Adrian Volenik
Many people find themselves in a toxic relationship sooner or later. I didn’t really grasp just how serious this was until it happened to me, too.
The way it sucked the living life and joy out of me was something else. I knew I had to move on and leave this toxic relationship and my partner behind.
I just didn’t know what was the best way to do it. In the end, it really wasn’t easy, and it took more time than I had ever imagined.
Here’s how I finally managed to do it.
1) Spotting trouble early
At the start, things seemed great – love, laughter, affection – we had it all. But as time went on, I began noticing subtle changes:
The once easygoing conversations turned into constant arguments over trivial things. I was walking on eggshells, afraid to say the wrong thing.
I also had this persistent feeling of being drained, emotionally and mentally. Every interaction left me feeling more exhausted than fulfilled.
I realized that a relationship should uplift and energize, not leave you feeling depleted.
Trust my instincts, they say. There were moments when my gut told me something wasn’t right, but I brushed it off, thinking it was just a phase.
Ignoring those instincts was a mistake. Those small, nagging doubts grew into bigger issues.
Communication became a challenge. Honest conversations turned into walking on a tightrope.
Expressing my feelings became a minefield, and it seemed like any disagreement could result in a major blow-up. Healthy communication felt like a distant memory.
2) Dealing with feelings
Guilt, confusion, sadness – it was a chaotic mix that left me feeling like I was on the verge of emotional whiplash.
Guilt especially became a constant companion. Whether it was for standing up for myself or considering the idea of leaving, guilt lingered like a shadow.
The internal battle between my well-being and the guilt of potentially hurting her was intense.
Trying to make sense of the emotional chaos felt like untangling a mess of emotions in the dark.
There were days when I questioned my own sanity, wondering if what I was feeling was valid or if I was overreacting.
However, it got worse. Loneliness crept in when I was in the company of my partner. It’s a peculiar kind of loneliness – feeling isolated in a relationship.
The emotional disconnect was palpable, and it seemed like the person I once shared everything with had become a stranger.
3) Getting support
Friends and family played a pivotal role as my emotional support system. Sharing my feelings and struggles with them was like opening up a parachute.
Their understanding and empathy gave me the reassurance I needed during this rough time.
It wasn’t about finding solutions. It was more about having someone listen without judgment.
Their readiness to lend an ear or offer a shoulder to lean on made a world of difference.
I also found relief in knowing that I wasn’t alone in my experiences. Connecting with others online who had been through similar situations gave me a sense of fellowship.
Hearing their stories and realizing that I wasn’t the only one facing these challenges was as amazing as it was heartbreaking.
4) Setting limits
Deciding enough was enough marked a turning point. I recognized that it was time to draw a line in the sand.
And so setting boundaries became a crucial aspect of my self-preservation. Saying “no” when things didn’t sit well with my values or made me uncomfortable was a small yet powerful act.
It made a shift from accommodating everything to prioritizing my mental and emotional health.
Still, communicating these limits wasn’t easy and required a newfound assertiveness. This was something I never had.
I didn’t want to be aggressive, but I had to be firm in expressing what I would and wouldn’t tolerate.
And so, expressing my needs and expectations became a non-negotiable part of the relationship.
Naturally, there were moments of pushback where my limits faced strong resistance.
Ultimately, staying firm in my decisions, even when faced with manipulation or attempts to override my boundaries, became a test of resilience.
5) Planning my exit
The decision to leave required careful planning, ensuring that I had a support system and practical arrangements in place before taking the leap.
I reached out to friends and family, confessing about my decision and securing their help.
Knowing that I had a safety net made the entire process less daunting.
Documenting important information was another part of planning. This included important documents, financial details, and any legal considerations.
Having a clear record of these things ensured a smoother disentanglement from the relationship.
Choosing the right moment to execute the plan was also crucial for minimizing potential conflicts.
And anticipating potential challenges and having backup plans in place was the last part of the equation.
Recognizing that unexpected obstacles could arise at any moment allowed me to be more adaptable during the process.
6) Taking the leap
The conversation itself was the most challenging aspect of taking the leap. I needed to be clear and honest while being aware of my own emotions and the potential impact on her.
In the end, it was a delicate balance between reasoning my needs and respecting her feelings.
However, going through potential emotional outbursts or attempts at reconciliation was also part of the process. Staying firm in my decision, despite my emotional frenzy, required resilience.
Without constantly reminding myself that the decision was based on a deeper understanding of what was best for both of us in the long run, I wouldn’t be able to do it.
I needed to think of my “why” all the time.
7) Moving forward
I was finally out, but rebuilding after the breakup was a gradual process of rediscovering joy in the little things. I needed to make a conscious effort to focus on self-care and activities that brought positivity back into my life.
Finding comfort in routines and activities that I enjoyed became a cornerstone of moving forward.
From rediscovering old hobbies to exploring new ones, each small step was a victory in reclaiming a sense of individuality.
But, surrounding myself with a positive and supportive environment played the most crucial role.
Spending time with friends and family who uplifted me became a source of strength. Their encouragement and companionship were also a reminder that I wasn’t alone in this new journey.
8) Lessons learned
Recognizing my own worth was a fundamental lesson. The toxic relationship eroded my self-esteem, but the process of breaking free underscored the importance of valuing myself.
Understanding that I deserved happiness and respect laid the foundation for future relationships.
Setting boundaries was not just a concept but a crucial life skill. The experience highlighted the importance of clearly defining what I would and wouldn’t tolerate in a relationship.
Plus, the importance of communication became evident because, in toxic relationships, communication often breaks down or becomes a source of conflict.
The experience emphasized the need for open, honest, and respectful communication as a cornerstone of healthy connections.
Resilience, too, was a quality I discovered within myself. The process of leaving a toxic relationship demanded strength, patience, and perseverance.
Realizing that I could endure difficult situations and emerge stronger on the other side sowed a newfound confidence.
But most importantly, understanding the red flags in relationships became an invaluable skill.
The experience equipped me with a heightened awareness of behaviors and patterns that reveal toxicity. This awareness became a protective mechanism for my future relationships.
