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Dating a 40-year-old man who has never been married? 11 key tips to consider

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For some people, being unmarried by 40 is a massive red flag.

Supposedly, this shows that this man lacks relationship skills or does not have his life together.

These assumptions might be a bit of a stretch.

However, there are still several things to consider if you’re looking to date a 40-year-old man who hasn’t married yet.

Let’s jump right into what they are…

11 tips for dating a 40-year-old man who’s never been married

1) Kids might complicate things

If he’s never been married before, chances are that he doesn’t have kids too. But there’s still a probability that he has, especially since he’s that old already.

Either way, kids—or how he views kids—can complicate things in many ways.

For example, if he doesn’t have kids, it might be because he absolutely hates kids. If you have kids, this can cause some issues real fast.

Or the opposite can happen too.  Maybe he has kids, but you don’t. Maybe you both have kids.

Or maybe both of you don’t have kids but have different plans about whether to have kids or not. After all, it’s an important topic for many people at this stage in life.

Of course, it can also turn out great and he gets along with your kids or vice-versa. Still, it’s something to keep in mind as you enter this relationship.

2) He might not have the same relationship experience as you do

If you’ve been married or have been in very serious relationships before, you know what to expect.

You know that no human being and no relationship is perfect. You’re not blinded by the honeymoon phase nor do you expect your partner to be flawless.

You know that cohabitation isn’t always romantic. You know to expect unwashed dishes, clothes on the floor, and unmade beds from time to time. You know that your partner won’t look like a supermodel naked.

If the man you’re seeing has never been married even at this age, it’s possible that he hasn’t experienced the reality of what being in a relationship is really like.

The difference in experience and maturity can pose a lot of problems, if not a fundamental incompatibility.

Still, even if this was the case, it’s not a bad idea to give him a chance. Give him the benefit of the doubt and see if he’ll grow in a relationship with you.

3) He probably has less baggage

This person might have less relationship experience, but the fact that he doesn’t have a failed marriage in the past also means he’s carrying less emotional baggage.

There’s less trauma and less drama that you have to deal with or help him get over. Overall it’s going to feel like a lighter, freer relationship.

Still, it’s not a certainty.

Maybe he’s had numerous serious relationships in the past that didn’t end so well, and until today, there are still some wounds. It doesn’t matter that he wasn’t legally married.

Regardless, the chances are much slimmer with a person who’s never been married before. With a person who went through a divorce in the past, you need to steel yourself for a more emotionally complicated relationship.

4) You’ll have to do the right thing to nourish the relationship

Dating someone in his 40s who has never been married can be tricky. But not when you know the right approach to this type of men.

You see, for guys, it’s all about triggering his inner hero.

I learned about this from the hero instinct. Coined by relationship expert James Bauer, this fascinating concept is about what really drives men in relationships, which is ingrained in his DNA.

And it’s something most women doesn’t know anything about.

Once triggered, these drivers make men into the heroes of his own lives. he feel better, love harder, and commit stronger when he find someone who knows how to trigger it.

Now, you may be wondering why it’s called “the hero instinct”? Do guys really need to feel like superheroes to commit to a woman?

Not at all. Forget about Marvel. You won’t need to play the damsel in distress or buy your man a cape.

The easiest thing to do is to check out James Bauer’s excellent free video here. He shares some easy tips to get you started, such as sending him a 12 word text that will trigger his hero instinct right away.

Because that’s the beauty of the hero instinct.

It’s only a matter of knowing the right things to say to make him realize that he wants you and only you.

Click here to watch the free video.

5) Commitment might be a problem

There can be all sorts of reasons why he has not been married yet in his 40s.

But it is reasonable to assume that—maybe, just maybe—one of, if not the main reason why is because he has commitment issues.

Of course, a divorced person might also have commitment issues. Maybe that’s why he got divorced in the first place. At least, however, he was willing to commit at the start.

With a person who has never been married before, there might be a chance he just doesn’t have it in him to commit to you for a long-term relationship at all.

And if you’re dating at this point in your life, a long-term relationship—if not a lifetime partnership!—is probably what you’re looking for.

Maybe he still wants to feel young and do the things he hasn’t done or go to places he hasn’t been to before. If this is what you’re looking for as well and feel the same, then all the power to you!

But it’s definitely something to keep in mind before diving straight into a relationship with him.

6) He may not want to marry at all

Society has told us that marriage and building a family is the way to go.

At the same time, however, the media has portrayed marriage as some sort of burden. he imply that being married means being tied down and losing your freedom or your individuality.

As problematic as this is, it’s also hard to deny that there’s not a grain of truth in there.

Marriage does indeed require constant effort and there are many things you have to give up for a family.

Some people have simply decided that such a life isn’t for him, and that’s totally fine as well.

He wants to be completely free his entire life and this might be the reason why he hasn’t and will never ever marry, regardless of who he’s in love with.

If this is the case, you’ll need to decide if this is aligned with your own views on marriage or if this is a deal-breaker.

7) He might be looking for someone perfect

One reason he might not have settled down with a spouse yet is that he’s looking for someone perfect.

Of course, no one is perfect, so he’s never deemed anyone to be worthy of him.

Whether it’s because this person has unrealistically high standards or he’s a hopeless romantic that believes in love without any problems, people like this are generally not worth the time and effort.

Even if the relationship goes well at first (as most relationships do during the honeymoon phase), things can take a turn for the worse once you get to know each other more deeply.

The moment he sees even a glimpse of your imperfections, or once issues start to arise in the relationship, he will immediately doubt his love for you.

True love should be willing to fight and work through problems, right?

8) You may have different values

What are his views on religion and God? What are his political beliefs? How does he manage money and how does he picture retirement? How does he like to run the household?

By this age, people are mostly set on their core beliefs, everyday tendencies, and priorities in life. If you’re looking for a serious long-term relationship, you need to make sure that you’re compatible when it comes to these matters.

This relates back to the unique concept I mentioned earlier: the hero instinct.

When a man feels respected, useful, and needed, when you talk to him, he’s more likely to commit to a long-term relationship.

And the best part is, triggering his hero instinct can be as simple as knowing the right thing to say over a text.

You can learn exactly what to do by watching this simple and genuine video by James Bauer.

9) You’ll need to slow things down

Someone who’s never married might generally be inexperienced with relationships because he never cared to get into many of them. Or he might have come from a truly devastating breakup that he didn’t date for many, many years, and that’s why he remains unmarried.

Either way, it’s good to take things more slowly this time around.

Both of you are older and wiser now. No longer are you the overly romantic horndogs that your younger selves likely were.

It’ll also give you more time to assess your potential partner before truly committing to a relationship. After all, the older someone is, the more stuff he is likely hiding.

10) He might want something different

Aside from making sure that you’re compatible when it comes to your beliefs, values, and personalities, you also need to determine if your life plans are similar.

Maybe one wants to have kids and settle down. Or maybe one of you wants to spend the rest of his life traveling instead. Maybe one of you wants to pursue a master’s or a Ph.D.

Once you’re as old as 40, there is simply no time for games or any ambiguities. Both of you need to be clear and upfront about what you want and expect from the relationship.

11) You’ll have to relearn things

You need to come into a new relationship with a blank slate.

If you’ve been married or were in a long-term relationship before dating this unmarried 40-year-old person, there might be a chance that you’ll grow to expect the same things your past partners did.

However, the truth is that different people will love differently. So, you shouldn’t expect the same gestures of love that your ex used to give you.

Like we said above, there’s also a chance that your new partner might be inexperienced when it comes to romance.

Be open-minded and learn how to love each other the way you want and need to be loved. After all, one of the best things about loving is learning more about the other person.

Wrapping Up

Regardless of what we said here, it’s best to enter a new relationship without any assumptions. Even if he hasn’t been married by 40, this doesn’t mean that he’s immature or that he’s never dated before.

Remember that love is hard and tricky. Most people go through multiple partners before finding the one they want to settle down with. For some people, that process simply takes longer.

Be kind to each other and take things slow. Recovering from a serious relationship, even if it wasn’t a marriage, can be just as difficult as recovering from a divorce.

So, stop overthinking. Keep these things in mind so that you won’t be too surprised and unprepared if and should he come up, but keep an open heart as you start this new connection!

By now you should have a better idea of what to expect from dating a man who’s in his 40s and has never been married.

So the key now is getting through to your man in a way that empowers both him and you.

I mentioned the concept of the hero instinct earlier — by appealing directly to his primal instincts, you won’t only solve this issue, but you’ll take your relationship further than ever before.

And since this free video reveals exactly how to trigger your man’s hero instinct, you could make this change from as early as today.

Can a relationship coach help you too?

If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.

I know this from personal experience…

A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.

If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.

In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.

I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.

Click here to get started.

Written by Anna Dovbysh

With 8 years of writing experience and a deep interest in psychology, relationship advice, and spirituality, Anna’s here to shine a light on the most interesting self-development topics and share some life advice. She's got a Master's Degree in International Information and is a life-long learner of writing and storytelling. In the past, she worked on a radio station and a TV channel as a journalist and even tought English in Cambodia to local kids. Currently, she's freelancing and traveling around the globe, exploring new places, and getting inspired by the people she meets and the stories they tell. Subscribe to her posts and get in touch with her on her social media!

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