Eliza Hartley
Bridging the gap between generations can be a tricky task. Sometimes, those over 70 drop phrases that, unbeknownst to them, can be quite offensive to younger ears.
This isn’t about blame, but understanding. It’s about cultivating mindfulness in our conversations and fostering a stronger bond between generations.
In this article, I’m going to share 7 phrases often used by people over 70 that can unintentionally ruffle feathers with younger folks. I’ll also suggest some alternative ways to express the same ideas—ways that promote harmony and mutual respect.
Remember, it’s not about pointing fingers but about enhancing our communication in a way that respects all perspectives. So, let’s dive in!
1) “When I was your age…”
Our elders have a treasure trove of wisdom, and sharing life experiences can be a beautiful way to pass on that knowledge. However, starting a sentence with “When I was your age…” can often come across as dismissive to a younger person’s experiences.
This phrase can unintentionally imply that their challenges are not valid or unique. It’s as if we’re comparing our past, lived in a different time, with their present which is embedded in a completely different context.
Instead, we could say, “In my experience…” or “Something similar happened to me…” These alternatives acknowledge the shared human experience without belittling the younger person’s feelings or circumstances.
Remember, it’s about fostering understanding and communication between generations. And sometimes, the smallest tweaks in our language can make the biggest difference.
2) “You’re too young to understand…”
I remember hearing this a lot growing up. “You’re too young to understand,” they would say, shutting down any potential for a meaningful conversation.
This phrase, although unintentional, can be quite offensive to younger individuals. It suggests that their age is a barrier to their comprehension or empathy, which can be quite condescending.
One personal instance that comes to mind was when I excitedly shared my thoughts on an issue during a family gathering, only to be met with, “You’re too young to understand.” It felt like my opinions and thoughts were being devalued simply because of my age.
Instead of this dismissive phrase, we could say something like, “This can be a complex issue, but let’s discuss it.” This way, we’re opening up a dialogue and simultaneously respecting their capacity to understand and engage in the conversation.
After all, communication is about inclusivity, not exclusivity.
3) “You’ll understand when you’re older…”
This phrase, “You’ll understand when you’re older,” is another one that can unintentionally diminish the feelings and experiences of younger generations. It’s like saying their current feelings or perspectives lack the depth or validity that supposedly comes with age.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment“, I discuss the importance of being present and fully engaged in our current experiences.
Telling someone they’ll understand in the future pulls them out of their present moment—the only moment we truly have—and places value on an uncertain future.
Instead of dismissing their current understanding, a more mindful approach would be to say, “Your perspective may change as you gain more life experience, but your feelings now are valid and important too.”
By doing this, we’re acknowledging their present emotions and thoughts, reinforcing the concept that mindfulness isn’t just about our own present moments, but also about respecting the present moments of others.
If you’d like to delve deeper into this concept, I encourage you to take a look at “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment“. It’s a valuable resource for anyone wanting to develop a more mindful approach to life and communication.
4) “In my day, we had to…”
“In my day, we had to…” is a phrase often used to highlight the hardships or struggles faced in the past.
While it’s important to acknowledge and respect the challenges overcome by older generations, this phrase can unintentionally belittle the unique difficulties faced by younger generations today.
For example, when discussing the stress and pressure of online school during the pandemic, this phrase was thrown into the conversation. “In my day, we had to walk miles just to get to school.” While it was a valid struggle faced in their time, it dismissed the unique challenges I was facing in mine.
A better approach might be: “I understand things are tough for you right now. We had different challenges in my time…”. This way, we’re validating their struggles whilst sharing our own experiences—creating a bridge of understanding rather than a wall of comparison.
5) “Respect your elders…”
“Respect your elders,” is a phrase that seems pretty straightforward, right? Respect is important in every relationship, and elders deserve respect for their wisdom and experiences. But here’s the counter-intuitive part: respect shouldn’t be a one-way street.
Using this phrase can give the impression that respect is only expected from the younger generation towards the older one. It can unintentionally convey that older generations don’t need to accord the same level of respect to younger individuals.
The truth is, everyone deserves respect, regardless of their age. Mutual respect fosters better understanding and communication between generations.
So, instead of saying, “respect your elders,” we might say, “let’s respect each other’s experiences and perspectives.” This way, we’re promoting a more balanced, respectful dialogue between generations.
6) “You have it easy these days…”
“You have it easy these days,” is a phrase often used by older generations to express how advancements in technology and society have made life more convenient for younger generations. While this may be true in some aspects, it’s not the full picture.
The phrase can inadvertently discount the unique challenges faced by younger generations—like the pressure of social media, increasing competition in education and job markets, and the climate crisis.
Instead of focusing on how easy they have it, we could say, “It’s interesting to see how things have changed over the years,” opening up a conversation about the differences between generations without negating their experiences. This encourages a dialogue that helps us understand each other better.
7) “Kids these days…”
“Kids these days…” is a phrase often used as a precursor to a negative comment or generalization about younger generations. It’s important to remember that every generation has its own strengths and weaknesses, and generalizations don’t do justice to anyone’s individuality.
Instead, we can foster better intergenerational understanding by saying something like, “It’s fascinating to see how your generation is different from mine,” indicating a willingness to learn and appreciate their unique experiences and perspectives.
Final thoughts: It’s all about understanding
At the end of the day, our conversations and interactions come down to understanding and respect. When we unintentionally use phrases that might be offensive to younger generations, it’s not about blame but about growth and communication.
Every generation has unique experiences, struggles, and perspectives. Embracing this diversity is crucial for fostering a stronger bond between generations. It can be as simple as tweaking our language to be more inclusive and mindful.
In my book, “The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment“, I talk about how mindfulness is not just about being present in our experiences, but also about being present and respectful in our interactions with others.
By applying mindfulness to our conversations, we can ensure that we’re truly hearing the other person and respecting their individual experiences.
So, let’s take a moment to reflect on our own conversations. Are there phrases we could adjust to promote better understanding? Remember, it’s not just about changing our language but about creating a space where everyone feels heard and valued.
