Love can be hard, but dating a married man can be a downright disaster.
That’s why there are some things you need to know before you try to walk through this romantic minefield.
Here’s a guide to get you ready for the unique problems that can come up from dating a married man.
22 dangers of dating a married man you need to know about
1) Once a cheater, always a cheater
One of the biggest dangers of dating a married man you need to know about is that cheaters tend to cheat again.
The best predictor of whether a man will cheat is whether he already has in the past.
And if he’s a married man having an affair with you then he has, by definition, already cheated.
It’s not a good start to your relationship, and the chances that he’ll cheat on you are very high.
Barring that, most married men looking for a fling also tend to lose interest rapidly and move on to the next shiny object.
As you can see, this definitely isn’t good odds for the future of your time with this guy.
Sure, you may like him…
But you definitely started off on the wrong foot.
2) There’s a risk of you putting him on a pedestal
One of the risks of dating a married man is that some women are psychologically prone to putting a married man on a pedestal.
Because he’s less available, he becomes the prize.
This leads to an inherently devalued relationship with yourself whereby you start to feel like you come second…
Like you’re less valuable…
This kind of low self-esteem can be very damaging to you going forward, because the truth is that no relationship is more important the one you have with yourself.
There’s no good side to feeling like you’re worthless and it’s a downhill battle when you start seeing signs of it in your affair with a married man.
As I’ll discuss here…
3) He undermines your relationship with yourself
One of the most important dangers of trying to date a married man is this feeling that you come second and are less valuable.
So how can you improve this?
The truth is, most of us overlook an incredibly important element in our lives:
The relationship we have with ourselves.
I learnt about this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. In his genuine, free video on cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.
He covers some of the major mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as codependency habits and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes most of us make without even realizing it.
This is especially true when it comes to trying to date a married man.
So why am I recommending Rudá’s life-changing advice?
Well, he uses techniques derived from ancient shamanic teachings, but he puts his own modern-day twist on them. He may be a shaman, but his experiences in love weren’t much different to yours and mine.
Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. And that’s what he wants to share with you.
So if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, genuine advice.
4) He can’t always be there for you even if he wants to
One of the biggest dangers of dating a married man you need to know about, is that he can’t always be there for you even if he wants to.
His wife and family are going to need him on special days like Christmas, New Year’s, his birthday and other special days.
Even if he wanted to take off with you for a long weekend, he isn’t necessarily able to do so unless he calls it quits with his family (something I’m going to get to in the next point).
But the bottom line here is that if you want someone who’s committed to you, a married man can’t fulfill that role.
When you wish he would just care a little bit more about you
“As a man who has a wife and a family, he will spend most of his free time with them.
“You will be an hour squeezed here or a text message there. You will never be his priority.”
5) Even if he says he’ll divorce his wife, it rarely happens
Married men who have affairs are basically famous for telling their mistress they’ll break up with their wife.
It does happen.
But what happens much more frequently is that they lead on the other woman and then eventually dump her, returning all their attention to their family.
What also commonly happens is that even if they do leave their wife they don’t necessarily come to you as the other woman.
They’re much more likely to jump into the shining swimming pool of new opportunities out there instead.
While I’m not saying that fantasies about marrying a married man never come true…
They rarely do…
Because the truth of the matter is that ending a marriage is a big deal and most men don’t have the time, energy or will to go through with it.
At least not for another woman who they’ve been seeing.
6) Dating a married man reinforces feelings of not being good enough
Here’s the thing:
The married man you’re seeing – or want to see – might be a stellar guy.
I realize that could be controversial to say, after all he’s cheating on his wife. But it’s certainly possible that he’s a decent and loving man.
The problem is that if you’re willing to play second fiddle to his wife, it’s inevitable that it’s going to reinforce feelings of not being good enough.
You will keep feeling like you missed out on meeting him before he was married, or like you’re not good enough to make him leave his wife.
It’s the opposite of what you want to be doing with your life, because…
7) Dating a married man saps you of your personal power
Dating a married man saps you of your personal power.
No matter how much he cheers for you and tells you that you mean the world to him…
Dating a married man puts you on the backburner.
You inevitably come second to his schedule, his marriage, his wife, his kids and his priorities.
Instead, what you want to be doing is finding a way to tap into your personal power and stop feeling so helpless and dependent.
So how can you overcome this insecurity that’s been nagging you?
The most effective way is to tap into your personal power.
You see, we all have an incredible amount of power and potential within us, but most of us never tap into it. We become bogged down in self-doubt and limiting beliefs. We stop doing what brings us true happiness.
I learned this from the shaman Rudá Iandê. He’s helped thousands of people align work, family, spirituality, and love so they can unlock the door to their personal power.
He has a unique approach that combines traditional ancient shamanic techniques with a modern-day twist. It’s an approach that uses nothing but your own inner strength – no gimmicks or fake claims of empowerment.
Because true empowerment needs to come from within.
In his excellent free video, Rudá explains how you can create the life you’ve always dreamed of and increase attraction in your partners, and it’s easier than you might think.
So if you’re tired of living in frustration, dreaming but never achieving, and of living in self-doubt, you need to check out his life-changing advice.
8) You’re risking destroying someone else’s marriage and family
I’m not here to be a prude, but one of the worst dangers of dating a married man you need to know about is that you’re playing with fire.
You run a real risk of wrecking his family and splitting him up from someone he’s built a life with.
Now, his wife may be a terrible person who even cheated on him…
And his kids might drive him nuts and not appreciate him…
But you’d better be sure you’re OK driving a wedge into his life before you look at getting serious.
9) You can completely ruin your reputation
Dating a married man can torch your reputation rapidly and irreparably like few other things can.
Even if you don’t get publicly exposed in some kind of humiliating situation, rumors have a way of starting and spreading…
And they also have a way of following you around regardless of how you move on and try to leave them behind.
Something worth considering.
10) If you already give him what he wants he won’t commit
Most people want three primary things out of a relationship: physical, emotional and intellectual connection.
If he’s already having sex with you, bonding emotionally and having engaging conversations, why would he commit and crash his other “official” life?
He’ll just continue double dipping, if he’s like most married men.
And that’s bad news for you, if you’re looking for something more serious and in the realm of a real relationship.
11) You’re at greater risk of becoming seriously depressed
Depression often has chemical elements and causes, not just life circumstances.
But never underestimate just how damaging dating a married man can be to your mental health.
Feeling constantly like you’re grasping for attention can be very disempowering and…well…depressing.
You have a high risk of beginning to have the typical thoughts of someone who is depressed…
That life isn’t worth living…
That you’ll never really meet the right one…
That nobody understands or appreciates you for who you are and you should stop trying.
It’s really a horrible cycle you’d be better off avoiding if possible.
12) You’re trapped in a cone of silence about who you can tell
When you’re seeing someone new or in love you want to tell the world about it.
On social media…
Just shouting it from the rooftops after a few too many glasses of wine.
But if you’re dating a married man that’s not going to be an option, and it can end up leaving you feeling quite stifled.
Indeed, one of the biggest dangers of dating a married man you need to know about is to your own mental health.
The cone of silence demanding that you stay quiet about your affair is hard to deal with and can lead to lots of insecurity and depression.
13) It’s very difficult to go out in public on a normal date
Want to go out for some Italian food? How about a walk on the promenade to look at the stars?
Well, maybe. But maybe not.
When you’re dating a married man there’s always a risk of being found out or him thinking that an area is too full of mutual acquaintances or people his wife knows.
And even if you manage to get away for a day or two to somewhere else or meet on one of his business trips, going on a normal date might just make you realize even more how crazy it is when you’re not able to.
14) You’re going to have a lot of lonely and isolated days
Dating a married man is like having a secret boyfriend you can’t tell your parents about because they don’t approve.
There will be a lot of lonely and isolated days where you feel like a princess locked alone in a dark tower…
With no prince riding to her rescue.
It’s a rough feeling and it’s one I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
One friend of mine who had an eight-month affair with a married man described it as feeling like a “second-class citizen” who’s only there for him to get his kicks.
She hated herself for having feelings for him while still knowing he wasn’t serious about her and would never leave his wife.
That sounds pretty degrading, I have to admit…
15) You’re likely to be hit by sudden feelings of guilt
No matter how justified this affair is in your eyes, you’re likely to be hit by sudden feelings of guilt.
They can come out of the blue and really affect you in ways you don’t expect.
This can then tie into feelings that you yourself are immoral for seeing a married man…
Or that anything negative others say about you is justified.
It can become quite the negative echo chamber. One you’d be better off not living in.
16) If he’s lying to his wife how do you know he’s not lying to you?
This married guy could be charming, handsome and seemingly honest.
But if he’s lying to his wife, who’s to say he’s not lying to you, too?
Of course he’ll present you lots of good reasons for his affair, most commonly the whole “the marriage just isn’t working out and the spark is gone” line.
And it might well be true.
But a guy who’s willing to step out on his wife is definitely not a straight shooter and there’s a pretty good chance he’s also lying to you about various things.
You should also keep in mind the chance that he’s two-timing you and seeing multiple women at the same time, not just you.
17) He’s likely to be jumpy and worried when he’s around you
The married guy you’re seeing doesn’t want to get found out, and that entails a certain level of secrecy and attention to detail.
The basics like taking off his ring are something obvious, but there are finer points he’s going to be keeping in mind if he’s smart as well.
- Staying away from areas and places where he knows a lot of people
- Avoiding mutual acquaintances of he and his wife
- Strictly staying away from public displays of affection (PDAs) in order to maintain plausible deniability if he is caught
- And much more paranoid silliness
It’s not exactly the formula for love, to say the least.
18) You won’t get to meet those closest to him and be part of his life
Other than one or two friends he may open up to about his involvement with you, you’re not likely to get involved with his life in any real way.
Think about it:
Meeting his kids? Out of the question.
Chatting with his wife? No way.
Hanging out with his friends and work colleagues? Only in some very awkward and strange context.
If you’re looking for just sex or just for a quick dialup every now and then, then a married man could be your golden ticket…
As long as the moral side doesn’t bother you.
But if you’re looking for more, 99% of the time you’re going to be out of luck.
19) You can’t count on a married man if you have a sudden crisis
Life is unpredictable to say the least, and the universe tests us in many difficult and unexpected ways.
If you get ill, depressed, suffer a sudden loss or have another crisis, there’s no guarantee whatsoever that this guy will pick up your calls or be by your side.
Let’s say, for example, that everything seems fine until you lose your job that you love and depend on for income.
You desperately need a shoulder to cry on, advice and just somebody to hear you out.
But he’s not picking up and he texts you to stop bothering him, he’s at his kid’s school play.
That’s going to make you feel like dirt, that’s for sure.
20) You’ll always be paranoid and afraid of being discovered
One of the top dangers of dating a married man you need to know about is that it’s a recipe for paranoia.
You’ll be looking over your shoulders…
Checking that your messages are on vanish mode…
Talking quietly if you answer a call out in public…
And paying attention to where you go when you’re out and about.
The only real alternative to paranoia is if he and his wife suggest having an open relationship, which I highly recommend against.
21) Your life will be full of lies
No matter how much you try to justify it to yourself, dating a married man means that your life will be full of lies.
There’s no real way to avoid it.
No matter how beautiful your time together is and how many promises he makes to you…
His married status is going to remain a stumbling block.
22) You might be missing out on your real soulmate
Another one of the top dangers of dating a married man you need to know about is that it can get in the way of your real love life.
All this time you’re chasing a guy with a ring could be time that you’re meeting someone who could really be a match for you.
It’s time that you could even meet your soulmate.
Of course, soulmate is a loaded term.
How do you know if someone is really your soulmate?
We can waste a lot of time and energy with people who ultimately we’re not meant to be with. True love is hard to find and finding your soulmate is even harder.
However, I’ve just come across a brand new way to remove all the guesswork.
A professional psychic artist recently drew a sketch for me of what my soulmate looks like.
Although I was a little skeptical at first, getting the drawing done was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The crazy part is that I recognized her instantly (and now we’ve started dating)!
If you want to find out who your soulmate really is, get your own sketch drawn here.
Don’t try this at home
If at all possible, avoid dating a married man.
If you are dating a married man, draw a line in the sand where he either commits or you walk.
Not doing so devalues you and leaves you disempowered and empty.
Remember never to put yourself at the mercy of someone else’s schedule and priorities.
You are worth more than that.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.