Clifton Kopp
I’d like to kick things off by offering an apology.
On behalf of some of my fellow men, I am sorry.
Many of us simply aren’t great at communication–and few things require more communication than expressing what’s bothering you in a relationship.
Rather than talk things out and express concerns, we keep them inside.
A feeling of perpetual discontent and a lack of satisfaction take control–and we let that status quo remain until heavy feelings of resentment surface and things blow up.
But if you look closely, there will always be a few tells.
In this article, I’ll take you through the excuses men use when they secretly want out of a relationship but are too scared to admit it.
If you recognize a few of these signs, constructively addressing them may be in your interest.
Let’s get to it!
1) “I’m too busy with work/school right now”
When it comes to exiting a relationship, some men can suddenly become highly creative.
And they will search for anything or anyone to blame but themselves and their feelings (or lack thereof) for you.
Case in point: they will use other “important” obligations like being overwhelmed by work or school as an excuse to run for the hills.
Maybe they’ll say their schedules are just too packed, so filled with his life goals that they have no time for a relationship.
Look, if a man truly loves you and wants to make it work, he will find a way; not blame his day job or chemistry class.
2) “I need to focus on myself”
When a man is unfulfilled in a relationship, he will often pull this one out to try to ease his way out.
The subtext is that the relationship somehow hinders his growth as an individual.
And he knows vague statements like “wanting to be better” or “I’m dealing with personal issues” are pretty hard cases for anyone to argue.
Rather than be forthcoming about his emotions, he will express the sudden need for personal growth and self-improvement as a reason for pulling away.
Is he sincere about this quest or is he just conjuring up far-fetched ways to end things?
That’s anybody’s guess.
3) “I’m not ready for a serious relationship”
Many men want to have their cake and eat it too.
In the context of a relationship, they’ll want all the benefits, like sex or affection or companionship, but none of the more serious stuff… like commitment.
This isn’t fair to you.
So if you’ve been seeing each other for a while, and he abruptly claims things are getting too serious for him, this can be a real gut punch… and even downright deceitful in certain cases.
Unless he made things clear in the beginning, he has essentially been leading you on.
Not good.
So if he’s “not ready”, consider that very much his loss, not yours.
Promptly move on to the next.
4) “We’re just too different”
Another common route he may take is highlighting your fundamental differences as people, exaggerating where convenient.
When a man is genuinely into you, he will pull out all the stops to make things work.
Being different? This is hardly a dealbreaker in reality.
Opposites attract, after all, right?
Having a few contrasting traits is always workable; but if a man isn’t being sincere with his feelings, then he’ll use them as a reason to start drifting apart from you until he’s completely free.
5) “I don’t want to hold you back”
This one can be extra cunning.
Suddenly, he will frame things like he has your best interests at heart.
In a way, he’s putting the accountability on you; when the truth is, he just wants to be single and unattached again.
This is an iteration of “it’s not you, it’s me,” in that he will pretend that he is the damaged one, and he wants to spare you from being exposed to these perceived burdens.
He wants you to believe that you’re far better off without him and his deep flaws.
He wants you to believe you will never reach your full potential with him lingering about.
Is he being completely honest? I wouldn’t put money on it.
This is likely just another lame excuse not to commit to you.
6) “I need more space”
When a man says he wants space, this often means he wants to break up but doesn’t quite have it in him to say that outright.
Instead, he’ll slyly distance himself until you get the hint.
When you’re truly in love, you generally cherish time together… but when things are falling apart, the frequent need for space becomes the norm.
Desiring space is like the gateway drug to a full, permanent breakup.
I know “committed” men who have booked lengthy solo trips abroad just to have “space”.
When they’re physically distant, it’s easier to become emotionally distant too.
Out of sight, out of mind, after all.
At this point, ghosting you, or acting frigid, until things finally blow over, becomes significantly easier.
7) “I feel like we’re moving too fast”
When you’re genuinely in love, speed isn’t an issue.
You get so caught up in the whirlwind of it all that everything else becomes irrelevant.
When he claims you’re “moving too fast,” this is often code for “I’m not as into you as I thought.”
At this point, he’ll likely begin to gradually back away from you, using the relationship’s speedy pace as his excuse for fading into the abyss.
8) “I think you deserve someone better”
Sure, some might truly mean it… but when a man generally claims “You deserve someone better,” this can be a red flag.
In this scenario, he is once again trying to come across as selfless and caring.
But in most cases, it isn’t that deep.
He just wants to leave without feeling too guilty, without inflicting too much damage, causing minimal confrontation.
When a man loves a woman, whether he feels her to be out of his league or not, whether he feels he is undeserving of her or not, he will strive to be better to meet those perceived standards.
He won’t back down… and if he does, he was never worth it in the first place.
Final words
If the man in your life displays some of the above behaviors, don’t worry, you’re far from alone.
It’s normal to occasionally have doubts in a relationship, but you’ll never truly resolve them unless you start communicating.
Sit your man down and air out your concerns.
Sometimes, things are repairable.
And if they’re not, then consider it time to walk away. It’s his loss, not yours.
You’ll be far better off in the long run.
