Eliza Hartley
Respect isn’t given, it’s earned.
And sometimes, the things we do or the habits we have can unknowingly chip away at that respect from the people around us.
If you’ve been feeling like your personal life lacks a bit of that much-needed respect, it might be time to take a closer look at your actions.
In this article, I’ll share with you 9 things you might be doing that could be costing you respect.
These are insights that I’ve gathered over time and helped me improve my personal relationships.
1) Overcommitting
One common pitfall many of us fall into is the habit of overcommitting.
We say yes to every request, every invitation, and before we know it, we’re juggling too many balls in the air.
Here’s the thing – when we overcommit, we often end up under-delivering.
And nothing erodes respect faster than broken promises or half-hearted efforts.
The key to earning respect is to know your limits and to be honest about them.
It’s okay to say no when you’re already stretched too thin.
In fact, it shows that you value your time and you’re serious about your commitments.
2) Being too self-focused
I remember a time in my life when I was so focused on achieving my personal goals that I didn’t realize how self-absorbed I had become.
Conversations would invariably circle back to me and my achievements, subtly turning every interaction into a spotlight on myself.
It took a candid friend to make me see the truth.
He pointed out how my self-centered behavior made others feel unimportant and unheard.
It was a hard pill to swallow, but I’m grateful for his honesty.
From that point, I made a conscious effort to shift the focus from myself to others during conversations.
I started asking more about them, their lives, their thoughts and feelings.
And the change was almost immediate.
People started to open up more, they seemed happier around me and most importantly, I could see a newfound respect in their eyes.
The lesson here is simple – if you want respect, you need to give respect.
Show genuine interest in others and they’ll reciprocate with the same regard for you.
3) Avoiding difficult conversations
There’s something to be said about the courage it takes to face difficult conversations head on.
It’s easy to sweep uncomfortable topics under the rug, to avoid confrontation, and to keep the peace.
But this approach often leads to unresolved issues and lingering resentment.
When we face difficult conversations with grace and patience, it demonstrates our commitment to maintaining healthy relationships.
It shows that we value honesty and open communication over superficial harmony.
Psychologists emphasize that the quality of our social relationships, heavily reliant on meaningful conversations, plays a crucial role in determining our overall well-being.
And while it may be uncomfortable in the moment, addressing concerns or misunderstandings directly can strengthen our relationships and earn us a deep-seated respect from those around us.
So next time you’re tempted to sidestep a challenging conversation, remember the long-term benefits.
Take a deep breath and step into the discomfort.
You’ll be surprised by the respect you gain in return.
4) Living on autopilot
We live in a fast-paced world where multitasking has become the norm.
But in this constant state of busyness, we often forget to pause, breathe, and truly experience the moment.
We’re physically present, but our minds are elsewhere.
This lack of mindfulness can make us seem distant or disengaged to those around us.
Mindfulness, in its simplest form, is about being fully present in the moment.
It’s about engaging all your senses and truly experiencing life as it unfolds around you.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve deeper into how mindfulness can transform your life and relationships.
I share practical tips and exercises to help you cultivate mindfulness and live a more balanced, fulfilled life.
When we bring mindfulness into our lives, we become more attuned to our own thoughts and feelings as well as those of others.
This makes us more empathetic, understanding, and respectful individuals.
By practicing mindfulness, we can show up more fully in our relationships and earn the respect of those around us.
5) Always trying to please others
You might think that being agreeable and accommodating all the time would earn you respect.
But in reality, it can often have the opposite effect.
People respect those who have a clear sense of self and who aren’t afraid to express their own opinions, even when they might be unpopular.
Constantly trying to please others can make you seem indecisive or lacking in self-confidence.
This doesn’t mean you should be contrarian for the sake of it, but rather that you should feel free to express your own thoughts and feelings, even if they differ from those around you.
Developing this kind of authenticity takes time and practice, but it’s well worth the effort.
It shows that you value your own perspective and are willing to stand up for what you believe in, which is a surefire way to earn respect.
6) Not setting boundaries
Respect and boundaries go hand in hand.
If you allow people to overstep or disregard your boundaries, it might signal that you don’t value or respect your own needs and limits.
Setting clear boundaries isn’t about being rigid or unapproachable; it’s about communicating what’s acceptable to you and what’s not.
It’s about creating a safe space for yourself while also respecting the boundaries of others.
When you set and maintain healthy boundaries, you’re showing others that you value yourself and your well-being.
A study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology indicates that individuals with strong boundaries tend to have higher self-esteem and better self-concept.
And when you respect yourself, others are likely to follow suit.
So don’t be afraid to define your boundaries and stand by them.
It might be uncomfortable at first, but it’s a vital step towards gaining the respect you deserve.
7) Neglecting personal growth
One thing I’ve learned over the years is that respect isn’t static.
It’s not something you earn once and then have forever.
It’s a continuous process, tied closely to personal growth.
People respect those who are consistently striving to improve themselves, who are open to new ideas, and who aren’t afraid to admit when they’re wrong.
These are signs of a person who values growth and learning.
If we want to maintain and increase the respect we receive from others, we need to continually invest in ourselves.
This could mean reading a new book, taking up a new hobby, or even just admitting when we’ve made a mistake and working to correct it.
In my experience, the pursuit of personal growth not only earns us respect from others but also increases our self-respect.
And that’s a win-win in my book!
8) Ignoring your health
Your personal health and well-being might not seem directly related to how much respect you receive from others, but it’s more connected than you might think.
A study published in the Journal of Multidisciplinary Healthcare found that individuals who engage in health-promoting behaviors, such as regular physical activity and balanced nutrition, are perceived more positively by their peers.
When you take care of your physical, mental, and emotional health, it shows that you respect yourself.
It also demonstrates that you’re responsible and capable of taking care of your own needs.
These qualities are often admired and respected by others.
On the other hand, neglecting your health can give the impression that you don’t value yourself enough to take care of your own needs.
This can lead others to question why they should respect you if you don’t respect yourself.
9) Not showing respect to others
This might seem obvious, but it’s worth stating: If you want to be respected, you need to show respect to others.
It’s a simple principle of reciprocity.
Respect isn’t a one-way street.
It’s a mutual exchange that builds upon itself over time.
When you show genuine respect to others – through your words, actions, and attitudes – you create a positive cycle of respect that benefits everyone involved.
So make it a habit to show respect in all your interactions, big or small.
It’s the most powerful way to gain respect for yourself.
It’s about mutual respect
At the heart of these nine principles lies a simple truth: respect isn’t a one-sided affair.
It’s a give-and-take, a mutual exchange that requires both parties to actively participate.
In the pursuit of respect, it’s crucial to remember that your actions and behaviors are reflective of how you respect yourself and others around you.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment”, I delve into how mindfulness can help cultivate this balance, enabling deeper connections and mutual respect in your personal life.
But gaining respect isn’t an overnight process.
It’s a continuous journey of self-growth, setting boundaries, being present, and showing genuine respect towards others.
As you navigate through this journey, let these nine principles guide you towards a life where respect is abundant, not just for you, but for everyone around you.
