There’s a point in every romantic relationship when you start wondering, “Does he love me?”
Sure, you’ve spent a lot of time together. You know all of his favorite movies. He’s told you enough stories about his life experiences that you’re getting a firmer grasp on who he is.
He’s also done things for you that you’re convinced he doesn’t usually do for other people.
But what does it all mean exactly? Is he starting to care for you? Is this going to lead to anything serious?
Could there be a chance he might be falling in love with you? Perhaps he already is?
We wish we could give you a straight answer. But like anything else in love and romance, it’s not as simple as that.
This research by Lara Kammrath and Johanna Peetz proves just how complicated it could be at this stage of a relationship. Some romantic feelings may lead to loving actions and behaviors, but that’s not always the case.
You can ask him. But since you’re here, that’s probably out of the question, right?
Maybe you’re too scared. You don’t know what kind of answer you’re going to get. The possibility of rejection is very real. And asking such a big question might ruin the whole thing even before it starts.
This leaves you at wit’s end.
No matter what your reasons are, you have reservations about the depth of his feelings for you.
Don’t worry. This is not uncommon. We are all different people, after all. There is no such thing as reading someone else’s mind.
“Does He Love Me For Real?” These 22 Signs Say Yes
1. He Considers You As A Priority
Nicholas Sparks sums it up quite perfectly:
“You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions you should judge them by. It’s actions, not words, that matter.”
You might not always understand the way he communicates verbally, but you can always rely on his actions – especially when it’s about his priorities.
Here’s the thing. He has many things to keep him busy – career, family, friends, and personal goals. And yet, you find that he still makes you his first priority.
You’re increasingly becoming more and more important, that it’s now less about him and what he wants, and more about what makes you happy. Your opinions matter and you’re involved in his decision-making. In short, you just count.
When you love someone, you prioritize spending time with them. If he loves you, he’ll make the time to be with you, even if it’s hard.
2. He Listens To You
Not only does he listen to you – but he remembers what you say.
He hangs on to your every word, and he respects what you have to say too. It comes so naturally for him, actually. He just can’t help but take note of every little thing you say.
Also, when a guy loves you, he pays careful attention to you. He listens to you without any distraction and he never interrupts you.
It’s when he remembers even the tiniest details that you know he more than just likes you.
3. He Feels Protective of You
Male are naturally protective over women. A study published in the Physiology & Behavior journal shows that male’s testosterone makes them feel protective over their mate’s safety and wellbeing.
So naturally, if he loves you, he would want to protect you. And we’re not just talking about male chivalry either. This can go beyond merely shielding you from physical harm. He also wants to protect you from any negative situations.
There’s actually a fascinating new concept in relationship psychology that’s getting a lot of buzz at the moment around this.
Its central claim is that men want to be your hero. They want to step up to the plate for the woman in their lives and provide and protect her. This is deeply rooted in male biology.
People are calling it the hero instinct. Lachlan Brown wrote a detailed primer about the concept which you can read here.
The kicker is that a man won’t fall in love with you when he doesn’t feel like your hero.
He wants to see himself as a protector. As someone you genuinely want and need to have around. Not as a mere accessory, ‘best friend’, or ‘partner in crime’.
I know this might sound a bit silly. In this day and age, women don’t need someone to rescue them. They don’t need a ‘hero’ in their lives.
And I couldn’t agree more.
But here’s the ironic truth. Men do still need to be a hero. Because it’s built into our DNA to seek out relationships that allow us to feel like a protector.
The best thing about the hero instinct though is that women can trigger it relatively easily.
Now, you can’t magically make your man feel like your hero just by giving him admiration next time you see him. Men don’t like receiving participation awards for showing up. Trust me.
A man wants to feel like he has earned your admiration and respect.
You don’t need to engineer a scenario where he has to save kids from a burning house or a little old lady from getting hit by a car.
He wants to be your hero, not an action hero.
But there are phrases you can say, texts you can send, and little requests you can use to trigger his hero instinct.
And because no man can resist a woman who makes him feel like a hero, it’s worth learning a few of these emotional trigger points.
If you want to learn more about this powerful technique (from the man who invented it), then check out his short video here.
4. He’s Not Afraid To Share Everything
This is a major sign that he loves you. Men are not usually the ones who love to talk about their feelings.
It takes so much effort for them that you know it really means something when they do.
He’s not afraid to answer all of your questions. He doesn’t try to hide things from you. And he is absolutely open for you to get to know him inside-out.
He wants to introduce you to his family, even if he has the strangest one. He’s not afraid to tell you about the weirdest things about him.
If he loves you, he won’t want to hold anything back. He wants you to be a part of his life. Even if that means you get to know everything about him – even the bad.
5. He Wants To Be A Part Of Your Life
Just as much as he wants to share everything with you, he also wants to be a part of your life.
In fact, he wants to immerse himself in it.
He doesn’t just want to meet your family and friends. He goes out of his way so that they will like him. He tries to spend time with the people who matter to you, too. He’s not afraid to become a permanent fixture in your life.
He even wants to be a part of things you’re passionate about. He wants to try yoga because you love it, or go to a cooking class with you even if that’s not something he would normally do.
It’s one thing that he takes interest in you. But when he starts participating in your life because he wants to “belong” in it, that means he truly loves you.
6. He Makes Big Plans With You.
You know he’s committed to you because your plans as a couple are getting bigger and bigger.
He doesn’t mind going to that long weekend out of town. In fact, he’d love to go on an extended vacation with you. And that wedding you’re invited to attend months from now? Of course, he’ll be your date.
He’s not afraid or cautious to commit to these plans. There’s no need to be vague about it, even. Instead, he goes that extra mile to make sure you know he’s in this for the long haul.
7. He Knows About The Bad Things But Still Chooses To Be With You Anyway
You’re no longer afraid to be your true self when you’re around him.
He sees you at your worst, but he sticks around anyway.
He’s already noticed all your annoying ticks. Maybe you always leave the toothpaste tube open. Perhaps you even snore. Truthfully, there are a thousand things about you that might be unlovable to him. After all, you’re not perfect. But he doesn’t care. In fact, he sees that and values it.
Even when we are so frustrated with the people we love, we just can’t give up on them. That’s probably how he thinks.
If he still thinks you’re beautiful and special despite the not-so-glamorous things about you, then he is definitely in love with you.
(Do you know the strangest thing men desire? And how it can make him crazy for you? Check out my new article to find out what it is).
8. He “Says” He Loves You, In The Many Ways That Count
He might not have told you in words that he loves you. But you see it in everything that he does. You see it in the way he looks at you. You see it in the way he holds you. He shows it in the simplest gestures that touch your heart in the deepest ways.
We all have what we call our own “Language of Love.”
We have different definitions and perceptions of what love is and what it means to us. So much so that we have different ways of expressing it. The man in your life might not have the same language of love as you do, but that doesn’t mean he loves you any less.
However, there is one thing that is universal to us all. And it applies to any situation, romantic or otherwise.
We don’t have to convince anyone to love us. It is not something you force. Truthfully, it isn’t even something you should spend so much time wondering about.
True, genuine, honest-to-goodness love feels so natural that you don’t have to question it.
9. He Goes On And On About How Special You Are
Guys don’t always go out of their way to give girls compliments, but if he has helped you see how you stand out of the crowd by cheering on your business venture, promotion, or exercise class – whatever it is! – then there’s a good chance he’s into you as much as you are into him.
10. He Cancels Plans to Be With You
Guys who are in love will suddenly lose interest in what else is going on in their life.
It’s kind of cute. His buddies will be annoyed, but you’ll get to spend as much time as you want with him. If he’s always ready to hang out, he’s in love.
11. He’s Seeing Through the Newness of the Relationship
A really interesting way to tell that he’s in love is if he has started to relax into the relationship and is noticing some annoying things about you.
Perhaps he’s picked up on the fact that you never put your dishes in the sink when they are dirty.
It’s a small thing (also, put your dishes in the sink), but if he sees it, he loves you.
Love blinds us from seeing those little annoyances and then we come out of the haze and realize who we are with.
12. He is Tuned In
He’s not looking over your shoulder while you talk. He’s listening. Paying attention to you is one of his favorite things to do.
He’s not checking his phone or letting his eyes wander around the room. If he loves you, he’ll show you by being in with your conversations.
13. He feels essential to you
For a man, feeling essential to a woman is often what separates “like” from “love”.
Don’t get me wrong, no doubt your guy loves your strength and abilities to be independent. But he still wants to feel wanted and useful — not dispensable!
This is because men have a built in desire for something “greater” that goes beyond love or sex. It’s why men who seemingly have the “perfect girlfriend” are still unhappy and find themselves constantly searching for something else — or worst of all, someone else.
Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel needed, to feel important, and to provide for the woman he cares about.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer calls it the hero instinct. I talked about this concept above.
As James argues, male desires are not complicated, just misunderstood. Instincts are powerful drivers of human behavior and this is especially true for how men approach their relationships.
So, when the hero instinct isn’t triggered, men are unlikely to commit to a relationship with any woman. He holds back because being in a relationship is a serious investment for him. And he won’t fully “invest” in you unless you give him a sense of meaning and purpose and make him feel essential.
How do you trigger this instinct in him? How do you give him a sense of meaning and purpose?
You don’t need to pretend to be anyone you’re not or play the “damsel in distress”. You don’t have to dilute your strength or independence in any way, shape or form.
In an authentic way, you simply have to show your man what you need and allow him to step up to fulfill it.
In his new video, James Bauer outlines several things you can do. He reveals phrases, texts and little requests that you can use right now to make him feel more essential to you.
By triggering this very natural male instinct, you’ll not only give him greater satisfaction but it will also help to rocket your relationship to the next level.
14. He’ll Drop What He’s Doing and Help
Whether you need him to help you move or to take over the world, he’ll be there in a flash.
Don’t play the damsel in distress act just to see if he is into you, but pay attention to his reaction when you ask for his help.
15. He’s Letting His Guard Down
Okay, so this is not romantic at all, but if the guy has relaxed to the point of letting bodily functions escape in your presence, then you better believe he’s in love.
Guys don’t show their true selves until they are in a relationship that makes them feel safe. It’s weird but true.
16. He Checks In
Unless he’s stalking you, a healthy check-in throughout the day is nice and a good sign that he likes you a lot.
If he’s just texting to say hello or say he’s thinking about you during his coffee break at work, consider him a man in love.
17. You’re Taking a Vacation Together
Whether it’s happening this weekend or next year, if the two of you are actively planning a vacation together, bet your bottom dollar he’s in love.
Making future plans is always a good sign that this thing is going somewhere besides a white sandy beach!
18. He Starts Using Your Words or Adopting Your Body Language
Guys in love mimic their partners’ words and actions. Pay attention to how he acts around you: if he is acting like you, then it’s a good sign he is in love.
He’ll try to mirror your actions and body language to make you feel comfortable in his presence.
19. You’ve Started a Routine Together
Whether it’s running through the park in the evening or having supper together on Sundays, a routine is a good sign that he is making room for you in his life and sees the value of doing things together on the regular.
20. He Appears to be Worried About This Not Working Out
If your guy seems a bit nervous or even scared, there’s a good chance he’s in love and is worried that you are not feeling the same way! Imagine the irony!
(The Language of Desire is a sex and relationship program by Felicity Keith. Check out our The Language of Desire review of this popular program to see if it is help you).
21) Eye Contact. Always
If he’s paying attention, eyes locked, and is always happy to listen to what you have to say, the guy is hooked. He’ll give you the attention you deserve.
22. He Lets You in
It’s a pretty broad generalization to say that guys are closed off, but the truth is that some guys are, and sorry to the rest of you for getting that bad reputation.
If he’s let you into his world and doesn’t try to keep “some of it” for him, then he’s into you as much as you are into him.
Whether you’ve just started dating and you feel like you are going to die if you don’t spend the rest of your life with this guy, or if you’ve been together for a while and the excitement is seeming to wear off, it’s always a good idea to talk to one another about how you are feeling.
Part of the trouble with love is that there’s always a chance it won’t be reciprocated, but if you follow your heart, you can’t go wrong.
We hope that the signs we’ve listed above can help you know if he really loves you. At the end of the day, love shouldn’t just be declared with fancy words – it needs to be backed up by sincere actions.
These actions are not selfish or self-serving but are done because he wants you to be happy.
The bottom line:
Your happiness should be a priority of his. That’s how you know that he loves you.
The truth is he may not even know if he loves you…
I’ve just given you 22 signs to know his true feelings for you.
However, the truth is that sometimes men don’t even consciously know how they truly feel about the woman they’re in a relationship with. This is because men are driven by biological urges that lie deep inside them.
And we can thank evolution for this.
The most basic one is the biological urge to provide for and protect women. Men want to step up to the plate for the woman in his life. And she has to let him.
Relationship psychologist James Bauer’s new video will help you to really understand these natural biological instincts. In it, James reveals a relationship “secret ingredient” few women know about which holds the key to a man’s love and devotion.
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