Eliza Hartley
Ever heard the saying, “You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends”?
Well, as much as there’s truth in it, it’s not entirely accurate. Let me explain.
In your 70s, you might not have the same luxury to handpick your companions as you did in your younger years. But guess who’s still around? Your adult children. And let’s face it, the bond of a family is something extraordinary.
Now, you might be thinking: “But my adult kids are so busy. How can I keep our relationship strong?” I get it. The generation gap, differing lifestyles, and just the hustle of modern life can sometimes create a rift.
But here’s a secret.
Psychology reveals that there are ways to maintain and even deepen these bonds. Intriguing, right?
We’ll delve into seven strategies adopted by folks just like you who’ve managed to keep their bonds with their adult children strong and fulfilling. So stick around – you might just discover something that could transform your relationship with your adult children.
1) Active listening
You’ve probably heard it before – communication is key. But let’s delve a little deeper.
It’s not just about talking to your adult children; it’s about truly listening to them. Active listening, to be precise.
This means fully engaging in the conversation, showing genuine interest in their stories, their challenges, and their triumphs. It’s about understanding their point of view, even if it differs from yours.
Active listening sends a powerful message – that you value them and what they have to say. It fosters a sense of respect and understanding, forming a strong foundation for a lasting bond.
So next time you’re in conversation with your adult kids, remember to listen actively. You might be surprised by just how much it can enhance your relationship.
2) Embracing their interests
Let me share a little something from my personal playbook.
My daughter, an avid rock climber, has always been a thrill-seeker. I, on the other hand, have always preferred my feet firmly on the ground.
But one day, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and join her on a climbing venture. Was I scared? Absolutely. Did I make it to the top? Not even close. But that didn’t matter.
By showing interest in her passion, we found common ground. It gave us something new to discuss, and for me, a fresh understanding of what makes her tick.
You see, embracing your adult children’s interests doesn’t mean you have to become an expert or even participate fully in their hobbies. It’s simply about acknowledging what they enjoy and finding ways to connect over it.
So take an interest in their passions, be it hiking, painting, or even cryptocurrency trading. You might just find it opens up a new avenue for connection and conversation.
3) Letting go of past mistakes
We’re all human, and we all make mistakes.
I’ve had my fair share of parenting blunders when my kids were growing up. There were times I lost my temper, times I was too strict, and times when I just got it wrong.
It’s easy to get caught up in the guilt and regret of past actions. But dwelling on these mistakes can create a barrier between you and your adult children.
Psychology tells us that forgiveness – both of self and others – is a crucial part of maintaining healthy relationships. It allows us to let go of the past and focus on the present.
If there are mistakes that still weigh heavy on your heart, perhaps it’s time to forgive yourself. And if there are unresolved issues with your adult children, it could be time to have a heart-to-heart conversation.
Remember, it’s never too late to make amends and strengthen your bond with your kids.
4) Keeping judgment at bay
Let’s get real: our adult children are, well, adults. They have their own lives, their own decisions to make, their own mistakes to learn from.
It’s natural to want to guide them, especially if we see them heading towards a potential pitfall. But it’s important to remember that their journey is different from ours.
Offering advice is fine, but it should always be done without judgment. The last thing you want is for your adult children to feel like they’re under constant scrutiny.
The goal is to create a safe space where they feel comfortable sharing their lives with you, knowing they will be met with understanding rather than criticism.
Even if you feel the urge to judge or criticize, try to hold back. Instead, offer support and guidance when asked for, and always with love and understanding. This can do wonders for your relationship.
5) Staying up-to-date with technology
In this digital era, staying connected often involves more than just a phone call.
According to Pew Research Center, 68% of adult Americans in their early 70s use the internet. That’s almost everyone! And many are using it to stay close with their far-flung families.
WhatsApp, FaceTime, Zoom, social media platforms – these have become essential tools for communication. Sure, they might seem alien at first (I know they did for me), but once you get the hang of it, they can be incredibly useful.
By embracing technology, you’re not just staying in the loop about the latest family updates, but you’re also speaking your adult children’s language. And trust me, they’ll appreciate your efforts.
Don’t shy away from technology. It could be your ticket to better communication and stronger bonds with your adult kids.
6) Being their safe haven
Life can be a roller coaster ride – for everyone. It’s full of ups and downs, twists and turns, and sometimes, we all need a safe space to just…breathe.
For your adult children, you can be that space.
You’ve lived through many seasons of life, navigated its complexities, and weathered its storms. Your wisdom and experience can offer comfort, stability, and reassurance in their times of uncertainty.
Being there for them doesn’t mean solving all their problems. Sometimes, it’s just about being a listening ear, a comforting presence, or a voice that says, “I’m here for you.”
When your adult children know they can turn to you in times of need without fear of judgment or criticism, it strengthens the bond between you. And isn’t that what family is all about?
7) Celebrating their individuality
Your adult children are not just extensions of you; they are individuals with their own personalities, dreams, and paths in life.
Recognizing and appreciating their unique qualities is one of the most empowering things you can do as a parent. It sends a clear message: “I see you for who you are, and I love you for it.”
This kind of unconditional acceptance can deepen your bond like no other. It creates a sense of mutual respect and understanding that’s vital for maintaining a strong relationship.
Celebrate your adult children’s individuality. Embrace their quirks, support their dreams, and love them unconditionally. It might just be the key to staying close to them in your 70s and beyond.
Final thoughts
Navigating the relationship with your adult children in your 70s can feel like uncharted territory. But remember, you’re not alone on this journey.
The strategies we’ve shared are drawn from the wisdom of countless individuals who’ve walked this path before, enriched by insights from psychology. They’re not strict rules, but rather guiding principles to help you foster meaningful connections with your adult children.
Notice what resonates with you. Experiment with these approaches, and see what works best for your unique relationship with your kids.
You might surprise yourself by discovering new depths to your bond, simply by embracing their individuality, listening more intently, or taking an interest in their passions.
No effort made out of love is ever wasted.
So take a moment to reflect on your relationship with your adult children. What’s one thing you can do today to deepen that connection?
It’s the small steps that often lead to the most significant changes. So go ahead, take that step. Your journey towards a stronger bond with your adult children starts now.
