Positivity often feels like this impossible ceiling that we are always expected to reach, even though we only feel tall enough to do it half the time.
Society idolizes positivity and demonizes anything else, to the point that when we’re not feeling absolutely positive, it’s almost as if we’re committing a crime.
It turns into a loop. You feel down one day, and the next day you feel down for having felt down, and again and again the pit deepens, day by day, until you simply do not have the energy to climb back out.
The only things you can feel are the feelings closest to you—lost and alone, you have no idea what to do.
A day turns into a week, a week into a month, and month into years. You want help, but you do not know how.
We understand your pain, because at one point or another, we’ve all been there. And maybe some of us haven’t experienced downs as bad as yours—but perhaps these 10 tips can help.
1) You Aren’t the Problem
You see the world around you as this giant ball of energy, and everyone in your life has this giant ball of energy inside of this. Why? How? What makes you different, and why don’t you feel the way they do?
But you can’t blame yourself. It’s not you, and it’s not them. Life is just sucky sometimes, and that’s all there is to it. You aren’t the problem, and you shouldn’t convince yourself that you are.
2) Make the Most of Being Alone
We often forget to value the act of being alone, simply because we take up so much energy being sad about it. But once you get over that sadness, you will realize that being alone isn’t so bad.
Alone is actually the most peaceful state you can be in, and someday, you may cherish all the time you had to yourself. Use this quietness to find the peace within you, to find the “you” you truly are.
3) Endings and Beginnings Come Together
Life isn’t a constant river—it’s full of boxes and events, of doors and walls that open and close. We are saddest when a part of our life comes to an end—a relationship, a job, school—but we must remember that right after an ending there will always be a new beginning.
What that new beginning may bring, no one knows, but it’s there, and something new will happen.
4) Being You Is Okay
Sometimes the biggest thing holding us down is the fear that we are doing nothing with our lives. That we have reached our peak, and everything from here on out will be stagnant or stale. And yes, that may be true.
But you know what? Being you isn’t something to cry about and being where you are isn’t something to regret.
You may not be where you want to be in life, but you still have a life to live, choices to make, and things to do.
Make the most of what you have and find happiness in your own way.
5) We All Feel It
The biggest lie we tell ourselves when we feel sad and alone is that no one else has felt what we feel now.
We isolate ourselves because we are ashamed of the enormity of our self-loathing and guilt, but the truth you need to realize is this: we have all felt this way.
Reach out and open up—your complex and tough feelings aren’t as complex as you think they are. Get the help that you need, because everyone will understand.
6) It’s Okay To Feel
When we feel sad and confused, some of us have a tendency to shut those feelings away.
We convince ourselves that emotions are the enemy, and the best way to stop feeling sad and alone is to stop feeling completely.
But that’s emotionally unhealthy and mentally draining. Express, feel, and embrace the pain within you; only then will you ever be able to get over it.
7) Just Accept
Feel, heal, and accept. Accept the tears, the emptiness, the void inside of you. Accept that life isn’t the garden of roses you were taught it would be as a child.
Accept that pain is a part of existence, and to exist is to feel; feel love, joy, happiness, and sadness, grief, pain.
When you begin to accept, the feelings will stop being so scary. The monsters in the dark will melt away, because they know they can no longer scare you. You reclaim your mind and start living the way you want.
8) Meltdowns Are Okay
In worst-case scenarios, we experience emotional breakdowns and meltdowns. We become temporary tornadoes of sadness, and everything that stands in our way gets crushed by our grief.
After these brief moments of insanity, we then become ashamed of what we have done, and fall further away into our pit to isolate ourselves from those who could help.
But don’t. Don’t cut yourself off this way, because meltdowns area okay. It’s only in these extreme moments of irrationality can we experience extreme moments of clarity.
The greatest rainbow only appears after the greatest storm.
9) Others Hide Their Pain From You
Social media can be your emotional death if you think about it too much. You see friends and colleagues posting pictures and clips of their happy lives—vacations, big houses, great careers, successful relationships.
And what do you have? A box of cup noodles and an ex who doesn’t return your calls?
It’s easy to compare yourself to your peers online, but the truth is that you shouldn’t.
Firstly, they aren’t dealing with the same circumstances that you are, and secondly, they only post their highlights, not their lowlights.
They don’t share their own pain, problems, and insecurities, which they are bound to have. Why? Because we all do. It’s a part of life.
Tomorrow. Just think about that. As bad as today may be, tomorrow is something else. Every day is a new blank slate, carrying with it none of the weight of the day before.
Every day you get a new chance to restart, to rebuild, to renew who you are. And every day you are a step closer to doing that. Just wait for tomorrow, and make tomorrow the day this will all change.