We all like to believe we’re mature people going about our lives. And for the most part, we probably are!
But sometimes, some of the things we say might be coming across badly. They’re either outright immature or could simply be said in a more constructive, emotionally intelligent way.
Let’s take a look at common expressions that can give away a person’s lack of maturity, backed by psychology.
Up first:
1) “I’m bored”
There are many philosophical quotes out there slating people who utter the words, “I’m bored”. Some say boring people get bored. Or that only unimaginative, unproductive, and immature people get bored. Which isn’t entirely true.
When you feel bored with your life, it can be the start of you changing everything for the better. We can all get stuck in routines that make life feel more mundane than it needs to be. Feeling bored is the first step to recognizing this.
But even so, there’s a difference between feeling bored with your life and this feeling igniting a desire to do something – and simply complaining, “I’m bored”. The first shows emotional maturity, reflection, and motivation. The second shows, well, immaturity, really.
2) “If you don’t do this, I’ll…”
Scream? Cry? Tell your mom? There isn’t a more immature saying than this! In fact, it isn’t even a saying, it’s a threat – and an immature one, at that. Why? Everyone is different. The older you get, the more you realize that. The more you realize that you can’t control what people choose to say or do in their daily lives, either.
When people choose to threaten you by saying they’ll do something that hurts you if you don’t do what they want, they aren’t being mature or even compassionate.
If it’s a friend or partner who says this to you, they aren’t a good friend or partner. If it’s your boss or a coworker, tread carefully! They may be abusing their power or trying to coerce you, which should be a problem for HR…
3) “It wasn’t me!”
OK, sure, maybe it simply wasn’t the person who did the thing they’re being accused of. But even so, it isn’t the most mature of responses out there! If you’re genuinely being accused of something you didn’t do, the best response is to say calmly that you weren’t involved in it.
Unless, of course, you should take responsibility for whatever’s happened anyway. Like if you’re a team leader and your own boss asks what happened with a project, and you claim that it wasn’t you who led on it, that isn’t mature. Your job is to take responsibility and handle things with your own staff member.
But generally, people who say this were actually involved in whatever it was. They simply don’t want to take responsibility for it. This absolutely is a sign of immaturity…
4) “I can’t be bothered”
Context is important, always. If you’re simply chatting to your partner and tell them you can’t be bothered to go to the gym tonight so you’re going tomorrow instead, there’s nothing wrong with that!
But if you say this at work or when someone asks you to help them with something, that probably isn’t very mature. Unfortunately, in life, you have to do things you don’t always want to do. You definitely have to do things you feel unmotivated to do (like the dishes or vacuuming!).
When someone constantly complains that they can’t be bothered to do something or they don’t feel like it, they might not be simply unmotivated. They might be more immature than they even realize…
5) “I hurt you because I care about you”
I’m sorry, what? Nobody hurts people because they care about them! In love and relationships, you’re supposed to treat the people you love with compassion.
There are few times you’ll really have to be cruel to be kind to people you love. And even in these circumstances, you aren’t “hurting” them! You’re simply giving them the harsh truth or telling them honestly how you feel.
If someone claims that they hurt you (by cheating, flirting with others, saying mean things, or anything else) because they care about you or because they want to toughen you up, they don’t really understand love.
6) “It is what it is”
Dismissive, much? Of course, it all depends on context. You could say this to yourself to try to move past a bad or unavoidable situation and there’s nothing immature about it. But when you say it to someone else, it might not be so mature.
Instead, it might be seen as dismissive and a little rude. Like if a friend is upset about not getting a job and you say, “It is what it is”. Or if your partner is upset about something you’ve watched on TV. Instead of offering comfort, you brush it off as just another thing they have to get used to.
Context is everything in anything we say! But in some circumstances, this kind of expression can be downright emotionally immature.
7) “Suck it up”
Toughen up? Man up? Suck it up? These kinds of phrases aren’t very compassionate. As a matter of fact, they aren’t very mature, either! Everyone is allowed to be emotional when times are hard. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your emotions, either.
Bottling things up can send your body into flight or flight mode, experts say. This increases your heart rate, slows your digestive function, brings about feelings of anxiety and depression, and ultimately, causes stress. Whereas expressing your feelings does the opposite.
Maturity means understanding that it’s important for people to talk about how they feel and even dwell on their problems for a while. Granted, it isn’t healthy to live in this state, but there’s a mature and compassionate way of comforting people and pulling them out of a hole – and an immature one! These kinds of phrases are the latter.
8) “I don’t care what you think anyway”
When you absolutely do care what they think? Yeah, it isn’t very mature. Even when you really don’t care what they think, do you need to say it? Probably not.
I’m guessing there’s a reason why you want to say it. Perhaps they’ve insulted something you like unnecessarily. Perhaps you feel threatened by them. Whatever it is, it’s fine to be hurt or feel rejected by it.
But perhaps a more mature way of ending the conversation is to respectfully agree to disagree. Or simply going ahead and doing whatever it is you want to do, despite their opinion on it all.
9) “Leave me alone”
We’ve all probably said it at some point in our lives. We might’ve meant it, we might not have. But there’s no denying that there isn’t a more mature way of telling someone you need your space.
When your partner is arguing with you, screaming at them to, “Leave me alone!” is probably just going to add fuel to the fire.
Calmly telling them you need some time to think, process, cool off, etc. and excusing yourself isn’t easy, I’ll admit. But it’s definitely more mature.
10) “I don’t need your help anyway”
I think we all know the kind of way one has to say this phrase for it to be considered immature! It’s kind of like a, “Fine!”, “Do what you want!”, “I don’t need your help anyway!”, kind of deal.
In life, you face all kinds of rejection. You’ll face it in your career, with your friends, in your dating life, and even among the people you love and trust the most.
When someone lets you down or declines to do something you want them to do (like help you, go on a date with you, etc., etc.), it’s easy to get defensive. It’s easy to lash out and deal with the pain within you by telling them (lying to them?) that you didn’t need their help/support/company anyway.
But we all know that it probably isn’t the most emotionally mature thing to say… What’s better is to simply accept it, express your disappointment if you must, and then move on respectfully.
11) “Good for you”
It sounds nice, right? But it isn’t said nicely. It’s dripping with sarcasm! Someone tells you how they just hit a PB at the gym. Or they finally landed the promotion they’ve been working hard for. Or they’ve got engaged, pregnant, whatever it is.
Instead of showing genuine happiness or support for them and their goals, you get sarcastic and bitter. “Good for you”, you say, with a roll of your eyes.
Jealousy is a difficult emotion. It’s completely normal, experts say, but it’s still difficult. When you mature emotionally, you learn to deal with jealous feelings by self-soothing, journaling, or talking them through with someone you trust in a constructive way. Rather than lashing out at people who are feeling good…
Final thoughts
We said it earlier but we’ll say it again – context is everything! Just because someone says these phrases, it doesn’t mean they’re an immature person.
They might be saying it in a way that isn’t immature at all. Or they might just be temporarily behaving immaturely.
But it’s good to be aware of how others may interpret the things you say. Knowing these kinds of expressions are immature can help you understand whether you’re saying them in the right context, or the wrong one…