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“Does he love me if he doesn’t want to marry me?” Everything you need to know

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Are you wondering whether your man really loves you if he doesn’t want to marry you?

It’s a tricky situation to deal with but you’ve come to the right place.

In this article, we’ll show you all the signs suggesting he does love you but is against marriage in general.

And we’ll also show you the signs that he doesn’t want to marry you because he doesn’t love you.

We have a lot to cover so let’s get started.

Scenario 1: He loves you, but he’s against marriage in general

Some people just don’t want to be married.

They might have seen their parents go through a bad marriage.

Maybe they’ve been married before, and it didn’t work out as they’d hoped.

They may not think traditional marriage is a good arrangement.

The truth is:

There are more people staying single today.

But that doesn’t mean they can’t be committed to or in love with someone.

Finding out if he’s against marriage, or just against marriage to you is going to be the key to answering your question.

If you’re asking does he love me if he doesn’t want to marry me, there might not be a simple, yes or no, answer to that.

The truth could be a lot more complicated, and something you’ll have to look for.

Here’s where to start looking.

1) His family and his parents

Consider how much you know about your man’s family and the relationships they have.

Did his parents divorce at a young age? Did they stay together but they’re clearly unhappy? Has his aunt been married seven times?

What he’s seen with his family can go a long way toward whether he wants to get married.

Some people shy away from marriage if they’ve seen bad experiences with it in their close family members.

Others decide that they can do it better or differently.

They’re more willing to give it a try when they feel that way.

Feelings may change over time, too.

A younger man may avoid marriage, while an older one could be looking for that stability.

2) His close friends and colleagues

If all his friends are getting married, he may be more likely to see it as something of value.

But if he’s making sure to spend time with single friends, he may not be feeling the idea of marriage at all.

Peer pressure is a powerful thing.

That doesn’t mean he’s not committed to you, but it can help answer your ‘does he love me if he doesn’t want to marry me’ question.

Even the colleagues he works with could have some influence on whether he’s interested in marriage or would prefer to stay single.

People spend time with others who are a lot like them.

They also seek out people they want to be like or people who agree with them.

Watch who he hangs out with, and consider his social circle when you’re trying to get your questions answered.

3) If his hero instinct is being triggered

Here’s the thing, plenty of men will genuinely love a woman but never fully commit to her because of a silent biological drive that holds him back.

It’s called the hero instinct and it’s a new psychological concept that is causing a real buzz.

It says that guys have a genetic programming to want to provide and protect for the people they love.

It’s buried deep in their DNA to need to feel useful to the women in their lives and to be respected.

They actively seek this out and a relationship that doesn’t fulfill it is doomed to fail.

So in this scenario, he may love you but not want to get married (without even truly knowing why himself) simply because his hero instinct isn’t being triggered.

It’s like there becomes an invisible barrier holding him back from truly committing to you.

You can trigger his hero instinct in lots of ways — things like asking for his help, celebrating his successes, and challenging him.

The best thing to do is watch this excellent free video which explains everything you need to know to use the hero instinct to strengthen your relationship.

I’d say it’s especially important to understand if he’s just not committing to you in the way you want.

A lot of men are emotionally unavailable in some way, shape, or form — and triggering his hero instinct is the only way to break through this.

Here’s the link again to that video again.

4) His actions (they’re louder than words)

Words matter, but actions are often where it’s at. That’s where you’ll get the real information you’re seeking.

If he says he’s open to marriage but isn’t showing you that, his words might be based on just trying to keep you happy.

You don’t have to settle for that. But you should try to get to the bottom of it.

There’s a difference between being nervous about a big commitment and not wanting that commitment at all.

Over time, your man’s actions can help you determine whether marriage is on his mind.

If he has everything he wants without marriage, or he’s acting like he’s single, that could be a red flag.

But if he stays deeply committed to you through his actions, he may just not want marriage with anyone, or he’s just not ready yet.

That’s not a sign he doesn’t love you.

And if you think he might want to start a family with you, you can confirm with the signs in this video:

5) His honesty in general

How honest is your man? Have you ever caught him in a lie?

If he’s always been honest with you, he’s probably still being honest with you.

Telling you he loves you isn’t just something to say if he’s a man you can trust and rely on.

Men who say one thing and do another are very different from men who mean what they say.

Keeping his promises and being honest about his intent matters.

Most people tell little white lies.

But that’s not the same as hiding things from you or being deceitful.

Only you know whether you can truly trust what your man tells you.

Consider that carefully when trying to decide if he doesn’t want to get married, or doesn’t want to marry you.

That’s a big difference, and it definitely matters.

6) His level of commitment

Is he committed to you?

That involves a lot more than if he’s faithful.

There’s the overall way he treats you to consider. He may be focused on his career, for example, but should make time for you.

He should also put you first, or at least equal when it comes to family and friends. If you’re building a life with someone, that commitment needs to be present. If it’s not, it may not be love.

Part of thinking about his commitment includes whether you feel valued, too.

If he’s not hearing you when you express yourself, that’s worth considering.

If he loves you, he’ll try to be what you need. He won’t always get it right, but you’ll be able to spot the intent.

Even without marriage, two people who are committed to each other make sure to show it.

You may get the feeling that he is committed, just not 100%. It’s like there’s still something holding him back.

This could be down to his hero instinct not being triggered.

I mentioned the hero instinct already above — it’s the biological drive a man has to feel needed, to feel essential, and to provide for the woman he cares about.

When it isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship or be able to forge a deep connection with you.

That’s why it’s so important to check if this is happening in your relationship if you want it to progress to the next level.

Check out this simple and genuine video from bestselling author James Bauer (who coined the term) to learn a step-by-step blueprint for triggering the hero instinct in your man.

7) His overall values

The more you learn about your man, the more you understand his values.

Marriage may or may not be one of them. Sometimes what matters to you isn’t going to be as important to another person.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, but it could become a problem if you really want marriage, and he doesn’t.

It’s worth thinking about, and it’s worth talking to him about.

He may have very different interests in life than you do. Those interests can complement yours, or they can cause conflict.

Depending on what they are and how they affect life, they could even be deal-breakers.

But if you love one another, both of you will look for ways to make it work.

Having similar values in all the big areas of life — including marriage — is important to that.

8) How he treats others

Before you decide if he loves you but just doesn’t want to get married, take a look at how he treats the people in his life.

Does he treat you better? Worse? Is he open and fair and honest?

You want those things in a partner.

But that can also help you decide if he’s being open with you when you discuss plans for the future.

Not everyone’s marriage material, but everyone should be honest about that with their partners.

Treating people the way he wants to be treated should be his focus.

He doesn’t have to make you his entire world to show that he loves you.

But he should definitely be showing you he’s a caring person.

That comes through in the way he interacts with you, but also in the way he interacts with his family, friends, colleagues, and others he comes into contact with.

9) His explanation to you

Finally, what does he say about marriage? Have you talked about it with him?

Having that conversation can be one of the most important things you’ll ever do if you want a future with him.

He may love you fully and completely, but still not want marriage.

If he’s treating you well, committed to you, and doing the things he says he’ll do, his love for you is probably real.

He may have a good explanation for why he doesn’t want to get married.

He also may just not want to, and that’s okay, too.

The biggest thing to consider is whether he loves you and is committed to a future together.

If he is, his lack of interest in marriage doesn’t have anything to do with you. You can feel secure in his love at that point, as long as not marrying isn’t a deal-breaker for you.

You can still have a great future with someone you love, without getting married.

And who knows, maybe his attitude to marriage will change as time goes on.

Scenario 2: He doesn’t want marriage because he doesn’t love you

There’s a second scenario you need to consider, and that’s the idea that he doesn’t want to get married because he doesn’t love you enough to marry you.

I’m guessing that if you’re reading this article, then you probably want to marry him (or at least know that marriage is on the agenda in the future).

So it’s important to figure out if he doesn’t want to marry you because he doesn’t love you.

He may not love you at all but just enjoy your company and likes being around you.

That can be fine for people who are on the same page.

But it might not be the right choice if you want to get married and build a life with someone.

He may be clear in his intentions and ideas, but if he isn’t, you’ll have some detective work to do. That can help you find out if he’s serious about you, or just passing the time.

He may be spending time with you until he finds someone he wants more.

Naturally, you probably don’t want to waste your time with someone like that.

Here are a few things to think about, when you’re trying to decide if he loves you or not.

Then you can make the right decisions for your future.

1) The answers he gives you

If you mention marriage, what kinds of comments does he make? Does he seem enthusiastic, or does he change the subject?

His reaction can give you a lot of information about his feelings.

He may not be sure about marriage, and that’s okay.

But if he’s just not in love with you, that’s something you need to know. Evasive answers to your questions can tell you a lot.

You don’t have to ask him specifically if he wants to get married. You can also see whether he brings it up or makes any jokes or comments about it.

Does he talk about the future, and does that talk include you?

If he’s planning a future that doesn’t seem to have you in it, that’s a good indication that he’s not in love with you.

If you’re looking for love and marriage, you may need to look elsewhere.

2) Getting angry if you bring it up

Worse than ignoring you or changing the subject might be getting angry.

If you make a comment about marriage and your man gets upset, he’s not comfortable with the idea.

He wouldn’t be getting mad if he wanted to marry you.

Men who just don’t want to get married at all usually don’t get mad about little comments about marriage.

But if he feels pressured, he might not have a good reaction to that.

Keep in mind that your man is entitled to his feelings on marriage, and even his feelings about you. But he’s not entitled to just string you along and keep you guessing.

If he’s not in love with you, he should be clear about that.

Unfortunately, many men aren’t. If they’re comfortable spending time with you until something better comes along, they may let you think they’re more committed than they are.

Not all men do this, but some do. You’ll want to watch out for anger issues regarding marriage or a future together.

3) Not agreeing to be “Official”

If he doesn’t agree to call you his girlfriend, he’s not going to be interested in marriage with you, either.

Be wary of the man who won’t commit, no matter what he tells you.

He may have a lot of great excuses as to why he won’t be official, but his actions are more important than his words.

Talking about it is important, but be aware that you might not get any real answers.

If your man loves you, he won’t have a problem letting the world see that.

He’ll be willing to share with you, show you off to others, and protect you.

Men who aren’t committed to their women generally don’t do any of those things.

He may not love you if he isn’t focused on showing you that you matter, and on working toward building a future that includes you, as well.

4) Keeping you away from his family

Have you met his family and friends?

What does he tell you when you ask about meeting them?

If he’s not introducing you to them, he may not be very serious about keeping you in his life.

That’s something you’ll need to consider, especially if you’ve been together for a while and nothing has changed.

If you’re not included in a big part of his life, it’s worth thinking about whether he loves you.

His family may not be close by, or he may not have much interaction with them.

There can be valid reasons why you might not have met them.

But what about his friends?

If you feel like you don’t exist outside the two of you, there might be a reason to be concerned.

If he’s not interested in marrying you because he doesn’t love you, he’s probably not talking to others about you, either.

5) Not believing in marriage (maybe)

If he says he doesn’t believe in marriage, that could mean he doesn’t love you and doesn’t want to say so.

It could also mean that he really just doesn’t believe in marriage. It’s not for everyone.

But most people do want to get married if they’ve been with someone for a long time.

If your relationship never progresses, it could be due to a lack of love on the part of your man.

Keep in mind that not wanting to get married doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t love you, though. You have to consider it along with the other factors.

If he’s otherwise great to you but just doesn’t want to marry, it’s quite possible he loves you.

If he’s noncommittal overall, the love he needs to feel for you probably isn’t there.

That’s why he doesn’t want to get married.

6) He’s not sure how he feels (about you)

Not being sure right away makes sense.

But if you’ve been together for a long time, he should know by now.

The reason he’s saying he isn’t sure is that he doesn’t really know how to tell you he doesn’t love you.

He may like you a lot and not want to hurt you. Or he may feel like he’s got a good thing going, and not want to mess it up by telling you his real feelings.

Either way, you could be wasting your time with someone who’s never going to commit to you.

If that’s where it’s going, you may want to look for something else.

If you’re good without a commitment that’s fine, but most people want that committed relationship, at least after a while.

Make sure you know your priorities, so you can focus on them and not just what your man seems to want.

7) Shutting you out

Does your man shut you out of parts of his life? Does he avoid being emotional around you?

If you’re saying yes to those questions, he may not love you.

That could be why he doesn’t want to get married, and why he won’t share with you.

His deepest thoughts and feelings may be hard to express, but he should still be trying. Avoiding that could be a big red flag when it comes to your relationship and its hope for the future.

You probably express yourself more fully to him.

While it’s not always easy for a man to talk about his feelings, most men will open up to women they love.

If he’s not opening up to you, he may not love you enough to be comfortable doing that. It can be disheartening when you feel like he’s not willing to talk about hopes and dreams.

You also want to think about whether that kind of relationship works for you, or whether you need something more from the relationship you have with your man.

8) Not handlingconflict

How does your man handle conflict?

If he walks away or shuts down, he may not love you.

When a man loves you, he’ll want to work through the conflict and deal with it.

That can make you stronger as a couple. That’s also how you build a future together.

But men who aren’t in love often shut down conflict instead of trying to find out where it’s coming from.

They aren’t interested in fixing it, because they aren’t fully invested in the relationship.

Some men also just aren’t good at handling conflict of any kind, so you have to look at what your man’s really doing.

If he’s trying to address it but isn’t good at it, that’s different from ignoring it.

Conflict in a relationship usually doesn’t just go away on its own. It takes work from both people to make things better.

The level of work your man is putting in should be similar to yours.

If it’s very one-sided, he might not love you enough to build a strong relationship for the future.

9) Not caring about your future goals

What kinds of plans and dreams do you have for the future?

Does your man ask about them?

Does he support and encourage you? If he loves you, he should be doing all of those things.

When your man doesn’t seem to care about your future goals, it could be a sign that he doesn’t love you.

He might not see a future where the two of you are together, so he’s not invested in your dreams.

Think carefully about how your man acts when you talk about the things you want for the future.

If he’s interested in being a part of that future, he should be clear about it. But if he’s not interacting when you talk about your goals, you may have to let him go.

You want someone who loves you and wants a future with you.

If your man isn’t that person, you should find out as soon as you can.

So, what’s the bottom line?

If you’re asking does he love me if he doesn’t want to marry me, the answer isn’t simple.

You have to take a look at all the things he says and does, to get a better idea of his intentions.

Someone who wants to build a life with you will show it and will put in the work — even if he doesn’t want to get married.

If you’re not getting that level of commitment from your man, he may not love you. It could be time to move on.

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Written by Lachlan Brown

I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder, and editor of Hack Spirit. I love writing practical articles that help others live a mindful and better life. I have a graduate degree in Psychology and I’ve spent the last 15 years reading and studying all I can about human psychology and practical ways to hack our mindsets. If you want to get in touch with me, hit me up on Facebook or Twitter.

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