21 emotional triggers your ex needs to feel to get them back

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If you want your ex back, the best thing to do is to act like you DON’T want him back in your life.

I know it may seem counterproductive but you have to know that love—especially when it comes to exes—is a seduction game.

You’re about to play the game of love Exes Edition and before you even make the first move, you need to make sure you’ll play it right.

To help you make the right moves, here are some psychologically-backed emotional triggers your ex needs to feel in order for him to go running back to you.

1) Make your ex think you’re living your best life.

You might have broken up at the lowest point in your life—no job, no real hobbies, suffering from depression.

Well then, if you really want your ex to miss you, you have to show him you’ve improved. Trust me, a little improvement is all it takes.

So get up from your slump, try with all your might to get better, and make sure he knows it either telling him directly, telling your common friends about it, or posting on social media.

This will make him think you’re capable of carrying your own weight, which would make him wonder if leaving you was the right decision.

2) Make your ex get curious about you.

I know I mentioned sharing stuff about your small and big achievements, but don’t overshare!

Anyone who overshares loses their charm.

Save a little mystery so you’ll make his mind wonder what you’re up to.

A more effective trick would be to share a bit of information—like you’re going to Japan, for example—but don’t elaborate who’s going with you and for what. When he asks, just say “Well, you know, because I’ve always loved Japan”, and then change the topic.

You’ll make him go nuts.

3) Make your ex miss you physically.

When you’re around your ex, dress sexy!

And of course, make sure you give him the look you always give him when you want to have some sexy time.

Make sure it’s not so obvious, though. Make him think that he’s just imagining things.

This requires some gracefulness to pull off. If you think you’re not a natural-born flirt, don’t try it. Focus instead on other body language like touching his arm ever so lightly when you want him to pass the salt.

4) Make your ex feel that he can’t have you easily.

What you can’t have, you can’t resist. This applies to people we already “had” like our exes.

When we know that there’s no way that we can have them back, they become more valuable to us.

How do you do this exactly?

Well, for one, keep your interactions short. Another thing is that you should be the first one to leave if you’re the one who’s dumped.

This will make your ex miss the days when you’re still head over heels crazy over him.

5) Make your ex feel good when you’re together.

When we feel positive vibes when we’re with someone—ex or not—we sometimes confuse it with affection and love.

Try to make him laugh, try to listen to him when he talks about boring stuff, look him in the eye and smile.

In fact, even eating some dopamine-inducing foods or listening to feel-good music can create a bond. Do more of those things and he’ll associate you with positive things.

6) Make your ex feel like you’re NOT desperate to have him back.

So maybe you begged him not to leave you the day (or week or month) you broke up. Don’t associate yourself with that girl anymore. You’re a changed person!

Show your ex you’re oh so chill now.

This will make him think that you’ve actually found your value and this is very attractive.

People in general want it when someone is crazy for them. So when you stop being that, he’d ask himself “wait, I’m not that special anymore?”

He’ll realize he’s not so special, and you’re not too desperate. And this will trigger him to rethink the break up.

7) Respark his interest in you.

Sometimes, men break up the moment things become boring—when the New Relationship Energy has expired.

Most of these men are clueless that relationships are supposed to get “boring” at some point, and that’s when true love begins.

Or maybe you’ve had a lot of fights that wore down your relationship.

In any case, cases like these can be easily fixed.

So how can you get your ex back?

In this situation, there’s only one thing to do – re-spark their romantic interest in you.

I learned about this from Brad Browning, who has helped thousands of men and women get their exes back. He goes by the moniker of “the relationship geek”, for good reason.

In this free video, he’ll show you exactly what you can do to make your ex want you again.

No matter what your situation is — or how badly you’ve messed up since the two of you broke up — he’ll give you a number of useful tips that you can apply immediately.

Here’s a link to his free video again. If you really want your ex back, this video will help you do this.

8) Make your ex feel like you’re a good friend.

When you’ve been drunk texting him months after your breakup, he must have thought you’re still desperate to have him back.

But not anymore (or at least that’s what we want him to believe).

Show him you’re a friend so you can reset your relationship.

All the guilt and possibly disgust he’s felt towards you would disappear in an instant. And possibly, all your anger towards him, too.

And because there’s a reset that happened, it could be the start of something new whether real friendship or something more.

9) Make your ex see you as the one who got away.

What were the traits that your ex always admired about you?

Your brutal honesty? Your sense of purpose? Your childlike behavior? Your creativity?

Well then, continue being this person, and more! And when he’s in trouble, come to the rescue like no one else would.

This will make your ex feel like your love is beyond romance, and he might even start to think you’re the one for him.

10) Make your ex miss the good old days.

Love is tricky. We’re so happy in the moment but we forget those moments of happiness when we start to lose feelings for our partner.

Make him miss the good old day to remind him that it wasn’t all bad—nay, that it was great!

On your social media, you can post photos of the places you’ve been to together.

You can also find a way to talk about the things you did together when you’re with common friends. You don’t have to say you were together when those things happened. Just say it casually, like you’re not trying to trigger him emotionally.

11) Make your ex feel respected.

Even if you hate your ex a little, you can still respect him as a human being. Do that, and do that in any way you can.

If he sends you a message, don’t just ignore him if you’re in a meeting. Say “I will reply after my meeting” and then do it.

If you’re with people who bully him a little and you can see he’s uncomfortable with it, be on his side.

You’re already an adult. You know how to show respect so show him that, even if sometimes you think he doesn’t deserve it.

12) Make your ex feel like a hero.

Do you know the term Hero Instinct?

It’s men’s desire to become a savior. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.

And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.

This instinct is not only limited to dating and new relationships, it applies to exes too.

So how do you use it to trigger your ex?

Ask for his help!

Of course, make sure you’re not just pretending to be a damsel in distress (or if you do, make sure you’re a good actor). The better alternative is to just think of ways you might need his help—like something your ex is really good at.

This will make him feel good about himself and about you.

13) Make your ex feel you’re reliable.

Even if you’re already exes, show him you’re a woman of value by being consistently reliable even after you’ve broken up.

This doesn’t mean that you should be a doormat. You shouldn’t go out of your way just to help your ex!

However, when there are situations that only you can help him, show up. You’ve been there for each other before and you can still be there for each other on some occasions.

Once your ex feels that you’re truly a person with a kind heart, he will start to wonder why he even left you.

14) Make your ex think your relationship was actually great.

Some couples break up even if they’re good for each other. But the majority break up because they think the relationship is no longer serving them.

If you have a strong feeling that your ex is just going through something and it’s not really about your relationship because you’re actually good together (like depression or a midlife crisis), you have to take matters into your own hands.

It’s totally workable.

But you shouldn’t be alone. You can have the guidance of relationship pros.

I mentioned Brad Browning earlier – he’s an expert in relationships and reconciliation.

His practical tips have helped thousands of men and women not only reconnect with their exes but to rebuild the love and commitment they once shared.

If you’d like to do the same, check out his excellent free video here.

15) Make your ex feel jealous.

If your ex still has lingering feelings for you, then this is the most effective thing to do in this list.

He will feel an electric shock run through his body when he sees you with someone else—especially if that someone else is hot.

Now, you don’t want to discourage your ex completely. You’re only supposed to tease him a little if you really still want him back.

That means you shouldn’t overdo it. Don’t hold hands with this new guy. Don’t post photos that seem like you’re already a couple. If you do, he might just sulk and walk away completely.

You gotta keep it simple. Just be  “a little too friendly” with this new guy so your ex would still think he has a chance to win you back.

16) Make your ex feel you’ve truly forgiven him.

So let’s say your ex was the one who broke up with you or you were the one who initiated it but that’s because you caught him cheating.

Well then, set yourselves free by truly forgiving him.

You have to rise above the break up and see things through a more compassionate glass—that we are all humans trying our best to be happy. And most of the time, we make mistakes.

Forgiveness isn’t something you shout out for everyone to hear. It’s something that just shows—the warmth of your smile, the tenderness of your voice when you talk, your intentions for keeping him in your life.

17) Make your ex feel appreciated.

Being exes shouldn’t stop you from appreciating each other.

You don’t have to kiss the ground he walked on—especially not if he’s the one who dumped you! However, you can show your appreciation for what he does.

You don’t have to go out of your way. Just don’t hold yourself back when he does something good for you.

If he passes by your house to give you a box of cookies he made, thank him and say good things about the cookies if you really like them.

If he posts a photo with a new haircut, send a quick message to tell him he looks great.

18) Make your ex remember how compatible you are.

You were together because you’re compatible in a lot of ways—your hobbies, how you see the world, even to your taste in music.

Remind your ex about these things by telling him directly about it whether in real life or through text, or posting about them online.

If you’re both obsessed about chess, post your best score!

If you’re both into Indian food, tell him there’s a new resto around the block that makes the best masala dosa.

You get the drift.

19) Make your ex feel like you’re working on the problems you had in your relationship.

If you used to be a couch potato and that made him lose interest in you, then show him that you’re now more active.

Don’t just do it to please him, do it because it’s something you should have done years ago.

This applies to all bad habits you promised to change in the past.

But this doesn’t include your harmless quirks that’s part of who you are. If he wants you to change those, then he doesn’t deserve you.

20) Make your ex see that you’re not into any FWB situation.

Most exes want to try a Friends with Benefits situation because they miss you.

It’s tempting to give in because hey, you miss them terribly too, right?

Stop yourself.

No matter what you do, don’t downgrade to a FWB.

I know you think it’s a chance for you to reignite the romance one way or another but what it actually does is make him feel complacent. He’d also realize you’re too “easy” and he’d move on to find girls who are a little hard to get.

I know men are annoying this way but you gotta learn to say “if you want me, you have to want all of me.” That way, you’ll earn his respect.

21) Make your ex feel that you’ll not wait around forever.

This, right here, is very powerful when done right.

If something or someone is always there, we won’t do anything because there’s no threat. But the moment it becomes clear that they might be gone someday, then we start to do something to keep them in our lives.

If your ex has become your friend and it seems like he’s become comfortable with your set-up, then do something that would remind him that you can’t have his cake and eat it too.

There are many ways to do this. One is by not hiding to him that you’re seeing someone else. Another one is by distancing yourself a little when he starts to get comfortable with you.

And of course, the best way is by telling him—once he acts like a boyfriend again—that you still like him but you can’t keep waiting for him until he’s ready to commit again.


These tricks are quite easy to do and when done well, they could totally turn your relationship around.

But if you really want to get your ex back, you’re going to need a bit of help.

And the best person to turn to is Brad Browning.

No matter how ugly the breakup was, how hurtful the arguments were, he’s developed a couple of unique techniques to not only get your ex back but to keep them for good.

So, if you’re tired of missing your ex and want to start afresh with them, I’d highly recommend checking out his incredible advice.

Here’s the link to his free video once again.

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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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