Does my husband love me?
Have you been asking yourself this lately?
We all go through rough patches in our relationship. That’s normal.
There are bound to be times when we doubt ourselves, the relationship, or how our husband feels.
However, this could simply be an issue you’ve self-created, and your husband is actually still madly in love with you.
Or more worryingly, maybe you’re onto something.
So if you’re wondering whether he still loves you, here are 10 important signs to look out for.
After that, we’ll discuss 8 signs he is falling out of love with you.
We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.
1. He still displays little signs of affection.
Don’t get twisted. The little things DO count.
Little gestures of love show that he is still in love with you. He cares for you and he is thinking of you.
Gestures of love and care keep the relationship solid and emotionally stable. They’re more important than most people think.
Those little things can be as simple as holding hands or kisses on the forehead.
It shows where his mind is at and what he is truly feeling. After all, it’s difficult to constantly pre-meditate little signs of affection.
And we all can say whatever we want but it’s our actions that count.
Nicholas Sparks sums it up quite perfectly:
“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”
In fact, according to a survey by eHarmony, “For the happiest couples…it was really about open communication, participating in regular activities together (like camping or even just date night!, compromise, and even little gestures like holding hands and saying ‘I love you’ daily that kept their connection strong.”
2. When you’re feeling down, he tries to lift you up.
It should be fairly obvious that when we see someone we love in pain we do all that we can to lift them up.
So when you’re feeling annoyed, down or you’ve just plain had enough, does your husband try to make you feel better? Does he still try to lift you up?
If he loves you, he sure as hell will. After all, he cares about your experience of life, and most importantly, how you’re feeling.
According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, when someone is in love, they tend to show strong empathy:
“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being…If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”
If he is always there for you, helping you get over what you need to get over, then you can bet your bottom dollar he is in love with you.
Also, keep in mind that males are naturally protective of women.
A study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over their mate’s safety and well-being.
So naturally, if he loves you, he would want to protect you.
3. He keeps supporting you
No matter what you’re doing, whether you’re cooking dinner for the two of you, or you’re pursuing your dreams in your career, he is always supporting you and cheering you on from the sidelines.
He wants the best for you. He wants you to realize your potential and he wants you to be fulfilled.
He can’t help but encourage you to follow your dreams because your happiness is paramount to his happiness.
And when it comes to love, you support them unconditionally. That’s just how it is.
“A partner who loves you will always do [their] best to truly support you in pursuing your dreams,” Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, told Bustle.
4. Keeps talking about the future.
If he is in love with you, then there is no question that he is constantly thinking about the future. After all, you’re married and he wants the best for both of you.
Every discussion and every conversation that concerns the future will be with the words “we” rather than “I”.
Naturally, this should take place in a marriage. If it doesn’t go like this then something might be wrong.
Marisa T. Cohen, a professor of psychology, says that when partners ask each other questions about the future, it shows a “certain level of intimacy.”
5. He still compliments you
He still looks at you and says you’re beautiful. He comments on how kind and caring you are. He tells you how much he appreciates the meals you cook or the job you’ve committed yourself to.
It’s not that he is trying to suck up to you, or trying to distract you. He just genuinely compliments you because you deserve it.
It’s all his way of saying he loves you without actually saying, you know, he loves you.
6. He asks for your advice
When he needs to make an important decision in life, does he ask for your advice and trust what you say?
In a marriage, important personal decisions are talked about thoroughly together.
It’s often said that respect is one of the most important aspects of love, and if he’s asking for your advice, then he clearly respects your opinion.
“Love brings bliss to both types of relationships, but only if tempered by respect.” – Peter Gray Ph.D. in Psychology Today.
And if he really cares what you think, it means that he really cares about you.
He respects you. he trusts you and he probably still loves you.
7. You’re his number one priority
We all have things going on in life. Career, kids, hobbies, and passions, etc.
But if you’re still his number one priority despite the busyness of life, then he obviously still loves you.
If he’ll do anything for you and even put your needs ahead of his, then there’s no denying that it’s true love.
This also means that when you help, he responds quickly. If your car breaks down and you need help right away, he’ll do whatever he can.
When you really love someone, you want to be there for them when they need it.
On the other hand, if he rarely goes out of his way and he is never willing to compromise, then that could be a bad sign.
A successful marriage is about giving and taking and being there for each other.
According to Randi Gunther Ph.D. in Psychology Today, a key component of a healthy, long-term relationship is “their willingness to admit wrongs and to choose a compromise.”
While work and family are pretty important to him, he wants you to know that you are someone special in his life.
That means that he puts your needs over his own and he’ll compromise where he can to make you happy.
8. He won’t forget the little things
When you mention something small about your day, he’ll remember it.
He’ll ask you what happened with your project or what the outcome was with your little office feud.
He listens properly and actually takes in what you have to say. Not only that, but he thrives on what you have to say. It gives him energy and he loves having a conversation with you.
He hangs on to your every word, and he respects what you have to say too. It comes so naturally for him, actually. He just can’t help but take note of every little thing you say.
9. He still says “I love you” in many ways that count
He might not have told you in words that he loves you. But you see it in everything that he does. You see it in the way he looks at you. You see it in the way he holds you. He shows it in the simplest gestures that touch your heart in the deepest ways.
We have different definitions and perceptions of what love is and what it means to us. So much so that we have different ways of expressing it. The man in your life might not have the same language of love as you do, but that doesn’t mean he loves you any less.
However, there is one thing that is universal to us all. And it applies to any situation, romantic or otherwise.
We don’t have to convince anyone to love us. It is not something you force. Truthfully, it isn’t even something you should spend so much time wondering about.
True, genuine, honest-to-goodness love feels so natural that you don’t have to question it.
10. He still gets a little jealous
This one may sound a little strange, but if he still can’t help but get jealous when you talk about your handsome co-worker or when you’re at a social event and you’re talking with a guy, then it’s a good chance he’s feelings are well and truly alive.
See, when you think about, jealousy is a natural reaction that men find hard to control.
Relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch says:
“Jealousy is among the most human of all emotions. You feel jealous when you think you are going to lose a relationship you really value.”
On the other hand, 10 signs he is falling out of love with you
1. You have to initiate all communication
If he used to be invested and passionate about every conversation you had, and now he appears withdrawn and unable to initiate any form of conversation, then that might be a sign that he is falling out of love.
Of course, like with anything, it could also mean that he simply has other issues that he is unwilling to talk about.
Whatever it is, it might be worth asking him what’s going on. Marriage thrives on honest communication and if he is unwilling to engage then it obviously is going to become a problem.
2. Trust is gone between the two of you
A strong relationship thrives on respect and trust. And if that seems empty in the relationship, then it could be that you’re both falling out of love with each other.
In order to be in a healthy relationship that is full of trust and joy, partners need to come together in a way that shows they are confident in the arrangement and partnership.
According to Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera Ph.D. in Psychology Today, “Trust is one of the keystones of any relationship—without it two people cannot be comfortable with each other and the relationship lacks stability.”
If you lack confidence and worry that your partner will see how afraid you really are of losing them or of being hurt, it might stir the pot the wrong way.
3. He’s ignoring you
While we may mention that if he loves you, he may appear more distant, unfortunately, it may also mean that he doesn’t love you.
If he’s ignoring your texts and taking ages to respond, then you might not be at the forefront of his mind.
A man that truly loves you will want to make time for you and see you whenever he can.
Dating expert Justin Lavelle told Bustle that “listening to your partner when [they’re] speaking is one of the most essential shows of respect within a relationship”.
4. He doesn’t listen to you
A man that loves you will respect your opinions and listen to what you have to say.
But if he’s not taking your advice on board and ignoring your opinions, then it shows a lack of respect. And without respect, love is near impossible.
5. He refuses to make plans for the future
This is a warning sign that he doesn’t see a future with you. If he truly loves you, he’d be planning his future around you.
6. He only cares about sex
If he’s meeting up with you only to have sex with you, then he might just be using you for fun.
If he loves you and wants to have a relationship with you, then sex will only be one facet of the relationship.
Heather Cohen, a research scientist, told Bustle that “putting all your positive ‘eggs’ in the sex basket is risky.”
7. He’s cheated on you
If he has cheated on you, then it might be a sign that he isn’t in love with you. After all, when we enter into a relationship, we commit to each other and that means being monogamous.
Now if this is in the past, and you feel like he has truly made an effort since then, then he may love you.
But if he doesn’t seem remorseful about it, then that might be a sign that he just doesn’t love you.
When you love someone, you should feel genuinely terrible about hurting them, and if he can’t even muster up the emotion to feel terrible about cheating on you, then he may not truly love you.
8. He’s putting you down and making you feel like sh*t
If you’re feeling crap around them because they’re lowering your self-esteem with subtle, backhanded statements, then it’s a clear sign that the relationship probably isn’t benefiting you and he doesn’t truly love you.
It’s never fun to be on the receiving end of an insulting comment. You might tell yourself to ignore the comment, but part of it may inevitably stick, and you worry that something is actually “wrong” with you.
Researcher Dr. John Gottman studied many different couples and found that those who were more successful in their relationship had 20 positive interactions for every one negative interaction. Couples who weren’t as successful and split up had 5 positive interactions for every one negative interaction.
Anyone that makes you feel worse, even if it is not intentional, probably doesn’t love you.
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