Do you have a best friend who you have feelings for?
Sometimes it’s hard to know!
What’s the line between romantic and sexual attraction or just really enjoying their company?
Let’s get into exactly how to know if you have a crush on your best friend.
What do you feel around him or her?
First off, what do you feel around this friend?
I want to break it down into three levels here: physical, emotional, and conversation.
Do you find your friend hot and attractive? To put it more bluntly, if they wanted to would you like to have sex with them right now?
In terms of emotions, what do you feel in your heart around them? Do they bring up romantic feelings that you’ve had in the past in relationships or is it more of a platonic vibe?
Does this friend feel like they could be a girlfriend or boyfriend or does the idea strike you as bizarre or silly?
Intellectually, how are your conversations? Do you have a meeting of the minds or do you more or less find them fairly predictable and not mentally stimulating?
Do these conversations spark your interest and admiration or do you find that your liking of this person doesn’t extend as much to the conversational side?
As your best friend, the chances are that you connect pretty well emotionally and intellectually.
But here’s how to know for sure if it’s romantic or not.
Judging the chance of love
Many times, best friends only realize they’re in love once they’re already head over heels.
Suddenly they turn around and recognize that they’ve fallen for each other completely.
However, this rarely happens by accident.
It happens by choice when one or both of the friends decide to act on the intimate feelings they have for the other.
It happens when one or both of them decide to turn the friendship from platonic and non-intimate into something with more of a romantic and sexual edge.
This means more intimate touching, closeness, and often more inhabiting of traditional masculine-feminine gender roles.
Love happens when the friendship begins to morph into something more than friendship.
And for this to happen it’s necessary for attraction to be triggered in both parties.
This may start with one of you being attracted first and the other gaining an attraction afterwards, but before the fireworks start that switch needs to be flipped one way or another.
So let’s get to that, and take a look.
How deep is your friendship?
As best friends, your relationship likely goes pretty deep. But let’s take a closer look.
What do you talk about and interact over? Do you tend to touch and cuddle a lot or are you more distant physically?
Do you feel physical pleasure when your friend touches you or is it more a kind of platonic warmth like if your sibling were to pat you on the shoulder?
What subjects do you tend to connect about the most deeply and how close are you in discussing each other’s intimate lives?
However, there’s a catch here:
The truth is that many friends end up that way because they are so open about their intimate lives that they relegate the other to a purely platonic role.
As a friend, you are comfortable knowing everything about your buddy’s intimate life…
They may tell you their frustrations about what’s going on with their boyfriend or girlfriend and you don’t feel even a twinge of jealousy:
After all, they’re just a friend…right?
Well, I’ve been in this position myself in the past, and here’s the thing:
When you have romantic and sexual feelings for your best friend then you don’t want to give them relationship advice or hear about their sex life. It makes you jealous and at the very least uncomfortable.
As good friends you want to be able to share and have a deep level of intimacy and comfort.
But too much comfort can actually be what keeps you as just friends or snuffs out the spark of a romantic flame you could have.
What do you do together?
If you want to be sure how to know if you have a crush on your best friend, you need to be perceptive of what you do together.
Are they the type of activities that could easily transition over into a couple vibe or are they very much friend-only stuff?
On a related note, how much do you enjoy your friend’s company?
One of the best indicators that we have a real crush on somebody that could go somewhere is that we don’t get bored around them.
You could talk about astrophysics or alopecia, or you could just sit in silence watching the sun set or listening to Jack Johnson on your car stereo.
You feel no real need to talk all the time, nor does boredom overtake you.
You’re content around them and feel a surge of physical and – dare I say it – almost spiritual pleasure around them.
You don’t need anything more than these moments with them.
And the moments are equally valuable whether you talk or not, and regardless of what activities you’re doing.
‘Just friends’ or something more?
In the end, being “just friends” or something more is a matter that will have to develop between you and your best friend.
By now you should know if you have a crush on them, however, what you do about that is the key issue. And this in many ways depends on whether they feel the same about you.
For that reason, let’s take a look at:
The top 5 signs your best friend has a crush on you too
Here are the top five IOIs (indicators of interest) that a best friend displays when they are also into you.
They’re similar to the IOIs from any interested person but slightly unique in that a best friend already knows and appreciates you perhaps better than anyone.
1) They treat you more like a boyfriend or girlfriend than a friend
The first and most obvious IOI is that your best friend treats you more like a romantic partner than a friend.
They stroke your arm, have a cute laugh when you tell your jokes and bat their eyes at you in a seductive way.
They are anything but a “just friends” vibe, and you’d have to be blind to miss it.
If they’re much more shy and holding back on the attraction then the IOIs may be much subtler.
But if you are perceptive and keep an eye out you will notice that their behavior is more in line with how a girlfriend or boyfriend would act, not just a friend.
To put it in layman’s terms, you will get a “gf” or “bf” vibe from your best friend in many ways.
2) They seem to want to have ‘the talk’ with you sometimes
Depending on your level of comfort, you may discuss relationships and romantic or sexual matters.
But even if you don’t, you may notice that your friend seems keen to have a special talk with you at times.
They may bring up dating or subjects about who they’re attracted to and why.
Then they seem to lose their nerve or not quite say exactly what they want to say.
That’s often that they want to have a talk with you about their interest in you, but are too worried that you might not feel the same.
In this case, it may end up being up to you to make the first move.
3) They look at you longingly from time to time
Strong eye contact is a leading indicator of romantic interest and can also be important in this regard.
You may notice your best friend eyeing you up sometimes or staring at your lips.
They also lick and bite their own lips while looking you over, which is a clear sign.
This is hard to misinterpret, and it basically means they want to kiss you.
If you’re being looked over like a delicious piece of candy then it’s probably because they consider you to be exactly that.
Eye contact is often where attraction starts, and when your best friend is looking at you very often it’s because they like what they see: probably as more than just a friend!
4) They talk about your future together
Another of the big signs your best friend has a crush on you too is that they talk about your future together.
They may discuss it in a way that seems like more than friends, almost as if you’re already a couple.
That’s often because they wish you were.
If you have a crush on them too, then you’re all set…
5) They show signs of dissatisfaction with ‘just friends’
Lastly, a sign that your best friend also has a crush on you is that they clearly aren’t satisfied by being just friends.
This means they flirt with you, touch you often, want to cuddle in a sexualized way, and look at you with clear desire.
They aren’t satisfied with being just friends, clearly.
If you watch carefully you’ll begin to see many such signs if you’re open to them.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
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