word answer.
If you ask someone, “How was your weekend?” and they say, “Good,” where do you go from there? Small talk thrives on open-ended questions—the kind that invite people to share more about themselves.
Instead of “Did you have a good weekend?” try “What was the highlight of your weekend?” Instead of “Do you like your job?” try “What’s your favorite part of what you do?”
The more room you give someone to expand on their answer, the easier it is to keep the conversation going.
5) You’re too focused on saying the right thing
So many people struggle with small talk because they put too much pressure on themselves to be interesting, funny, or impressive.
But the truth is, people don’t remember every word you say—they remember how you made them feel. A warm smile, genuine curiosity, and a little kindness go much further than the “perfect” words ever could.
Conversations aren’t a performance. You don’t need to have the best story or the wittiest remark. Just focus on being present, listening, and making the other person feel valued. That’s what truly makes a conversation meaningful.
6) You panic when there’s silence
I used to think silence in a conversation meant I was failing. Whenever there was a pause, I’d scramble to fill it, usually blurting out something random just to keep things moving.
But the more I paid attention, the more I realized that small pauses are completely normal. In fact, they can actually make a conversation feel more natural. People need a second to gather their thoughts, and not every moment has to be filled with words.
Instead of rushing to fill the silence, I started embracing it. If a pause happens, I take a breath, smile, and let the conversation find its rhythm again.
7) You don’t share anything about yourself
Asking questions is a great way to keep a conversation going, but if all you do is ask, it can start to feel like an interview.
People connect through shared experiences, so if someone tells you about their weekend plans or a hobby they love, don’t be afraid to chime in with your own thoughts. Even a simple, “Oh, I’ve always wanted to try that!” or “That reminds me of something similar I did last year” can make the conversation feel more balanced.
Small talk isn’t just about listening—it’s about exchanging. When you open up even a little, you make it easier for the other person to do the same.
8) You forget that people just want to connect
At the end of the day, small talk isn’t about being the most interesting person in the room—it’s about making a connection.
Most people aren’t analyzing your every word or judging you for not being the world’s best conversationalist. They just want to feel heard, understood, and comfortable.
When you stop worrying about saying the perfect thing and focus on simply being present, conversations become easier. Small talk isn’t about impressing people—it’s about showing up, being yourself, and letting real connections happen.
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