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“Does my boyfriend love me?” – 16 signs to know his true feelings

We’ve all been there.

That point in the relationship when you start asking yourself, “does my boyfriend really love me?”

Maybe he hasn’t been acting himself lately. Or maybe he hasn’t opened himself up to you like you hoped he would.

Whatever the situation you’re in, it’s time to figure it out.

The good news? It’s not as complex as you might think.

You just need to know what signs to look for.

So in this article, we’ll go through 16 signs that your boyfriend truly does love you.

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

1. He considers you a priority

Nicholas Sparks sums it up quite perfectly:

“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”

Let’s be honest:

Men aren’t great when it comes to expressing their emotions.

So to figure out if he loves you or not, you can’t rely solely on his words. You need to look at his actions.

We all have things that keep us busy in life. Family, school, work commitments, and hobbies.

But amongst all of that, if he still makes you his priority, that’s an excellent sign.

A real sign of true love is if he is putting you above himself.

In fact, research has suggested that “compassionate love” can be one of the biggest signs of a healthy relationship. Compassionate love refers to love that “centers on the good of the other”.

The bottom line is this:

A man that’s genuinely in love will do whatever it takes to make you happy.

Because the sight of you being angry or upset will hurt him.

He’ll prioritize spending time with you, and be there to save the day when you need something.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not talking about a guy being obsessed. No one wants that.

But I’m talking about a guy who makes you his number one priority.

That kind of guy is a keeper.

2. He listens to you

When it comes to true love, there is a huge amount of respect for each other.

Why?

Because without respect, a relationship simply can’t grow.

And when you respect your partner, you always listen to what they have to say.

If your boyfriend loves you, he’ll hang onto your every word.

He remembers the little details and takes note when you mention anything for a reason.

He doesn’t interrupt you. He doesn’t think that he is smarter than you.

He just listens without distraction and then offers his advice once you’re finished.

So if your boyfriend remembers the tiniest details, you know he loves you.

3. He is protective of you

Men are naturally protective of women. A study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over their mate’s safety and wellbeing.

Does your boyfriend protect you? Not just from physical harm, but does he make sure you’re protected when any negative situation arises?

Congratulations. This is a definite sign he loves you.

There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment. It goes to the heart of the riddle about why men fall in love—and who they fall in love with.

The theory claims that men have a primal urge to provide for and protect women. That they derive meaning in their lives through stepping up for their woman.

This is deeply rooted in male biology.

People are calling it the hero instinct. I wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.

The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.

He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as an accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.

I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.

And I couldn’t agree more.

But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.

If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct, check out this free online video by the relationship psychologist who coined the term. He provides a fascinating insight into this new concept.

4. He talks about his feelings

Now I wouldn’t hang onto this sign as the be-all and end-all. Men just aren’t great at expressing their emotions.

But if your boyfriend isn’t afraid to share his feelings with you, then that’s a great sign that he truly loves you.

It takes effort for a guy to reveal his emotions so you know it really means something when they do.

He doesn’t take a step back from answering your questions. He doesn’t hide anything from you.

He is ready for you to get to know him inside-out.

And I’m not just talking about his emotions either.

He wants to share his family with you. His close friends.

After all, he wants you to be a part of his life. Even if that means you get to know everything about him – even the bad.

5. He wants to immerse himself in your life

In the same way, he doesn’t just want to share his life, he wants to completely immerse himself in your life, too.

He wants to meet your family and friends. He wants to make a good impression.

He’s ultra polite and respectful with your parents. He admires them because they raised you.

Even if he doesn’t get along with his friends, he still makes an effort to spend time with them.

He does all of this because he isn’t afraid to become a permanent fixture in your life.

He even wants to be a part of things you’re passionate about.

Normally guys don’t really like yoga, but he’ll give it a shot because you said it’d be fun to do it together.

In fact, a study suggested that people who claimed that they were in love had varied interests and personality traits after those relationships.

Guys that like you will take an interest you. But guys that want to become a part of your life don’t just like you. They love you.

6. He makes future plans

If there’s one thing that men know, it’s this. For a woman to feel truly completely comfortable in the relationships they need some kind of guarantee for the future.

It doesn’t have to be kids or a proposal, especially early on.

But your boyfriend makes plans for a long weekend out of town. He makes plans for an extended vacation with you.

And that wedding you’re invited to attend months from now? Of course, he’ll be your date.

If your boyfriend isn’t afraid to commit to future plans then you can bet your bottom dollar that he loves you.

He goes that extra mile to make sure you know he’s in this for the long haul.

7. He regularly displays little signs of affection

Never forget: The little things DO count.

Those little kisses he gives you on the forehead, the hugs, the way he looks at you.

They’re important.

Why?

Because it shows where his mind is at and what he is truly feeling.

After all, it’s difficult to pre-meditate little signs of affection.

And as we mentioned above, we can all say whatever we want but it’s our actions that count.

He doesn’t have to be all over you. But if he naturally holds your hands and kisses you on the cheek, then there’s a fair chance that he loves you.

(To forge a long lasting relationship, you need to understand how your guy thinks. Check out our Make Him Worship You review for inside tips on the male mind).

8. When you’re feeling down, he tries to lifts you up

If your boyfriend loves you, he wants you to be happy. There are no two ways about it.

So when you’re feeling annoyed, angry, or sad, he does whatever he can to lift you back up.

Maybe it’s stupid jokes. Maybe it’s making you breakfast in bed.

Or maybe it’s a simple hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Whatever it is, he wants to lift you back up. He cares about you and how you’re feeling.

According to Dr. Suzana E. Flores, when someone is in love, they tend to show strong empathy:

“Someone in love will care about your feelings and your well-being…If he or she is able to show empathy or is upset when you are, not only do they have your back but they also probably have strong feelings for you.”

9. He asks for your advice

When there is genuine love, there is genuine respect.

That’s why he asks for your opinion. He respects what you have to say and your opinions.

He takes on board what you have to say.

As Peter Gray mentioned in Psychology Today, “Love brings bliss to both types of relationships, but only if tempered by respect.”

If he really cares what you think, it means that he really cares about you.

He respects you, he trusts you, and he without a doubt loves you.

10. He gets jealous

This one sounds a little weird, but hear me out.

Jealousy is a natural emotion that you can’t control.

Relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch says:

“Jealousy is among the most human of all emotions. You feel jealous when you think you are going to lose a relationship you really value.”

So if your boyfriend gets jealous when you’re in conversation with a handsome guy or when you talk about how funny your co-worker is, you better believe that he loves you.

If he loves you, he wants to be number one in your life.

So when he hears you talk about other men, his emotions naturally perk up because it’s a threat to his position that he has worked so hard to cultivate.

He knows logically that there’s little threat, but he can’t control his emotions.

11. He feels essential to you

For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.

Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your boyfriend loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!

This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else —  or worst of all, someone else.

Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.

Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept above.

As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.

So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.

How do you trigger this instinct in him? And give him this sense of meaning and purpose?

You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.

In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.

In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make your boyfriend feel more essential to you.

Watch his unique video here.

By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.

12. He doesn’t just care about sex

We all know what men are like. They think about sex 24/7.

Maybe when you first started dating, he was a little bit like this.

But now? Your emotions for each other have grown deeper than that.

Sex isn’t that important to him anymore.

He loves you and wants to have a relationship with you. Sex is only one facet of that.

The most important thing in his eyes is just to be with you.

13. He shows up when you need help

If he shows up immediately when you call for help, then there’s no question that he’s in love.

After all, when you’re genuinely in love, you’ll do anything for your partner. It’s a known fact.

The fact of the matter of this:

If he is showing he cares for you with action, then he might be a guy you want to hold onto you.

Keep in mind that his actions, not his words, will tell you everything.

According to psychotherapist Christine Scott-Hudson:

“Pay twice as much attention to how someone treats you than what they say. Anybody can say they love you, but behavior doesn’t lie. If someone says they value you, but their actions indicate otherwise, trust their behavior.”

14. He is your biggest supporter

Whether you’ve got a big work meeting coming up, or you simply cooking dinner for the two of you, he’ll be your biggest cheerleader on the sidelines.

It’s not always easy to tell if a man loves you, but if he is always in your corner, then you can bet that he cares.

He cares about your wellbeing and your cares. He wants you to succeed, fulfill your potential and live the life that you’ve always dreamed of.

Whatever it is you’re doing, he’s always on your side.

15. He knows the bad things in your life, but he still loves you anyway

You’re no longer afraid to be your true self when you’re around him.

He sees you at your worst, but he sticks around anyway.

He’s already noticed all your annoying ticks. Maybe you always leave the toothpaste tube open. Perhaps you even snore. Truthfully, there are a thousand things about you that might be unlovable to him. After all, you’re not perfect. But he doesn’t care. In fact, he sees that and values it.

Even when we are so frustrated with the people we love, we just can’t give up on them. That’s probably how he thinks.

If he still thinks you’re beautiful and special despite the not-so-glamorous things about you, then he is definitely in love with you.

RELATED: He doesn’t REALLY want the perfect girlfriend. He wants these 3 things from you instead…

16. He “says” he loves you in many different ways

He might not have told you in words that he loves you. But you see it in everything that he does. You see it in the way he looks at you. You see it in the way he holds you. He shows it in the simplest gestures that touch your heart in the deepest ways.

We all have what we call our own “Language of Love.”

We have different definitions and perceptions of what love is and what it means to us. So much so that we have different ways of expressing it. The man in your life might not have the same language of love as you do, but that doesn’t mean he loves you any less.

However, there is one thing that is universal to us all. And it applies to any situation, romantic or otherwise.

We don’t have to convince anyone to love us. It is not something you force. Truthfully, it isn’t even something you should spend so much time wondering about.

True, genuine, honest-to-goodness love feels so natural that you don’t have to question it.

What’s your next move?

These 16 tips cover all the bases to figure out whether he loves you or not.

If he does, or you guys aren’t quite there yet, you need to make sure your relationship is a long and satisfying one for the both of you.

Unfortunately, finding the right guy and building a great relationship with him isn’t as easy as swiping left or right.

I’ve been in contact with countless women who start dating someone only to encounter really serious red flags. Or they’re stuck in a relationship that’s just not working for them.

No one wants to waste their time. We just want to find the person that we’re meant to be with. Both men and women want to be in a happy relationship.

And I think there’s one crucial ingredient to relationship happiness I think many women overlook:

Understanding how men think.

Getting inside his mind

A highly effective way to understand men at a deeper level is to enlist the help of a professional relationship coach.

And I’ve recently come across one that you should know about.

James Bauer is the real deal when it comes to relationship advice. His specialty is unraveling male psychology so that women can really understand what drives men romantically. He argues that men are motivated by certain biological instincts that few women are even aware of.

For many women, learning about these natural instincts was their “aha moment”. It was for Hack Spirit writer Pearl Nash and her relationship. You can read about her story here.

In his new video, James Bauer introduces you to a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology. Click here to watch his video.

Some ideas are game changers. For relationships, I think this concept is one of them.

Here is a link to this video again.

New video: He reveals the truth about chasing emotionally unavailable men (hint: don’t do it!)

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 6 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Twitter or Facebook.
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