Kiran Athar
If you feel like you’re spiraling a little after a recent breakup, I’m here to help you stay calm, cool, and collected.
It’s easy to get caught up in drama or make bad decisions when your emotions are flying around, trying to make sense of this life-changing event.
If you give in, more often than not, you could end up ruining your reputation, which will be another stress factor on top of the breakup itself.
So, If you want to keep your dignity after a breakup, don’t do these 10 things:
1) Don’t beg or plead
Your partner has done the unthinkable and left you. Your first reaction might be to beg them to give you another chance…
And hey, that’s a pretty normal reaction, especially if you still love them or want to be with them.
But unfortunately, it doesn’t do any favors in keeping your dignity.
First up, it rarely works. Your ex was likely thinking about this for a while before going ahead with it, and it’s unlikely they’ll change their mind.
Even if they do, it might be out of pity…and you don’t want someone to stay with you for that reason, right?
Secondly, you could end up being hurt even more, especially if they get off on seeing you plead with them.
I know it’s tough, but you’ve got to respect their wishes and give them space.
2) Avoid bad-mouthing your ex
But if begging isn’t your style and you’re angry more than anything else, your first thought might be to start spreading the news about how your ex is such a shitty person.
And while you may be valid in having this opinion about them, the truth is, it’s best to keep those thoughts to yourself (or share only with your closest friends).
Let me explain why this behavior doesn’t scream dignity:
The more you talk bad about your ex, the more it shows how affected you are. But more than that, it tells others that you’re unable to accept the situation for what it is.
If you must explain the situation to people outside your close circle, stick to the facts.
Trust me, they’ll speak for themselves, and you’ll come off looking much more classy and mature.
3) Steer clear of social media drama
In the wake of a breakup, social media should be avoided at all costs.
If not, you may end up engaging in the following:
- Obsessively checking their profile (which can lead to stalker-like behavior)
- Badmouthing them online (see point 2 above)
- Uploading (not so) cryptic memes which trust me, we all know what they really mean
Put it this way, nothing good or dignified will come from turning to social media to vent your frustration or release your sadness.
And the worst part is that 95% of your friends list won’t care that you’re hurting. They’ll enjoy the drama, but you won’t get the comfort you crave.
Instead, meet up with a good friend, let everything out (because talking to someone really does help) but keep it to people you trust!
4) Don’t engage in revenge acts
Ever heard the story of the woman who, when moving her belongings out of her exes house while he was away on a business trip, decided to drop watercress seeds in his carpet and lightly water them? (He got a big shock when he got home a few weeks later).
Or, the woman who stuffed prawn shells in her ex-husband’s curtain poles, leading him to spend hours trying to find out where the bad smell was coming from?
And no, I’m not telling you this so you get any dodgy ideas!
The stories might be entertaining (if they’re 100% true), and I’m sure those women felt some level of satisfaction at the time.
But it doesn’t last long.
Taking revenge on your ex could end up in a nasty legal battle, others will see you as petty, and when you move on and your emotions settle, you could end up regretting your actions.
5) Avoid constantly contacting your ex
But perhaps revenge isn’t your style, and you’d rather try to keep in touch with your ex instead.
I know how you feel, when me and my ex broke up, I thought being friends would give me the closure I needed.
It didn’t.
Not to mention, if you constantly text or call your ex, they might end up feeling like they’re being harassed. And this isn’t a good look for you.
My advice, if you are tempted to keep contacting them, is to delete their number, block their profiles, and give yourself time.
Sure, in the future once things settle, you can unblock them and chat if they’re willing to.
But ultimately, the most dignified thing you can do is get on with your life and let them get on with theirs.
6) Don’t jump into a rebound relationship
I’d be a hypocrite if I said I’ve never done this…In fact, most of us have. The truth is, rebound relationships might feel good at the time, but just like getting revenge, it’s short-lived.
Not to mention, it’s not the most dignified thing you can do. For two reasons:
- You’re not thinking about your emotions in the long run. The rebound might be a fun distraction, but it does nothing to help you heal.
- You’re not thinking about the emotions of the person you rebound with. This is mainly if they’re really into you, but you’re just using them so you don’t have to face your own feelings.
It can also come across as impulsive and slightly immature. The message you’re sending out is, “I’m pretending I’m over my ex by being with someone else”…
When what you should be doing is taking this time to reflect on what went wrong in the relationship, rebuilding your self-esteem, and healing. Alone or with friends. But not in bed with someone attractive you just met at the bar.
7) Don’t forget about self-care
Another thing you shouldn’t do if you want to keep your dignity is neglect self-care.
But I get it, we’ve all been there. Those first few days, you might opt to stay in bed, eat junk food, and wallow in your misery.
That’s totally fine.
But after more than a couple of days, it becomes an issue.
One thing I’ve always found helpful after a breakup (once I’ve completed my two days of wallowing) is to dress up in my favorite clothes, do my hair nicely and take myself out.
Either shopping, for a coffee, or just a simple stroll in the park.
And guess what – I usually feel a tad bit more optimistic about life afterward.
Think about it this way; when you’re feeling crappy, you need self-care more than ever.
It’s like giving yourself a giant hug.
8) Resist overindulging in alcohol or other substances
And following on from the previous point, if you start your self-care regime early on, you’ll be less likely to turn to toxic forms of comfort…
That involves binge drinking, overeating, or taking drugs to dull the pain.
Because you and I both know that this is a temporary fix. It won’t solve your heartbreak, it’ll just pile on more crap for you to deal with later down the line.
And hey, I’m not one to judge if you fancy pouring your heart out over a bottle of wine with a good friend, but do it in moderation.
Being drunk can lead you to do other things I’ve warned against on this list, such as harassing your ex, bad-mouthing them, or jumping into a rebound situation.
None of that screams dignified.
9) Avoid talking about your ex all the time
So, I’ve mentioned a few times about reaching out to close ones to help you process the breakup.
And you absolutely should.
But know when to draw the line too.
I had a friend who I happily listened to as she tried to figure out where things had gone wrong in her relationship. But two months later it was still all she could talk about…and I felt pretty drained from being her emotional crutch.
In a way, it felt like she’d become dependent on me.
And that’s far from being dignified.
Instead, talk things out, cry when you need to, but also acknowledge that everyone else’s life is still going on. Don’t forget to ask your friends how they’re doing, or give them a break from breakup talk once in a while.
10) Avoid public confrontations
And finally, try to avoid blowing up in public when you next see your ex.
I know emotions will be flying all over the place, and perhaps you’ll want to give them a piece of your mind. Even worse, you might see them with someone else.
If this happens, remember one thing:
Making a big scene will only reflect badly on you.
My advice?
Invest in self-care. Look after your appearance. Be kind to your mental health.
When you randomly bump into your ex, you’ll be glowing. And that’s the best type of “revenge” you can possibly hope for!
