Minh Tran
There’s a fine line between maintaining relationships and preserving your own mental health.
It’s been said that we’re the average of the five people we spend the most time with.
If you’re constantly feeling drained, it might be time to evaluate those relationships.
Let’s face it: not all friendships are healthy. Some people just aren’t good for us and can even be harmful to our mental health.
Psychology backs this up. It suggests there are certain types of friends who, rather than lifting us up, drag us down.
Now, remember: this isn’t about blaming or condemning anyone.
It’s about recognizing what’s best for you and making choices that support your journey towards self-improvement and mindfulness.
1) The emotional vampire
There’s a special type of friend who leaves you feeling emotionally drained after every interaction.
This is the friend who always needs your support, but isn’t there when you need them.
Psychologist Albert Bernstein names these friends “emotional vampires”.
They’re not necessarily bad people, they just have a knack for sucking the life out of you. They can be needy, overly-critical, or constantly embroiled in drama.
Bernstein once said, “Emotional Vampires are people who suck your energy and your enthusiasm.”
And truly, it seems like no matter how much you give, it’s never enough.
It’s essential to set boundaries with these friends or consider distancing yourself altogether.
Maintaining a one-sided relationship can take a toll on your emotional health and hinder your journey towards self-improvement.
Remember: It’s okay to prioritize your own well-being. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
2) The constant competitor
We all have that one friend who turns everything into a competition.
Whether it’s about who has the better job, the nicer car, or the more exciting love life, they’re always trying to one-up you.
I recall a friend I had back in college. We were close, but every time I achieved something—be it a good grade or a new internship—she would immediately counter with her own accomplishment, often diminishing my excitement.
The constant need to compete can be exhausting and damaging to your self-esteem.
Renowned psychologist Leon Festinger coined the term “Social Comparison Theory”, which posits that people determine their own social and personal worth based on how they stack up against others.
But as Festinger once said, “A man’s most underused tool is the ability to compare himself favorably to others.”
It’s important to surround yourself with friends who celebrate your successes, rather than compete with them.
If you find yourself constantly on the defensive with a friend, it might be time to re-evaluate that relationship.
3) The downer
Ever had a friend who seems perpetually stuck in a cloud of negativity?
You know, the one who always sees the glass as half empty, who never misses an opportunity to point out what’s wrong with their life, your life, or the world in general.
Now, don’t get me wrong. We all have bad days and it’s important to be there for our friends when they’re down.
But there’s a difference between supporting a friend through a tough time and being dragged down by their constant negativity.
Carl Rogers once said, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.”
If you find that a friend’s negativity is impacting your own outlook on life, it might be time to consider whether this friendship is serving you.
It’s not about abandoning a friend in need; it’s about ensuring that you’re not sacrificing your own mental health in the process.
4) The inconsistent
Inconsistency can be a friendship killer. Friends who are hot and cold, who leave you wondering where you stand, can cause a great deal of anxiety.
One day they’re your best friend, and the next day they’re distant and unresponsive.
You never know if you’re going to get the caring confidant or the cold shoulder.
Inconsistency in a friendship can lead to feelings of insecurity and lower self-esteem.
It also disrupts your sense of trust and safety in the relationship.
Having a stable, predictable friendship is vital for our emotional health.
While it’s natural for friendships to ebb and flow, if you find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster with a friend, it might be time to re-evaluate that relationship.
Remember, consistency is key in maintaining healthy connections.
5) The gossipmonger
We’ve all encountered the friend who loves to gossip. They seem to thrive on sharing the latest scandalous news or spreading rumors, often at the expense of others.
I remember a friend I used to have who would constantly share secrets about others, always with the disclaimer, “Don’t tell anyone I told you this.”
It didn’t take long for me to start wondering what she was saying about me when I wasn’t around.
As renowned psychologist and author Brené Brown points out, “What we don’t need in the midst of struggle is shame for being human.”
Gossip can breed an environment of mistrust and harm relationships.
If you have a friend who relishes in gossip, it may be worth having a conversation about how it impacts you and your friendship.
If they’re not willing to change, it might be time to consider whether this is a friendship you want to continue. After all, trust and respect are vital in any relationship.
6) The overachiever
This one may seem counterintuitive because we often admire overachievers. They’re usually successful, driven, and seem to have it all together.
But being friends with an overachiever can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
The overachiever friend doesn’t just strive for success—they demand it. And not just from themselves, but often from those around them as well.
This pressure can make you feel like you’re always falling short, no matter how hard you try.
As world-renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.”
And learning and growth happen at different paces for everyone.
If you’re feeling constantly pressured or compared to your overachieving friend, it might be time to have a heart-to-heart conversation or consider distancing yourself.
It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey is unique and it’s okay not to be perfect.
7) The dismissive
The dismissive friend has a knack for belittling your feelings or experiences.
They may not even realize they’re doing it, but their lack of empathy can leave you feeling unheard and invalidated.
If a friend is consistently dismissive of your feelings, they’re missing this key element of empathy.
It’s important to surround yourself with people who respect your feelings and experiences.
After all, friendship should be a source of support, not stress.
Final reflections
Navigating relationships can often feel like traversing a labyrinth. Each twist and turn, each connection we make, shapes us in some way.
But it’s important to remember that we have agency over our journey.
We decide who we invite into our lives and who we choose to walk away from.
The seven types of friends we’ve discussed are not inherently bad people.
They are individuals who, for various reasons, might not be conducive to our emotional health and personal growth at this point in our lives.
As you reflect on your own friendships, remember that it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being.
It’s okay to set boundaries or even to part ways if a relationship is causing more harm than good.
Because at the end of the day, your journey towards self-improvement and mindfulness is just that – yours.
And only you can decide who gets to join you on that trip.
