Three months ago I broke up with a girl I thought I would marry.
So much for that: she left me in the dirt for a tall, bronze guy who surfs.
What makes it worse is that her new surfer bro relationship is apparently going super amazingly well. I’m just super fucking thrilled.
For weeks I’ve been listening to the old country and stuck to my phone. I’m pretty much just reloading her Instagram over and over because she hasn’t blocked me yet.
It’s lame, I know. It’s sad, really.
That’s why I stopped and am finding a way to move on now. I have advice for others trying to do the same.
Here’s what to do if an ex is trying to rub his or her new relationship in your face as well.
Your ex is rubbing a new relationship in your face? Do these 10 things
1) Stop scrolling on their social media
As I said, I spent weeks engrossed in my ex’s socials. That’s part of what brought me down so much. There were the usual motivational quotes and that type of crap, but it quickly progressed to all the fun events she was out at.
She apparently took up beach volleyball somewhere along the way and made a crew of new friends at a pub downtown. Then it wasn’t too long before surfer bro appeared (I don’t know his name and I don’t want to know).
She tagged him in every photo, but I deliberately avoided looking at anything about him.
Still, it’s made me sick seeing this everywhere.
She’s literally bragging about how in love she is and also subtweeting me with little passive-aggressive digs like how “it’s great to be with a real man who truly respects me and can provide, not just some pretty boy.”
Yeah, that punch landed.
So if your ex is rubbing a new relationship in your face, do your best to get off his or her social media as much as possible.
This is where tip two comes into play.
2) Make friends with the mute button
My first instinct when my ex started going wild online was to block her.
She never texted or called me anymore, but she seemed obsessed with putting on a show for me.
She knew I was watching her stories, reading her tweets, and looking at her posts.
The thing with blocking is that it shows you care a lot and it basically proves that the person provoking you is succeeding at their objective, which is generally to hurt you and make you jealous.
That’s why I highly endorse the greatly underappreciated mute button!
Just hit mute and stop having your ex’s posts and stories and likes show up. If you can’t use social media less, you can at least filter this toxic person out as much as possible.
You’ll find your fingers wandering to look up your ex manually, but resist! The mute button will at least do the primary job for you until you can go multiple days at a time not paying any attention to your ex.
3) Get a grip on this whole ‘love’ thing
If your ex is rubbing a new relationship in your face I know how you feel.
Like I was saying, my ex previously dragged me through this and it was nightmare fuel.
I hated it.
I’d like to say I’ve never done something so petty to an ex myself, but I’d be lying.
All I know for sure is that relationships seem so difficult to get right…
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with an ex rubbing a new relationship in your face it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind-blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like an ex who won’t stop trying to make us feel like dirt.
When we do fall in love with someone new it’s usually only in an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture a love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution to dealing with a vengeful ex and moving on.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships, and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
4) Don’t judge a book by its cover
Here’s one universal truth that I’ve come to respect:
Couples that constantly show off on social media are almost always the most insecure in some way!
Always? No. But often? Yes.
It makes sense, really. Why brag about how happy you are in love and how much you love someone if you’re busy being happy and in love?
It’s always irked me, but part of me still buys into it. I’m not quite sure why.
Learning to deal with your ex rubbing a new relationship in your face is partly learning not to judge a book by its cover.
Is it possible he or she really is over the moon with someone new and you were just a terrible match? Maybe.
But it’s more likely they are baiting you to get a reaction and get revenge.
Remember that many smiling perfect couples are one word away from a breakup.
5) Avoid any reaction of any kind
What your ex is looking for by doing this is a reaction.
He or she wants you to be upset, confused, sad, angry, or just anything really. The best revenge you can take is to not let them see any of these things.
It’s understandable that you might feel very strong emotions, but that’s why I’m also advising you to limit your exposure to your ex in any form (more on this later).
Don’t give your ex the satisfaction.
Cut ties and pull yourself away from staring into the void.
6) Cut down on talking to your ex’s friends and family
Reduce how much you talk to your ex’s friends and family.
Some may be mutual friends, and I’m not pushing you to just drop all your social connections as a result of the breakup.
But make an effort not to suffuse yourself as much in these connections.
In my case, a mutual friend turned out to be helpful in the issues with my ex.
But generally speaking, you want to let these connections fade a bit into the background.
Because if you’re always around people who remind you of your ex and keep you updated on his or her dating life and adventures, you’re going to be more likely to feel jealous and upset.
7) Phone an expert friend
What kind of person calls a professional to talk to them in detail about their love life issues?
If you’d asked me before I would have given a pretty insulting answer.
Now I gotta admit that getting an expert opinion is actually not at all what I’d thought.
Relationships can be confusing and frustrating. Sometimes you’ve hit a wall and you really don’t know what to do next.
My ex’s new dating life had been eating me up inside, along with serious doubts about my own self-worth.
I was running out of hope for the future and wondering what to do.
I know that I was always skeptical about getting outside help until I actually tried it out.
Relationship Hero is the best site I’ve found for love coaches who aren’t just talking. They have seen it all, and they know all about how to tackle difficult situations like awful exes who are ruining your life by trying to make you jealous and obsessed with their new relationship.
I know that in my situation, they managed to break through the noise and give me real solutions.
My coach was kind, they took the time to really understand my unique situation, and gave genuinely helpful advice about how to respond to the bait my ex was throwing out.
I didn’t expect it to help, but this advice actually really helped me put everything into perspective and figure out how to make it manageable.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
8) Avoid public places where you’ll see him or her
You want to mute this person on social media and stop paying attention to what they’re posting as much as possible.
In real life the same holds true.
Avoid places where you are likely to see your ex.
I do have a story here, too:
I always used to go to this one park near my place with my ex, where we’d walk along the lakeshore.
I made the lamentable mistake of heading there one time to get lost in nostalgia. But instead, I saw my ex about five meters away while walking around a bend.
The Surfer man was right next to her.
I practically ran away and felt like ultra shit for the rest of the day.
9) Work on your own life and goals
This time when your ex is rubbing a new relationship in your face is a time when you should instead turn in the opposite direction and work on your own life and goals.
I’ve been doing my best to do just that.
I haven’t found someone new yet, but I’m getting out of my comfort zone, dedicating to my goals, and avoiding my ex’s social media like the plague.
I advise you to do the same.
10) Don’t take the bait!
If your ex is rubbing a new relationship in your face, don’t take the bait!
Jealousy, anger, sadness, or even trying to win him or her back in some way is exactly the wrong way to go.
Somebody who acts this way doesn’t merit your respect or interest anyway. If you are still in love, don’t consider getting back together with a person like this unless they fully apologize and own up to their immature and idiotic antics.
Don’t take the bait, please.
You are better than this. I wish I had been from the start.
Because that wasted time when I was a ghost haunting my ex’s social media is really a bitter memory.
The thing is I now increasingly feel like she didn’t deserve me to feel so broken up about the breakup.
Somebody who wants to rub a new relationship in an ex’s face like that is not a good person.
What I found out…
When your ex is rubbing a new relationship in your face, you need to do your best not to respond and not to take the bait.
Don’t focus on “winning” or getting back at him or her.
Nonetheless, I just have to add here:
I found out that the surfer dude was not this Mr. Romantic that she thought he was. The guy was a well-known player who was just hooking up with her. He was in an open relationship that he forgot to mention to her.
My ex wasn’t thrilled, as I found out through one mutual friend.
I guess appearances can be deceiving.
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