Trying to answer the question, “does she love me?” can be complicated and stressful.
If you’ve been wondering how to know if this is more than friendship, you are not alone.
A lot of guys struggle to figure out if they should make a move toward something more or stay in their comfort zone to avoid getting hurt or hurting the girl they like.
They’ll help you get a better idea of what she’s thinking.
1) She might be acting jealous.
You might only be friends, but she might be exhibiting signs of jealousy when you are around other women.
Relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch says:
“Jealousy is among the most human of all emotions. You feel jealous when you think you are going to lose a relationship you really value.”
Even in large groups, if she likes you, she might go out of her way to make sure she is closer to you, talking to you more, and interrupting your conversations with other women.
Marriage therapist Kimberly Hershenson says:
“They don’t want to talk to anyone else. If they were around you the entire time and didn’t bother to meet other people or strike up a conversation with anyone else, it’s a sign they think you’re special.”
She might not even realize she’s doing it herself, but her actions speak louder than her words.
If you feel like she might be getting a little jealous about your social activities, there’s a good chance that she’s harboring some unrecognized (or hidden!) feelings for you.
2) She worries about you and your life.
Women show they care in different ways. If she loves you, you’ll find her asking about all things related to your life and offering advice on how you should proceed.
Dating expert Stef Safran explains:
“When someone follows through consistently with their promises — they contact you when they say they will, and if they forget, they actually acknowledge you — this can show that they really care about you and your feelings.”
Whether or not the advice was solicited, her heart is in the right place.
Sometimes, women don’t bother to ask if their help is needed, but it’s in their DNA so they’ll take responsibility for you and your life’s choices even if you don’t want her help. It’s how she shows she cares.
But if she doesn’t seem to care at all about you, then she might not love you.
3) You’re not “perfect” in her eyes
Does she see you for who you are? Does she accept all your flaws and faults?
Loving you for who you really are is incredibly important.
After watching an excellent free video by world renowned shaman Rudá Iandê, for the first time I actually reflected on the type of love I have for my girlfriend.
He made me realize that I’ve been trapped by the ideal of having the perfect romance.
Westerners grow up obsessed with the idea of “romantic love”. We watch TV shows and Hollywood movies about perfect couples living happily ever after.
And naturally we want it for ourselves.
While the idea of romantic love is beautiful, it’s also potentially a life-wrecking myth.
One which not only causes so many unhappy relationships, but also poisons you into living a life devoid of optimism and personal independence.
Because happiness should never come from the external.
You don’t need to discover the “perfect person” to be in a relationship with to find self-worth, security and happiness. These things should all occur from the relationship you have with yourself.
I’m not the typical person that would seek out the advice of a shaman. But Rudá isn’t your typical shaman.
Rudá has made shamanism relevant for modern-day society by interpreting and communicating it for people like me and you.
People living regular lives.
Understanding that the perfect romance doesn’t necessarily exist made me free to live life on my own terms. It also opened me up to meaningful relationships without needing them to be perfect.
4) She wants to know more about your future plans.
If she is in love with you, she is going to want to know what you are thinking for the future. If she’s devastated at the thought of you moving away or taking a job in another part of the city because she won’t get to see you as much, there might be something more to that than just boredom.
Marisa T. Cohen, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at St. Francis College says that when partners ask each other questions about the future, it shows “a certain level of intimacy”.
It’s important to pay attention to signs like these, and also, to pay attention to how she talks about the future: does she use the word “we” when talking to you about her future?
5) What does her Zodiac sign say?
Is astrological compatibility a thing? Does the “movement” of the stars affect whether a woman loves you?
Maybe Probably not.
The truth is that it doesn’t really matter what we think…
Because your girl probably reads her horoscope and what her Zodiac sign means for her love life. Many girls decide who to fall in love with, and the qualities they want in a man, based on their star sign.
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What this means is that learning just a little about her Zodiac sign can give you a big leg up when it comes to working out her true feelings for you.
To help you do this, I’ve created a fun new Zodiac quiz for men. Check it out here.
Sure, I’m as skeptical as the next guy about this stuff. But you don’t need to subscribe to a crystal-bearing and palm-reading lifestyle to realize you need to play the game sometimes.
Want to get inside her head? I guarantee this Zodiac quiz will help.
6) She shows up for you when you need someone.
If she is the person you think to call when something is wrong, there’s no question that you might be in love.
But if she is the person who actually shows up when things are going wrong, then she might be in love too.
According to psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson:
“Pay twice as much attention to how someone treats you than what they say. Anybody can say they love you, but behavior doesn’t lie. If someone says they value you, but their actions indicate otherwise, trust their behavior.”
If she is showing she cares for you with action, then she might be a keeper.
Life is complicated, but it is made easier when we have people in our corner that we can trust. If you feel like she is someone you can count on and she has told you so, you might have the girl of your dreams right in front of you.
(In my new article, I explain why women don’t choose the guy who makes the most “sense” to be with – they look for these 3 ‘body language cues’ instead. Check it out here).
7) She’s your biggest fan.
Whether you are playing video games with your friends or you are cooking up a 3-course meal, she is cheering you on from the sidelines and gets in on the action as much as possible.
“A partner who loves you will always do [their] best to truly support you in pursuing your dreams,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, told Bustle.
It’s not always easy to tell when a woman loves you, especially if you haven’t made a move yet, but if she is always in your corner, you can bet that she cares.
8) She tries to make you feel better.
When life gives you lemons, this girl shows up and helps you make lemonade.
According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, when someone is in love, they tend to show strong empathy:
“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being…If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”
She works hard to try to get your head out of the sand and put you back on the straight and narrow.
She cares about what happens to you and cares about how you feel.
If she is showing up for you, helping you get over whatever it is you need to get over, and is trying to make you laugh in the process, she’s into you.
9) She recalls things you’ve shared with her.
According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, a sign someone is in love with is if their focus is purely on you:
“Someone may be in love when they begin to focus a lot of their attention on you, especially in one-on-one settings.”
You might just think it’s a passing conversation, but if she loves you, those conversations become the fabric of your relationship.
If you are surprised she remembered something you said a while back, don’t be.
There’s good reason for it: she’s picking up what you are putting down and she likely can’t help but pay attention to you and everything you say.
10) It feels like she is your best friend.
You are lost without her. And you get the same vibe from her.
You are everything to each other, and despite not being in a romantic relationship, you feel like you are just one kiss away from having everything you’ve ever wanted.
If she has told you that you are her best friend and she feels close to you, don’t worry about spoiling the friendship.
What waits on the other side of friendship might just be the best thing for you both. And it’s the only way to find out if she loves you (but might be scared to admit it).
In the book “The Anatomy of Love,” by biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, she says that “thoughts of the ‘love object’ begin to invade your mind. … You wonder what your beloved would think of the book you are reading, the movie you just saw, or the problem you are facing at the office.”
[Not only does Buddhism provide a spiritual outlet for many people, it can also improve your health and wellbeing. Check out my new no-nonsense guide to using Buddhism for a better life here].
11) She puts in the work.
Even if you’ve had a spat, you can see that she wants to work things out between the two of you.
You might feel like she is perfect, but every relationship has its problems.
If you are still in the friend stage, you can probably fight with each other without fear of consequence, but once you move into the love stage, you’ll start to worry that things may fall apart.
If you can see that she is already working to ensure that you remain close, she loves you.
After all, according to Susan Trombetti, when you’re in love, you consider your partner’s point of view, even if you’re in an argument:
“Someone who is completely in love with you will allow themselves to take a step back and put your ideas at the forefront.”
12) She blushes when you come around.
The body does lie, so if you find her turning every shade of red when you are near her, that’s a good thing.
She might seem uncomfortable around you, but that’s not what’s really going on. What’s really going on is that her body is giving way her best kept secrets and she is trying to keep her feelings at bay.
Judy Dutton author of How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover, discussed body language with Marie Claire and explained,
“Feet typically point in the direction they want to go, so if someone’s feet are pointed toward you, that’s good. If they’re pointed away from you, that’s bad. If someone’s feet are pointed in toward each other, that ‘pigeon toes’ stance is actually a good sign, since it’s a subconscious attempt to shrink in size and appear harmless, approachable … which may very well mean someone likes you, a lot.”
13) She makes time for you.
Despite being super busy and never having time for anyone else, she always manages to make time to see you and spend time with you.
According to Susan Trombetti, “So many times we see partners putting priorities in front of one another. If you are truly in love with someone, you will never make them a second option!”
It might not be as often as you’d like, but you notice that she has gone out of her way to show up and spend time with you. Lunches, drinks, and maybe even the odd dinner: she’s in love.
14) She remembers the little things.
Whenever you are together you are surprised to find that she remembers things you’ve told her in previous conversations.
Not that you thought she was ignoring you, but you are surprised that she was paying as much attention to you as you were to her.
According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, “Someone in love will remember your birthday, your favorite color, and favorite meal, so the little things they remember and do for you are also meaningful,”
It’s a great feeling, isn’t it? If she can rhyme off the names of your uncles based on a childhood story you told once, she’s into you.
15) She wants to spend more time with you.
While she may have a very busy schedule, she tells you that she would like to be able to spend more time with you and apologizes when she can’t fit more time into her schedule.
According to Live Science, when you really like someone, you begin to think that your object of affection is unique. This belief also comes with an inability to feel romantic attraction for anyone else.
It’s clear that your relationship is important to her, but so is her work and you respect that she needs to find balance in her life for the things she loves.
If she’s bent out of shape about not being able to hang out on the weekend because of work, she’s in love.
16) She asks for your opinion.
Women who are in love value the opinions of those around them.
If she turns to you for advice on how she can improve some aspect of her life, how she can figure out something that is troubling her, or what she should do with her boyfriend and their relationship (what!?), she’s in love with you!
Keep in mind that it is a huge sign of respect when someone asks for your advice, especially if it’s life-related or career-related.
According to Peter Gray Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “Love brings bliss to both types of relationships, but only if tempered by respect.”
17) She has the ability to lift you up.
You miss her when she’s gone and she has said the same to you. You spend time together like best friends when you can and share your lives like you are already in a long-term relationship.
Jonathan Bennett, a Dating/Relationship Coach, told Bustle, “If your partner possesses the ability to brighten your mood with a few words of praise when you need it most, it’s a great sign that he or she understands what makes you tick and appreciates your authentic self. This person is a definite keeper!”
Not only that, but she might even be your best friend. If she has said on numerous occasions that you are her best friend. Go for it.
18) She talks to their friends and family about you.
Someone in love needs to seek counsel from her friends and if you’ve caught wind of the fact that she brings up your name around her other friends, you’re in!
Also, if she introduces you to her family, that’s a great sign that she sees a future with you.
According to April Masini, a relationship expert, “Even if they haven’t said, ‘I love you’ yet, wanting to show you off and to get approval from parents (no matter how old a partner is), means that they care for you enough to see a future with you,”
They might be looking for permission or approval from her friends because they are feeling unsure of her feelings toward you, but don’t despair, if they are on the fence about you, it won’t be long before they decide to go for it too.
Also, Kailen Rosenberg, elite matchmaker, told Business Insider that a sign of being in love is if “They’ll also go out of their way to connect you with their own friends and connections to help make your life or work easier.”
19) She is genuinely interested in your life.
You can tell she cares about what happens to you, even if it comes out wrong sometimes.
She’s just genuinely interested in your life because she likes spending time with you.
Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D., says this is a clear sign of being in love:
“Liking your partner signals a high degree of reward in a relationship, and the kind of interpersonal pleasure helpful in sustaining a relationship.”
20) She flirts with you.
One of the easiest ways to tell if this girl is into you like you are into her is to pay attention to her flirting.
If you’re flirting together, you’re probably laughing and have fun. If she can’t help herself but laugh, then that’s a great sign.
According to University of Texas psychology professor Norman Li:
“You are more likely to be interested in some kind of relationship with a person if you initiate any kind of humor towards them. If the other person is also interested, they should be more likely to perceive you as humorous and respond favorably (laugh), even if you’re objectively not all that funny.
“However, if they’re really not interested, then they probably won’t find humor in what you say, even if it’s your best material.”
Does she flirt with you? Does she seem shy or intimidated by you? Does she worry about what she’ll say in front of you?
Does she get embarrassed easily when she messes up in front of you?
These are telltale signs that she is in love because she wants you to think only the best of her.
21) She has told you she loves you.
Look, if she has come out and told you that she loves you, even as a friend, in a friendly way, and has left those words on the table, get in there.
According to Susan Trombetti, letting their guard down and being honest is a key factor in being in love:
“It goes without saying that honesty is a key factor to a loving relationship, but showing complete transparency and letting your guard down is one of the most showing factors that they really are in love.”
Talk to her about how you feel and clarify her declaration so that you know where she stands. Stop wasting time trying to figure out if this thing is on and just ask.
If she loves you in any way, there’s hope for romantic love.
Be brave and let her know how you feel. If she really loves you, even just as a friend, she’ll be kind and let you down gently, but at least you’ll know so you can get on with your life already.