Dating a divorced man comes with its own unique challenges.
Dating a divorced man who still lives with his ex is the next level.
If you’re dealing with this, here are some vital pieces of information you need to consider.
Dating a divorced man still living with ex wife? 10 things you need to know
1) There is a way to make this work
First of all, don’t give up.
Obviously this situation is far from ideal, but dating a divorced man still living with his ex wife is doable.
It all depends on why he’s living with her, what it means and how you feel about it.
For example, if this guy is now good friends with his ex but not intimately involved, that still may make you feel jealous and be a dealbreaker.
Or if he’s living with his ex purely out of financial considerations that can also bring up questions about how dependable he is in material terms.
But through the difficulty of this situation, try not to give up.
Be patient with this divorced guy. If his heart is in the right place and he makes an effort, then you have reason to hope that things could still turn serious and work out.
There is hope to make it work if both of you are communicative and empathetic.
2) But you need to be careful
At the same time as having hope, you do need to be careful.
Dating a divorced man still living with his ex wife is like walking through an obstacle course.
There are just so many things that can go wrong so easily with almost no warning.
Plus, let’s be honest:
As open-minded as you might consider yourself, there’s just something a little weird about a divorced guy sharing living quarters with his ex-wife.
Don’t you think?
So be careful.
Move into this relationship with a slightly guarded heart and don’t put everything out there right away.
Wait and test the waters first.
3) And make sure your relationship with him is solid
Part of being careful is about building your relationship on a solid footing.
This can seem like a lofty goal, but it’s really quite simple.
This divorced man living with his ex might be going through a rough patch in life, but he’s still a man.
And as a man he has similar traits that push his “love button.”
You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering their inner hero.
I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in their DNA.
And it’s something most women don’t know anything about.
Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of their own lives. They feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when they find someone who knows how to trigger it.
Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?
Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.
The truth is, it comes at no cost or sacrifice to you. With only a few small changes in how you approach him, you’ll tap into a part of him no woman has tapped into before.
The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.
Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.
It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.
4) Why is a divorced man living with his ex, anyway?
This question is necessary to ask and find out about before you get too serious to him.
Here are some common reasons why a divorced guy might still be shacking up with his ex:
- He’s broke and he needs to stay there until he can afford a new place
- He’s emotionally beat up and doesn’t feel up to moving right now, even if it means living with his ex.
- The split was amicable and he’d rather live with his ex than alone, due to his fragile emotional state.
- He’s still got some feelings for his ex but is keeping it low key and even denying them to himself.
- He’s still sleeping with his ex and in love with her and he’s just toying with you for some extra fun.
Obviously this last one in particular is not what you want to hear, but it needs to be considered.
Ask him why he’s still living with his ex and see if his answer stacks up.
You have a right to know.
If he won’t say or his answer is overly confusing then let’s be honest:
That’s a red flag right there.
5) Be prepared to deal with difficult emotions
Dating a divorced man who lives with his ex is going to bring up some hard emotions sooner or later.
Let’s face it:
Some exes are nightmares.
And even if she’s decent, if there are kids involved or other complicated issues going on between the two of them, you’re going to feel annoyed at how much his attention may wander away from you.
As Lori Gottlieb writes for the Atlantic about her relationship with Adam and annoyance with his freeloading ex:
“Every time Adam’s ringtone goes off, my stomach churns because I feel so violated and intruded on by her.
“Adam knows how I feel and tries to handle these situations without hurting my feelings, but it’s really difficult.”
Now your guy’s ex might not be as bad as Adam’s.
But chances are that she’s got some issues, too.
So ask yourself whether you have a thick enough skin to date a guy who’s got a demon in the closet from time to time.
Because if not, you’re better off choosing somebody else.
6) He might have self-esteem issues
A guy who’s living with his ex is probably not in the best shape.
For one thing, if his divorce was fairly recent then he’s likely still fairly shaken up.
And even if it wasn’t, the fact that he’s still living with his ex generally means he has some trouble drawing boundaries and standing up for himself.
Be prepared for your guy to have some trouble speaking his mind and feeling good about himself.
He’s likely to not be the most confident man you ever dated.
7) Get your number one relationship right
Dating a divorced man still living with ex wife is stressful.
It can leave you wondering where this is all going and just wishing you could have a “normal” relationship.
Have you ever asked yourself why love is so hard?
Why can’t it be how you imagined growing up? Or at least make some sense…
When you’re dealing with dating a divorced man still living with ex wife, it’s easy to become frustrated and even feel helpless. You may even be tempted to throw in the towel and give up on love.
I want to suggest doing something different.
It’s something I learned from the world-renowned shaman Rudá Iandê. He taught me that the way to find love and intimacy is not what we have been culturally conditioned to believe.
In fact, many of us self-sabotage and trick ourselves for years, getting in the way of meeting a partner who can truly fulfill us.
As Rudá explains in this mind blowing free video, many of us chase love in a toxic way that ends up stabbing us in the back.
We get stuck in awful relationships or empty encounters, never really finding what we’re looking for and continuing to feel horrible about things like feeling you’re chasing an unavailable or damaged man.
We fall in love with an ideal version of someone instead of the real person.
We try to “fix” our partners and end up destroying relationships.
We try to find someone who “completes” us, only to fall apart with them next to us and feel twice as bad.
Rudá’s teachings showed me a whole new perspective.
While watching, I felt like someone understood my struggles to find and nurture love for the first time – and finally offered an actual, practical solution feeling frustrated by dating a divorced guy who seems distant or undependable.
If you’re done with unsatisfying dating, empty hookups, frustrating relationships and having your hopes dashed over and over, then this is a message you need to hear.
I guarantee you will not be disappointed.
8) He’s going to take longer to commit
If you’re dating a divorced man still living with his ex-wife, be advised that he’s going to take longer to commit.
Once burned, twice shy, as they say…
Don’t expect him to want to get serious too quickly.
At the same time, avoid letting him string you along or use you as an emotional comfort pillow.
His situation is not your fault.
And if he’s not looking for the same thing as you then he may just not be the one for you.
9) He may feel useless after his divorce
One of the biggest feelings a man might feel after his divorce is useless and disappointed.
Sometimes that’s why he stays with his ex.
He wants to help out and be “useful” for her because he feels low worth.
Your job is to offer him a bigger and better role by your side.
This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.
When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, he’s more likely to commit and fall in love with you.
And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.
You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.
10) Is he willing to move out from living with her?
Last and far from least, dating a divorced man still living with his ex can come down to a simple question:
Is he willing to move out?
If the practical considerations are taken care of, is he willing to try something new and break that residential bond with his former partner?
If the answer is no – at least not now – then you have some hard thinking to do about whether this is really the guy for you.
If he’s stalling a lot, then you have to wonder why.
If he’s open to the idea, then don’t worry about the fact that he’s currently still living with his ex.
It will hopefully soon be in the past as you move forward together.
Is he truly over his ex or not?
The question that every woman asks when she’s dating a divorced man is whether he’s really moved on or not.
And even if he has, is he carrying so much baggage from his ex that he’s basically going to be a drag on your life?
If he’s still living with his ex, it just amplifies these questions and concerns.
But there is hope.
By now you should have a better idea of why dating a divorced man who still lives with his ex can be such a challenge.
So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.
I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.
And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.
With James Bauer’s incredible concept, he’ll see you as the only woman for him. So if you’re ready to take that plunge, before sure to check out the video now.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.