Love is a wonderful thing. It can make you feel a plethora of heady emotions.
But the journey to falling in love is not always smooth-sailing. It can also be quite confusing, especially when you’ve just met someone.
If you’re lucky, someone will catch your eye and it’s an instant attraction. In times like this, there’s absolutely no doubt in your mind that you like them.
However, that’s not always the case. You might sometimes feel torn over your feelings.
Do you really like him? Or are you just lonely? Do you like him only as a friend?
There are different reasons why you might feel the way you do.
Lucky for you, there are some telltale signs to help you understand what’s really happening.
Read ahead to find out 20 things to help you recognize how you really feel about him.
But first, here’s a piece of advice.
When it comes to dating, it’s very important to get to know yourself first.
By doing this, you might save yourself a lot of heartache and confusion later. Specifically, this will help you better recognize your feelings with someone.
Because how could you know exactly what you want if you don’t even know it in the first place? Ask yourself, why are you really questioning this? Are your feelings not strong enough? Why?
Find out the answers to these questions and you’ll see if your feelings are real.
Do I like him? Or the idea of him? Here are 20 ways to know
1. There’s a difference between truly liking someone and finding him attractive.
This is where it gets tricky.
A lot of people find it difficult to determine if they really like someone or if they just find them attractive. Most of the time this has to do with looks.
If you find a guy really cute, you might be inclined to ignore his flaws.
It’s when you like him despite his appearance that really means something.
2. Ask yourself why you are wondering about your feelings in the first place.
If you don’t trust yourself and your feelings, you need to spend some time hanging out with them.
Start with asking yourself why you are questioning those feelings in the first place and where they might be coming from.
Have you had a bad experience in the past?
Have you told yourself that it will just turn out the way it always has?
Are you selling yourself the wrong story?
Are you questioning yourself because you are worried about what it might look like if it turned out great?
3. Write it down.
Taking the time to write down what you are thinking. Make a list of all the reasons you think you like him.
What’s so special about him?
What makes your heart skip a beat?
What do you think about when you think about him?
Write it all down and get it out of your head so you can make sense of it. There’s no need to keep all those feelings bottled up.
4. It should feel natural when you’re around him.
Sure, it’s normal to feel giddy during the first few times you hang out with him. That’s the attraction talking.
But once that wears off, does it feel natural?
Do you feel at home with him? If it ever feels forced, then perhaps you don’t really like him. Does it feel more meaningful outside of that extreme physical attraction you’re feeling?
You should feel a calm connection with the right person.
At the end of the day, it’s about being with someone you can be yourself with.
5. How much do you really know about him?
In thinking about why you like him, think about how much you really know about him.
What do you know of his life? His work? How much do you know about the people he hangs around with?
What are people saying around town about him? Does he have a reputation? Is he a bit of a bad boy?
6. Do you really like him? Or are you just lonely?
These days, many people “settle” into relationships that are not really good for them because they’re scared of being lonely.
Make sure you don’t fall into the same trap.
Do you only think of him when you’re alone? Or does he fill your thoughts even when you’re surrounded by a crowd? If it’s the latter, then you’re definitely smitten.
Also, make sure you aren’t just bored. Sometimes when we feel unexcited, we create emotions that aren’t really there.
Occupy yourself with things you enjoy and surround yourself with friends.
If you still think about him after all of that, then you like him.
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7. How often you think of him counts.
If you find yourself only thinking of him in passing, then it’s mostly just a crush.
But if he’s on your mind 24/7 and you just can’t stop thinking about him, that’s another thing.
Is he the first thing you think about when you wake up? Do you constantly compare your other dates to him? Is no one else measuring up? Do you find yourself glued to your phone waiting for his reply?
If he’s the person you think about when you’re upset or when you need someone to make you feel better, then you like him alright.
8. It’s real if you can’t imagine your life without him.
In the short amount of time you’ve met him, he has managed to take over your world.
Has he made such a great impact on you that you can’t imagine your life without him? Does he make you so happy? Is your day so much different when he’s around?
On the other hand, if you think you can go by without him, or if you think you’re much better off alone, then he is probably not the one for you.
Think about what difference it will make in your life if he’s suddenly gone.
9. If you’ve felt this way for a while, then you’re a goner.
Give it time.
Time creates the difference between a crush and an infatuation. A crush fizzles out while Infatuation can turn into love.
If you’ve had a crush on him for a long time, then you most likely have real feelings for him.
10. How long have you been unsure?
On the other hand, if you’ve been mulling over your feelings for him for some time, it’s likley that you aren’t really as into him as you thought you might be.
You are at a standstill and you haven’t let yourself make a decision about it.
Maybe a part of you thinks that the longer you take to decide that you don’t have to take any action. It’s just a mind game you are playing with yourself.
11. Listen to what your friends have to say.
Your friends are more observant than you think.
And they’re also the people who know you the best. They will notice if you’ve been behaving strangely lately. They also know when you are into a guy and when you’re just having a simple crush.
Can they see if you two have amazing chemistry together? Ask them what they think. Take their opinions into consideration but never let them influence your feelings.
At the end of the day, you’re still the best person to decide whether you like this guy or not.
12. Make sure you’re not still thinking about your ex.
You might just be getting over a breakup.
If so, are you still thinking about your ex?
It’s really hard to get over someone you once loved. This alone should make you cautious. Sometimes we think we’ve moved on when haven’t really moved on at all.
If you find yourself thinking about your ex more than you think of him, then it’s best to stay away.
13. You can picture a future with him.
This is a big deal. And it doesn’t always happen.
There are some guys you meet that you know right off isn’t relationship material.
If you can picture yourself having a deeper relationship with this person, then your feelings are very real. Wanting to create future plans with him is a telltale sign that this isn’t a simple case of attraction.
It’s cute that you’re imagining your kids with him (in a non-creepy way).
But you truly know when you have real feelings with someone when you want to move to the next level with them.
14. You’re exerting effort for this person.
You can really tell you’re into someone when you go out of your way for them.
Do you do things for him you don’t normally do for other people? Are you deliberately shifting your schedule to make time for him? And maybe you’ve even told your family about him. Better yet, you’ve already introduced him.
These sort of things give more permanence to your relationship, which is a big deal. If you are exerting more effort towards making him happy, then you probably want him for the long haul.
As they say, actions speak louder than words.
15. You get jealous at the thought of him being with someone else.
If you feel a little jealousy thinking about him with other people, then you do indeed like him. A lot, actually.
When you start feeling territorial about someone, that’s how you know it’s not just a simple infatuation.
In fact, you’ll be more than a little sad if he’ll suddenly tell you he found someone else.
You see him as “yours” even if that might sound illogical. And you just want to be the only special person in his life.
16. You’re interested in getting to know him.
Do you want to know more about him? Are you interested in his past, passions, and goals?
If you feel like you’ve been talking for a while but that find you don’t really know him well, there might be a reason why.
Maybe you are only attracted to his looks.
When you like someone, you want to know even the smallest details about them. You’re also eager to let them know you more, too.
It counts if you really want to let him into your life.
17. You’re really putting yourself out there for him.
You’ve been hurt before.
You know the risks of getting into this again. The possibility of your heart being broken is getting all too real.
In fact, you’ve tried to be indifferent. But that feels wrong to you.
Instead, you are unafraid to make yourself vulnerable to this guy. You suddenly realize that your past doesn’t necessarily define your future and he is worth taking the shot for. You’re ready to bravely take that leap, no matter the outcome.
Falling in love is easy. It’s choosing to love another person that is a different matter entirely.
18. Is there anyone pressuring you to like him?
Are your friends telling you to like him? Are they putting ideas in your head about this guy? Are these even your own thoughts? Is your mom suggesting you like this guy? Is someone putting him in front of you and telling you that you should like him?
We are pretty susceptible to suggestion and when others tend to think something is a good idea, we often adopt that idea as our own.
That’s why it’s important to think about these things from our own perspective and constantly question what it is we want for ourselves.
19. Have you let go of the past?
Are you hanging on to the thought of liking this guy because he reminds you of someone from your past?
Are you just trying to replace someone who you haven’t fully gotten over yet?
When you think about whether or not you like this guy, make sure it is this guy that you like.
You’ll need to take some time to think about whether you are just trying to chase down an old flame.
20. How much interaction have you had with him?
Are you even seeing this guy on a regular basis or are you just swooning over him from afar?
It’s important that you spend some actual time around this guy so that you can tell for sure if you like him.
Don’t make decisions without all of the information you need. Talk to him. See if you like who is he as a person, or if you just like the idea of who he is in your mind.
Are you mentally tough?
Resilience and mental toughness are key attributes to living your best life. They determine how high we rise above what threatens to wear us down, from battling an illness, to dealing with challenging emotions, to carrying on after a relationship has ended.
In The Art of Resilience: A Practical Guide to Developing Mental Toughness, we outline exactly what it means to be mentally tough and equip you with 10 resilience-building tools that you can start using today.
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