“Does my wife love me?” Here are 31 signs she doesn’t love you

Image credit: Shutterstock - By Roman Kosolapov

Feeling like your marriage has been rockier than usual?

Have the fights started to become more serious than they once were?

And now you’re wondering: Does my wife really love me?

Look, it’s a tough situation to deal with.

When the woman you’ve chosen to spend your life with treats you differently in a negative way it can be soul-destroying.

After all, women are highly emotional and powerful creatures and when you’re on the wrong side of that it can feel like hell.

But don’t worry, many of us have been there before.

The good news?

Once you learn about female psychology and female emotions, you’ll have an easier time working out if your wife still loves you and what you can do about it.

So in this article, we’re going to explore the surefire signs that your wife might have fallen out of love with you.

We’ll also talk about what you can do to regain her love (if that’s the case).

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

31 signs your wife doesn’t love you anymore

Image credit: Shutterstock – Cookie Studio

1) She’s never on your side

Partners are supposed to have each other’s backs, even when it doesn’t seem like the best thing to do.

And your wife might’ve been your best sidekick before, always ready to step in whenever you got into a disagreement, a fight, or anything else at all.

But these days, when your back’s against the wall and it feels like the whole world’s against you, your wife is nowhere to be found.

Not only is she not on your side, but she sometimes seems to be rooting for the other team.

Your wife is supposed to be with you “through thick and thin”, as the wedding vows go.

But when she stops loving you, she also stops caring about you unconditionally.

And she’s more than ready to see you get put down, even if she doesn’t have the guts (yet!) to do it herself.

2) Her threats are getting worse

Fights are normal in a relationship. There will always be arguments and bickering, especially when you’re married and the honeymoon phase is long over.

And every now and then — hopefully once in a blue moon — you might exchange more “serious” threats, like threatening the end of the relationship, a divorce, or something else.

But in your heart you knew that threats like those were never truly serious.

However, with the threats these days, you really aren’t so sure anymore.

Not only are the threats becoming more frequent, making appearances in the type of “small fights” that used to be meaningless, but they’re also becoming more detailed and elaborate.

Not only does she threaten divorce, but she makes threats over what she’ll do to you, how she’ll do it, and how happy she’ll be to finally be rid of you.

When this starts happening, it means she’s really thought about it long and hard, and these thoughts aren’t just coming out as a knee jerk reaction, but as a way to finally let you know what she’s been thinking.

3) She doesn’t put up with your family anymore

We don’t always have the best relationships with our in-laws.

While the dream reality is that your parents love your partner and her parents love you, that’s rarely ever truly the case.

In many cases, you or your partner have to take some punches from the other person’s parents.

And we let this happen just so that we can keep the peace because there’s nothing more important than preserving the sanctity and happiness of the marriage.

No matter how far your parents or other relatives might go, your wife has always been willing to just smile it off.

But these days, she really couldn’t care less about putting up with your family’s passive-aggressive tendencies.

She snaps back and gives them her piece of mind, and any thought of “peace” flew out the window long ago.

She’s finally at the end of her rope, and she knows that this might be the last time (or close to the last time) that she’ll ever have to deal with them again.

4) She doesn’s support you anymore

When you’re in a relationship (and definitely when you’re married), you’re supposed to support your partner’s endeavors unconditionally. We all know that!

You want your partner to succeed, right? You want them to get that raise at work or complete that marathon.

“A partner who loves you will always do [their] best to truly support you in pursuing your dreams,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, told Bustle.

But if she’s clearly not interested in what you do and maybe even looks down on your endeavors, it’s a bad sign.

Maybe she doesn’t agree with your life’s priorities, and that’s fine, but you definitely need to have a talk with her about it.

If it’s not that, then maybe she just doesn’t love you anymore.

And if that’s the case, is there something you can do to get her to fall in love with you again?

You can start by watching this amazing free video by relationship expert Brad Browning (trust me, it’s worth watching).

Brad’s course Mend the Marriage has helped thousands of couples save their relationships, that’s why I think if you just listened to what he has to say, you could learn how to make your wife care about you once again.

Trust me, Brad’s the real deal.

So instead of letting things run their course, take control and mend your marriage.

What are you waiting for?

Here’s a link to his video again.

5) She stopped thinking about when she doesn’t need to

One major indicator of love is when you think about someone even when they’re not around.

You think about what they may be doing, whether they’ve eaten or not, whether they need you for anything at all, or how they might be feeling.

This is why a hallmark of most strong relationships is a couple texting or messaging each other randomly throughout the day.

And your wife used to love doing this with you — catching up with you at random points throughout the day, asking about work, reminding you about this or that, and so on.

But now you can’t even remember the last time she checked in on you, unprompted.

You’re not in her mind anymore whenever she doesn’t need to think about you, and she’s more than happy to go through an entire day without thinking or caring about your needs.

6) She criticizes you over everything

No one is perfect. We all have our own flaws, issues, and insecurities; things we wish we didn’t have to deal with.

And your partner is supposed to be there with you and complete you, making you feel that your flaws aren’t as bad as you might think, or that you can work on them with her support.

But now she’s more critical than anything else. She points out and highlights everything you do wrong, even things that other people would never even think about.

Most of your fights are caused by her not liking something you did, even if you had no malicious intent at all.

She’s found new ways to diminish your self-confidence and hit out on you, and almost seems to relish in the opportunity to criticize you whenever she gets the chance.

Your wife no longer feels like your safe space, but a place that loathes you and wants to remind you of everything you hate about yourself.

7) She pushes you away when you try to be physical

Ask yourself, when was the last time you and your wife were “physical” or intimate? And if recently, did it seem like she enjoyed it?

It’s normal for the sex life of a long-term couple to start to die down over time, especially after years or decades have been spent together.

But you shouldn’t confuse the normal sexual calming of a relationship with your wife’s complete disinterest in making love with you.

No matter how long you’ve been together, a healthy relationship is one where both partners still love feeling each other’s bodies.

Through kisses, hugs, and even innocent but intimate touches here and there throughout the day; and of course, through sex.

Has your wife stopped being touchy?

Does she not cuddle you the way she once did when you two watch movies, or does she never even hold your hand anymore when you’re outside or sitting together?

And if you try to initiate some kind of physical contact, does she seem to subtly push you away?

8) She doesn’t do things for you anymore

Remember all the little things your wife used to do for you?

The random surprises throughout the day — the small gifts to the office, the packed lunch, the amazing dinner of all your favorite things…

Your wife used to genuinely care about making you smile and bringing light into your life, especially when everything else was stressing you out.

Your happiness used to mean a lot to her.

But she doesn’t seem to care anymore, she’s stopped doing all those things for you.

Look, if this is the case, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your marriage is over. However, you do need to start taking action to stop things from getting worse.

So, where do you start?

It could be as simple as knowing the right thing to say to her.

I mentioned relationship expert Brad Browning before and I’m bringing him up again because I think that this guy is on to something. I really think you should hear what he has to say – you’ve got nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Watch this quick video to get advice on saving your marriage.

9) She doesn’t care what you say about her

You can remember a time when you felt incredibly guilty for the slip of a tongue during a fight, and you knew you messed up when you crossed a line and said something too hurtful.

You could see the pain in your wife’s eyes and the anger in your heart would disappear immediately because you knew there was nothing more important than apologizing for what you just said.

But you can say anything to her these days and the words will bounce off her like nothing.

Instead of pain in her eyes, you only see more anger or disdain, as if she’s truly done with you in her heart.

She obviously stopped caring a long time ago about what you really feel about her, which is why your words have no more effect on her.

10) She stopped asking you random questions

Your wife is your best friend, your soulmate, your twin flame.

She’s the person who always wants to know what you’re doing, what you’re feeling, what’s going on with your life, and if there’s anything she can do to improve your life in any way.

A loving partner doesn’t feel obligated to feel these things; they just do it out of unconditional love, and you know you feel the same way.

But when your wife stops loving you, one of the quickest ways to tell is to study her behavior and see whether those random, meaningless and tiny interactions have stopped.

When was the last time your wife asked you about your day, or whether you’ve eaten, or what you would like to do?

When was the last time she seemed to remember something you cared about, and asked about it?

She’s fallen out of love and she barely thinks about you at all, and she uses her time away from you to think about herself and her own life, and possibly, a new life without you.

11) You can’t remember her last apology

With so many little speed bumps along the way, it’s vital for a relationship to have two people who are ready to compromise and apologize.

The disagreements and arguments are expected, but the ability to move on from those issues peacefully and with love still in your heart is something you and your wife have to actively develop and master.

But when was the last time she actually apologized for something she said or did?

When was the last time she showed any kind of remorse for hurting your feelings, for insulting or diminishing you?

These days her apologies have stopped being apologies; just her dropping the fight and pretending it never happened.

She doesn’t care enough about you to apologize for the way she made you feel; she just doesn’t want to keep fighting.

Your relationship stopped being 50/50 a long time ago, and you just didn’t want to see it.

It’s become a power struggle, with her wondering how far she can push you before you finally pull the plug and end the marriage.

12) Her friends treat you weirdly now

Your wife’s friends aren’t obligated to like you.

There are plenty of relationships where friends just treat their friend’s husband as someone they have to accept or tolerate because even if they don’t necessarily like you, they know that you make your wife happy and that’s good enough.

But these days, they don’t even seem to tolerate you.

They shoot you nasty looks and say questionably aggressive remarks about you, with just enough innocence that you really can’t be sure whether they hate you or not.

So why the sudden change in behavior?

They don’t accept you anymore because they know you aren’t making your wife happy the way she once was.

Her friends are the first people she’s going to turn to when she needs to complain about you.

And unlike your wife, her friends don’t have the foundation of being in love with you — they’re more than ready to say what they really feel and encourage your wife to follow her heart, even if it means leaving you.

13) She doesn’t remember the little things

We all have our own little quirks.

Maybe you have to sleep on a certain side of the bed, or maybe you never want to have pickles on your burger.

You probably have a favorite song or a certain way of brushing your teeth or combing your hair.

There are dozens if not hundreds of little things that make you, “you”, and there was a time in your relationship when your wife not only remembered those little things but appreciated and even adored them.

These days she couldn’t care less about them.

She has lost total interest in your “stupid” quirks and thinks of them more as burdens than anything else.

She might have even made you feel embarrassed or ashamed for your habits more than once.

14) You don’t know what’s going on with her life

What’s your wife up to right now, right this second? Do you know? And are you absolutely sure?

What’s your wife’s latest interest? What’s been bugging her in her social life? What’s on her mind lately? Who are her new friends, and who is she happy with and upset with? What’s a new song that she really enjoys?

You might remember a time when your wife told you everything — things you needed to know and things you didn’t even know to ask.

She just loved talking with you, because in her heart you were her partner, her soulmate, the man she fell in love with.

But these days she never talks to you at all.

And the worst part?

Maybe you didn’t realize it until you asked yourself those questions.

You forgot that your wife has a life outside of being your wife; an entire person filled with thoughts and ideas and frustrations, but you’ve made zero effort to understand her outside of her wifely duties to you.

15) She dresses differently these days

Married life can get boring, and over time we all start to lose ourselves — we stop dressing provocatively, taking care of ourselves and the way we look, and working on our appearance, simply because we’re already tied down and there’s no one we’re trying to impress.

But out of nowhere, it seems like your wife has suddenly picked up her fashion sense all over again.

She’s wearing clothes you’ve never seen, or clothes you haven’t seen in years. She’s working on her body again and watching her weight.

She looks better than she has in ages, but she isn’t spending any extra time or effort on you.

You don’t have to be a scientist to figure out what’s going on.

She’s either already found someone else in her daily life she wants to look good for, or she wants to look good enough again to feel attractive for men other than you.

Watch this video right now to learn about 3 techniques that will help you repair your relationship (even if your wife isn’t interested at the moment).

16) She doesn’t try to make you feel better anymore

Women don’t always want to necessarily take care of their husbands, but when they love you, they do.

Even if you have something as small as a minor headache or you cut yourself while cooking, a loving wife will always be ready to pounce and get the first aid kit.

Why? Because they love you and can’t stand the idea of you being in pain.

But now your wife doesn’t care what you’re feeling, how stressed you might be, or whether you might be healthy or sick.

It’s not that she necessarily hates you (although she might); she just can’t find it in her to care long enough about you to wonder whether you’re doing alright.

She barely wants to be your wife anymore; why would she want to be your nurse?

Why would she care about your pains and stresses?

She might even believe that you deserve whatever you might be feeling because her perception of you has just become so toxic.

17) You can’t remember the last time she forgave you

We discussed earlier the reality that a wife who no longer loves her husband is a wife who will no longer sincerely apologize for anything.

While you may get some quick, shallow apologies from time to time, you’ll never experience a true heartfelt apology from her.

And in the same vein, you also won’t experience true forgiveness from her ever again.

She may say “it’s okay” or “don’t worry about it” to end a quick argument, but she doesn’t really care about going through the process of forgiving you; she simply wants the immediate negativity to go away, so she can go back to waiting for the marriage to collapse.

If your wife has stopped loving you, at least half of the reason is because of you.

While she can’t forgive you, when was the last time you sincerely tried winning her forgiveness?

Perhaps she got sick of the half-hearted apologies on your end, and started in turn replying with half-hearted acts of forgiveness.

18) She’s moody all the time, but only with you

Let’s be honest:

Women are emotional creatures.

Sometimes they’re angry for no logical reason, and other times, they are as happy as Larry.

But here’s what you need to look out for:

If she’s cheery and happy with other people, but consistently down in the dumps with only you, then that’s not a good sign.

Is the sound of you chewing your food bugging her?

Is she getting annoyed at even the slightest inconvenience you’ve caused her?

These kinds of things can be normal when it’s around that time of the month for her, but if it’s been happening for weeks then you might have an issue on your hands.


Being consistently annoyed with you doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t love you, but it does mean that there’s something about your relationship that’s annoying her.

For example:

It could be that she’s waiting for you guys to have kids (if you haven’t already), or she doesn’t agree with your plan for the future.

Whatever it is, it might be time to ask her why she’s so consistently annoyed with you.

19) She just won’t listen to you or take your advice

We can all agree that in a healthy relationship, listening is paramount.

You respect what your partner has to say and you listen to them when they talk.

That’s relationship rule 101.

So naturally, if your wife can’t be bothered listening to what you say, then I’m sorry to say but there’s a lack of respect.

And when there’s a lack of respect, there’s a lack of love.

According to Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “Trust is one of the keystones of any relationship—without it two people cannot be comfortable with each other and the relationship lacks stability.”

So perhaps unsurprisingly:

If you offer her advice, and she never seems to act upon it, then that might not be a good sign.

Strong relationships are built on respect and trust, and if that’s lacking from her point of view, then she might not love you.

20) There’s a complete lack of intimacy

Forget what some people say, the little things DO count.

When she hugs and kisses you goodbye, it shows she cares for you and is going to miss you throughout the day.

When she snuggles up to you while watching a movie, it shows that she feels safe in your arms.

Make no mistake about it.

But if she’s not doing any small affectionate acts like this (and she used to), then, unfortunately, she may not love you.

The reason is simple.

These small signs of affection reveal where her mind is at. They’re hard to fake after all.

Yes, it’s normal for her to be less affectionate on some days, particularly if you have kids, but as I’ve mentioned above, if this is becoming a trend then it’s an indication that she might not love you.

21) She always seems distracted

Now, this obviously isn’t a sign by itself. Everyone can get distracted for different reasons. It could be a work or family issue that’s plaguing her mind.

But let’s face it. If she’s distracted ONLY when she’s with you, then that could be a problem.

Is it hard for her to stay in a conversation? Is she always looking over her shoulder?

If she’s fallen out of love with you, you’ll find that she is almost disconnecting herself from the relationship.

She might even tell you that she loves you, but remember, actions don’t lie!

According to psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson:

“Pay twice as much attention to how someone treats you than what they say. Anybody can say they love you, but behavior doesn’t lie. If someone says they value you, but their actions indicate otherwise, trust their behavior.”

If she just can’t seem to focus her attention on anything to do with you, and this is becoming a trend, then it might be that she’s decided that there might be no future, and this is her way of letting you down gently.

If you’re seeing this symptom, as well as some of the others I mention in this article, it doesn’t necessarily mean your wife doesn’t still love you. However, you do need to start taking action to stop the degradation of your marriage.

22) She’s never checking in on you anymore

We’ve all experienced this before. Your girlfriend or wife constantly checks in on you.

“What are you doing now hun?” “Miss you babe…how’s work?”

While it’s annoying, it does show you they care.

But let’s be honest.

If she used to do this all the time, but now it’s crickets, then that could obviously be an issue.

It’s normal for the passion to die down once you’re married, but communication should never cease completely.

In fact, some couples even become closer when they finally get married.

So if suddenly you aren’t receiving any texts from your wife, then that might be an unfortunate indicator that she doesn’t love you.

The simple truth is this:

If you have an important meeting at work, and she hasn’t even asked how it went, then that could be a sign that she just isn’t invested in your life anymore.

23) She has completely stopped inviting you out with her friends

One sign that she might be falling out of love with you is if she is suddenly spending more time with her friends, but never inviting you.

If she simply doesn’t invite you or even insists that you stay home, then it’s time to be concerned.


Because she may be leaving you out of the equation as she has told her friends how she is really feeling about you.

Think about it. She doesn’t want any awkward situation to come about.

If she’s not giving you the details about your get together and she never lets you know who’s been out with then that could be a sign that she’s trying to playing innocent when really, she’s been bitching about you all night.

You can try and insist on going to meet her friends with her, but if she gets mad, then it’s time to ask why.

Recommended reading: 8 reasons why your girlfriend isn’t respecting you (and 7 things you can do about it)

24) She has started to talk about the future in a different way

One thing’s for sure:

When your marriage is moving along swimmingly, you’re always happy to talk about the future.

In fact, that’s one of the biggest reasons for getting married in the first place.

You want to spend the rest of your life together and grow something beautiful for the future.

So if she used to talk about the future with optimism and excitement and now she doesn’t even want to talk about it, that could be a bad sign.

If she’s just not including you in any of her future plans, there could be a reason for that.

She might be thinking of a future that doesn’t include you.

25) She is paying a heap of attention to her phone and not to you

Yes, everyone pays attention to their phone these days. But this is your wife we’re talking about.

If she is unwilling to give you her attention at lunchtime or dinner time and simply wants to play with her phone, then something might be up.

According to Susan Trombetti, “So many times we see partners putting priorities in front of one another. If you are truly in love with someone, you will never make them a second option!”

I don’t want to get any ideas in your head, but it could also be the case she is trying to protect her phone in case any questionable calls or texts come up on her screen.

It could be that she just finds her phone extremely fun, but c’mon, a wife needs to pay her husband some attention.

As we’ve said before, when she can’t even muster the energy to give you any attention at all, then it might be a sign she just isn’t invested in your relationship anymore.

26) She doesn’t even try to make you feel better when you’re feeling down

When life gives you lemons, your wife is meant to show up and make you lemonade.

This is what happens when your wife loves you.

According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, when someone is in love, they tend to show strong empathy:

“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being…If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”

But if she can’t be bothered even trying to make you feel better, then you’ve gotta wonder what the hell her deal is.

The truth is this:

When you’re in love with someone, it hurts you to see them down. All you want them to do is perk up and live life like the way you know they can.

So if she is lacking even this kind of basic empathy for the man she is meant to unconditionally love, that’s definitely not a good sign.

RELATED: I was deeply unhappy…then I discovered this one Buddhist teaching

27) It feels like she is no longer your best friend

When your relationship started getting serious, you were inseparable.

She was your best friend, and you talked about everything with her.

Not only that, but you had fun together.

According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, a sign someone is in love with is if their focus is purely on you:

“Someone may be in love when they begin to focus a lot of their attention on you, especially in one-on-one settings.”

Now? She just isn’t that close to you, nor does it appear like she is even making an effort to spend more time with you.

Yes, this can be explained sometimes by having children or a new career, but it shouldn’t become a trend.

In fact, children usually bring you closer together.

So if you find yourself with more free time that you used to spend with your wife, then that could be a serious sign that she doesn’t truly love you anymore.

28) She’s forgotten all the little things of the past

When love is floating in the air, you remember things you’ve said in previous conversations.

You remember the romantic times you’ve had when you walk past a particular restaurant.

According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, “Someone in love will remember your birthday, your favorite color, and favorite meal, so the little things they remember and do for you are also meaningful.”

But she doesn’t seem to remember these kinds of things anymore.

When a woman is madly in love, she remembers EVERYTHING. Birthdays, anniversaries, what your favorite meal is.

But now? She just doesn’t seem to care. She has other things on her mind which unfortunately are never you.

Yes, she could have other issues going on her life, and that’s fine, but when the forgetfulness seems to only involve things to do with you, that could be a bad sign she just isn’t interested anymore.

29) She never asks for your opinion anymore

As we’ve said above, you ask for advice from someone you respect.

In fact, it’s one of the biggest indicators that you trust someone and what they’re thinking.

So if she used to turn to you for advice with things that were troubling her, and now she couldn’t care less what you have to say, then that’s obviously a bad sign.

In other words:

It’s a sign of a lack of respect. And without respect and trust, a relationship can’t grow.

30) She’s no longer even jealous

Jealousy isn’t usually something that’s positive, but if you talk about your sexy-coworker or you’re having a flirty conversation with an attractive woman, and she can’t even muster up the energy to get jealous, well, let’s just put it this way:

It’s not good.

Even in larger groups, if she is truly still in love with you, she will make an effort to get close to you and interrupt you if you’re talking with an absolute bombshell.

Why is jealously a good indicator that she still loves you?

Because it’s an emotion we can’t control.

It means she loves you and she doesn’t want anyone to threaten that.

Relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch says:

“Jealousy is among the most human of all emotions. You feel jealous when you think you are going to lose a relationship you really value.”

But if she can’t naturally spark up when you’re talking to a gorgeous lady, then that’s a bad sign that she may be falling out of love with you.

31) She hasn’t been updating her friends and family about what you’ve been doing

This shows that she just isn’t interested in what’s going on in your life.

The fact of the matter is, when you have a marriage, they’re everything.

The first thing you tell your parents about when you catch up with them is how they are.

But nope, she’s lost the passion to even do this. It shows where her mind is at.

And unfortunately, her mind isn’t where it should be: on her husband.

Now don’t get me wrong:

We can have other things going on in our life, but when you’re married, that’s always in your top 3 priorities!

That’s just the way it is, and if you don’t like it, don’t get married.

How to save your marriage

First, let’s make one thing clear: just because your partner is exhibiting a couple of the behaviors that I just talked about doesn’t mean that they definitely don’t love you. It may simply be that these are indicators of trouble ahead in your marriage.

But if you’ve seen several of these signs in your spouse recently, and you’re feeling that things aren’t on track with your marriage, I strongly advise you to act to turn things around now before matters get any worse.

The best place to start is by watching this free video by marriage guru Brad Browning. He’ll explain where you’ve been going wrong and what you need to do to make your wife fall back in love with you.

The strategies Brad reveals in this video are powerful and could just be the difference between a “happy marriage” and an “unhappy divorce”.

Here’s a link to the video again.

Good luck on winning her back!

FREE eBook: The Marriage Repair Handbook

Just because a marriage has issues doesn’t mean you’re headed for divorce.

The key is to act now to turn things around before matters get any worse.

If you want practical strategies to dramatically improve your marriage, check out our FREE eBook here.

We have one goal with this book: to help you mend your marriage.

Here’s a link to the free eBook again



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Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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