Loving deeply is both a gift and a curse, isn’t it?
When you care that much, the highs are incredible, but the lows—they cut deep.
And if you’ve ever felt like your big heart sometimes works against you, you’re not alone.
This kind of intense love often comes with a downside: it makes you vulnerable to pain.
And that pain?
It has a sneaky way of shaping your habits, sometimes in ways that hurt you even more.
If you’ve found yourself stuck in patterns that feel self-sabotaging, you’re not broken.
You’re human.
In this article, I’m breaking down eight self-destructive habits that tend to show up in people who love hard but hurt easily.
1) Overthinking
People who love deeply and get hurt easily tend to have a highly active mind.
They think, and then they think some more.
Overthinking can be both a blessing and a curse.
On the one hand, it allows these individuals to analyze situations deeply and understand others’ feelings on a profound level.
This is part of what makes them such loving and empathetic people.
However, the downside is that this overthinking often leads to unnecessary worry, anxiety, and stress.
It’s like being stuck in a loop of “what ifs” and worst-case scenarios.
Overthinking can make it difficult to move forward after experiencing pain or disappointment.
Instead of letting go and moving on, these individuals might replay situations over and over in their heads, analyzing every detail and every possible outcome.
This habit of overthinking is self-destructive because it robs individuals of their peace of mind and prevents them from living in the present moment.
2) Constant self-doubt
Speaking from personal experience, I can tell you that those who love deeply and get hurt easily often struggle with chronic self-doubt.
I remember questioning my worth every time someone I deeply cared about let me down.
It’s as if their actions were a reflection of my worth, leaving me questioning my value and capabilities constantly.
This self-doubt is a form of self-destruction. It chips away at self-esteem and confidence, making it harder to bounce back from heartbreak or disappointment.
It took me a while to realize that the actions of others do not define me. Instead of doubting myself, I started to see these experiences as lessons that help me grow stronger and wiser.
Overcoming this self-destructive habit isn’t easy, but it’s an important step towards loving oneself and maintaining emotional resilience.
3) Neglecting personal needs
Those who love deeply often prioritize the needs of others over their own.
In fact, a study found that people who are emotionally sensitive or empathetic are more likely to neglect their own needs in favor of others’.
This habit, while seemingly noble, can be self-destructive. It’s like the age-old analogy of the oxygen mask on an airplane – you need to secure your own mask before assisting others.
Neglecting personal needs can lead to burnout, chronic stress, and even health issues over time.
It’s crucial to remember that self-care isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for long-term physical and emotional health.
Taking care of your own needs allows you to be there for others in a more effective and sustainable way.
4) Fear of confrontation
Many people who love deeply and get hurt easily have a heightened fear of confrontation.
They worry that disagreements or conflicts might damage their relationships or lead to rejection.
This fear often results in suppressing their feelings or needs, allowing others to walk over them, or agreeing to things they’re not genuinely comfortable with.
However, avoiding confrontation often leads to resentment and further emotional pain.
Healthy relationships require open and honest communication, including resolving disagreements in a respectful and constructive manner.
5) Holding on to toxic relationships
Those who love deeply often find it hard to let go, even when a relationship is causing them pain.
Their big hearts and hope for change keep them holding on, even when all signs point to the need to let go.
It’s a heartbreaking truth, watching someone you care about stay in a relationship that chips away at their happiness and self-esteem.
The depth of their love overshadows the reality of their situation, keeping them stuck in a cycle of pain and disappointment.
This is a self-destructive habit that can take a significant toll on one’s mental and emotional well-being.
Remember, it’s okay to walk away from relationships that no longer serve you or cause you harm.
You deserve to be surrounded by love, respect, and positivity. It’s not easy, but sometimes letting go is the most loving thing you can do for yourself.
6) Over-apologizing
I’ve often found myself saying “sorry” when it wasn’t necessary – for expressing my feelings, for standing up for myself, or even for simply existing in a space.
This is a habit common among those who love deeply and get hurt easily.
This over-apologizing stems from a fear of upsetting others or being a burden.
But the truth is, you don’t need to apologize for having emotions, needs, or boundaries.
Apologizing when it’s not warranted can diminish your self-worth and allow others to disrespect your boundaries.
7) Suppressing emotions
People who love deeply and get hurt easily often have a tendency to bottle up their emotions.
They might hide their pain or sadness to avoid burdening others or to maintain an image of being “strong.”
However, suppressing emotions isn’t healthy or beneficial in the long run.
Emotions are a natural part of the human experience, and they demand to be felt. Ignoring or denying them can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems.
Allow yourself to feel your emotions fully and express them in healthy ways.
Whether it’s talking to a trusted friend, writing in a journal, or seeking professional help, finding outlets for your emotions can lead to better emotional health and resilience.
8) Lack of self-love
At the heart of all these self-destructive habits lies a lack of self-love.
People who love deeply and get hurt easily often put so much energy into loving others that they forget to love themselves.
Self-love isn’t about being selfish or narcissistic. It’s about acknowledging your worth, respecting your boundaries, and taking care of your needs.
Without it, you may end up in a cycle of hurt and disappointment.
You can’t pour from an empty cup. Loving yourself is the first step towards breaking these self-destructive habits and building healthier, more fulfilling relationships.
It’s about growth
The complexities of human emotions and behaviors are often intertwined with our personal experiences and inherent traits.
Those who love deeply and get hurt easily are not flawed or weak. Instead, they possess a depth of emotion that can be both their strength and their vulnerability.
Every experience, every heartbreak, every setback can serve as a stepping stone for personal growth.
It’s never about changing who you are, but about learning to navigate your vulnerabilities and transforming them into strengths.
The journey might be challenging, but remember that it’s okay to love deeply. It’s okay to feel pain.
And most importantly, it’s okay to choose yourself, to choose growth over stagnation, and love over fear.