If you’re currently wondering whether the man you’re seeing is pulling away, I feel for you.
It’s a horrible situation to be in – you don’t want to overthink things or appear needy, but your gut feeling tells you there’s something wrong.
Perhaps his behavior has subtly changed, or he’s being more obvious about it without saying it directly.
Either way, you’re probably not sure how to interpret what’s going on.
I remember this feeling vividly with an ex who checked out of the relationship but rather than be upfront with me, kept making up reasons to spend time apart.
That’s why in this article, I want to share 10 excuses men give when they start losing interest in a relationship. If you spot any that your man has used, it might be time for a serious conversation about the future of your relationship.
1) “I’m just so busy at work these days.”
Of course, there are periods in every relationship where one person might genuinely be busy with work.
But they’ll make that clear, and every opportunity that they’re not working, they’ll probably want to spend it with you.
The red flag is when you’ve noticed your man texting less, hardly asking to get together, and then they blame it on work.
Let’s be honest – no one works 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We all stop for breaks. We all need to eat at some point.
If he really was into you, he’d find time.
And if he’s losing interest? Well, this is probably the most classic excuse in the book to give.
2) “I need time to focus on myself.”
Ah, I love the good ol’ self-development excuse.
I think the reason why men use this is because it’s hard to argue with.
Most people’s natural reaction to being told this is to say, “Sure, take all the time you need.”
Because we don’t want to infringe on their personal space, right?
And that’s fine if he says it once or twice. We all need alone time or space to deal with personal issues.
The problem is if he uses it regularly. It sounds like he’s trying to create distance between you both, and this is usually a sign that he doesn’t want to be in the relationship anymore.
But rather than be honest with you, he’s either buying time or waiting for you to end things first.
3) “I’m not ready for something serious.”
Except at the start…he was!
This excuse drives me crazy. Unfortunately, some men like to whip it out once they’ve got what they wanted from you.
He wasn’t concerned about commitment when you started dating. He wasn’t concerned about it when you slept together.
But now he’s realized he’s not so into you after all and he’s suddenly keeping his options open and avoiding a serious relationship.
If it sounds fishy, smells fishy, and looks fishy, it’s usually fishy.
The worst part with this type of excuse is the fact that 6 months after you break up, you’ll see a Facebook post of him engaged to some girl he just met.
4) “I just have a lot on my plate.”
If a man really does have a lot going on, he’d confide in you. As someone he’s dating, you should be who he calls up to get a break from his everyday stresses.
So if he keeps using this excuse every time you ask to meet up or question why he’s acting strangely, there’s a good chance he’s losing interest in the relationship.
He’d rather give a vague response like this than be truthful about his change of heart.
Call him out on it. Tell him, if he’s really stressed out with life, he can lean on you for support.
And if he doesn’t want to, then maybe it points to a deeper issue in your relationship.
Ultimately, it’s unfair to leave you in the dark. Calling him out might make him realize that he’s messing with your feelings, and the least he could do is be honest with you.
5) “I think we’re just in different places right now…”
Look, there’s no denying that being on different paths is something most couples face, especially if together for a long time.
But before breaking up, most people will talk about their differences and see if there’s a way to make the relationship work in spite of them.
So, if your man is using this as an excuse because he’s lost interest, you’ll notice the lack of conversation about your differences.
He’ll just keep repeating this like it’s a get-out-of-jail-free card.
You’ll find that he doesn’t expand or explain how he’s feeling.
Just like with the previous point, he’s keeping it vague because he doesn’t want to tell you the real reason behind his behavior.
6) “I’m just not in the mood.”
This next excuse applies mainly to intimacy.
Let’s imagine you’re trying to initiate some sexy time with your man.
In fact, you’ve been trying for a while.
But every single time, he’s either not in the mood, tired, or has a headache.
In short, he keeps delaying and putting it off. Don’t get me wrong, people can go through phases.
In my own relationship of 5 years, we’ve had times where intimacy comes easy and other times where we’ve both genuinely been exhausted and had to put it on hold for a few weeks.
So keep an open mind, but do have the uncomfortable conversation with your partner. It’s better to get to the bottom of it now rather than wait and find out.
7) “Sorry, I’m bad at texting.”
This begs the question – was he bad at texting when he was trying to seduce you?
Or is it just of late?
This is what I call the “lazy excuse”. He’s not even trying to make up a good reason as to why he’s not getting in touch.
And even worse, you’ve probably been around him enough to see that he’s rarely without his phone and tends to reply to people’s messages as soon as they come through.
So, if he uses this excuse and doesn’t appear to be making an effort to see you, it’s safe to say he’s probably losing interest.
Shame he can’t just be honest about it though!
8) “Let’s just play it by ear…”
One thing that struck me as odd was when my ex started using excuses like this.
I’d mention going away for New Year’s Eve, and rather than look excited, he’d say, “We’ll see,” or “Let’s decide closer to the time.”
It was odd because, on all other fronts, he seemed normal.
So I didn’t really understand why making future plans would be so tough. As it turned out, this was just the start of his winding down from the relationship.
Slowly but surely I heard a few of the other excuses listed here. But I held on because I thought it was just a rough patch. I thought we’d find each other again and recreate the spark in our relationship.
Sadly, he just dragged me along for a few torturous months before we eventually broke up.
If you think you’re in the same situation, don’t bury your head in the sand. Be proactive about it because he’s certainly not.
9) “My ex never used to do that.”
This is a painful one – not only is it an excuse some men use when they start losing interest in the relationship, but it’s also a criticism.
It’s designed to make you feel bad.
Suddenly, you become self-conscious of everything you do. You start to wonder if he’s missing his ex.
But the reality is, he’s just trying to find fault with you and the relationship so he can work his way out of it.
It’s made worse by the fact that he probably complained about his ex when you first met, but now she’s a perfect angel who did no wrong. Convenient, huh?
10) “I forgot to call you back. I’m just really tired.”
And finally, some men use the excuse that they’re just so busy, tired, and forgetful, that they can’t seem to find the will to get in touch!
This is totally an excuse – if a man really wants to talk to you, it doesn’t matter how tired he is.
He won’t forget to call you back.
So any guy that drops this line is messing you around, and it’s time you confront the issue.
I know it’s a crappy feeling when someone starts to pull away, but ultimately, you’ve got to respect yourself enough to know when to walk, before he does.
Don’t let him string you along and prolong these bad feelings. Have a chat with him, and if he’s still not willing to be honest, you need to make the best decision for yourself.
At the very least, you deserve someone who can communicate maturely!