These days it’s easy to get lost in the zone between dating and being a couple.
What I mean is that you may be hooking up or dating casually but not quite sure if you’ve now entered official relationship territory.
Does he consider me his girlfriend? It’s a fair question. But it’s surprisingly tricky to answer.
The good news is that it’s usually either a yes or no answer.
Guys can get all sorts of screwed up inside but their true intentions towards a girl are usually fairly black or white:
He either considers you his girlfriend or he doesn’t. And the following are 25 ways to know for sure.
Girlfriend vs. Booty call
First things first, let me clear up the dividing line between being his girlfriend or a booty call (also known as a friend with benefits or FWB).
A girlfriend is someone he wants to be with long-term and see where it goes. A girlfriend is someone he has feelings for and might eventually marry or settle down with.
A girlfriend is someone he introduces proudly to family and friends and loves putting up photos of the two of you online.
An FWB is someone he’s seeing just “for now” until someone better comes along. An FWB is someone he doesn’t have anything but platonic feelings for and would not want to settle down with.
An FWB is someone he avoids introducing to friends and family because he feels uncomfortable that others would think the individual is his girlfriend.
In short: a girlfriend is someone he sees a future with, any other category is not.
So how do you tell? Does he consider me his girlfriend? The following list will help you out.
25 ways to know he considers you his girlfriend
1) He gets deep
Before you ask, no that’s not a sexual metaphor! I mean he gets deep in his conversations with you.
He not only remembers what you say and cares, but he also listens carefully and broaches deep subjects.
This could include things like your childhood, your formative experiences, your spiritual and religious views, and even the traumas you’ve been through.
Does he consider me his girlfriend?
Ask yourself this: does he consider you someone he can open up to and be totally honest with or not?
2) He introduces you around
When a man considers you to be his girl, he wants to introduce you to his friends and family. When he doesn’t, he wants to kind of downplay your time together and let things slide.
It’s as simple as that.
If he’s introducing you around to his friends and showing you off then there’s a solid chance he considers you his girlfriend.
3) He stays over
Allow me to get a little crude here but when a guy considers you to just be a fling he will pump and dump. The chances of him spending the night are about 0.00.
If you’re asking “does he consider me his girlfriend?” then pay attention to what he does the next time you spend the day or evening together.
Does he ask to stay over or does he duck out early?
The only exception here is if you’re holding out on physical intimacy and he stays over to try to get it in under the guise of wanting to get more serious with you.
Watch out for that trick.
4) He’s cool with your friends
A guy who considers you his girlfriend isn’t only thinking about you. He’s also keeping in mind the important people in your life and how he fits in with him.
That includes your friends who are closest to you and those you spend time with.
If he considers you his girlfriend there’s a high probability he’ll be open to spending time with your friends and getting to know them.
5) The lines of communication are open
If you’re not girlfriend material in his eyes then he usually only texts when he’s quite bored, lonely, or horny.
That’s the brutal truth right there.
If he considers you to be his girlfriend then you have open lines of communication.
Frequent texts, enjoyable calls, and easy and flowing back-and-forth.
You don’t worry when he’ll text back or whether he’ll be annoyed that you texted him. You know he’s into it and he knows you’re into it, too.
6) He talks with you about his dreams
When a guy thinks of you as a temporary diversion or booty call he tends to see you as an afterthought.
When he considers you his girlfriend then he wants to really open up to you and suss out how you feel about him as a person.
He’ll tell you his dreams and past experiences. He’ll open up about his life goals and what drives him.
If he’s confident then this isn’t so much seeking approval as it is checking how much you understand or align with his life mission. Because he potentially wants something more serious with you.
Marriage and family therapist Gabrielle Applebury notes:
“Guys that are into you will not only listen to you but validate your feelings. He truly cares about what you have to say and wants to be there for you when you are feeling down.
Showing signs of compassion and empathy are great ways to see if he’s interested in being more than friends as these are key components in healthy romantic relationships,” notes marriage and family therapist Gabrielle Applebury.
7) He gets along with Aunt Flo
A man who’s using you for sex likes to keep an image of you that’s untainted by the realities of biology.
He doesn’t want to hear about your period or even know it exists. He may even get annoyed if you mention it as a reason you can’t have sex for a few days.
A man who considers you his girlfriend is respectful and compassionate about your time of the month and doesn’t lose his interest in you during your period.
He won’t suddenly be AWOL just because Aunt Flo is coming to visit, because he’s into you for more than sex and he considers you his girlfriend.
8) He doesn’t play games
Just like some girls, some guys play games. They get patchy with answering texts, they play hot and cold, they make up weird excuses to cancel a date and then are all over you the next day.
If you’re wondering whether he considers you his girlfriend then watch how he conducts himself.
Does he play games?
Dawson McAllister writes:
“Some people just want to see if they can get a guy or girl to like them. To them, it is more like a game or a challenge. They say to themselves, If I can get a girl or guy to fall for me, then I must be pretty cool.
All of this comes from low self-esteem and an unawareness of how they hurt others.”
9) Talking future plans doesn’t freak him out
Plans for the future will scare off a guy who’s just chasing you for sex. But if he considers you his girlfriend then talk of the future is going to excite and interest him.
Even things like whether you want kids, what kind of place you’d like to live on day and so on will not scare him off.
He may get a little intimidated or be shy about it, absolutely, but you should be able to see a spark of interest and engagement in his eyes.
10) He’s not double-dipping
Some guys seem like they were born to be players but the truth is that when a guy is into you he will either do what it takes to get serious or be lose you.
And you need to make him know that.
When he considers you his girlfriend he won’t be flirting with other girls, sexting with other girls, talking about other girls (except about his ex if you ask) and he will take you seriously.
Demand nothing less.
MomJunction notes that sometimes a sign that a guy is seeing someone else is just that his schedule makes no sense:
“Okay, so he’s got work, then the gym, and then maybe a drink with his friends. But what does he do with all the other hours of free time? If your partner is unwilling to discuss this or his answers seem vague or suspicious, you have every reason to be concerned.
After all, he can’t be grocery shopping for an hour three times a week. And how many movies or games will he watch “with the boys” every weekend? You don’t need to know every detail of his schedule, but when these things don’t add up, you have every right to ask.”
11) His actions speak louder than his words
Let’s be honest about this: some guys are masters at telling you what you want to hear. But very often they’re also the exact people who don’t mean a damn word of it.
If you want to know whether he considers you his girlfriends then pay attention more to his actions than his words.
Don’t let him pull the wool over your eyes. Watch what he does, not just what he says.
12) You spend tons of time together
If you’re seeing each other quite a lot and it’s not just about bumping booties then you’re definitely in the girlfriend zone.
When he makes time for you in a busy schedule and even sometimes puts you above his other priorities it means he values you highly.
You’re definitely more than a booty call at that point.
13) He invites you to family events
When you’re not someone he takes seriously he avoids introducing you to family or inviting you to family events.
If he considers you his girlfriend, however, then he’s likely to have you over to dinner, to meet his parents, or to get to know his siblings.
If he didn’t think of you as more than something casual it’s usually quite unlikely he’d want his family to get to know you since they will then ask what’s up when you’re not in the picture anymore and may think less of him for playing around with girls.
14) He tells you his secrets
If he has secrets locked up inside like a Swiss bank vault you can end up feeling like you’re on the outside looking in.
You know he has things he wants to let out but you can tell he won’t trust you with that valuable cargo.
However, when he considers you his girlfriend he will begin opening up.
This can take longer for some guys than others, so it all depends. But it’s a great sign.
When he wants you as his girlfriend, a guy tells you his secrets, and “he may share intimate details about his past, his family life, and his fears. He may talk about difficult situations he’s experienced, as well as his ultimate goals career-wise and romantically.”
As certified coach Marcelina Hardy observes, “these deep conversations not only mean that he may be falling for you but also mean that he cares about your opinion.”
15) He wants sex with you — and only you
If he considers you his girlfriend then it means he’s attracted to you in body and mind.
He won’t be seeking out other women for sexual intimacy or even joking about it.
He’ll be focused on you. He also won’t pressure you to go further in the intimacy department than you’re comfortable with, because he actually respects you and isn’t just going for a quick lay.
If you ask him to only sleep with you directly he will respond with respect and agreement and you’ll know he’s telling the truth.
16) He’s considerate in bed
If you’re sleeping together then there’s a key thing you can watch out for that will help you figure out if he considers you his girlfriend.
Does he care about your pleasure and pay attention to you?
Or is he just getting the job done for his own pleasure and then rolling over to sleep?
The difference between the two can say a whole lot about how he sees you and the future of your relationship.
17) He values your time
When you mean something to a guy, he will find many ways to let you know, even if it’s not directly.
This is one of the clearest answers to the question: does he consider me his girlfriend?
He doesn’t leave you on read and he answers you when he can. He puts aside time for you and doesn’t cancel at the last minute.
When you plan a weekend together he looks forward to it and prepares, he doesn’t just wing it. He’s in this thing together with you.
18) He cares about what you care about
If you’re super into horses or Britney Spears and he’s not, don’t expect him to start singing “Oops I Did It Again” and going to the horse paddock with you three times a week.
But do expect him to take an interest and find out what led to your passions.
A guy who considers you his girlfriend thinks highly of you and he wants to know why you like what you like.
19) He’s not a fairweather friend
If he wants you to be his partner for real then he’s not going to ditch you when trouble hits.
And trouble can mean many different things. It doesn’t always mean a sickness in the family or you having a job setback.
It could be that you’re going through serious anxiety or that an abusive ex from the past has resurfaced and is causing legit drama.
A guy who considers you his girlfriend will stick by your side and if anything your bond will grow during the tough times.
20) He puts aside weekends for you
If your guy works a 9-5 or a weekly work schedule and puts aside weekends for you then you can bet he’s got you in the girlfriend category.
If you were just a booty call he wouldn’t be putting aside prime time on the weekends to be with you and enjoy your company.
But if he is then be assured that he’s at least on the way to considering you to be his girlfriend.
21) He respects what you say
When a guy considers you his girlfriend he respects what you say.
That doesn’t mean he always agrees or even that he’s always super agreeable. It just means he genuinely respects that you have your own life, your own beliefs and your own experiences.
It means that he gives you space to be you.
22) He buys you thoughtful gifts
A player will sometimes buy gifts but they’re almost always three things: cheap, meaningless and clearly bought on the fly.
A guy who wants you as his girlfriend always buys gifts that mean something and which he clearly put some time into.
They’re not always pricy, but they’re always sweet.
23) Cuddles and one-on-one time is special
One of the ironies of romance is that sometimes going straight to the main act is a sign of a lack of chemistry and attraction rather than a surplus of it.
In other words, if you jump right into bed sometimes it’s because one or both of you don’t really feel much and are just trying to squeeze whatever you can out of the interaction.
And to get a bit moralistic here I just have to warn you that’s a losing game that almost always ends in disappointment and disillusionment.
But when it’s more than just hooking up, the cuddling and time together will be just as pleasurable or more than the sex. The connection you feel will amaze you, and if he enjoys cuddling without sex too then you can make a good bet he’s feeling some romance in the air as well.
24) Dates are special
Another important sign that he considers you to be his girlfriend is that the places he takes you on dates mean something.
You can tell he’s put a bit of thought into it — not a creepy amount, just the right amount — and he adds these thoughtful little touches that are somehow just right.
That could be as basic as opening the car door to you outside the theater or taking you to a restaurant where there’s lovely live music in a style he knows you’ll love.
25) He tells you that he considers you his girlfriend
This is sort of like the cheat code on a video game, but here goes.
If he tells you that he considers you his girlfriend and you’ve had the talk then obviously he considers you his girlfriend.
Two caveats here:
If you constantly ask him to define your relationship status or how he sees the two of you and so on it can come across super needy and unattractive.
As Eric Charles writes:
“I have seen a lot of women get caught up on this issue and as a result, they bring it up more and more, smothering every ounce of joy from the relationship.
At that point, the relationship stops being fun and full of happiness and starts becoming more like a battle of wills. And from a guy’s perspective, when a relationship gets like this, it becomes much less likely for a guy to want to stay.”
Secondly, there are cases where a guy is so shady that he will pretend you’re his girlfriend just to have sex with you on an extended basis.
Be careful of both potentialities.
Final call: does he consider me his girlfriend?
I’m going to be brutally honest with you right now.
If you have to ask yourself whether he considers you to be his girlfriend then the odds are that he doesn’t.
However, if more than half of the above signs are true then there’s a good chance that he does and simply doesn’t know how to express it in a non-awkward way or is worried it could drive you away.
I said at the beginning that it was fairly simple: either he sees you as his girlfriend or he doesn’t.
The only qualifier I’ll add to that is that sometimes it isn’t always black and white. But even in those muddy, gray situations, I guarantee you he is leaning more one direction or the other.
Going through the above guidelines be fully honest with yourself and look at how many boxes he’s checking off.
If this guy thinks of you as his girlfriend it’s going to show in many of the ways that I’ve listed above.
Online dating expert and bestselling author Julie Spira explains it very well when she writes that:
“My suggestion is, after a reasonable amount of time together, have a calm conversation with your guy. Ask him if it’s a good time to talk about something that’s on your mind.”
“Know that if a man wants you to be his girlfriend and doesn’t want anyone else dating you or sleeping with you, he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you’re his girlfriend and will be happy and proud to let the world know.”
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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