Elizabeth Koh
Have you ever wondered if your relationship has gotten too comfortable?
Everything seems to be going well on the surface, but deep down, you sense that there’s something missing.
You feel that if he was really in love, your relationship wouldn’t look like this – comfortable and routine.
You may find yourself wondering if the man you’re with truly loves you.
And if so, fret not. Today, we’ll explore 6 easy ways to overlook signs that your man is comfortable with you, but not truly in love.
1) You’re in a relationship of convenience
Everything seems to fall perfectly in place, and it has been the way for a very long time. There’s an easy routine to it all, a routine that you notice has been going on for perhaps too long.
When your friends ask what you enjoy about the relationship, you tell them it’s because it’s easy to be with him.
But is this what love is supposed to look like? Or is it a result of two people enjoying each other’s company because they’re too comfortable with each other?
From the activities the two of you embark on to the topics of conversation, down to what the two of you eat, it’s essentially the same. It’s routine.
There’s no effort from him to create special memories, apart from maybe key dates such as birthdays or anniversaries.
I’m not saying that loving relationships shouldn’t be comfortable or easy.
But there should be a desire from either of you to grow, try new things, and grow closer to each other, rather than let the relationship stagnate into comfortable oblivion.
Which brings me to my next point…
2) You’re not challenging each other
The word “challenge” is off-putting, but it doesn’t mean seeking out excuses to have conflicts or arguments with each other.
Challenging one another involves encouraging the other person to get out of their comfort zone, climb to new heights, or take up opportunities that may be better for them, even though they look tough.
Challenging one another also means having disagreements, talking things out, or even debating clashing opinions.
On the contrary, a comfortable relationship may be one where neither of you has any form of conflict or disagreement.
The two of you tend to flow with the other, agreeing to whatever they say to avoid any form of conflict.
While this may seem great to some, it shows that there’s no interest in growing together. The two of you agree for the sake of it because you don’t want to rock the boat.
I’m not saying the two of you should endeavor to argue once or twice a week. But challenging each other for appropriate reasons helps the two of you strengthen your bond and grow.
Cruising through your relationship is why it feels so comfortable. But is this love? Unlikely…
3) He puts off talks of future planning
The reason why this sign is easy to overlook is because he will make vague suggestions for future planning, like discussing where to settle down or what house the two of you should consider purchasing.
But there’s no follow-up action to whatever he says. It’s all talk.
If your partner was truly keen on future planning, he’d sit you down and have a thoughtful conversation about spending the rest of your lives together.
There’d be talk about family planning, the possibility of moving in together and managing finances.
You may feel assured that he brings up the topic of future planning now and then, but if it’s been like that for some time, your man may be more interested in keeping things status quo rather than taking the relationship to the next level.
And this desire to remain at this comfortable level is a strong indicator that your man doesn’t love you.
He’s not willing to go through the hard conversations, the potential challenges, and topics of contention because there’s simply no interest.
4) There’s minimal effort when it comes to conflict resolution
When the two of you argue, does he immediately concede to you or apologize quickly?
While this may seem like a good thing on the surface (how is apologizing a bad thing, right?), there’s a sense of urgency from him to quickly put this matter to bed rather than truly addressing underlying issues.
When the issue resurfaces, the outcome is likely the same. He will apologize quickly or try to avoid further discussion on the topic by changing the subject.
If you notice this, your man likely has a preference to keep the peace, instead of working through problems to strengthen the relationship.
Conflicts are uncomfortable not only because of the negative emotions they elicit, but the follow-up conversations. They force us to be vulnerable, to show who we truly are and to navigate topics that can be uncomfortable.
There’s a risk that we may even lose the person at the end.
But truly loving someone involves loving them for who they are, flaws and all. There may be some irreconcilable differences, but it’s up to the two of you to decide where to go from there.
5) He doesn’t make sacrifices for you
While he’s fine with perhaps shifting things around in his schedule to make time for you or helping with chores around the house, he’s not keen on making bigger sacrifices in his life to accommodate your preferences.
Perhaps you don’t give this much thought because you don’t wish to be a burden to him, but you may have had this thought that if your man truly loved you, he would want you to be happy and give in (of course, where reasonable).
However, you notice that he will get very irritated when he has to adjust his routine significantly just to ensure that your needs are met. He may agree to do so but will do it grudgingly.
If your man makes you feel like an inconvenience in his life, it’s a good indicator that he doesn’t prioritize you at all.
6) There’s limited emotional depth in your conversations
When was the last time the two of you had a deep conversation with each other?
Recall the conversations you’ve had and you may realize that there’s limited emotional depth to them.
You may share your innermost thoughts with him, but he merely talks about his day to day experiences and nothing more. He may acknowledge your feelings and give generic words of encouragement, but that’s it.
And this is a hallmark sign of a comfortable relationship. Because when two people are in love, they want to know the other person fully and are willing to be vulnerable with them.
However, your man doesn’t seem to be willing to show this hidden side of himself. It could be because he doesn’t trust you enough, or because he doesn’t love you enough to.
Concluding thoughts
It may be a tough pill to swallow, but realizing that your relationship is built on comfort is a good way for you to evaluate if you’d want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
Perhaps it may be time to force an open conversation about the status of the relationship, and I say force because he may be unwilling to do this at the start and you will need to be insistent.
But rather than waste any more time in a relationship that he doesn’t seem too keen on, it’s good to be aware of each other’s expectations and decide on where to go from there.
It’ll save you a whole lot of heartache down the line.
