7 traits of people who tend to take constructive criticism personally, according to psychology

For a long time, I was the kind of person who took constructive criticism personally.

We’ve all been there:

– Misinterpreting feedback
– Overthinking a well-intended advice
– Anxiety creeping in over simple suggestions
– Questioning our own abilities.

And the struggle to separate personal feelings from professional growth.

It was around five years ago when I found myself in the thick of these troubles. Here I was, Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast, but struggling with the basic tenets of emotional intelligence.

It was a time of constant self-doubt, overthinking and a nagging sense of personal affront at every piece of feedback. My self-improvement journey seemed to have hit a roadblock.

But then, as I delved deeper into psychology, I stumbled upon these seven traits common among people who tend to take constructive criticism personally. Understanding these traits made all the difference for me.

In this article, I’ll share these insights with you, hoping they can help you navigate criticism more constructively.

Let’s dive in.

1) Sensitivity to negative feedback

Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? For someone like me, who tended to take even the smallest critique to heart, this was a game-changer.

Psychology says that some people are inherently more sensitive to negative stimuli. When they receive constructive criticism, they perceive it as a personal attack rather than helpful feedback. This usually leads to defensive behavior and a reluctance to accept the feedback.

I used to be this person. Whether it was a minor suggestion at work or a piece of advice from a friend, I would instantly feel attacked.

But understanding this trait helped me shift my perspective. Instead of viewing criticism as an attack, I started seeing it as an opportunity for growth.

If you too find yourself reacting defensively to criticism, take a moment to reflect. Try to separate the feedback from your emotions. Remember, constructive criticism is not a personal attack but an opportunity to improve.

This may sound tough, and believe me, it is. But with practice and patience, you can learn to use criticism as a tool for personal and professional growth.

2) Fear of failure

For someone like me, every piece of constructive criticism felt like confirmation of my worst fears. I was failing. I wasn’t good enough. And the fear of failing further paralyzed me, making it almost impossible to grow or improve.

Psychologist Carol Dweck’s research on mindset changed everything for me. She said, “In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I’m going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here’s a chance to grow.”

This quote hit me hard. It made me realize that my fear of failure was keeping me locked in a fixed mindset, unable to see criticism as an opportunity for growth.

So, I started working on changing my mindset. Every time I received feedback, I reminded myself of Dweck’s words and took it as an opportunity to learn and grow.

If you tend to view criticism as a confirmation of your failures, remember Dweck’s words. Embrace a growth mindset and see every piece of feedback as a chance to become better.

It won’t happen overnight, but with time and practice, you’ll start to fear failure less and appreciate learning more.

3) Low self-esteem

I always had a habit of doubting myself. Whenever someone pointed out my mistakes, it felt like they were confirming my own negative beliefs about myself. I was not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough.

This low self-esteem made me take constructive criticism personally. It felt like a direct hit to my already fragile self-worth.

But then, I started working on building my self-esteem. I began to realize that my worth was not defined by the mistakes I made or the criticism I received.

I started focusing on my strengths and accomplishments, no matter how small they seemed. I reminded myself of these positive aspects every time I received some form of criticism.

If you can relate to this, it’s time to start building your self-esteem. Remember your achievements and strengths when you face criticism.

It’s not about ignoring your flaws, but about understanding that we all have areas to improve on and that’s entirely okay.

Honestly, it’s a tough journey, but at the end of it lies the ability to handle criticism without letting it shake your self-worth.

4) High level of perfectionism

I was constantly striving for perfection in everything I did, setting unrealistically high expectations for myself. Whenever I received criticism, it felt like a glaring spotlight on my shortcomings, making me feel like I had failed to meet my own high standards.

Interestingly, a study published in the Journal of Occupational and Organizational Psychology finds a strong correlation between perfectionism and sensitivity to criticism.

The researchers found that perfectionists view criticism as a threat to their desire to be perfect, which leads them to take it personally.

This was an eye-opener for me. I realized that my perfectionism was making it harder for me to accept constructive criticism. So, I started practicing self-compassion and setting more realistic expectations for myself.

If you’re also a perfectionist who struggles with criticism, remember that no one is perfect. We all make mistakes and have room for growth. Try to view criticism not as a threat to your perfection but as a stepping stone towards improvement.

It’s not easy, but learning to be kinder to yourself can make a world of difference in how you handle criticism.

5) Lack of emotional intelligence

I had always struggled to separate my emotions from the feedback I received. Every critique felt like a personal attack, triggering an immediate emotional reaction rather than a rational response.

But as I started to delve deeper into psychology, I realized the importance of emotional intelligence in handling criticism. It’s about recognizing and understanding our emotions, which enables us to respond to criticism in a more balanced way.

So, I began working on improving my emotional intelligence. I practiced identifying and acknowledging my emotions instead of reacting impulsively. This helped me understand that criticism wasn’t a personal attack, but an opportunity for growth and improvement.

If you find yourself reacting emotionally to criticism, it might be worth exploring your emotional intelligence.

Remember, it’s okay to have an emotional response, but it’s important not to let it cloud your judgment or prevent you from seeing the potential benefits of the feedback you’ve received.

Improving your emotional intelligence isn’t a quick process, but it’s definitely a rewarding one.

6) Strong need for approval

I often found myself seeking validation and approval from people around me, both personally and professionally. Any form of criticism felt like a rejection or disapproval, sending me into a spiral of self-doubt and anxiety. 

I realized that my need for approval was so strong that it was clouding my ability to accept constructive criticism.

So, I started working on reducing my reliance on external validation. I learned to appreciate myself and my efforts, regardless of external feedback.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember Maslow’s words. We all crave appreciation and approval, but it’s essential to learn to appreciate ourselves first.

It’s not easy to let go of the need for approval, but once you do, you’ll find that constructive criticism becomes less threatening and more helpful.

7) Misinterpretation of intent

In my case, I often found myself assuming that the person giving me feedback had negative intentions. I would think they were out to get me or trying to put me down, which made me take their criticism personally.

However, I learned that this was more about my perception than their intention. Most criticism, especially in a professional setting, is meant to help us improve, not to put us down.

So, I started working on changing my mindset. I reminded myself that the feedback was about my work or behavior, not about me as a person. This shift in perspective made it easier for me to accept criticism without taking it personally.

If you find yourself misinterpreting the intent behind criticism, try this simple exercise: Next time you receive feedback, before reacting, take a moment to consider the intent.

Ask yourself, “Is this person trying to help me improve or put me down?” More often than not, you’ll find it’s the former.

Changing your mindset isn’t easy and it won’t happen overnight. But with patience and practice, you can learn to see criticism for what it usually is – a tool for growth and improvement.

Conclusion

Recognizing these seven traits in ourselves can be a challenging but enlightening journey. It’s tough to confront our fears, insecurities, and misconceptions, but it’s the first step towards transforming the way we handle criticism.

Constructive criticism is often a tool for growth, not a personal attack. By understanding and acknowledging these traits, we can learn to see feedback from a different perspective – one that doesn’t threaten our self-worth but enhances our personal and professional development.

Start by practicing mindfulness when receiving criticism. Separate your emotions and focus on the feedback itself. Take time to reflect on it, ask questions if you need to, and formulate a plan for improvement.

It’s not an overnight process, but with patience and persistence, handling constructive criticism can become a lot less daunting and a lot more empowering.