Clifton Kopp
Last night you dreamt about another woman who isn’t your partner, and you can’t work out why.
Maybe it’s left you feeling confused and perhaps a little concerned.
Is it a big deal? What does it really mean?
This article will help you get to the bottom of it.
Dreaming of another woman while in a relationship
First things first, dreaming about someone who isn’t your partner is totally normal.
It’s so common that one 2018 study found nearly 60 percent of us have had a dream about cheating on our partner.
It’s not necessarily anything to be alarmed about, and it can mean lots of potential things.
But it can feel distressing and alarming to dream about another woman when you are in a relationship, as highlighted by this Reddit user who shared their story:
“Last night I had a dream about another girl other than my GF. I’m in a happy relationship, and I fully enjoy my partner’s presence. We’ve only been dating for a few weeks, but I’ve never dreamt of anyone else and I am very against cheating while in a relationship, it’s something I’ll never do and something she’ll never do…I feel so guilty about it even though I don’t like or know this person really.”
There’s no doubt that even when something is just a dream that it can send your head into a bit of a tailspin. Which in itself can have implications, not only for how you feel but also for your relationship.
In fact, one research study found that having dreams about so-called “bad relationship behavior” such as cheating or jealousy was linked to greater relationship conflict and reduced intimacy in the following days.
So bad dreams can take their toll. Which is all the more reason to get to the bottom of it.
Tips for decoding your dream about another woman
Next, we’re going to run through possible meanings and messages behind dreaming about another woman when you’re in a relationship.
But first I’d like to offer some helpful tips for you to figure out which explanation most relates to you.
Because the truth is that dreams are incredibly subjective and the meaning is rarely literal. Instead, you have to dig deeper behind what the dream represents.
Write down as many details of your dream as you can remember.
What stands out? Where were you? What happened? Who was there?
These are questions that will give you a starting point for interpreting your dream.
Focus on feelings.
When it comes to dreams especially, our feelings are powerful messengers.
They are the most significant thing in explaining the real meaning of your dream because they are fundamentally the reason that you had this dream in the first place.
So think of it this way: feelings in dreams matter more than facts.
Try to think about what is going on in your life or relationship right now.
Are there any themes or events that this dream could be linked to?
Again, focus on feelings. Are there things that have happened which have brought up similar emotions to those you experienced in the dream?
Why did I dream about another woman whilst I’m in a relationship?
1) You’re having relationship doubts
It’s always wise to start with the most obvious conclusions that might spring to mind when you have dreamt about another woman, either romantically or sexually, other than your partner.
It could be that you are having some doubts about your current relationship. And you are exploring this through the dream world.
Your subconscious might be curious about what it would be like to be with someone else.
Remember to focus on the feelings that were brought up from being with another woman.
Did you feel happy? Were you having fun? Did you feel relieved to be with someone new? Or did you in fact feel nervous, uncomfortable, and guilty about it?
In your waking life, have you been having thoughts about problems in your relationship? If so, then this is very likely to be the reason you dreamt about someone else.
Perhaps you are concerned that the relationship is not salvageable and your psyche is preparing the groundwork for you to move on.
2) You feel attracted to someone else
Here’s the thing:
We can be in happy relationships, but that doesn’t mean we won’t ever find other people attractive.
We may find that someone catches our eye, or we have a little daydream about them and this extends into our dream life.
You could be playing out subconscious fantasies that you have. You may have pushed away these feelings in waking life because of guilt, but they come to life in your dreams.
Whilst the thought of that might make you feel bad, rest assured it’s unfounded.
Having a little crush on someone else, even if you are happy with your partner, is totally normal.
One study found that as many as 70% of participants admitted to feeling some sort of attraction towards somebody other than their partner while in a long-term relationship.
Being in a happy or committed relationship does not mean that you all of a sudden become blind to the appeal of other women.
As psychology professor Gary Lewandowski points out it’s usually a subconscious process and not something we can turn off:
“When we look at another person, our brain very quickly processes the visual information our eyes see, and we nearly instantaneously make a judgment concerning the other person’s attractiveness,”
Maybe you find this other woman attractive? There’s nothing wrong with that and it doesn’t necessarily reflect badly on your relationship either.
Whether it does or not depends more on if you are genuinely happy with your partner, or if you feel there is something missing or unfulfilled.
3) There’s something missing in your relationship
Another possible reason why you’ve dreamt about another woman is that there is something that you feel deep down is missing right now in your current relationship.
A good way to figure out if this is true, and if so, what is missing, is to return again to feelings.
What does this woman who you dreamt about represent to you?
What happened in the dream and how did you feel about it?
Were you having fun together, were you emotionally connected, were you laughing together?
Whatever it is that this other woman came into your dream to give you, could feel absent from your partner.
Think about any parts of your relationship that might need improving. How can you strengthen those things?
The other woman might have appeared in your dream as a messenger from your unconscious to signal to you what you secretly want more of.
4) This other woman has zero to do with your relationship and instead represents a part of you
Here is a common mistake that we make when we try to read our dreams:
We end up taking them far too literally.
When you dream about flying, falling from a great height, or going out in public naked, you automatically realize these dreams clearly represent something else.
You know a dream about flying doesn’t mean you can fly or even want to fly.
But when it comes to matters of the heart we are more sensitive and can jump to false literal conclusions.
We have bad dreams about our relationship and (albeit understandably) automatically fear it might mean something bad about our relationship.
Whilst dreams often have meaning, the truth is that not all do. Experts still disagree about exactly how much meaning we should even read into our dreams.
But either way, dreams ultimately represent something about you. After all, they come from your mind.
That’s why this other woman who appeared in your dream, may in fact represent a part of you.
It is very common for our feminine and masculine sides (which we all have, regardless of our gender) to appear to us in physical form in a dream.
So perhaps this other woman doesn’t represent what you think she does. She may represent a side of you and not a literal person at all.
She could represent aspects of yourself that you feel are missing or are being ignored. She may represent your unconscious or untapped female side.
5) You’re feeling guilty
For many of us, dreams about betrayal carry the association of guilt and shame.
If dreaming about another woman whilst you’re in a relationship has made you feel bad, then follow that feeling.
We keep returning to the point about feelings in dreams because it is the most crucial point of all when uncovering their meaning.
If you felt guilty in your dream then there may be something in your waking life happening right now where you feel this emotion.
Ask yourself whether you are feeling any guilt or shame around your relationship or partner.
Maybe you worry you’ve been neglecting your relationship or you are not giving your partner the time she deserves.
Or you may be feeling bad about letting someone else down, such as a family member or colleague.
Guilt dreams can take many forms but they are pointing to unexpressed subconscious guilt in general and not necessarily in the way it plays out in your dream.
6) You’re betraying yourself in some way
Remember your dreams aren’t necessarily telling you how you feel about others, they are also revealing how you feel about yourself.
That’s why guilt or betrayal dreams might be about you.
The guilt and shame may have nothing to do with your relationship. You may feel like you have been letting yourself down recently in a certain area of your life.
You feel like you are “cheating” yourself in some way.
Perhaps you’ve been putting off doing something important to yourself. Or maybe you haven’t been taking care of yourself properly.
You may be feeling ashamed of yourself for allowing yourself or someone else in your life to get away with something.
And without realizing it, you have repressed these feelings and so they materialize in your dream.
Repression happens when we try to avoid painful emotions by pushing them deep inside ourselves.
When we don’t deal with those emotions, they may surface in our dreams as an outlet.
In this case, the dream represents the repressed emotion itself. It is trying to tell you that you need to start dealing with this issue in your life.
7) You’re missing passion in your relationship
If your dream about another woman was particularly lustful, involved sex, or felt infused with strong desire — it could be something you feel is lacking in your relationship.
It isn’t this other woman in particular that you want, it is to feel the feelings she created for you within your dream.
Did you act out unspoken desires? Did you do something with this other woman that you wouldn’t feel is possible with your partner?
Maybe it felt exciting to be with someone new.
Most relationships lose a certain amount of those butterflies after a while. And the frequency of sex can also take a nosedive after the honeymoon phase fades.
It’s perfectly normal to miss it, and want to have more passion injected back into your relationship.
This may be your subconscious mind letting you know that you want to feel more of a spark in your relationship.
Ask yourself how satisfied you are with the physical intimacy in your relationship. If there is room for improvement, now might be the time to experiment and put some effort into the physical aspects of the relationship.
8) You’re feeling insecure
As crazy as it sounds, dreaming about another woman can signal that you are really happy in your current relationship.
Being happy in theory sounds wonderful. And in many ways it obviously is. But us human beings are complex.
Being happy means that we may also feel like we have a lot to lose. And this can cause all sorts of insecurities to surface.
Sometimes being happy can even feel a bit scary. You’re nervous that something could mess it all up. That YOU may do something wrong to mess it all up.
And your unconscious mind projects these scenarios whilst you sleep. Often we end up projecting our biggest fears into our dream world.
Maybe you are too dependent on this relationship, and that is unnerving to your subconscious, so you are being gently nudged to set yourself free.
Not by cheating or leaving the relationship, but simply by being more mindful of finding the right balance and a healthy level of autonomy.
9) There’s been infidelity
Dreams about betrayal and guilt can surface when there has been a history of cheating.
That might be by you in the past (in this or other relationships) or you may have been the one who was cheated on.
Either way, if you are having these types of dreams, then you need to look at what happened in your waking life.
It could be a way for your subconscious mind to try to understand and process feelings from infidelity.
Has there been any infidelity in your past? (either in this relationship or another?) Have you processed and dealt with the emotional fallout of that?
Has something happened recently that could have retriggered you and caused you to feel guilty?
These questions will help you understand why you could have had this dream.
To conclude: Is it a big deal if I dream about another woman?
The honest answer is that it depends. That’s because it all comes down to the feelings behind your dream, and why they are there.
The reality is that some dreams are most likely just a dream. You do not necessarily need to read too much into them.
But others may be signposts to unresolved feelings and issues. And that can become a big deal if you ignore it.
Dreams are symbols. It’s up to us to decode what those symbols really represent.
