Don’t get married until you know these 8 things about your partner

Marriage, my friends, is not a decision to be taken lightly. It’s about knowing your partner inside and out, and trusting them with your heart.

I’m someone who has seen countless relationships bloom and wither, I can tell you that there are certain things you must know about your partner before taking the plunge.

Taking the leap into marriage without understanding these vital things about your loved one is akin to diving headfirst into murky waters. You might get lucky and swim out unscathed, but why take the risk?

In this article, I’ll share with you 8 crucial things you need to know about your partner before saying “I do”.

These insights won’t just save you from potential heartache, they’ll also equip you to build a deeper and more meaningful connection with your partner.

Let’s dive in. 

1) Shared life goals

One of the most crucial things to know before marrying your partner is whether your life goals align.

You see, love isn’t always enough. It’s like trying to paddle a boat with one oar. It might keep you afloat, but it won’t get you very far. But when both partners are paddling in the same direction, that’s when you really start moving.

Now, I’m not saying you and your partner need to have identical dreams and aspirations. But at the very least, your life goals shouldn’t conflict with each other.

For instance, if one of you dreams of settling down and starting a family while the other yearns for a nomadic life of travel and adventure, that’s a serious misalignment that could lead to heartbreak down the line.

Before you walk down the aisle, sit down with your partner and have an open, honest discussion about your life goals. It might be uncomfortable, but trust me, it’s a conversation worth having.

Marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. Make sure you’re both running towards the same finish line.

2) Handling conflict

Here’s a personal nugget of wisdom from yours truly; even the most blissful relationships have conflict. The real question is, how do you both handle it?

In my years of working with couples, I’ve seen all sorts of conflict styles. Some people go silent, some explode, and some discuss it calmly. It’s essential to understand how your partner reacts to conflict and whether it aligns with your own style.

As the great philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” And let me tell you, my friends, a big part of that friendship is understanding and respecting each other’s conflict styles.

If one of you needs space during an argument while the other prefers to resolve things immediately, it can lead to misunderstanding and hurt feelings. Take the time to understand how your partner handles conflict and communicate your own approach.

The key here is to find a middle ground that works for both of you. After all, in marriage, it’s not you against your partner; it’s both of you against the problem.

3) Financial habits

Now, onto the topic of money. It’s not the most romantic thing to discuss, but it’s undeniably important. Financial habits can make or break a relationship.

When I was writing my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I met couples who were on the brink of separation due to financial disagreements.

Are they savers or spenders? Do they have a budget? Are they transparent about their financial situation and debts? These are all critical things to know about your partner before marriage.

Understanding your partner’s financial habits can help you both create a financial plan that works for your relationship. It’s not about controlling each other’s spending but rather about finding a balance and making sure you’re both on the same page when it comes to your financial future.

Don’t shy away from discussing money matters with your partner. Being open and honest about finances is a key element in building a strong marital foundation. 

4) How they handle leisure time

You might be thinking, “Wait, what? Why does it matter how my partner spends their downtime?” Well, let me explain.

In our busy lives, how we choose to spend our free time can be very revealing about our priorities and character. It’s not just about whether your partner prefers Netflix binges or hiking trips, it’s about understanding their values and what brings them joy.

For instance, if your partner values solitude and uses their free time for introspection and self-improvement, they might not appreciate being constantly surrounded by friends and family. On the other hand, if they’re a social butterfly who thrives in a crowd, they might feel stifled in a quiet, introverted environment.

Understanding these differences can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment from building up in the future. It’s not about changing each other’s habits but about respecting individual preferences and finding ways to accommodate them in your shared life.

5) Their relationship with family

In my experience, how your partner treats their family can give you a lot of insight into how they’ll treat you in the long run. After all, family dynamics play a significant role in shaping our attitudes towards relationships and conflict.

Do they respect their parents? How do they interact with their siblings? Are they considerate towards their relatives? These interactions can provide a glimpse into your partner’s personality that you might not see in your day-to-day life together.

When you marry someone, you’re not just marrying them; you’re also forming a connection with their family. Now, this doesn’t mean that your partner’s family has to be perfect—let’s face it, no family is. But it’s crucial to be aware of these dynamics before tying the knot.

6) Their past

Let’s get real here, folks. No one comes into a relationship without some form of baggage. It could be a failed relationship, past mistakes, or deep-seated insecurities. These experiences from our past shape us and influence how we approach future relationships.

It’s essential to understand your partner’s past, not to judge them, but to understand them better. Knowing what they’ve been through can help you comprehend their actions, reactions, and emotions on a deeper level.

Does your partner have unresolved issues from their past? Are they carrying regrets or guilt? How have their past relationships shaped their views on love and commitment? These are hard questions, but they need to be asked.

Be brave, be honest, and remember that everyone has a past. It’s how we learn from it that truly matters.

7) How they handle stress

Life, my dear readers, is full of ups and downs. It’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows. That’s why it’s crucial to understand how your partner handles stress.

In my experience, stressful situations can bring out the best and worst in people. Does your partner shut down when things get tough? Or do they face challenges head-on? Understanding how they cope with stress can prepare you for future challenges you might face together as a couple.

As the great Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” This quote holds so true in relationships. It’s about standing together through thick and thin, supporting each other in times of stress, and having the courage to continue together.

Take the time to observe your partner during stressful situations. It might just be one of the most valuable things you learn about them.

8) Their flaws

This might be a tough pill to swallow, but here’s the truth: your partner is not perfect. They have flaws, just like you and me. And before you take that walk down the aisle, you need to know what those flaws are.

Are they impatient? Do they have a short temper? Are they stubborn? It’s important to identify these flaws and honestly ask yourself whether you can live with them. Because once the honeymoon phase is over, these flaws won’t just disappear.

Keep in mind that acknowledging your partner’s flaws doesn’t mean you’re focusing on the negatives. It means you’re seeing them for who they truly are, not just an idealized version of them.

Love isn’t about finding a perfect person. It’s about seeing an imperfect person perfectly. So embrace those imperfections, because those are what make your partner uniquely them.

Final Thoughts

And there you have it, the 8 things you need to know about your partner before getting married. It’s not always easy to confront these aspects of your relationship, but trust me, it’s worth it in the long run.

Remember, marriage is a journey of two people growing together. It’s about understanding, accepting, and loving each other, flaws and all. So take the time to truly know your partner, and you’ll be setting a strong foundation for your marriage.

If you’re looking for more advice on building a healthy relationship, don’t forget to check out my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship. It’s filled with practical tips and insights that can help you navigate the often tricky terrain of love and commitment.

To love and be loved is a wonderful thing. Here’s to building strong, healthy relationships that stand the test of time!