When I started dating Dani two years ago I thought it would last forever, I really did.
She was my dream girl. Maybe that was the problem. I was too lost with my head in the clouds?
Instead of lasting forever, our relationship lasted one and a half years and reached a really rocky end a few months ago. There was fighting, there were tears on both sides…
Can we still at least be friends?
It wasn’t how I pictured things ending, but I at least hoped we could remain friends or cordially in touch now and then.
For a few weeks, I tried to ask how she was and get back in touch. I wasn’t pushing to get back together or force her to open back up to me.
I was looking for at least a bit of closure.
Instead, what I woke up to find one day was a bunch of gray silhouette pics and empty profiles.
Yeah: she blocked me. Everywhere. Like, literally everywhere.
Here’s what to do if your ex has also hit you with blocks.
1) Do not beg
I’ve made this mistake in the past and I swear to God I’ll never make it again.
Never ever, ever beg an ex to unblock you.
Not only will they lose any attraction they once had for you, you will also lose respect for yourself!
Begging is when you refuse to accept someone else’s decision.
Asking once if they blocked you, apologizing or asking to be unblocked so you can talk is not begging.
But if you ask multiple times, send emotional voicemails, show up at your ex’s work or leisure areas and so on, make zero mistake:
You are begging.
Don’t do that. They blocked you wherever possible and you need to respect that even if it makes you feel like you’re being incinerated from the inside with a blow torch.
2) Take care of your body
If your ex blocked you, you need to take care of your body.
Far too many of us respond to heartbreak and emotional devastation by forgetting about our basic needs.
We stop giving our bodies the food and water they need. We stop getting fresh air. We stop exercising.
Sometimes it takes a good friend or family member to shake us by our shoulders and say “wake up, man! I know you’re hurting, but you need to keep going.”
It sounds like such bullshit at the times you’re most heartbroken doesn’t it?
It sounds exactly like someone who doesn’t get it, who doesn’t know the person you love just blocked your ass everywhere possible.
But it’s true.
Go for a walk. Get up and make breakfast or at least order in. Do your job. Brush your teeth.
Next, deal with what’s inside your skull.
3) Take care of your mind
I say to take care of your mind here for a reason.
That’s because your broken heart and angry, sad, confused emotions are not something you should resist or push down.
They’re going to be happening either way. You can’t (nor should you) try to force yourself to feel “fine” or “just get over it.”
Anyone who gives advice like that doesn’t know what they’re talking about.
At the same time, you must avoid stewing and obsessing in your misery and in the disempowering hell you feel from being blocked.
Your power tool here is your mind.
You can’t control feeling bad, but you can control the story you tell yourself and how much you buy into it.
If your mind is telling you you’ll never find real love, your ex is gone forever, you’re a no good loser and so on, it is 100% your choice to believe that or not.
Thoughts and narratives can pass through your head endlessly. That does not mean you must believe them.
Take care of your mind.
Whatever went wrong in your relationship, and no matter how much was or was not your fault, it will not help to cycle around over what went wrong and analyze it to death from behind a block.
Instead, you need to attack this proactively.
In other words…
4) Get your ex back (for real)
Getting your ex back is difficult especially when they’ve blocked you.
But if it was impossible then nobody would do it. But people do get their exes back and even go on to have successful and happy relationships.
Sometimes round two is what it takes to make the dream work.
But if you want to get your ex back, you need to do it right.
I’ve seen a lot of absolute garbage advice out there on various websites, and I even signed up for a course or two that completely backfired.
What actually ended up working for me in reconciling with Dani and having another shot at our relationship was a program called the Ex Factor by relationship coach Brad Browning.
Browning has helped thousands of people get their ex back, and I’m one of them.
He’s not a magician or anything, he just really knows what he’s talking about and has done it before.
I can’t recommend Brad Browning highly enough. He’s a man of action and insight who knows what you need to do and say to get your ex back.
No matter how badly you’ve messed up there is still hope and he’ll show you how.
5) Focus on your dreams
My relationship with Dani rapidly grew into this ideal where I found it hard to focus on other things.
I see now that this was a mistake.
I let my own goals and dreams fall by the wayside in the rush to please her and gain her commitment.
Being blocked by her was a wake-up call for me because I realized that whether single or in a relationship, there would never be a substitute for following my own dreams.
Talking to my mother about her divorce from my dad really helped clarify this for me too.
My mom told me about how dad had let the relationship become his only focus and become really emotionally clingy after he lost his job of 20 years in the paper industry.
This ended up becoming really toxic to their relationship because he began slotting himself into the victim role and demanding that her love and support fill the gap of where his career and work life once had been.
Don’t be my dad (he’s a great guy, but don’t be him in that way is what I mean).
Work on your goals, try to achieve your objectives, don’t let getting your ex back be the only thing on your mind.
6) Hone your skills and talents
This is the perfect chance to hone your skills and talents.
Part of getting your ex back is getting back your own stability and drive.
I recommend taking courses, learning new skills, and engaging with what’s around you.
Check out online courses, community college, learn from documentaries or practice sports and athletic activities.
Grow your roster of talents and what you love to do. Forget about that nasty block for a minute.
You could take up cooking or woodworking, learn to code or try to get a promotion at work.
Or you could just learn to communicate more effectively by listening to friends when they talk to you about their lives.
Being a good friend is a talent!
7) Speak to a relationship pro
Going through a breakup and then also being blocked by your ex in the months or time period after is awful.
It hurts like hell. It stings, really.
During this time when you’ve been blocked, it’s easy to become bitter and even act impulsively.
You might rant to your ex’s friends about what a dick he is or how she’s a terrible bitch…
You might take this time to self-sabotage and hit the bottle or get into some substances and activities that will just end up making your life worse.
Instead, I recommend speaking to a relationship pro.
I’m talking about a love coach.
Try out the site Relationship Hero, where accredited coaches will talk you through the steps to deal with your heartbreak and come back stronger from it.
I found talking to a love coach amazingly helpful and it actually ended up combining with Brad Browning’s program to be the perfect way to tackle what was going on with Dani blocking me.
I understood much more about her mindset, how to come back in her life slowly but effectively and how to build love and respect for myself and others instead of just responding to my angry and needy impulses.
If you’re open to the idea of speaking to a love coach I strongly urge you to check this out! It’s easy to connect up online and talk to someone who not only knows what you’re going through but also knows how to deal with it.
8) Chill out from dating new people
Rebounds are a common thing that happens after one relationship breaks up and before another serious one begins.
I think of rebounds as basically hiding from the truth because it’s a way to pretend you’re moving on when you’re really not ready.
I had one short rebound after Dani and it was a disaster. I broke that woman’s heart without even realizing it and I feel awful about my cavalier behavior.
For this reason, I recommend you to refrain from dating or sleeping with new people if your ex has blocked you.
In 99% of cases, it’s not going to help and you’ll just feel even emptier.
Focus on getting your ex back and building yourself into a stronger, better person instead of slamming someone new in an empty charade that will just leave you lonely.
9) Stop spinning your wheels
I talked earlier about dating coach Brad Browning and his system for getting your ex back.
He shows you how to stop spinning your wheels.
In past breakups I always tried to beg, to chase and to prove how in love I was. This backfired and drove my exes further away.
With Dani I went about it way differently, and thanks to Brad’s advice I was able to discover a way more effective (and fast) path back to my ex’s heart.
If you’d like to do the same, check out his excellent free video here.
10) Diagnose what went wrong
Earlier I talked about how over-analyzing and being stuck in your thoughts is bad.
If you’ve been blocked by an ex then you’re in a lot of danger of going into thought spirals and becoming trapped in your head.
Don’t do that.
Do diagnose what went wrong. Do it simply, for real, and honestly.
Why did you break up? Who broke up with who? What was the main dealbreaker?
If you’re honest about these three questions then you can be honest about what it’s going to take to fix it going forward.
Without facing why you broke up, you won’t be able to go about getting your ex back, and you’ll be stuck in denial or dreamland.
The reasons that your ex blocked you may remain a mystery to you, and you may also even be unsure if they’re dating someone new, but I want to emphasize that not all hope is lost if you approach this in the right way.
11) Chart a path forward
Charting a path forward is about knowing what went wrong and how to fix it.
It’s also about being clear how you feel.
Do you love your ex or are you just lonely? Tell the truth even if it hurts like hell.
If you’re still in love and you know that you’d do anything for this person to be back in your life, then don’t focus on the roadblocks.
Focus on where you want to go together.
How will your lives line up down the line?
Where will you live? Are you on the same page about getting serious or are you moving at different paces?
If they are dating someone new this is obviously a challenge as well and could significantly slow down the process.
But don’t let it make you give up.
I hate to be that guy, but don’t let a boyfriend stop you from getting the girlfriend you deserve.
If she still loves you then she’s going to want you more than the guy she’s with now in most cases. He’s honestly probably a rebound in any case.
A real man doesn’t focus on whether or not a girl’s single, he focuses on whether or not he is attracted to her and she feels the same.
12) Don’t give up
Most of all, if your ex blocked you, don’t give up.
This is not the end of your love life and it’s certainly not the end of your life.
It might seem like it, but you can get your ex back and there’s a better chance of it than you may think.
My situation looked hopeless to me when I woke up to all those blank profiles and blocked number notifications. My calls were even blocked.
I felt like that whole chapter of my life was being erased and that Dani was basically digitally lynching me.
What had I done to deserve it?
How did I come back from this kind of move without losing my dignity?
There was a way and it took a bit of time, but it was actually faster and more straightforward than I would have thought.
It just involved avoiding many roadblocks and impulsive moves that the old me would have done.
The new me?
I was confident, communicative, and clear about what I wanted. I approached and dealt with the block like a man.
In the end that made all the difference.
My ex blocked me, what’s next?
If your ex recently blocked you I feel what you’re going through:
Anger, confusion, misery, a feeling of being powerless.
Without dramatizing too much I can honestly say it’s one of the shittiest feelings in the world to have somebody you care about cut you off.
There is no magic cure, and you do need to get on with your life.
But if you’re quite sure that your ex is supposed to be part of your future then I also encourage you not to give up.
Trying to get your ex back can be part of a really key growth cycle and your growth in confidence.
I mentioned Brad Browning and his Ex Factor program earlier and I can’t emphasize enough how helpful it is.
With practical solutions and tips that help you get through to an ex who’s cut you off, Browning is most certainly the real deal.
I am currently dating Dani again, provisionally. At this point, nothing is a guarantee, but we’re back in touch and we’re slowly opening up to one another once again.