If you want to know whether your ex is still thinking of you then I have something to tell you.
I’ve been where you’re at.
And I know you don’t want to know whether your ex might be thinking about you or could be.
You want to know if he or she actually is!
So let’s dig into this and get some real answers…
1) They text or call you
I’ve written about my breakup with my girlfriend Dani and getting back together eventually.
I know not everyone has such a happy ending to their love story.
But if you want to know if your ex is still thinking about you, I’ll go through the ways.
This is the first way to know: she texts or calls you.
If she’s doing this then you’re lucky. You’re clearly on her mind in some way.
Dani didn’t do this after we broke up, which is likely the case with you too.
You’re in the dark, lonely and feeling terrible.
You don’t know how to get in touch with them or find out what they are actually feeling.
As far as you know you’re ancient history and you feel like a pile of trash that’s been tossed off the edge of a landfill.
So let’s proceed to point two.
2) Your friends tell you your ex is talking about you
Mutual friends of the two of you may clue you in about what’s going on.
Dani and I had a good friend Meg who told me straight up that she was really tore up over me.
I knew that, but Meg made it official and told me she felt horrible about our split.
She asked me to keep that between us.
I’m still grateful, though, because this is how I knew that I was still on Dani’s mind.
I didn’t get a ton of details or anything, but I knew more or less that she wasn’t over me.
If you aren’t lucky enough to have a friend connection, proceed to step three.
3) They leave digital breadcrumbs
If you’ve been blocked in most places then this can be trickier, but more or less you should have some ability to go online and find out what’s happening.
What digital breadcrumbs is your ex leaving?
What do I mean by digital breadcrumbs?
- Social media posts
- Stories on Instagram and other platforms
- Music clips and photos
Do any of these relate to your relationship?
Do any of them relate to you?
Here are some script-flipping things to watch out for as well:
- They make a big show about being glad of the breakup
- They brag about crazy partying or wild behavior out on the town
- They make a huge show of being over you…
Why are they trying to so hard? They’re definitely still thinking of you, have no doubt about that…
Now if you’re not able to follow any trail of breadcrumbs then you’re going to have to move on to step four…
4) They’re a ghost who’s stalking your social media
The next sign that you’re still on your ex’s mind is that they’re stalking your social media.
If they’re watching your stories and posts, then clearly you’re on their mind.
All too often, they will be doing so from an alt account or a dummy account.
Alternately, they may use a friend’s account.
Do you have a strange new silhouette profile watching everything you post?
I’d bet good money that’s your ex.
I’d also bet good money your ex misses you and is thinking of you!
Next, let’s get to more physical possibilities…
5) You unexpectedly see them out in public in places only you used to go
Long story short: if you are out and your ex seems to be stalking you, they actually might be stalking to you.
This happened to me in a really bizarre way a month after my breakup with Dani.
I was at a Whole Foods near my home that was the opposite side of the city from where she lived.
I’d never once seen her shop there and we’d never gone together in the whole course of our relationship.
Yet there I was scanning the cereal section (unhealthy I know) when I see her out of the corner of my eye walking by the aisle.
What the hell?
I thought I was hallucinating for a hot minute.
But nope: that was her all right.
She was stalking me, or at least visiting my locales.
Answer me this:
Do people go across their city to shop at a store where there ex shops if they’re not thinking of him?
If your ex is turning up where you are when you least expect it and somewhere they usually never go then you can be certain they’re thinking of you.
If this is also not happening let’s go to point number six…
6) They remember special dates about you
Another of the signs you’re still on your ex’s mind is when they remember key dates about you.
Your birthday, the birthday of your family member, a work anniversary or other religious holiday or time related to you that you celebrate.
If they send you a card or even a message on this day then you’re at least still somewhat on their radar.
It doesn’t mean your ex is pining over you or thinking of you every day.
But at the very least, it means he or she certainly hasn’t forgotten about you.
7) They change in ways you’d always wanted them to
Even if your ex never contacts you, one way to know that you’ve been on their mind is if they change in ways you’d always wanted them to.
For example, maybe your ex-boyfriend finally quits smoking and takes up a healthier lifestyle…
Maybe your ex-girlfriend ends up going for the master’s degree you’d always encouraged her to apply for…
Maybe your ex-wife is now getting serious about doing therapy for her anger problems and depression that she’d never taken seriously when she was with you…
These are all signs that you’re on your ex’s mind or at least that you’ve had a real and important impact on their life.
7 signs your ex is not thinking of you
1) They get into a serious relationship with someone new
We all know about rebound relationships.
If your ex is in a rebound it doesn’t mean anything. They may still be thinking of you every day and all night while being unable to sleep.
But if your ex is in a new serious relationship it’s a different matter.
Falling in love with someone new is the opening of a new chapter…
If your ex has moved on in such a way, they’re not thinking of you, or at least not as a potential mate.
They may be sad about what happened, but it’s over. They’ve moved on, and other than any strong signs to the contrary, it’s something you’ll just have to accept.
2) You dream of them or have intuition about it
Following your intuition is very important, and I’d never downplay the reality or importance of intuition.
But intuition that your ex still thinks of you is not necessarily proof of anything.
Why do I say that?
Because it’s almost impossible to separate your intuition about your ex from your desire and sadness about your ex.
Only you know what’s ultimately true. Maybe you have intuition and it’s also true.
But it’s far from proof, and you shouldn’t rely on it as evidence that your ex is thinking of you.
3) You see white feathers, get the sniffles, and so on
Some articles may talk to you about supernatural signs like seeing white or pink feathers, getting the sniffles, having sneezes and eye twitches and so on.
Can I guarantee you those aren’t extrasensory signs that your ex is thinking of you?
Of course not.
But I can tell you they aren’t evidence of any kind.
From a scientific standpoint, they’re far more likely to actually be psychosomatic and caused by your own anxiety regarding your ex, or confirmation bias where you start seeing feathers all over because your mind is looking for them and thinks they’re a supernatural sign.
4) Tarot cards or spiritual elders confirm it
Tarot readings, spiritual elders, retreats and gurus may bring you a lot of joy.
I don’t begrudge that.
But their promises that your ex is thinking of you aren’t any kind of proof.
Far too often, these kind of figures tell you what you want to hear or lead you on with “maybes” that keep your attention (and money) flowing.
Are Tarot cards connected to spiritual cosmic truth in some way? Is a guru?
Maybe. But don’t count on it!
5) Friends and family say they never mention you
Another of the sad signs that your ex is not thinking of you is that friends and family say they’re over you.
If you’re getting the news that your ex is truly done with you, then you have to realize that it’s probably because they really are.
Granted, sometimes they may be repressing how much they miss you or thinking of you all the time but saying they’re not.
But if those close to you say that you’re not a part of the conversations and focus of your ex any longer, then you’re best off believing them.
If you were on their mind, then those closest to them would likely know about it.
6) Your ex doesn’t answer or engage with your texts or calls
Sad and disappointing news that you’re not on your ex’s mind is the only real conclusion you can reach if they’re not engaging with your calls or texts in any way.
If you were on their mind and they’re just choosing to shut you out, it also doesn’t really make a difference.
Unless they’re going to have a change of heart one day and get back in touch, their feelings or lack of feelings for you will stay their own business.
Without any way to get in touch and with remaining outside their inner circle, your ex can shut you out and not give you the time of day.
7) Your ex is polite and civil but largely indifferent to you
Lastly, and perhaps most disturbingly in the signs that you’re not on your ex’s mind is indifference.
Some people say that indifference is the opposite of love, not hate.
I’m inclined to agree.
Think about it:
If your ex hates you, then you’re definitely on their mind, albeit in a negative sense.
But if your ex doesn’t really feel anything toward you, then what is there left to talk about?
The final ice cold dagger through the heart isn’t hateful rejection, it’s indifference.
Maybe your ex still has some contact with you or interacts in some form…But if they are genuinely indifferent to you, you will have to eventually absorb the awful truth:
They don’t think about you and they don’t love you anymore.
The big line between reality and fantasy
It’s really important to be honest about this topic:
Whether or not you’re on your ex’s mind is not a given. I absolutely know why it’s important to you, especially if you still have feelings for them.
But to really know whether you still hold an important place in their heart, you need to be realistic.
All of the following factors do not determine whether you’re on your ex’s mind:
- The length that you were together
- The words they said to you while you were together
- The civility which accompanied your breakup
- Your compatibility with them or shared values
- What you think they probably feel about you or likely feel about you
All of the following factors do determine whether or not you’re on your ex’s mind:
- They are showing some or all of the signs I discussed above in the first seven points
- They have told you they miss you and want to get back together
- You have a history of breakups and getting back together
- Your friends and family are reporting back to you that they’re all tore up and missing you badly.
If you’re seeing many of the signs that your ex misses you for real, then pay attention.
Just ensure that they’re really showing up, because the first amateur mistake of anyone missing an ex is to think the feeling is mutual due to wishful thinking rather than any real indication.
After a breakup of course the other person is going to care and think about you.
But does it last more than a day or two?
If the deeper signs aren’t present then the answer is probably not.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’d much rather that than be dishonest or skirt around the truth.
Being on someone’s mind
Being on someone’s mind means they still care about you. After a breakup we al think about our ex.
But those feelings fade away fast in some cases, while in others they last for a long while or even lead to getting back together.
If you’re on your ex’s mind, what does it matter, anyway?
They may love you, hate you or some mixture of all of the above.
But they’re thinking of you, you can be sure of that…
Then there are the cases where you have to consider what happens if you’re drawing a blank.
Your ex isn’t thinking of you, but you’re thinking of them.
Does this put you in a disempowered position? Somewhat, but it also leaves you with certain options.
Let’s take a look at this scenario.
What if your ex isn’t thinking of you?
If you’ve read the following article and determined that your ex is thinking about you, you have two main choices.
The first is to not contact them and continue to cut them off.
The second is to decide to try dating again or consider the possibility of striking up your romance once again.
If you still have feelings for them and want to do that, all the power to you.
If you don’t still have feelings for your ex or have decided that trying again is not something you’re open to, then don’t pursue it.
What if your ex isn’t thinking of you?
All too often, we may wish our ex was thinking of us or broken up about us when they simply are not.
This hurts bad, but we must accept the reality.
If your ex isn’t thinking about you and is over you then the chances of getting back with them are close to 0.
It’s a harsh kick in the behind, but it means you also have to move on.
In some situations it can almost be a relief to know there’s no chance and a relationship is over.
Even when you’re still in love, to know there’s no chance can have a kind of alleviating finality to it.
But if your ex is still thinking of you, this can open up some possibilities.
Just make sure to be true to your heart and know your boundaries. You may still be on your ex’s mind, and they may still be on yours, but that doesn’t always mean that another try at a relationship is the right move.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.