If you expect these 8 things in a relationship, you have unrealistically high standards

Love’s great, right? We all want that movie-type romance where everything’s perfect.

But real relationships? They’re more messy than magical sometimes.

Now, everyone has some expectations when it comes to love.

Wanting trust? Yep, that’s fair.

But there are some things that might be a bit…too much.

Are you dreaming of a love that’s more like a movie than real life?

Let’s dive into 8 signs you might be expecting a bit too much.

1. You Want Every Date to Be Perfect

Remember those movie scenes where every date is a dream? Candlelit dinners, spontaneous trips to Paris, or picnics under the stars?

If you’re constantly expecting every outing with your partner to be straight out of a romance film, you might be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Real dates sometimes mean ordering takeout because you both forgot to make reservations, or laughing together when the picnic gets rained out.

It’s not about the perfect setting; it’s about the perfect connection.

If you’re always hunting for that cinematic moment, you might be missing out on the genuine, fun, and imperfectly perfect moments that make real relationships truly special.

2. You’re Waiting for the “Love at First Sight” Feeling… Always

We’ve all heard those stories, right?

Grandma saw Grandpa from across the room, their eyes met, and she just knew.

It’s beautiful and heartwarming, but if you’re constantly chasing that instant, lightning-in-a-bottle connection every time you meet someone, you could be overlooking some amazing people.

My best friend, Sarah, always used to say she’d only date someone if she got “the feeling” right away.

But when she gave a chance to someone who didn’t immediately give her butterflies, they built an incredible bond over time.

Now, they’re the happiest couple I know. Sometimes, love is a slow burn, not a fireworks show.

If you always wait for the fireworks, you might miss out on a fire that keeps you warm for a lifetime.

3. You Expect Your Partner to Read Your Mind

As awesome as it sounds, we aren’t dating superheroes (and even they might not have the mind-reading power).

Expecting your partner to always know what you’re thinking or feeling without communicating is a recipe for misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

I remember when I’d get upset because someone didn’t pick up on my “obvious” hints.

But here’s the truth: what’s obvious to us might not be to someone else.

Relationships require honest communication, not telepathy.

If you’re waiting for someone who knows exactly what you want without saying a word, you might end up waiting forever.

Instead, find someone you can talk to, someone who listens, and then you both can understand each other without needing superpowers.

4. You Believe Fights and Disagreements Should Never Happen

Ever met those couples who claim, “Oh, we never fight!” and wondered if you’re doing something wrong?

The truth is, every relationship has disagreements.

Expecting constant harmony and seeing any argument as a sign of doom can make you jump ship at the first sign of rough waters.

My cousin once broke up with her boyfriend because they had an argument about where to vacation.

She thought fights meant they weren’t right for each other.

But later, she realized it was more about learning to navigate disagreements together.

Disagreements can actually be a way to understand and grow with your partner.

It’s not about never fighting; it’s about learning to fight fair, communicate, and find common ground.

If you’re looking for a relationship without a single hiccup, you might be searching for a fairy tale, not real love.

5. You Think Being Inseparable Equals True Love

Many believe that the ultimate sign of love is doing everything together – always being the “attached-at-the-hip” duo.

But counterintuitively, the healthiest relationships often thrive when both partners have independent lives outside of their bond.

I met a couple once who proudly declared they never spent a moment apart since they started dating.

To many, it sounded dreamy. But over time, they felt stifled, having given up their hobbies, friends, and personal space.

The irony? They rekindled their spark when they started taking separate yoga and painting classes.

It’s tempting to think that being inseparable is the ultimate love goal.

But often, giving each other room to breathe, grow, and maintain personal identities can make the time you do spend together even more special.

True love isn’t about losing yourself in someone else but growing together while still cherishing individuality.

6. You Expect Perfection… In Everything

From flawless morning appearances to impeccable personal habits, if you’re looking for a partner without a single flaw, you might be on a never-ending quest.

Nobody’s perfect, and that includes the person you fall in love with.

I once dated someone who was a terrific cook. Seriously, their pasta could make you weep with joy.

But, man, they were messy! At first, I fixated on the trail of flour, the sauce-splattered counters, and thought, “Can I live with this forever?”

But then, I tasted the spaghetti, laughed at the chaos, and realized that imperfections make moments memorable.

Expecting a partner without quirks is like expecting a rose without thorns.

It’s the little idiosyncrasies – snoring, forgetting to replace the toilet roll, or even that odd dance they do when their favorite song comes on – that make a relationship uniquely yours.

Embrace the imperfections; sometimes, they’re the secret ingredients to the most enduring love stories.

7. You’re Constantly Comparing Your Relationship to Others

In this age of social media, it’s easy to scroll through feeds and believe everyone else’s relationship is happier, more romantic, or simply “better” than yours.

The couple always vacationing in exotic places, the guy who never forgets to post about his girlfriend, or that woman who always seems to get flowers every other day.

If you’re measuring your relationship’s worth by these highlights, you’re setting yourself up for discontent.

I’ve been there, feeling a pang of envy every time I saw a friend’s anniversary post or yet another surprise proposal video.

But then, I learned that my friend was going through a rough patch in her seemingly ‘perfect’ relationship, and another couple was struggling with financial issues despite their lavish Instagram posts.

Real relationships aren’t made of curated photos or well-crafted status updates.

They’re made of silent sacrifices, understanding during tough times, belly laughs over inside jokes, and sometimes tears on a random Tuesday night.

If you’re always weighing your love story against others’, you’ll miss the authentic beauty in your own narrative.

It’s okay to feel envy or doubt sometimes—it’s human.

But remember, every relationship has its behind-the-scenes challenges; it’s how you face them together that counts.

8. You Believe Your Partner Should Fulfill Every Role in Your Life

Your partner is your lover, yes, but expecting them to also be your therapist, your financial advisor, your gym buddy, and your go-to movie critic might be stretching it.

If you’re looking for a single person to fill every role in your life, you’re not just setting the bar high—you’re setting it at an impossible altitude.

I had a roommate, Mark, who expected his girlfriend to share and engage in all his hobbies—from rock climbing to deep-sea fishing.

They tried, but the strain was visible. He felt she wasn’t invested, and she felt exhausted.

It wasn’t until they allowed each other the freedom to have separate interests and support from different quarters that they began to truly flourish as a couple.

Relationships thrive on shared experiences, but they also need individual passions and external support systems.

There’s magic in recounting your day to your partner, in introducing them to the movie they’ve never seen, or in seeking advice from a friend or a professional when needed.

A partner can enrich your life in countless ways, but they can’t (and shouldn’t have to) be your everything.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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